Key #2 Find True Self Esteem

ULTIMATE HAPPINESS

KEY #2 FIND TRUE SELF ESTEEM

External and Internal Referenced Identities

Happiness is part of life because it is an inherent part of our true self.
We know when we are in touch with our true identity because we are happy.
Happy with just being, not being approved of or safe or successful.

External happiness is always associated with the ego or self-image. This is called object referral. We refer to something or someone around us to define or evaluate ourselves. It is also considered an ego identified state, because the ego makes up “identity” out of our experiences and perceptions. This state of affairs is filled with grasping, instability and uncertainty and requires ongoing vigilance to feel “happy” and secure.

Internal happiness is associated with our true identity. This is called self-referral. We refer to our internal resources and reflections on the messages our bodies provide about things, to define or evaluate ourselves. This state provides us the opportunity to observe what is happening within and around us and by being aware release reactivity and return to our inner or true self in each experience. This results in spontaneous happiness, we experience and move through discomfort and back to enjoyment.

True Being Ego

Connected to everything Isolated and alone
No limitations Perceives many limitations
Infinite Creativity Prefers Control and Routine over Creativity
Fearless, Adventurous Fearful of the unknown and much else
Intention and Synchronicity to meet needs Struggles to get needs met

True being tends to have a freshness, a curiosity and buoyant positive expectancy to it.

When you are experiencing depression, self-doubt and a lot of negative expectation, you are in the false self or ego and trying to make things be a certain way, so you can “feel” right or good. Unfortunately, what we usual get is relief and mistake that for happiness and so we keep trying to re-create that momentary feeling of relief and addiction results.

This takes us further and further from ourselves and creates tremendous frustration because we do have an inner sense that things should be happier and easier!

True being achieves everything the ego wants – peace, fulfillment, joy and sense of complete security. The ego can’t get these things despite its lifelong struggle to.
So how do we coax the ego out of struggle and ourselves out of identifying with externals?

S. I. F. T. Sort through your experience by noticing;

Sensations Images Feelings Thoughts

1. Notice what you are doing. When and how are you are seeking approval?

2. Notice your emotional clench, and the thoughts and actions that arise.

3. Once you open the door to awareness, don’t fight the fear and insecurity there.

4. As “Do I recognize this feeling of being wounded? Is it old or new?

5. How much good has it done to remember my old hurts?

6. By exploring the sensations you can take your focus off the narrative. When ego is dominating you will feel tightness or constriction in your body.
Notice what and where this occurs. Recognize it and release it. This will usually you out of the story and let your mind move on.

7. If the mind is very stuck in the narrative of the situations or a defense of why we should continue to be upset, angry or righteous do the following: write out your “story” of the distressing issue. Then write out the other side of the story. Then write out a reporters or observers unbiased view of the story.

8. When you are done and feel some release, say a prayer, a gratitude or perform a simple ritual, as you release old energy of struggle and reaffirm your true identity of freedom and how you wish to perceive and feel things.

This can be very hard if we are overcome by the emotions of the event. Emotional regulation can be achieved by the following Quick Coherence Routine designed by HeartMath Inc. Practice this for 5 – 15 minutes several times a day.

1. Take your attention to your heart, putting your hand over it.

2. Imagine taking deep slow breaths right through your heart.

3. Remember or imagine a time when you were very happy.

That's it. It really can be that simple. Deeper breathing inhibits your sympathetic nervous system that can make you stressed andincoherent. The positive image and overall good feeling focused on your heart, evens out the heart rate variability.

Now your whole body becomes healthier as it becomes more coherent. All of your systems from digestion to musculature integrate better and have improved function. The more you practice the better you feel and think.

Cortisol, a chemical that gets excessive when we are stressed, starts to decrease and we are more able to think with ouranalyticmind, rather than depend on only emotional perception.Your brain can realize that it is doing more damage by not letting go and can work on convincing itself to release all that old and unnecessary baggage.
Take it in small steps, being patient with yourself. You may only be able to focus on your heart if you get anxious when breathing deeply. Sometimes it can be hard to catch a positive memory or idea. Imbalances in brain chemistry often cause perception to be filled with fear and negativity and so twist every memory into a difficult one.
In that case, you may just work with the deep breathing. Remember that often as you start to become aware of things that need to be released, you will resist. Persist! Softening into the feeling of resistance can take you to a greater freedom. Hanging on to old memories, fears and resentment will never make you happy.

Practicing Quick Coherence will actually retrain your physiological response to distress, increasing effective coping and decreasing damaging health consequences.

As your body becomes more coherent, it will become a naturally happier place to be.

The Ultimate Happiness Daily Recapitulation
is a basic practice of all faith traditions, 12 step programs and many other healing and holy paths.

Recapitulation is simply the review of your day, in this case to see where you were coming from that small, constricted, externally referenced space and where you were coming from your true self. Not to judge or to fix, but to become aware and let the awareness create the healing you need.

Some people write it down, others just sit quietly and watch it like a movie spooling through their mind.

By practicing in conjunction with the pendulation process from Key 1 and in conjunction with S.I.F.T.ing and Quick Coherence techniques learned here, you will develop the capacity to recognize and release what you don’t like that is coming from ego, and allow yourself to acknowledge, admire and accept as part of you, the moments that you are acting from your true identity and positive motives.

As with all these practices, it is always good to close with a prayer or request for further awareness and the wisdom and ability to act on it.

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