Tutorial Activity 6.1: Document for Analysis and Revision
Unit 6: Writing Effective Business Letters
Student’s
Copy
Tutorial Activity 6.1: Document for Analysis and Revision
Revise the following letter so that it would be not only effective but also acceptable to an international reader.
[ H E A D I N G ]4/5/2003
[INSIDE ADDRESS]
Dear John:
I know you’ve had gorgeous spring weather, with sunny skies and balmy days. But here in the States, it’s been a spring of another color. We’ve been hammered with storms, flooding, and even late snow. Travel over here has been a nightmare, which is why you’ll find my expenses a bit elevated this month.
I realize that you’ve asked all the reps to reduce rather than increase our expenses, but there were extenuating circumstances this last month. All the bad weather we’ve been having has caused major bottlenecks, with flights canceled and people forced to sleep in the terminals wherever they could find a spot.
After being stuck in Chicago airport for eighteen hours straight, I was desperate for a hot shower and some shuteye, so I decided to wait out the crunch in a hotel. I know that hotels near airports are expensive, but I struck out trying to book a cheaper room in town. The bottom line is I had to spend extra funds for a hotel at $877; meals, which came to some $175; $72 just in transportation from the terminal to the hotel, and extra phone calls totaling $38.
I appreciate your understanding these unique circumstances. I was really in a jam.
Sincerely,
Troy Halford
U.S. Sales Rep
Supplementary Reading
Supplementary Reading6.1: The Letter Parts
Supplementary Reading6.2: Additional Letter Parts
Supplementary Reading6.3: The Semi-Block Format
Supplementary Reading6.4: The Modified Block Format (in two pages)
Supplementary Reading6.5: The AMS Simplified Format
Supplementary Reading6.6: Sample Letters--British Style (page 1)
Source: Bilbow, G. T. (1991). Business Writing for Hong Kong. HK: Longman Group (F.E.) Ltd., p.74.
Supplementary Reading6.6: Sample Letters--British Style (page 2)
Source: Bilbow, G. T. (1991). Business Writing for Hong Kong. HK: Longman Group (F.E.) Ltd., p.76.
Supplementary Reading6.7: Sample Letters--American Style (page 1)
Heading
Date
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Inside Address
Salutation
Body
Complimentary Close
Signature Block
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* / 6412 Belmont Drive
New Weston, OH45348
June 22, 200-
Mr. Richard Garcia
Director of Franchises
Snack Shoppes
2344 Western Avenue
Seattle, WA98123
Dear Mr. Garcia:
Last Monday, my wife and I were on our way home from a long weekend, and we stopped at a Snack Shoppe for a quick sandwich. A sign on the cash register gave your address in the event customers were interested in operating a franchise of their own somewhere else. We talked about the idea all evening and into the night.
Although we had talked about changing jobs – I’m an administrative analyst for a utility company and my wife sells real estate – the thought of operating a franchised business had never occurred to us. We’d always thought in terms of starting a business from scratch. However, owning a Snack Shoppe is an intriguing idea.
We would appreciate your sending us full details on owning our own outlet. Please include the names and telephone numbers of other Snack Shoppe owners so that we can talk to them before we make any decision to proceed further. We’re excited about hearing from you.
Cordially,
Peter Simond
Peter Simond
One blank space
* Variable spacing depending on the length of the letter
Source: Bovée, C. L., & Thill, J. V. (2000). Business Communicating Today (6th ed.). UpperSaddleRiver, N. J.: Bovée & Thill LLC, p.662.
Supplementary Reading6.7: Sample Letters--American Style (page 2)
Rogers can be sure that her company’s letterhead and the block format give her letter a crisp, businesslike appearance.Beverly Hills Toys
3460 Rodeo Drive
Beverly Hills, California90213
(310) 276-4839
September 5, 2000
Mr. Clifford Hanson
General Manager
The Toy Trunk
256 Emerald Drive
Lexington, KY40501
Dear Mr. Hanson:
You should receive your shipment of Barbie dolls and accessories within two weeks, just in time for the holiday shopping seasons. The merchandise is being shipped by United Parcel Service. As the enclosed invoice indicates, the amount due is $352.32.
When preparing to ship your order, I noticed that this is your fifteenth year as a Mattel customer. During that period, you have sold over 3,750 Barbie dolls! We sincerely appreciate that part you have played in marketing our toys to the public.
Your customers should be particularly excited about the new Barbie vacation outfits that you have ordered. Our winter advertising campaign will portray Barbie trekking through the jungle in her safari suit, climbing mountains in her down parka, and snorkeling off a coral reef in her diving gear.
Next month, you’ll be receiving our spring catalog. Notice the new series of action figures that will tie in with a TV cartoon featuring King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. As a special introductory incentive, you can receive a 15 percent discount on all items in this line until the end of January. Please send your order soon.
Sincerely,
Rhonda Rogers
Ms. Phonda Rogers
Customer Service Representative
Jhb
Enclosure / *
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One blank space
* Variable spacing depending on the length of the letter
Source: Bovée, C. L., & Thill, J. V. (2000). Business Communicating Today (6th ed.). UpperSaddleRiver, N. J.: Bovée & Thill LLC, p.671.
EN3165/ Essential English Communication Skills for Business