Cross Creek Community Church, Pastor Dave Martin – Nov 1, 2015
“Pursuing Family Blessings with Peace”
Eph 5:22-6:4& Selected
Guatemalan Team… Veterans Day…
I. Pursuing an honest look at families today
- The family has become more complex, and less “traditional”… 34% of children today are living with an unmarried parent… Families are being stretched, stressed, exhausted, squeezed, jugglingfor time money, with kids demanding their agenda… While we pursue a career & a personal identity… WHY?
- According to a Pew Research Center analysis, 46% of U.S. kids younger than 18 years of age are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage. This is a marked change from 1960, when 73% of children fit this description, and 1980, when 61% did… Families are disintegrating
- Sixty percent of American children born today will see their parents divorced by the time they are 18.
- Fifty years ago parents were apt to have a lot of kids. Today kids are apt to have a lot of parents.
- Media & the digital age of technology (welcomed with open arms), is affecting both adults & children in negative ways… Fostering addictive behaviors with less and less relational skills of getting along.
- Our modern day culture is literally spinning out of control… Lawlessness, civil unrest, escalation of crime, legalization of drugs, redefining marriage, misguided political leaders pushing their ideology
- But let’s bring things closer to home… How are you doing? Does your home seem more like a battleground than a peaceful oasis that’s needed to refresh… Pursuing Family Blessings with Peace!`
- Marriage is a sacred institution—the most basic and essential building block of a healthy society. The design of the family was instituted by God and rests on the marriage covenant and a vow of commitment between a man and a woman to live together in love and unity for a lifetime.
- The breakdown of our culture is the result of the breakdown of our families… Even Christian families.
II. Pursuing a blessed Husband/Wife Relationship… Men & women are different – all with different needs
Guys, listen up… The Wife’s top five basic needs are:
1. Affection – to be held, treated with love & tenderness, appreciation
2. Communication – Don’t clam up… Researchers put microphones on playgrounds… little girls communicated & carried on conversations… where little boys made grunts, groans & growls in their play… Studies:average woman speaks 25,000 words per day while the average man speaks 10,000!
3. Openness/Honesty – Transparency, authenticity, trust… (Once trust is gone, hard to get it back)
4. Financial Support – Financial stability… money to pay bills, buy food, etc. Very important
5. Family Commitment – They want a leader focused upon needs of the family w/correct priorities.
Ladies, listen up…The Husband’s top five basic needs are:
1. Sexual Fulfillment – men are wired that way, to procreate… Been saidwomen are like crock pots, slow warm up where as men are like a microwave… BING!
2. Recreational Companionship – a “friend” to invest time with him… fishing, camping, hiking, etc.
3. An Attractive Wife – Ladies, brush your teeth! Take pride in the way you look…
4. Domestic Support – Looking for a wife who stays home & manages the household chores… raising children, something that is becoming more rare today
5. Admiration – A desire to be admired by their wives… To not always be put down & complaints…
A Mormon acquaintance of Mark Twain once pushed him into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of Scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. “Nothing easier,” Twain replied. “No man can serve two masters.”
Key to a blessed relationship…
Mutually pursueLoverespect based on reverence for God
Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Philippians 2:2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. NLT
- What would our families look like if we heeded & obeyed this verse? What could my marriage be? Working hard in building a solid marriage THEN together raising little champions for Christ!
I read a story about a woman seeking counsel from Dr. George W. Crane, the psychologist, confided that she hated her husband, and intended to divorce him. “I want to hurt him all I can,” she declared firmly. “Well, in that case,” said Dr. Crane, “I advise you to start showering him with love/ compliments. When you have become indispensable to him, when he thinks you love him deeply & sincerely, then start the divorce procedure. That is the best way to hurt and to get back at him. “Some months later the wife returned to report that all was going well. She had followed the suggested course. “Good,” said Dr. Crane. “Now’s the time to file for divorce.” “Divorce!” the woman said indignantly. “Never. I love my husband dearly!” Bits & Pieces, August 22, 1991
- In fact in the epistles the Lord tells the husband three times to love his wife… He also tells the wife three times to submit to her husband… A mutual love and submit based on your relationship w/ Christ… Closer we draw to God, closer we draw to one another in our marriages
- Good marriages need to be pursued, don’t come naturally… Investment of effort & commitment
Affair Proof your Marriage with “Love Languages”…
Communicate with Words of Affirmation – don’t tear down, hurt, destroy or divide
Commit to spending Quality Time together – An investment, do things you like in common
Submission in Giving & Receiving Gifts – Little bouquet of flowers, it’s the thot not amount
Partnership together with Acts of Service – Clean garage, paint the deck, serve in church
Foster love, romance and Physical Touch – Enjoy your honeymoon til death do you part
If you want to be happy, healthy, successful, and livelonger, give your spouse a kiss before you go to work each day. That’s the conclusion of a study conducted by a group of German physicians and psychologists, in cooperation with insurance companies.
According to Dr. Arthur Sazbo, the study found that those who kiss their spouse each morning miss less work because of illness than those who do not. They also have fewer auto accidents on the way to work. They earn 20 to 30 percent more monthly and they live about five years more than those who don’t even give each other a peck on the cheek. The reason for this, says Dr. Sazbo, is that the kissers begin the day with a positive attitude. A kiss signifies a sort of seal of approval. Those who don’t experience a kiss, for whatever reason, go out the door feeling not quite right about themselves.
Critical importance is toMaintain God’s order of priorities: Not yours, kids, spouse… But the Lord’s
Christ – Marriage – Children – Church – Everything else
- Marriage is the focus and the foundation of the home… today families tend to be child-centered with everything revolving around them…. BUT God ordained the focus to be upon the priority of the marriage of the husband & wife… WHY? Because as the marriage goes, so goes the family.
Dave Barry says in his book The Complete Guide to Guys: “Think how much happier women would be if, instead of endlessly fretting about what the males in their lives are thinking, they could relax, secure in the knowledge that the correct answer is: very little.” (Random House), quoted in Reader’s Digest, p. 28
III. Pursuing a blessed Parent/ChildRelationship
Luke 2:52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
A Healthy Child Grows…
- Intellectuallyin wisdom - Intellectually, nothing is recorded concerning “higher education” or specialized training for Jesus… Jesus had an excellent thought process, perfect “common sense”, balance, whole, perfect… A child needs wisdom not to eat dirt or to choose bad friends… To be taught discretion. Obey their parents.
- Physicallyin stature - A newborn is utterly helpless unable to walk, crawl or even feed himself… no coordination, dependent… But a normal healthy child grows physically… becoming a young man or woman… Then the hormonal changes begin to kick in and watch out!
- Spirituallyin favor with God - “Favor” – acceptable, gracious, Jesus grew in pleasure with God. (Child needs Salvation)… Children has an enormous spiritual need, they will not learn to love God naturally… They must be taught truth or they will never grow spiritually at all (spiritual ignorance) God has set children under their parent’s authority as safeguard to keep them from going astray
- Sociallyin favor with men - Acceptable with people around Him... Children need to learn basic social graces… because they’re totally self-centered when they are born… Their only concern is for themselves… feed me, take care of me, help me… or I will cry/scream/temper..They’re preoccupied with themselves… sometimes this attitude changes very little as they grow older… Submission & obedience to the parents is the first step toward maturity and growing socially.
Proverbs 22:6 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
In the book, “Time Pressures of the 90’s” found 77% people surveyed selected “spending time with family and friends” as their top priority. Yet families never seem to achieve this worthy goal. In fact in homes with teenagers the father spends less than 15 minutes per week in interaction with them…
The tough teen years - Mark Twain speaking on raising children once said, “When they become teenagers put them in a barrel and feed them through the knot hole. When they turn sixteen, stop up the knot hole!”
Christian parenting provides the “greenhouse environment” for the healthy growth of children!Three essentials that successful parenting hinges upon…(If you do this you will be reasonably successful in child-rearing)
Successful Parenting Essentials…
- Be teaching your children the truth of God’s Word 24/7.
Deuteronomy 6:7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Pew Bible page 130, Deut 6:4-12)
- “Impress” is to teach, to speak truth over & over until your children finally “get it”… Driving to the store, waiting at a red light, around the dinner table… Either/Or – Either you do it or the world will
- The greatest way to “Impress” God’s Word is by Christ-like parenting… walking the walk before them
- You can’t teach responsibility… you entrust them with responsibility & let them learn to handle it…
Teach your children… (From Deut 6)
About God - “the Lord our God is one…”
To love God - “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength…”
To obey God from the heart - “These words I command you today shall be in your heart…”
To follow your Godly example - “teach them diligently to your children…”
To be wary of the world around them - vs 10-12 “God brings you into the land…don’t forget the Lord…”
- Be consistent todiscipline your children when they do wrong.
Proverbs 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
(Carefully read and make applicationProv 19:18, 22:15, 29:15, 29:17, Heb 12:5-11)
- Why discipline? – Because of the child’s sinful nature he inherited from Adam. (Bible 101)
- Only as a last resort, correct with a neutral object – never with your hand, in haste or in anger.
- Discipline is when a loving parent inflicts temporary discomfort on his children to spare them the long-range disaster of an undisciplined life… Refusal to discipline when he needs it shows that a parent’s genuine love and concern are questionable… Gov’t education technics verses God’s truth
- You must hold children accountable for their actions… a healthy parental authority rejects & corrects wrong behavior but will always convey love to the child (building relationship on love).
- Moms & dads you must be on the same page… presenting a unified front… careful of wedges…
- Be wise not to provokeyour children to anger.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged… Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
- Some ways we provoke them to anger: Overprotection, overindulgence, favoritism, unrealistic goals, discouragement, neglect, condescension, withdrawing love, excessive discipline, etc…
- This self-explanatory chart gives us a pictorial to help teach Biblical parenting. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself in the two areas of love and control. The ideal is 100% love with 100% control creating an environment where our children will excel and thrive… obedient and respectful to their parents, to others and to the Lord. If you’re demanding and controlling don’t be surprised if your children grow up rebellious & disobedient. Keep plugging your situation into this chart to see where your children are heading… PARENTS, Spend time with this chart!
Pursuing Family Blessings with Peace!
Next Week:“Planning Financial Success with Wisdom”
Let’s Pray
Adapted from following resources:
The Heritage Foundation -
Family Life -
“Successful Christian Parenting”, John MacArthur; Word Publishing 1998
“The Five Love Languages”, Gary Chapman; Northfield publishing 2004
“Starting Your Marriage Right”, Dennis & Barbara Rainey; Nelson Books 2000
“Battle Cry for a Generation”, Ron Luce; Cook Ministries – NexGen 2005
“Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing them Down”, Dr Kevin Leman; Delacorte Press 1993