Self- in-Relation in the African and Christian Thought
The StoneCenter for Development Services and Studies at WellesleyCollege in Wellesley has developed and articulated a model of human growth which they call the growth-in-connection. The authors of this theory argue that growth, rather than occurring primarily through the process of separation occurs primarily through the process of connection. They have termed this, self-in-Relation as opposed to self-in-separation. The latter is the western model of adult development that emphasizes independence, autonomy and individuation thereby viewing independence and self-sufficiency as hallmarks of maturity.
Stone Relational theory sees self as a relational and not as an autonomous entity. The concept of self-in-relation emphasizes interdependence as the ideal and dependence and independence as more temporal or fluid states. When self is viewed as a separate entity people tend to emphasize independence as the ideal state and worthwhile achievement. The basic distinction here is that in one model, self is on a journey toward independence while in the other it is on a journey toward interdependence.
The fact of the matter is that human growth thrives in a context of interdependence. Our society rewards independence; sport and competition are driven by the desire to achieve and to stand out a hero. But this is a myth, a myth of individual achievement. We know that in reality this does not exist, there are collaborative forces and influences that are often invisible and unrecognized that are responsible for our achievements. The say that “behind every successful man there is woman” is true in all aspects of life, behind every successful person are collaborative networks of support. We have coaches, we have friends and fans, relatives, and many others, who must be acknowledged and recognized.
The African proverb that “it takes a village to raise up a child” challenges the notion that self can exist as an independent entity. The African concept of Ubuntu does not destroy individuality but it stresses the need to recognize our vulnerability and that interdependence is a human condition. We bring our authentic self into a context where we can influence and be influenced, where we can affect and be affected by the other.
The Bible pictures God as a being-in relation. While God is one He is also seen being in relation with the Son and the Holy Spirit. The concept of trinity in Christianity exposes the relational nature of God.Christ was never a “Lone Ranger” but is seen as being in relation with the Father. There is recognition of a degree of vulnerability where he would often assert that without the Father he could not do anything. Christ knew who He was, He had his conviction and was the embodiment of truth but He worked and dependent in most cases on His disciples. In order to feed the 4000 He needed the support of His disciples, to raise Lazarus someone had to roll the stone, to turn water into wine someone had to fetch the water.
When Christ left this world, he left a church behind and not a group of individuals. He is the head of the church, not of individuals. He bestows gifts to individuals for the edification of the church. When God created Adam, He confessed that it was not good for man (human being) to be alone.
(Stone relational Theory appeared in an article or chapter written by Joyce Fletcher and Katrin Kaufer in a book entitled, “Shared Leadership.”.