Gill Skene, form Aberdeen, talks about her experience of PTSD following a traumatic birth in 2012:
“I went into labour with a positive outlook, I knew about the risks of childbirth but a series of unfortunate medical problems, a lack of support on the labour ward and a ‘just get on with it’ culture postnatally led to my experience of postnatal PTSD.
“I had a very long and difficult labour. I eventually needed a forceps delivery as baby was back to back but this came as a shock to me as my midwife was very unhelpful and communication was severely lacking. In theatre, she demanded that I move beds urgently or I would harm my baby. I was given no help to move despite experiencing pelvic girdle pain, locked wrists, I’d had no food or sleep for 18 hours and I’d had an epidural. The delivery happened quickly but my daughter was taken to the neonatal unit immediately. I thought she was dead and it was my fault because I hadn’t moved quickly enough.
“I then went on to have a postpartum haemorrhage and lost 4.5 litres of blood. It took 2.5 hours to stop the bleeding and I was taken to recovery.
"I didn’t see my daughter until 36 hours later. Throughout that time, I thought she was dead, but the midwives weren’t telling me because they were trying to protect me. She was brought to me late in the evening and I was told to get on with it. Five days later we were both discharged. I still felt so unwell and couldn’t breastfeed. I had no support and felt like I’d failed because I couldn’t feed my baby.
“Two weeks later, they discovered placenta accreta and I developed sepsis and was readmitted to hospital. I was there for a month, largely apart from my baby. I had 11 antibiotics in total, I was so close to needing a hysterectomy. I delivered the rest of the placenta 2 months after giving birth.
“At 5 months postpartum I had a breakdown. I wasn’t sleeping, I was having flashbacks and nightmares about my birth experience. I kept picturing myself alone in the dark listening to other mothers and their babies, thinking that my baby was dead. I went to see my GP who was incredibly supportive and suggested that I had postnatal PTSD. She referred me to a psychiatrist and I had an appointment within one month.
“My first encounter with a psychiatrist was negative. He told me I had depression, prescribed me an antidepressant and told me to come back in a year. I knew this wasn’t right so demanded to be seen by another psychiatrist who provided a diagnosis of postnatal PTSD and referred me for treatment. It took 7 months to receive my referral, I had EMDR therapy which was fantastic – it was almost like a switch had flipped and I got better very quickly.
“I now volunteer for Maternal Mental Health Scotland and Birth Trauma Association raising awareness of maternal mental health conditions and I am dedicated to ending the stigma around mental health.”