Catherine the Great and Michele Rae Warholika Moslak
(Editors note:I am in a happy marriage and had no affairs (don't want people reading the bio for Rae and thinking badly of me - the other stuff is basically true) however I wanted to relate somewhat to Catherine in the letters and her affairs) The dogsled portion, cheerleader, adventure is me.
Michele "Rae" Warholika Moslak, going by given middle name than her first, was born in October of 1967 and for the most part had normal amazing childhood thanks to her grandparents and parents.She has a brother and sister and is the oldest.Michele grew up with her Dad working full time as a coal miner and her mom was a stay-at-home mom.She was the cheerleader in school and dating the football player, did everything right and the way people expected she would.One to never disappoint she was one that would do things to please others and ignore her own dreams.Staying in a marriage she hated she had numerous affairs to remain happy while staying married.She is one with an adventurous spirit that will try most outdoor activities but never venture too far and keep one foot planted in reality and responsibilities.She is fascinated with Russia and dreams of traveling on the Trans Siberian railroad someday.Loving adventure she has slept on the Yukon River for a dog sled race and loves being on the west coast.Apparently loving a complicated life would sum it all up well. Michele’s love and fascination with Russia shows in the house and in her study of the Russian program at PennState. The bookshelves are lined with books on Russia.
Catherine the Great was born Sophia Augusta Frederica, married to Peter III whom died early in their marriage.She named herself ruler of Russia.Catherine being a forward thinker she advanced Russia and also gave them some of their most magnificent architecture to date.During Catherine's time of marriage to Peter both were unfaithful to each other and there will always be the question of whether Paul and Anna are true offspring of Peter III. She was adventurous, and not afraid to worry about what others thought.She brought the arts to Russia and "westernized" the country.
I chose Catherine the Great because of my love of Russia and the need to be a part of a time when their was turmoil but yet a women in charge.It just reminds me of the times of parties at the WinterPalace and grandness despite the countries despair.
The Letters Project
Letter 1- Knowing
Hello Catherine -
One can only imagine the surprise when I received the results from the National Geographic testing service telling me that I had a blood-line to Russian royalty.Well not really to you personally but to Grigory Potemkin.How does one handle the news and knowing your lineage could have been from the start of an affair.Were you really that unhappy with Peter III that you had the affair?I suppose we have all been there at one time or another, perhaps that too is inherited. Does the love of winter and snow and grandeur come from the life you must have led.Does my wanting to treat everyone the same and equal come from knowing you did not and held the serfs rather than freeing them. How does one handle such news, as I am sure many receive who are descendants from families that immigrated from Russia.How many other affairs and children could Grigory have had that resulted in many children.It is something wonders at the news.In my mind I know in reality you will never see these but one also has to wonder if from the the next life you are able to see us and the perhaps question some of the decisions you made.Perhaps I should not think of these as letters but as a journal to keep my feelings and thoughts in check with dealing with such news.
Michele "Rae" Warholika Moslak
Letter 2- Snowy Dreams
Hello Dear Catherine -
I awoke this morning freezing and still dizzy from a dream you visited me in.I think my mind is consumed with finding out all I can about family at this point that I am exhausted from running in my dreams to find you.For some reason I need to find out more about you than Potemkin.Maybe it is your history or just being able to relate to a female and know why you were attracted to him rather than Peter. In my dream last night I was running and running through think white snow and all the trees were covered in ice so thick it was frosted and I could not see through it. My thoughts are like that - think with ice and trying to break through to find out information.You were standing at the end of the alley all in white and waiting and while I don't think I ever got close enough to talk to you I did hear you say to never give up searching for family, for past generations, for history.A reaffirmation it is okay to keep looking and wondering and no matter how tainted the past it is best to know rather than always wonder.The day is sunny and bright but I hope when the dark comes you are there standing in the snow waiting to answer some questions.
Till then.
Letter 3- Walking Three Steps Behind
Good Evening or добрый вечер - I should say -
I woke up from last night damp and sweaty.Was I standing or laying in the snow for so long waiting for you to return that my imagination sweated till I felt clammy.You said to follow you - follow you and I did. I followed you through the snow and towards the glowing lights of the large, vast building.The Hermitage.You gave Grigory rooms in that building, you gave him a title, he was your best friend even after the love affair stopped.You told me walking 3 steps behind you through the hallways of art that sometimes love finds you in odd places.Your companion does not have to be the one you marry, if that person was not compatible.Are you telling me it is okay to cheat - to have flings on the side. If someone of your power can then why not the rest of us?Your love for him must have been that strong that nothing else mattered.I am speechless now in standing looking around the room - what you have accomplished in your lifetime.You tell me to keep trying - keep studying - keep succeeding. But it is depressing to know I never will have what you had.A country to rule and the love a man that loved you to the end.One would think you would not have the time for relationships but I guess your situation proved that no matter what the job, you still had time for love.
Letter 4- Letter from Catherine
Last night as I fell into a deep sleep, thankfully after 3 nights of restlessness, you visited me.The message you gave me has put my heart and mind at peace and while I will continue to search for links and answers I know they will come eventually and to be patient.As the news of the lineage took years to reach us - so too will other answers.I am putting your message in writing so I will never forget.
My Dear Rae, I have watched you struggle with the news of links to past royals family in Russia. You are correct in that your family descents from Grigory, though you are not of mine German side you are Russia.Your family comes from his relationship with an assistant in the house and happened after he and I had parted as lovers.Her child, girl, was well taken care of and educated.She eventually married and had children and moved on.The names of those will be revealed later as I fear too much information now will confuse you.Your families eventual move to America while it saddens me to know they left Russia, one can understand the need to protect and provide for family.You come from a long line of hard workers who take pride in where they are from.Sleep well knowing the rest of the answers will come to you.Don't waste precious time looking for the answers but use the time preserving family memories for the next generations so they will not struggle as you have.The answers will find you at the right time.
Till then.
Catherine
Thoughts and Reflections
For me this story gave me an opportunity to use a time period and a country in a story that interest me. I always have said my soul had to be from a Russian princess because I would never survive as a peasant girl.I chose Catherine the Great because at times she was a controversial ruler, she advanced Russia in Arts and Literature but she still supported serfdom.If you look at the portraits of her she was not a petite, beautiful woman by today's standards (sad but true) but she still had desires and let her emotions control her relationships regardless of her position.She was in charge and did not seem to care as her lovers were given positions and plush places to live.Catherine knew she wanted to rule Russia, she could have appointed her son but she took control and she used it to aid her professionally and personally.
I think this project for me could have developed more as time went on, if the project were longer, and I have wrote more from Catherine's point of view after noting mine.Perhaps letting her voice be heard through me, allowing her space to write and release information that could not be done in another time or place.writing letters that perhaps no one but you will read allows one to express more freely how they feel or why they did what they did.You can experiment with words and feelings and see where the story goes.
I enjoyed this project and finally using Catherine in a story.Like I noted in the beginning I always told my Dad I had to be a princess, and in this story I get to descend from that time and a somewhat royal connection.