Pre-Season Thoughts for Parents

PRE-SEASON THOUGHTS FOR PARENTS

Before the first game,the first performance, ask yourself as a parent:

1) Do I want my child to play? If so, why? 2) What will be a successful season for me as a parent? 3) What are my goals for my child? 4) What do I think their role will be on this team?

Then ask your child the same questions, and just listen to the answers. If his answers agree with yours, then great. If not, drop yours and accept your child’s. The top reasons all kids play are for fun, joy, and friends, not for college scholarship potential.

Red flags that indicate you may not be releasing:

1) If you continue to share the credit when things go well 2) If you try to solve all the problems that come up in the season 3) If you continue to try to coach them, after they stop wanting it (or when they probably know more about it than you do — “lacrosse is booming because kids are attracted to activities their parents know nothing about”) 4) If you catch yourself yelling at an official during a game 5) If your kids avoid you after a game, or don’t want to talk about it 6) If you’re nervous before a game 7) If the outcome lasts longer with you than with them 8) If your spouse doesn’t like to sit next to you during a game

During the game:

1) Be there! 2) Model appropriate behavior (if you want them to act with poise and confidence, then be poised and confident) 3) Focus on the team and team goals 4) Let the coach be the “one instructional voice” (but offer as many encouraging ones as you want) 5) Choose your role (there are only four: player, coach, spectator, or official – what are you?)

Common worst memory among the athletes he questioned?

“In the car with their parent after the game.”

So,after the game:

1) Give them time and space to recover 2) Give more approval than advice (offer honest praise, like “I love watching you play” or “I love you trying something even though you’re not the best”)

3) Save your analyses

4) Let them bring the game to you

Be a confidence builder!

Every adult in a kid’s life is either a confidence-builder or confidence-cutter (and kids are aware of who is whom). Two things allow kids to work through life confidently: one person within their family who loves them unconditionally, and one person outside the family who believes in them. This person is almost always a teacher or a coach.