CoActive Coaching Audio Process Coaching
CO: Yeah, I’ll bet
CL: So a little bit of culture shock
CO: What’s been the hardest part?
CL: I think what’s been hardest has been. I think I had built up coming back to the uS as answering a lot of questions for me, or something I really wanted to do. I think I created an image of what life would be like for me back here that probably never existed for me … reality … all the good and not so good
CO: I could totally understand how that could be. So there you are overseas, thinking about coming to the US, and in your mind’s eye there’s the one reality,… make decision to come and it’s very different.
CL: Yeah, it feels a little sad.
CO: Uh huh.
CL:
CO: And disappointed too I hear a little bit.
CL: Yeah, I guess that would be it.
CO: SO we’re not going to let it get away of all the good stuff. We’ll move on to the good stuff. But for a moment I want to stay with for a moment what it’s like to have been overseas, with your heart and hopes and then make the leap to find it’s not what you thought it was.
CL: Hmm.
CO: IS it scary?
CL: It’s scary, but I think … feel very responsible for bringing them into a really safe and secure place because I feel a little scared and unsecure about where I am, it sort of exacerbates it a little.
CO: Sort of like where’s their soft place to land too.
LC: Yeah, right. I’ve
CO: And where is there a soft place to land?
CL: Hmm.
CO: Do you understand the question.
CL: I do. And the irony is they don’t care, they just want to be together. And as long as we’re together, that’s 99%. Their soft place is with me.
CO: Right.
CL: Being together is not so important.
CO: But for you is you want that firm ground to stand on.
CL: Maybe, yes, and I think the image for me is … carry them on my shoulders. I want them to have that safe place ..
CO: IT really touches me as you’re talking … I think of you carrying them on your shoulders and the fear that you might stumble, and what would happen then.
CL: yes.
CO: So as you’re thinking of carrying them … where else might you carry them besides your shoulders.
CL: I could carry them, like pull them in a cart of something, or in my arms, or I could have them walk beside me.
CO: There’s an intuition that I have, an instinct, that you need to carry them on your body somewhere, … the thing that comes up for me is to carry them in your heart. What opens up when you stand in that way of looking at it?
CL: That’s where I
CO: My hunch is that’s where they want to be.
CL: Yeah, and I think I get so caught up with this idea of having to provide, I probably shut off my heart a little bit because I’m so caught up with carrying them … the irony is where they really want to be held, and I ‘m not letting them in there.
CO: SO what’s it like … hmmm, that’s big … so what’s it like to really let in what they want and need from you is your heart, not your labor, your manly providing.
CL: Well, a couple of things when you say that. It feels much easier. That’s a very easy place for me ot hold them. Any weight I could carry there forever. No burden.
CO: There’s no heaviness.
CL: Right no heavy.
CO: I get a sense of a loop, energy, anything there?
CL: That’s interesting. That carrying them there feeds me. Yeah, that loop thing is sort of … because it’s just felt heavy and laborious lately, literally like I’ve been trying to carry them on my head or shoulders across a rocky path … I like that,
CO: That’s what opens up for you, what opens up for them … what becomes available that wasn’t available before?
CL: I Think for them, it’s a lot of strength, especially for my children, when they come from that place of being loved. I can see their confidence, security, sort of where we are, and maybe the good and bad of any location you’re in is not really that relevant when it’s all about the people you’re with and you focus on that.
CO: And they have that foundation of relationship … feels like something, I don’t know, I can’t find the right words, some kind of adventure spirit, like THEY have more room to succeed and fail, make their own mistakes.
CL: Yeah … I like the way you put it about carrying them in my heart. It’s not nice to have to carry someone, and it’s not nice to have to be carried. You’re limiting someone when you make them stay in that position.
CO: So here you are on American shores … what’s the most important thing to pay attention to.
CL: That’s important, stay connected, make time to physically be together. I think partly what also comes up is to start seeing the world a little bit more through my children’s eyes, who don’t frankly care or notice we’re in a new place, as long as mom and dad are there. It’s the connection, keeping that and not getting sidetracked
CO: What do you … to make it a little more real … what do you need to put into place so you know that that’s addressed, that that need will stay primary to stay connected and in partnership with each other really.
CL: Hmm, that’s a good question. What comes up for me is there’s something about like a physical reminder of that for me. It’s such busy days with starting a new job, back ot the uS but in a new place, never lived in this area, so there’s lots of things that pull my attention, so there’s probably something that’s near me or re-centers me.
CO: That keeps you returning to that place of heart. Do you have some thoughts about what that would be, that anchor?
CL: It sounds strange, my daughter made these things in her preschool class, out of wire, bracelet, I don’t know she’ll understand it, but telling her why.
CO: I think you may be surprised at how much she understands!
CL: I think you’re right.
CO: So having her make this anchor that will hold you together. As you make your way in this new life.
CL: Yeah.
CO: And when you’ve got your anchor, what shifts … look through that lens … does anything shift, or open up there?
CL: It does. I think I’ve spent way too much time obsessing on the details, thinking that the layout of the house is going to impact … I say that now … these are the decisions that are going to make us happy or not. That’s what shifts. As long as we keep my family, my wife and I keep the kids right there at the center. We can make a go of it.
CO: Sort of the distinction that opens up for me is the distinction … from doing it alone to the circle. Every … when that circle is freed up to move, the energy moves also.
CL: I love that image being part of circle and not having to be move the circle.
CO: There are many, many growth opportunities, but what strikes me as the one, how do you really let go of being the one and let yourself be one of the ones in your support.
CL: Yeah, that’s big for me. It’s not easy, and I get that, something you said for me was really powerful, that it’s not just. What that opens up for me, but what opens up for them, that there’s actually a way of serving them by doing it. I’d never thought of it that way, I’d thought of it as lightening my load, but for them.
CO: SO I want to leave you with … you’ve got your structure, bracelet, when will you do that?
CL: Friday
CO: Makes me smile to think of that conversation. Will you drop me an email?
CL: Yes.
CO: I also want to leave you with an inquiry .. help me to fiddle with it so the words are right. What is it to be in partnership … can’t figure out what, not alone, …
CL: I love that image of a circle, not having to be a circle. So there’s something about what does it mean to lead my family from a place of being part of it, not carrying it.
CO: So what is it to be in the circle, rather than to carry the circle.
CL: Yeah, that lands with me.
CO: Really look at it from lots of different directions, the bottom, the top. The more you sit with an inquiry, not so much about
CO: What’s clear to me, couple of things, there’s this great, I get a picture of a valley at your feet, lots of challenge, but huge op for this circle you’re in. The other thing I really want to notice is how much you love your family and how much you let them nourish you and feed you like a tree, they water your roots Paul.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot. Take care. Bye.