1 Woodward
Julie Woodward
Kate Kimball
ENGL 1010-92
08/17/2012
My Apartment, the Mistake
“What are you doing up at 4:00 A.M. and why is that scumbag Matt here this late?” That was the argument my mother and I had that solidified my decision, I’m moving out. Despite the fact that this was going against my own logic and reasoning, I made a life changing decision in the blink of an eye. Over a fight, a heated argument that could’ve easily be mended by words of apology. But my boyfriend had such a manipulative way of getting his way, this is what he had wanted for a few weeks now. After all, how bad could it be? I would have independence, freedom to do what I wanted and finally be out of my mom’s grasp. I was doing this for the man I loved and everything would turn out alright. I wanted to move out anyways, I just never thought that this is how I would be doing it. I had a bad feeling, but he assured me we’d be fine as we packed up a few days later and left my home.
I have moved around a few times at a very young age, only once out of Utah to Delaware, but mainly have lived in the same house my whole life. I always had dreams of when I would move out, it would be right into a house. I would be different than most, and skip the “apartment” step and wait till the time was right, and I was financially set and get into the house of my dreams. I was a very responsible 19 year old, had been at the same job since high school ended, had my own car, and great credit. I even put a poster on my wall next to my bed of magazine cut-outs of everything I would own for my new house. I had the couch set, the kitchen table, the bed set, etc… all waiting for me at the furniture store at which I purchased those things. I wanted everything to be just right, I had planned it so perfectly and so carefully that I was sure it would be an amazing time in my life for when I moved out.
Although my plans did not go exactly according to plan, I just figured this would be a small bump in the road and I would still be able to get into my dream house from the apartment. I was in love and that’s all that mattered is that I was doing this for the man of my dreams. Matt was a crush of my youth, we first met when we were both 15 and had a summer fling. We reunited again when we were both 19, I thought it was fate that we were back together again at a mature age. What I didn’t know at the time is that I was the mature one, he didn’t have a job or a car or anything like I did. I ended up losing my job in all the “fun and excitement” that I was having reunited with him again.
It was bad timing to lose my job considering that I was about to get into an apartment. But I lied to the apartment manager and figured I would be able to get a new one later. We found the apartment on ksl.com, a woman was trying to find someone to take over the rest of her lease. She was signed on to a one year lease agreement and still had 6 months to go, so I took over her lease so I would have no deposit. Matt promised me he would find a job too and I would only be responsible for the bills like phone bill, cable, heat water etc… and he would take care of the rent for both of us. I was so naïve that I regrettably believed him, and we moved in. I brought my pregnant dog, and my dad helped me move in all of my stuff. I was able to get a new job within the week as Matt stayed home and set all of the furniture up. It was home sweet home and I was ready for my new adventure. This was just the beginning of what was about to come, and the biggest impact of my life that I am still living with the consequences of today.
This place was in West Jordan, Utah, the Mormon state as some people would refer to it as. Utah is peculiar state, it feels like the standards are higher when it comes to the values a person might have. For example, if you swear frequently, smoke and drink it’s almost as if you can feel the eyes of your neighbors judging you as you walk by. Most stores are closed on Sunday, for that is a day of rest, a day you should only go to church and spend the rest of the day with family, reading scriptures, and praying. Utah has the full 4 seasons, only sometimes you get the snow of Christmas in July, and the summer heat on Christmas day. Utah is a desert state, only it gets colder than it ever would in California during the winter but hotter in the summer.
It was a small apartment located just right down the street from my parents’ house. It was a one bedroom, with hardwood floors in the living in kitchen area, and carpeted in the bedroom which I thought was half the size of the whole thing. I thought that was nice because I could easily bring my laundry home so I wouldn’t have to sit in a grungy laundry mat making sure no one would steal my clothes. Also if I was running low on money, I could go to my parents when no one was home to do a little of what I called “grocery shopping.” I was already used to the environment, because it was in the same city, however living in an apartment complex from a neighborhood is a lot different. I was on the top floor so always had to go up a flight of stairs to get to my apartment. I didn’t want to tell them I had a dog, so always had to sneak her out to go to the bathroom. Plus, it always seemed I could hear everyone’s conversation through the paper thin walls of who lived in the same building as me.
The schedule for my new job was challenging to me, I was to be there at 5:00 A.M. and I am not a morning person. Matt still didn’t have a job but always told me he was looking hard. I was so exhausted when I got home from work every day and one day I came home just to find Matt hanging out with his friends drinking and smoking. I was a little irritated at first, it just made me believe this is what he was doing all day while I was working to keep this apartment for us. I just wanted to go to sleep, but couldn’t with all his friends over. Did he even care? Sure he says thank you, but his actions did not reflect that. I did not mind having people over on the weekends, on the days I have no responsibility, can sleep all day if I want. But to come home to this was not what I wanted to see.
We made friends with a lot of our neighbors there, and ran into a guy that was high up in working for the community. He talked of doing things like cleaning up the parks for the city, or doing light maintenance. He said that he could easily get Matt the job, all he has to do is show up and do a good job, which in his words was “easy to do.” I was happy that we could finally get him working and contributing into the apartment that we were both living in, and should both be paying for. I even bought him some work clothes to do so. I went to work with high hopes, and left him some bus money so he could get there. But when I came home that day, he was still sitting at home watching T.V. “What happened?” I asked, “Why aren’t you at work?” He replied with, “ I missed the bus, it came early, it wasn’t my fault.” Although irritated I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I know that busses sometimes do come earlier than they are supposed to.
Later that same day that guy came over and I answered the door. Before I could apologize for Matt not being there he immediately looked towards Matt and asked, “Where were you, I came and knocked on your door for 5 minutes straight this morning!” I was so mad I wanted to scream, is this it? Is he just going to keep lying to me and mooching off me? I was just so mad, I told him he needed to get out, if he wasn’t going to take this opportunity for what it’s worth than he shouldn’t reap the benefits that I, by myself am providing. Of course, he begged for me to let him stay, but I told him to get his clothes and just leave.
After a few days out he showed up at my apartment again and told me he loved me and couldn’t live without me, he was just so manipulative I believed him to do better. Things were beginning to get worse, and he started to drink more and more. Although he wasn’t a mean drunk, he could actually be quite pleasant I believe it was keeping him from wanting to be an adult and go get a job. It was getting to the point that it would cause me to want to join in, and miss my alarm and my job history got worse and worse. We were free, who was there to stop us? No one was there to tell us what to do, which meant we could be as irresponsible as we pleased without any immediate consequence. We were the owners of our new home, and we could get away with anything whether it was for our own good or not, which it usually wasn’t. But the consequence I got later was much worse, I ended up losing another job. And we were back in a rut again.
My place of independence was now becoming the opposite, almost a prison. I was less free than I had ever been in my life! I shouldn’t have let him talk me into many of the things that I did. Because of the fact I was jobless again from a job that only lasted a little over 2 months, it caused problems in my bills. I was always such a strong believer of not letting my credit get ruined after how much work I put into building it up, I started putting everything from my bills and necessities to my rent go on my credit card. That was not such a smart idea because I was also forced to pull out cash advances on my credit card with very high interest rates. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, and I was yet to learn the hard way what my actions were doing. I should’ve stopped right then and there to ask for help, but I guess I just had too much pride. I knew myself for being responsible, strong the one to solve problems to not incur them. I just kept going as if everything was going to work out, which was my first lesson it never does.
There was also something else I didn’t know about Matt that I was about to find out. I always knew that there were a few tickets he had gotten, what I didn’t know is he never went to court for them. He ended up getting pulled over one day, was then handcuffed and taken into the car for a trip to the Salt Lake Metro Jail. Great, I thought, now my boyfriend is a jail bird. In the time he was there I was not living a “party” life on work nights, and my bills were looking a lot better. I was able to get a new job, and had great attendance during my time there. I had the freedom to do what I wanted, and have the peace and quiet when I wanted it. The sun seemed to shine through the windows brighter, and it was almost as if the place was what I imagined it would be. Matt would call me 2 or 3 times a day, crying about how horrible it was in there, and that he didn’t eat well. It made me feel bad for him, and so when his 30 days were up I put up the small amount of money left to get him out. Things with him seemed to get be better, but it didn’t last long. Soon he was back to his old ways again, and I lost yet again another job, not related to attendance this time, but due to my sales numbers being down. We were in trouble again, so much this time that I couldn’t pay rent.
It seemed to be a never-ending cycle, I just did not want to be here anymore. This wasn’t a home, it was a mistake. Matt told me I should pawn a couple things and get them out later. I was appalled! My prized possessions that I worked so hard for, gone for a fraction of the price for a loan, that cost 20% over to get out. I finally gave up, and came to my dad’s mercy. I never thought it would come to this, and especially didn’t want him to know how bad I was doing but had no choice. My dad is a much more reasonable person than my mom, he understands and sympathizes where my mom is completely different in that area. I told him a story a little far from what was the truth and asked him to help me with what he could. I told him I could pawn just a few things till later if he could borrow me the rest and I would keep it from mom. He helped me knowing that while I was living under his roof that I was the responsible young woman who always kept my word, and paid my loans back.
This was month 5 of my ugly disaster, only one month left. I knew before it happened I wasn’t going to have anywhere else to go but my parent’s house again. This last month was going to end in eviction and I wouldn’t even be able to get another place if I wanted to. I had never thought of myself as so irresponsible, and many of my possessions were lost to pawn. My credit cards have all gone to collections, and for the first time in my life I had no money in my checking account. This place impacted me in a way I could never forget, I don’t like to think of it, or the guy that occupied it with me. Although the circumstances seem all bad, there is a bright side. I am no longer naïve, experience is a hard teacher but it’s the one I needed. I am taking myself more seriously than I ever did before, I am worth much more than what I got at that apartment. The lesson here is to never short yourself of the goals you know you can achieve, take no shortcuts. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else.