Christopher Leadership Talks

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

Electricity, blood types, film, bank balances - all positives and negatives. Life is full of positives and negatives.

Focus on the positive!

I'm about to share something very personal with you, a secret about myself that I've never revealed before tonight. You would probably never guess this about me - but I have a ... third eye.

(Show eye drawn on hand with magic marker!)

I call this my Positive Outlook Eye. I see a lot of negative things with the two eyes in my head but with my Positive Outlook Eye I see only positive things.

Sometimes, when I look at people with the two eyes in my head, I see a lot of negative things about them. What I like about my Positive Outlook Eye is that it gives me the ability to look beyond people's faults and differences and see the positive in them.

I'm sure you all know people who seem to see everything in a negative way. Then there are other people who just have a way of looking at things and turning negatives into positives.

I once saw an interview with Carol Burnett, the comedienne, where she talked about making an effort to change the type of day someone is having. We run into people all the time who are having a bad day. Carol Burnett thinks we all have the power to turn that around.

This was one of her examples. Let's say you're at the grocery store. The cashier is obviously frazzled and having a very bad day. She snaps at the customer in front of you to push her cart through. When she rings in your order she slams the groceries down on the best and pushes the keys like she'd like to break them.

Stop right there! She may already be having a negative effect on how you are feeling.

But you have the power to turn that around. What if you were to say to her: "Hi, how are you?" You probably wouldn't get too much of a response, maybe a grunt that sounds a bit like: "Fine!"

So now you say: "Wow, you really look busy, you're feet must be killing you!" She's thinking ... 'This person's a bit annoying but she's right, my feet are killing me.' So she says: "Yeah, it's been like this all day!"

You help her pack your groceries and as you're leaving you say: "I hope you don't have much time left before you get to leave for the day. Have a nice evening!"

It's not any less busy, and her feet are still killing her, but she may have a little smile on her face. You've just had a positive effect on someone. And the nice thing is that it ripples like a stone in water. Maybe she'll say something nice to her next customer, and maybe that next customer won't be as cranky with his child, and maybe that child won't kick the dog. Maybe focusing on the positive can help you see and bring out the best in other people.

Another neat thing about having a Positive Outlook Eye is that ... you can turn it around. (Point hand towards yourself.)

It can help you look at yourself and your own life in a positive way.

I once worked with two women who had very different personalities. The women I'll call Wanda was attractive, smart, healthy and had a pretty good life, but for some reason she did nothing but complain. She never had enough money, she wasn't happy with her apartment or her job, she seemed to envy everyone else. In spite of having so many blessings in her life, she seemed very unhappy with herself.

The woman I'll call Bonnie had a very different life. She was doing a placement with us through a retraining program. I got to know her and found out that she had had a very difficult past. Not long before coming to us she had fled from an abusive husband in the middle of the night with her children. Bonnie stayed for a while in a women's shelter until a friend took them in. She owned very little except what she carried with her in the middle of the night in paper bags. She was so afraid of her husband that she couldn't go back to get her belongings. Besides, he had burnt all of her clothes, so when she wore hand-me-downs and Salvation Army bargains.

But Bonnie had a positive outlook on her future and had a positive influence on all of us. She came to work every day with a smile on her face and she enjoyed what she did. She was determined to work hard and make a good life for herself and her children. It seemed as though she saw value in herself and that helped others to see it too. It was as if she looked at herself and her life through her Positive Outlook Eye.

Focusing on the positive in ourselves and our own lives can help others to see us in a better light. Remember when you were a kid, you thought your mother had eyes in the back of her head? Well, having a Positive Outlook Eye is kind of like that. With it, you can look over your shoulder and see into your past. (Point hand over your shoulder.) It can help you to see things in the past in a more positive way.

If I look over my shoulder into my past with the two eyes in my head, I might see a lot of negative things: some pretty big mistakes I made as a teenager like dropping out of school; a lot of wasted years when I coasted and did little but navel gaze; failed relationships; bad choices I made - I even bought avocado green appliances.

Looking back might make me feel pretty depressed, but if I look back with my Positive Outlook Eye I might see that all of those mistakes weren't really mistakes. They were stepping stones to the person I am today. Each and every one of those errors in judgement taught me something. Each one contained one of life's lessons that I needed to learn. They helped to make me the unique person that I am today - just as your pasts have molded you into the interesting people you are tonight.

Another thing that my Positive Outlook Eye can do is look into the future - and as I look into the future of the people here in this room, I see new challenges and great successes. (Point hand towards audience.)

Tomorrow morning, before you start your day, I dare you to take a marker and draw yourself a Positive Outlook Eye just like mine as a reminder that you have a choice in the way you see things.

And remember ... always focus on the positive!

Submitted by Chris Chiasson, Ottawa Area Christophers

Christopher Leadership Course in Effective Speaking Instructor Manual - Revised 2003