LIZZY: My Boyfriend Is Really Clever, He Has Brains Enough for Two

LIZZY: My boyfriend is really clever, he has brains enough for two.

SUZY: He sounds like the right boy for you!

TOM: Have you noticed how many girls don’t want to get married these days?

SAM: No, how do you know?

TOM: I have asked all of them!

LACK: Could you be happy with a boy like me?

JANE: Maybe, if you weren’t around too often!

BOSS: Why do you want time off next week?

TOM: To get married.

BOSS: What stupid woman would marry you?

TOM: Your daughter!

LIZZY: That boy over there is annoying me.

SUZY: He is not even looking at you.

LIZZY: I know, that’s what’s annoying me.

YOUNG MAN: I want to marry your daughter Betty, sir.

FATHER: Have you seen my wife yet?

YOUNG MAN: Yes, but I don’t think Betty will be like her.

LIZZY: My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful!

SUZY: Well they do say that love is blind!

TOM: My girlfriend has beautiful long hair all down her back.

SAM: What a pity it’s not on her heard!

TOM: Why don’t you marry her?

SAM: She has a slight impediment in her speech.

TOM: How sad. What is it?

SAM: She can’t say “yes”.

(slight impediment – небольшойдефект)

YOUNG MAN: I have come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.

FATHER: Well you’ll have to take the rest of her too or the deals off!

(orthedealsoff – а то я не дам своего согласия)

JACK: I’m not rich like John, don’t have a mansion like Pete or have a Cadillac like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you.

JANE: I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin?

LIZZY: Did he really marry her because of her grandfather’s fortune?

SUZY: He denies it. He says he would have married her no matter who had left her a fortune! (fortune – богатство, состояние)

JANE: I wish you were on TV.

JACK: Would you love me if I were a TV star?

JANE: No, but I could switch you off!

WIFE: John, wake up! There is a burglar in the kitchen eating my homemade pie.

HUSBAND: Oh no! Who shall I call the police or an ambulance?

JACK: I can’t leave you.

JANE: Do you love me that much?

JACK: It’s not that, you’re standing on my foot!

GIRL: Do you believe in love at first sight?

VAMPIRE: No, I believe in love at first bite.

BRIDE: Now that we are engaged I hope you’ll give me a ring.

GROOM: Of course. What’s your phone number?

BOY MONSTER: Did you get the heart I sent you for Valentine’s Day?

GIRL MONSTER: Yes, it’s still beating!