A Behavioral Analy Sis of Date/Acquaintanc E

A BEHAVIORAL ANALYSIS OF

DATE/ACQUAINTANCE

ASSAULT

Paper presented 1996 at International Conference on Sexual Assault on Campus, Orlando, Fl..

Stephen M. Thompson

Sexual Aggression Services Coordinator

CentralMichiganUniversity

SAC 195

Mt. Pleasant, MI. 48859

Email:

Phone: 989-774-6677

In 1974 Dr. James Selkin wrote a paper titled, "Behavioral Analysis of Rape." In it Dr. Selkin described what he termed the Rape Sequence. This was based on his study of police reports and interviews with one hundred convicted rapists in the DenverColorado area. Selkin found that stranger rapists follow a five-step behavior pattern. First they Select a target primarily based upon location. In the next step the offender Approaches and Tests the target to determine if he can get into the attack zone while getting the target to talk with him. The third step is to Intimidate the target into submission. After that he Sexually Violates the target with the final step being to Terminate the assault. My experience concurs with Dr. Selkin’s findings. The exception being that sometimes the offender will skip the Approach/Test and escalate immediately with Intimidation. I have found this to be the case in some situations where the target is at high risk due to being isolated and alone.

In 1983 I began the serious study of date/acquaintance assault. My focus was to determine if a pattern existed for familiar predators like exists for strangers. I also wanted to determine if sexual assault by familiars was/is a planned act of conquest, or is it an impulse driven by alcohol and communications breakdowns.

A Behavioral Analysis of Date/Acquaintance Assault is a description of the basic profile and behavior of the familiar assailant. The statements made about him are from the examination of over 800 assaults involving predators from all across the United States ranging in age from sixteen to forty-three. The assailant profile and behavior pattern described here are restricted to one-to-one familiar assaults, i.e., one victim who is targeted by one assailant known to her, but not involved in a long term relationship involving consensual sex.

DATE/ACQUAINTANCE ASSAILANT PROFILE

The initial description and perception by the survivor of date rape is their assailant was a very nice guy. He was attractive, very personable, attentive, and outgoing. This is an often-repeated statement. Because of this, the “Nice Guy" term will be used to describe him. His basic profile commonly embodies several of the following characteristics:

• Athletic, and outwardly confidant. In high school he was/is probably an athlete involved in a team sport.
• He is attractive and well liked by people of both genders. He generally has little trouble attracting women.
• Tends to need to be around men in groups. For example: fraternities, sport clubs or teams, civic groups, male roommates, frequent visits to bars with his friends.
• Does not generally engage in long-term relationships. Sees many women but does not commit to one.
• Egocentric and self-serving where he typically uses the “I” word frequently. He guides conversations and situations so that he is generally the center of attention.
• Tends to brag to his friends about his sexual conquests.
• He is a man who does not handle rejection or criticism well. This is evidenced by his need to be liked by those around him.
• Believes that women are sexual objects, and that he has the right to aggressively take from them even if they do not willingly want to give.
• He will usually "score" (consent), assault (non-consent), or terminate the relationship by the third time he is in a situation where he is alone with the woman.
• May admit to forcing someone to have sex with him, but he does not see it as rape. His goal is the sexual conquest, even if he needs to use force to get it.

Due to the nature of his personality, this man is rarely seen as a predator. People who know him would think him incapable of assault, and wonder what is wrong with the woman. People who do not know him would see a nice guy wrongly accused. Generally speaking, society sides with him and holds the woman responsible for either falsely accusing him, or implying consent by her behavior. A popular attitude is there was some kind of problem with communication. This implies the woman was either partially or wholly responsible. I have not found this to be the case. Is it any wonder that only about one percent of women sexually assaulted by the "nice guy" report it (Burkhart, 1983)!

SEXUAL ASSAULT SEOUENCE

Familiar predators engage in a pattern of behavior that involves seven progressive steps. Each step is clearly identifiable and builds upon the preceding step. He must find success with each one before he proceeds to the next.

Step One: TARGET SELECTION

This is perhaps the most critical step. What he is looking for is a woman he knows, that he feels will be flattered by his attention, and easily controlled. Physical appearance such as beauty or clothing seldom has anything to do with being selected as a target. If he has more than one potential target that meets his criteria, physical appearance may then enter the selection criteria. She could be a friend of a friend, co-worker, someone he sees regularly in a bar or other setting. She will generally be younger than him. For example he is a junior or senior in college and she is a freshman, he is the high school junior that takes the freshman to prom, he is the high school graduate that takes the high school junior or senior to home coming, he is the worker that has been on the job a few years and she is the new hire. He will select her in a social setting where she has friends and feels comfortable. Some, for example, would watch a group of women they are familiar with and look for the one who seems to have consumed the most alcohol or who appears to be less animated than her friends. Others know ahead of time who their targets will be. Regardless, the majority of familiar predators think about what they are going to do before they do it. It is a premeditated act with the goal being a conquest or score.

Step Two: APPROACH AND EVALUATION

His goal in this step is to determine if he can get his target away from the group, and ultimately "score" with her. Once he has selected a potential target he needs to get close to her and determine if she issomeone who will be flattered by his attention and allow him to exert subtle control over her. For example, he would approach her and ask if he can sit with her while pulling up a chair, giving her little chance to say yes or no. Keep in mind this is a person who does not like to be rejected. He rarely puts himself into a position where his target is given the time and space to maintain her control. He will talk with her and be very attentive. In an environment where alcohol is present, he will attempt to see that her glass is never empty. The more he can get her to drink, the more control he feels he has. He plans to incorporate alcohol and/or drugs as tools to help him succeed. The more alcohol or drugs in her body, the more control he feels he can have over her.Much like a carpenter uses a hammer; the Nice Guy relies on alcohol and drugs. He wants her to trust him, be attracted to him, and be submissive to him.

Shortly before he is ready to move to the third step of the sequence, he frequently engages in some behavior that is somewhat inappropriate. He does this to gauge if she is ready for him to move on to the next step. Does she confront his behavior, or does she ignore it? For example, he might tell a dirty story, his hand may lightly brush her breast, or his leg may rub against hers. Often women whom he preys upon will say that there was a time when they felt uncomfortable by his language or behavior, yet they seldom confront him because he is such a "nice guy".

Date/acquaintance predators show a remarkable ability to evaluate a potential target. If he does not get the feeling that he will be successful he quickly moves on to another potential target. However, if he finds success with her he will move on to the next step.

Step Three: SEPARATION

This third step in the assault sequence is critical. If he can not get his target to a location where they are alone, he can not succeed. During the course of his evaluation of her he has determined if she lives alone, or if anyone would be home that night. If there is no one at her home, and he lives alone or has roommates that would not interfere the process is easier. The statement: "your place or mine?", takes on new meaning because whichever choice she makes will work to his advantage due to the fact they will be alone. Approximately eighty-five percent of the time the location where date/acquaintance assault occurs is either her residence or his.

By this step of the sequence he is relatively sure that when he moves to separate her from her friends, she will agree. Typically he will use an excuse such as; "it is too noisy, too smoky, I want to be alone with you, let's go to my place to listen to my new CD, let's take a walk, etc..." He is very charming and manipulative in this step. Date/acquaintance predators are very consistent as well. They tend to repeat behaviors and statements that work.

Jenny, a student at a mid-western university, told this account of an assault which happened to her. "I went to the bar with several of my friends. We were sitting around talking, having a good time, when this guy I sort of knew came up and sat down next to me. He was really nice, and good looking. He bought me drinks and we talked. Later on he was resting his hand on my thigh, but I really didn't think too much about it at the time. At about 11:00 my friends wanted to leave. Jeff told them he would take me home. I agreed. In a while we left. Jeff asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee before he took me home. Though I don't drink coffee I wanted to spend more time with him. As we passed the restaurant I asked him where we were going. He told me he likes a special kind of coffee that he already has made at his place. I became uncomfortable and he must have sensed it because he then said, "What's the matter, don't you trust me." I felt foolish and apologized. We went to his place and then...."

This is a classic example of familiar predator behavior; nice, charming, yet manipulative. He knew what he was doing.

Step Four: CONSENTING OR PRESSURED SEX

This fourth step in the sequence involves the predators attempt to have sex with the woman. Once they get to a place where they are alone, he will still be nice; however, he will become sexually aggressive. If the woman is of legal age, not physically helpless due to alcohol or drugs and she consents, no crime has been committed. The sex between them will generally be mutually gratifying though he tends to be self-centered. When they are finished he will maintain his "nice" personality. He will see that she gets home, and will generally tell her that he will call her. He rarely does. If she does not initially consent, he will try again. If he can not get her to readily consent to what he wants, he will attempt to pressure her into gratifying him in some way. Statements such as: "you know you want to," 'you owe me," '"you teased me," “you got me so turned on we have to do something," are very common. His goal is to make her feel responsible for him being sexually excited. If he succeeds, this is consent. It is not right, but it is also not against the law.

If she initially consents, or allows him to make her feel guilty so that he can pressure her into sexually gratifying him, the sequence ends. If she does not consent the man moves into the fifth phase of the assault sequence.

Step Five: INTIMIDATION

The goal of the intimidation phase of the assault sequence is simple. Through words and/or physical means, he will convey to her that there is no way she is going to leave until she does what he wants. When they are able, victims may resist at first because they can not believe he would do this. If his target struggles he will increase his aggression or simply ignore her. He makes her feel helpless through the use of physical force.

He is different now. He is no longer the "nice guy" who is flattering and attentive. He has now become a predator who is focused only on his own gratification. He has the power, the control and the will to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.

Step Six: SEXUAL VIOLATION

Once he has successfully intimidated the woman so that she will submit to his demands, he is ready to take from her what he wants. He is aggressive and self-centered. Depending on the location and the amount of time he has, he could be very quick with his sexual violation, or very creative and slow. If the aggression escalates so does the tendency to engage in sexually degrading acts.

Interestingly, Dr. Selkin found that stranger rapists frequently need to establish a false intimacy in order to function sexually. Some do this by demanding that their victims pretend to respond sexually, others will speak of fantasies, or their childhood. I have found no such behaviors with familiar assailants. They demand and take with little regard to intimacy.

Step Seven: TERMINATION

After the predator has sexually violated the woman to the point where he no longer wants her, he will either leave or get her home. He may act as if nothing is wrong. He could revert to his "nice guy" image and talk with her, even saying to her that he had a nice time and would call her again. Others, however, will terminate by taking measures designed to keep her from telling anyone. He will attempt to make her feel responsible for what has happened through blaming her, due to her behavior, dress, reputation, etc.. Some will threaten physical retaliation if she talks. Others will threaten to tell everyone

she is a "slut," someone who "wanted it."

He is very convincing in his Termination technique. Frequently the woman is confused and disoriented due to alcohol/drugs or shock. She can not believe what has happened. Guilt, denial, and societal beliefs make it very difficult for her to hold him ultimately responsible. Also, due to ignorance and a myth based belief system people close to her often do not believe her or minimize what has happened to her. Because of this combination it is extremely rare for her to report the assault.

CONCLUSION

Results of the interviews with familiar sex offenders and their targets from 1983 to presentindicates that the majority of Nice Guy offenders plan their conquest. It is not found to be an impulsive act resulting from miscommunication. Offenders consistently engage in a seven step progression of behaviors designed to end with the sexual conquest of their target. Though offenders have frequently consumed alcohol, their consumption is not excessive due to the fact that they need to be in control of themselves in order to gain control over their targets. The majority of the time they used alcohol or drugs as tools to assist them in gaining control over their targets.

The Nice Guyprofile and the Sexual Assault Sequence of the familiar assailant can be used in many ways. It can help the survivors understand that it was not their fault; that they were set up by someone who was cunning and knew what they were doing. It can be used to educate law enforcement officers and medical personnel so that they may be more effective in dealing with this type of assault. It can assist prosecutors in educating juries as to the process of familiar assault resulting in more convictions. Finally, this information may help our society evolve to a point where survivors of date/acquaintance assault are afforded the same support as survivors of all other crime.

1