Alternatives

Instead of doing anything dangerous,think, act, orcommunicate.Some ways you can do this are below!

THINK

  • Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up only makes it worse.
  • Ask yourself what YOU need.
  • Check in with yourself and others frequently.
  • Choose your way of thinking, and try to resist following old thinking patterns.
  • Give yourself permission to be safe and work towards not hurting yourself. Follow through with a safety plan and other means of healthy coping resources and distractions.
  • Honor your present emotions, whatever they may be. Don’t try to make them go away.
  • Identify what is causing you pain.
  • Lose the “should-could-have to” words. Try… “What if” instead.
  • Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, and gentle. Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages.
  • Negotiate with yourself. Compromise. Tell yourself that you’re not going to self-harm, and that you will find other ways of expressing how you feel.
  • Notice black and white thinking (and other kinds of cognitive distortions).
  • Offer yourself better options, such as all the ones listed below.
  • Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe.
  • Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.).
  • Pay attention to your breathing (breathe slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth).
  • Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW.
  • Repetitive reality checking (It’s whatever today’s date is, e.g. February 13, 2015. And repeat to yourself, “I’m not being hurt right now. I am okay.”)
  • Take a break from mental processing.
  • Take a different perspective (different vantage point).

ACT

  • Call a hotline or support group.
  • Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful and comforting things/people.
  • Create and use mental safe places (beach, cabin in the woods, peaceful mountain, rainforest).
  • Do something FUN!
  • Do something that involves using your artistic creativity.
  • Journal.
  • Put memories in air tight containers with air tight lids or create a lock box for bad memories.
  • Write a letter to the person or problem upsetting you. If you want and if you think it would be a good idea to send it, mail it out. Maybe ask for a second opinion before doing so.
  • Ground yourself in the present moment. These are called grounding techniques and they can be done anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and no one has to know.

Mental Grounding
Describe your environment in detail, using all your senses - for example, “The walls are white; there are five pink chairs; there is a wooden bookshelf against the wall….” Describe objects, sounds, textures, colors, smells, shapes, numbers, and the temperature.

  • Describe an everyday activity in great detail.
  • Imagine. Use an image: Glide along on ice skates away from your pain; change the TV channel to get to a better show; think of a wall as a buffer between you and your pain.
  • Say a safety statement. “My name is ______; I am safe right now. I am in the present, not in the past. I am not being hurt right now.”
  • Read something, saying each word to yourself. Or read each letter backward so that you focus on the letters and not on the meaning of the words.

Physical Grounding

  • Run cool or warm water over your hands.
  • Touch various objects around you: a pen, keys, your clothing, the wall, etc.
  • Carry a grounding object in your pocket, which you can touch whenever you feel triggered.
  • Notice your body: the weight of your body in the chair; wiggle your toes in your socks; the feel of your chair against your back. Stretch. Roll your head around; extend your fingers…
  • Walk slowly; notice each footstep, saying “left or “right”…
  • Focus on your breathing, notice each inhale and exhale.

Soothing Grounding

  • Say kind statements, as if you were talking to a small child-for example, “you are a good person going through a hard time. You’ll get through this.”
  • Think of favorites. Think of your favorite color, animal, season, food, time of day…
  • Picture people you care about.
  • Remember the words to an inspiring song, quote, or poem.
  • Remember a safe place. Describe the place that you find so soothing.
  • Say a coping statement: “I can handle this.”

(The above information on grounding techniques is credited to

COMMUNICATE

  • ASK FOR HELP.
  • Check in with yourself and others frequently (try not to isolate).
  • Connect with others around you (call your therapist if you have one, or 911 if you’re in an emergency)
  • Get to know others.
  • Keep in touch with others who are fighting the same fight.

Tryprogressive muscle relaxation.

  • Initially do a quickBody Scan. Take two deep breaths. Make sure your breathing is slow, smooth, even, quiet and long. Breathe in from your toes to the top of your head and exhale from your head down through to your toes. This is one complete breath. First, you’ll feel the resting sensations in your body as you complete these first two breath-cycles. You’ll initially focus on becoming aware of what’s going on in your body.
  • Start with your forehead.Lift your eyebrowsas high as they can go. Lift them to the top of your head! Focus on the feeling in the muscle with this intense contraction. If there’s a lot of pain, then just ease off a bit. Breathe in slowly, deeply and quietly. Hold the squeeze for as long as it takes to slowly breathe in. Don’t hold your breath. When you’re ready to breathe out, quickly release the tensed muscle. Just let it go. Allow the muscle to completely relax as you exhale slowly and deeply. Notice how different that muscle feels when it’s tense compared to when it’s relaxed. Continue to breathe for two more breath-cycles. One complete inhalation and exhalation is a breath-cycle. In and out, breathe into the relaxed muscle, just as you learned in theBody Scan. Feel how relaxed that area is afterward. Can you feel the difference?
  • Move to your eyes.Squeeze your eyes tightly shut.Hold the squeeze for a breath-cycle and then relax. Breathe deeply for two more breath-cycles and feel the relaxed sensation in your eyes.
  • Move on to your mouth.Open your mouthas wideas you can.Hold your jaw as wide open as you can. Squeeze as long as you breathe in and then let go quickly as you breathe out. Don’t force your breath out, just let it release naturally and smoothly. Focus on the relaxation in your jaw for two more breaths. As with theBody Scan, you’re progressively working down the body.
  • Nextlift your shouldersto your ears. Tense them and then relax. Imagine your breath going into your shoulders and releasing any remaining tension. Notice how your shoulders feel when they’re tight compared to when you let go of that tension. Focus on the relaxation in your shoulders for two more breaths.
  • Bring both ofyour arms up to your shoulders and clench your fists. Tighten both your arms as much as you can. Feel that tension. Only tense your arms and fists. Don’t clench your jaw or raise your shoulders. Breathe in and tighten and then drop your arms. Breathe deeply into both your arms for two breath-cycles.When doing these exercises try not to tense any other parts of your body except for the specific muscle group you’re working with. Just imagine your breath going into your arm muscles and back out. Relax them even more as you breathe out. Breathe in and focus on your arms and breathe out and relax.
  • Next make a tightfist with both of your handsat the same time. Tighten them. Tighter. Tighter… and breathe out and release the fists. Focus on how your hands feel afterward. Breathe in and out for two more breaths.
  • Take a deep breath andexpand your chestas wide as it will go. Notice the feeling of tightness in your chest. Then quickly release the tension in the chest as you breathe out. Breathe deeply, gently and smoothly letting your stomach expand as you breathe in. Focus on the sensation in your chest as you breathe for two more breaths.
  • • Bring your attention to your abdomen andsqueeze your belly buttonso that it tries to touch your spine. Keep squeezing for as long as you can as you take a slow, deep inhalation. At the end of the inhalation let all the tension go quickly and then continue to breathe into your abdomen for two more slow deep breaths.
  • Tighten the muscles in your buttocks. Hold that tension as you breathe in and let go of the tension all at once as you breathe out. Just rest and breathe feeling the sensation of relaxation in those muscles. Breathe for two more complete breaths as you bring your attention to your buttocks.
  • Flex both of your feetby stretching your feet upward toward your shins. You’re just tensing up your feet and your leg muscles here. Feel the tension in your thighs and lower legs. Hold the tension. Tense up both your legs. Notice how that tension feels and then let it all go. Breathe for two more complete breaths as you feel the physical sensation of release in your feet and thighs.
  • Finally,curl your toes. Really tighten them up as you breathe in. Curl those toes tightly and release them as you breathe out. Bring your attention to the feeling in your toes for two more complete breaths.
  • Finish with a quickBody Scan. Breathe in and out for two breaths as you scan for any areas remaining in the body that are still tense. Breathe into those areas, relaxing them with your exhalation.
  • At the end of the exercise, when you’re ready, open your eyes.Start to move your body, slowly at first.Again, if you’re doing this exercise on the floor, roll onto your right side first; push yourself up to a sitting position with your arms.Stand up very slowly.

The information above about progressive muscle relaxation is credited to

The self-soothe kitis designed to calm you down whenever you’re upset or triggered. Put things in it that relax you.

Things that might be helpful to go inside a self soothe kit would be:

Sight:

  • Positive affirmations
  • Funny, touching, or inspirational photos
  • Landscapes that you find beautiful

Touch:

  • Playdoh or putty
  • Stuffed animal
  • Blanket
  • Crystal or worry stone
  • Stress ball

Taste:

  • Sour or hot candies
  • Mints
  • Favorite snack – something that makes you happy

Smell:

  • Aromatherapy oils
  • Lavender or eucalyptus (very calming)
  • Hand or body lotion
  • Perfume

Hearing:

  • Your favorite music playlist
  • Sounds of nature

Anything that would be calming in a moment of distress is what should be put in a self-soothing kit. As long as what you put in it can’t hurt you (e.g, in no way can you use it to self-injure, then it’s okay to keep it in your self soothe box). 

Top of Form

Remember that these things are not just limited to self-harm, they apply to anything.

If the methods that cause slight pain are beginning to be used excessively as a ‘replacement’ to self-harm, Isincerely urge you to move onto a different method immediately. The ultimate goal is find a way to express what you’re feeling in a healthy way and be able to cope with it, not end up having you hurt yourself. So the question is this…

Whatcanyou do instead?

First, take a few moments and look behind the urge. What are you feeling? Are you angry? Frustrated? Restless? Sad? Craving the feeling of SI? Depersonalized and unreal or numb? Unfocused?

Next, match the activity to the feeling. Examples include:

Angry, frustrated, restless: (Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing)

Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock.

Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself.

Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go.

Hit a punching bag.

Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style.

Rip up an old newspaper or phone book.

On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture.

Make Play-Doh or other clay models and cut or smash them.

Take ice cubes and throw them down on the ground, against a brick wall or a tree, or into a bathtub, hard enough to shatter them.

Break sticks.(You can even rant at the thing you are breaking/cutting/tearing/hitting. Start out slowly, explaining why you are hurt and angry, but feel free to swear or cry or scream. It might help to vent like that.)

Crank up the music and dance.

Clean your room or your whole house (if you want to do something physical).

Go for a walk/jog/run.

Stomp around in heavy shoes.

Play a sport.

Sad, melancholy, depressed, unhappy

Nurture yourself. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted.

Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles.

Curl up under a comforter with hot chocolate or tea while reading a good book.

Light sweet-smelling incense.

Listen to soothing music.

Smooth nice body lotion into the parts or yourself you want to hurt.

Call a friend and just talk about things that you like.

Watch a funny TV show.

Visit a friend.

Craving sensation, feeling depersonalized, dissociating, feeling unreal

(Do something that creates a sharp physical sensation, but DO NOT hurt yourself.)

Squeeze ice hard. (Note: putting ice on a spot you want to burn gives you a strong painful sensation and leaves a red mark afterward, kind of like burning would.)

Use tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.)

Put a finger into a frozen food (like ice cream) for a minute.

Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root.

Slap a tabletop.

Snap your wrist with a rubber band.

Take a cold bath.

Focus on how it feels to breathe. Notice the way your chest and stomach move with each breath.

Wanting focus

Do a task (a computer game like tetris or minesweeper, writing a computer program, needlework, etc) that is exacting and requires focus and concentration.

Eat a raisin mindfully. Pick it up, noticing how it feels in your hand. Look at it carefully; see the asymmetries and think about the changes the grape went through. Roll the raisin in your fingers and notice the texture; try to describe it. Bring the raisin up to your mouth, paying attention to how it feels to move your hand that way. Smell the raisin; what does it remind you of? How does a raisin smell? Notice that you’re beginning to salivate, and see how that feels. Open your mouth and put the raisin in, taking time to think about how the raisin feels to your tongue. Chew slowly, noticing how the texture and even the taste of the raisin change as you chew it. Are there little seeds or stems? How is the inside different from the outside? Finally, swallow.

Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc.

Pick a subject and research it on the web.

Wanting to see blood

Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen.

Wet the end of a somewhat soft (not Crayola) colored pencil and use it on your skin. It works like the food coloring if you don’t have access to that, but also sort of “bleeds,” unlike markers.

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.

Paint yourself with red tempera paint.

Wanting to see scars or pick scabs

Get a henna tattoo kit. Put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.

Put on nail polish, then peel it off whenever you want.

Use Elmer’s liquid glue on your hands and then take your time peeling it all off.