20 Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers

20 Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers

20 Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers

Is your man secretly having sex with other men?

Here are 20 ways to tell

By: Nubia

20 WARNING SIGNS OF DOWN LOW BROTHERS. Copyright © 2004 by Nubia. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Self Published by author.

The fables included in this book are completely fictional. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

While the real-life interview with a down low brother is true, the names and personal characteristics of any individual have been changed to respect and protect their privacy. Any resulting resemblance to persons living or dead he describes in his interview is purely coincidental.

First Edition published 2004

Visit our Web site at www.downlowbrothers.com

Edited by: Heather Shipp

Visit the Editor’s Website at: www.services-biz.com/editor.htm

Acknowledgements

I would like to first thank our Father in Christ the All Mighty God, who is truly the head of my life. Also, I would like to express my sincere thanks to everyone who shared my journey in completing this important book. Further, I would like to thank all of my Sisters. My Sisters have been there to support me in my efforts and encourage me in my times of doubtfulness. To Mae, Linda, Helen, Annette, Mary, Vickie, LaTonya, Heather, Stacy and Lisa; I love each of you dearly. And last, but never least, I would like to thank my wonderful daughter for having the insight and courage to ask the most compelling question - Why?

Contents

Part One 1

To The Sisters: 1

Part Two 11

To The Brothers: 11

Part Three 22

To The Homosexual and Bisexual Brothers: 22

Part Four 29

To The Down Low Brothers: 29

Part Five 39

The Interview A Down Low Brother 39

Part Six 85

Fictional Fables of the Possibilities 85

My One and Only 87

To Protect and Serve 96

The Revelation 121

Part Seven 171

20 Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers 171

Part Eight 214

Recent Articles 214

Why AIDS Is Rising Among Black Women? 215

Study Links Bisexuality to HIV Spread Among Minority Women 223

The Great Down Low Debate 226

The Big Down Low Lie 236

The Down Low Way of Knowledge 244

Black Men Who Hide Sexuality Put Women At Risk 254

The Down Low On The Down Low 257

The Down Low Returns 272

Part Nine 281

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention Statistics 281

Part Ten 303

Helpful Links and References 303

Helpful Links 303

References 305

Editorial

Black Women of Concern (BWoC) is self-improvement resource group with a focus on health, wellness and the mental and physical well-being of Sisters. The group is organized by concerned professional Sisters. These Black women have a host of experiences, insights and skills which can be used as leverage to help women of color in common self-help areas.

The primary goal of BWoC is sharing important social and life related resources with women of color. The founder of the group is Nubia, author of this book. Its associating members are courageous professionals such as: lawyers, doctors, engineers, psychologists, mothers, evangelists and a host of many other noble professions.

The members of BWoC have committed to sharing their career related experiences, specialty knowledge, books and/or research findings with women of color.

BWoC brings informational value to women of color. The selected articles, brochures, books, research papers; give critical, dynamic and relevant information regarding the health, socialability, beauty and overall well-being of Black women.

A large number of Sisters either do not take the time or just do not have the time to really understand critical issues that affect our community. Without the health and wellness of Black women can we really continue to exist as a race? With that in mind - the members of BWoC have appropriated themselves as a group - and therefore take the time in place of those who are not willing, or able. Our findings are clearly documented, formatted and published with credible references, sources and links as extended resources on subject-related content.

The books sponsored by BWoC are categorized in our Self-help Resource Portal. The Portal includes, but is not limited to self-help subject related content, self-help guides, articles, research papers, documents, presentations and books.

Additionally, the Self Help Resource Portal is archived by volume, number and section type. Most of the content is immediately available via the Internet. (See the helpful links section for more information on our self-help resource portal.)

“Twenty (20) Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers” is the first volume categorized under the sex section in our resource portal. The resource portal also includes other life enhancement and/or threatening self-help topics, including many of which have been proven to be of great concern for women of color. To that end, the resource portal includes poignant subjects such as health, stress prevention, marriage and relationships, parenting strategies, weight loss, and diseases that are known to be specifically devastating to women of color.

The subjects are thoroughly reviewed by five organizational members for the approval of publication in our resource portal. This review process is intended to ensure that books, journals and articles are delivered in a concise manner. Finally, the selected publications are carefully reviewed and analyzed by our board members as a final assurance that the subject matter is focused and suitable for publication and, likewise, references and/or links are credible and properly cited. Our commitment to you: To be dedicated in our quest to bring valuable resources to Sisters who want to increase their level of awareness as it relates to the issues that directly affect our livelihood.

Our primary goal is to reach Sisters worldwide in a massive effort to increase the level of knowledge for critical concerns and awareness content for Black women everywhere. As an attainable task in reaching this goal, BWoC is strategizing partnerships with other organizations with a similar focus and to publish our resource portal Internationally. This goal will allow us to broaden our reach to Sisters throughout the world, as well as the ability to offer a wider range of crucial subjects primarily targeting Black women.

Introduction

What is the Down Low? How do I tell if my man is living life on the Down Low? How do I spot a Down Low brother? These are some of the questions that are being asked by many Sisters today. The Down Low has garnered much attention these days. Why? The Down Low is said to be a secret perversity where brothers have sex with other brothers/men. Specifically, the Down Low includes any brother who is a hidden bisexual. Research shows that Down Low brothers come in all personas. Meaning: businessmen, thugs, blue collar workers, teenagers, and various ages of men. I pray that readers will have an informed and definitive understanding of the Down Low upon completion of this book.

Why is the Down Low gaining so much attention today? Because of the drastic increase in the number of Black women diagnosed with HIV. Generally, most people could really give a damn about men having sex with men as long as it doesn't affect them. In fact, MSM (Men Having Sex with Men) is very sociably

xxiii

Introduction

highlighted by frequent displays, “gay pride” slogans, parades, and/or legal cases. On the other hand, the Down Low is not so proudly hailed. Consequently, it remains very hush-hush. As such, it is referred to as the “Down Low.”

Let's get one thing straight from the beginning. This book is not intended to bash or intimidate Down Low brothers in any way. It is intended to educate and arm Sisters with facts regarding the existence of the phenomenon that is known as the Down Low. Additionally, it is to help Sisters understand the common warning signs of Down Low brothers. This is a very taboo subject and I guarantee you many Down Low brothers are not going to be happy about this book. In fact, many may be downright pissed off to the highest of pisstivity, because this type of writing could very well expose their secret sexual activities. I realize this could very well throw an author like me from the frying pan and/or directly into the fire. However, many activists and authors are willing to take that risk because of the negative consequences the Down Low has on our society and the Black community as a whole.

Now, for those wondering “Who the hell is this Sister writing about such a taboo subject?” No, I am not a Sex Therapist, nor have I had a relationship with a Down Low brother that I am aware of. Instead, I am a tenacious heterosexual Sister with the strong desire to get this urgent message to the right group of individuals; with a special emphasis on Black women.

Why did I write about this subject anyway? Being a mother and sharing my learning experiences with my children is an awesome feeling for me. It's even more awesome to see the expressions of excitement and joy on my children’s faces as they begin their journey of awakening. I was prompted to write this book when my teenage daughter was assigned a health project on the dangers of HIV. We put our heads together, and went to work on producing a great report for her health teacher. Suddenly, we came across a horrific statistic. We both glared at the computer monitor in shock and amazement, which put a halt to our light-hearted bonding time. There it was for all to see, “Black women account for over 72% of all new cases of HIV.” Confused, my daughter looked at me and asked me, “Why?” A combination of fear and concern displayed on her face. I immediately felt un-empowered. I really couldn't answer her question at that moment, but I certainly knew how to use the resources available to me; to find the best possible answer to her question. The fact that this horrible discovery included my daughter and me, made me determined as ever. The irony of this whole situation is that I’ve always been the type of Sister who could spot a bisexual man regardless of whether he was practicing, curious, or just prone to be that way. Yet my daughter never knew this was an idiosyncrasy of mine.

It was with that idiosyncratic ability, tenacity and the love for research that I began my journey. The journey ended with the completion of this book for public reading. I put in a relentless amount of time, research, tears, fears, energy, emotions, and a milestone effort to bring this important message each of you. I know many of you have heard of females who can spot a bisexual man by just looking at him? I have been labeled as this type of woman for some time now; and to my knowledge, I have yet to be wrong. To this day, many of my friends will sometimes ask me, “Girl, does he look bisexual to you?

Let me share with you a story regarding a secret down low brother. When I was about 18 years old I was introduced to a guy who was dating my sister-in-law. When I first saw him, I absolutely knew he was bisexual. I can still remember the feeling that came over me when he said hello. In those days I wasn't the type to hold my tongue and still have a hard time holding it today. My sister-in-law and I had also developed quite a friendship. I said to her later that very same day; “Girl that new guy you're dating is gay.” She was actually offended and went on to say “You're just jealous because he is handsome and has a nice sports car.” Now, this was definitely not the case at all. I could truly tell, I was 110% sure about this guy. I was only trying to look out for her best interest by expressing my immediate feeling about her new man.

To make a long story short, she found out about 13 years later that he was in fact a secret bisexual man, living life on the Down Low. She had married him by this time and they shared two beautiful children together. She found out that his best friend was not only his friend, but also his lover of many years. The saddest part of all is both he and his lover have since died of AIDS. She and her children are still testing negative, however, the testing and fear of the possibility continue for her and her children each and everyday.

Remarkably, she really did love her husband unconditionally, thereby taking care of him until his dying day. She even pushed him around in his wheelchair when he was no longer able to stand or walk. She called me one day out of the blue after he died and said; “You were right about what you told me years ago and I'm sorry I did not listen to you back then and most of all I'm sorry for accusing you of being jealous.” With this type of situation, “I told you so” was not an option. I told her I would pray for her and her children and she was a hell of a woman for having the strength and courage to live up to the “until death do us part” portion of her marriage vows.

If it is not socially acceptable to call my intuition “a gay radar,” then please forgive me. Because I can certainly say that I have a gaydar with me at all times. Now, this is but one example, however, many other situations have followed to substantiate my self proclaimed gay radar belief. People often ask me questions like - Do you think it is a gift? Do you think God gave you this intuition as a messenger for others? Just how can you be so sure? Have you ever been wrong about a guy? Well, it's not something that I have been successful in describing to my family members, friends, associates, or even interested strangers. To me, it seems that my explanation of how I can tell is clear; but some of the strange looks I've received tells me otherwise. Although, I have had some of my girlfriends say, “Oh, I can see what you're saying now, girl.” This said, while we are trying to look as inconspicuous as possible; staring a brother down from head to toe. I can't say for sure if it’s a gift from God. But, I can say that if God gave me any type of gift, he did not start or stop with me. I sincerely believe that we all have a God-given gift, however, using plain common sense, resources, experiences and being very cognitive of your surroundings are primary ingredients for a higher level of awareness.