Dating/Courtship Conversation Starters
Your Spiritual Life
1. How did you get saved?
2. What are you most thankful for about your spiritual background?
3. What do you regret about your spiritual upbringing?
4. When do you feel closest to God?
5. What’s your favorite Bible verse?
6. Favorite Bible translation?
7. What does a typical devotional time look like for you?
8. When were you water baptized? What do you remember about that day?
9. How did you get filled with the Spirit?
10. What is your favorite way to reach out tot the lost?
11. Who is the first person you ever led to the Lord?
12. How long have you been a member of your current fellowship?
13. What are your motivational gifts? Strongest/weakest?
14. Which fruit of the Spirit do you need to grow in? Which are strongest in you?
15. What are your spiritual strengths?
16. What is your father’s understanding of Christianity? How would you describe your father’s personal character?
17. What is your mother’s understanding of Christianity? How would you describe your mother’s personal character?
18. Recognizing we are all imperfect, in what one or two areas do you think God wants you to improve most?
19. Do you have a teachable spirit? Can you cite any examples?
Your Relationships
1. Describe your relationship with your father.
2. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
3. Describe your relationship with your mother.
4. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
5. How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
6. Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
7. Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
8. Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
9. Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
10. In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
11. How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?
12. Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
13. Are you ever manipulative of others?
14. What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
15. What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
16. Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of that relationship, how long ago, the situation, and how did you handle it?
Personal Habits Affecting Marriage
1. What are your beliefs regarding diet? Are your eating habits disciplined? Do you have any food dislikes? Are you a vegetarian?
2. Have you ever had a weight problem?
3. Do you have any physical or mental disabilities or diseases? Any allergies? Prior or current health problems?
4. Do you drink alcohol? If so, what and how often? What are your views on alcohol?
5. Do you smoke? What are your views on smoking?
6. Are your spending habits disciplined? Do you tithe? What is your view of debt?
7. How would you describe your work ethic? Do you have a high standard of excellence? Do you tend to be either slothful or a workaholic? How many hours per week do you work?
8. Do you travel with your job? If so, how often? Do you see this changing in your future?
9. If a relocation were offered to you by an employer, would you consider it? What would you weigh when considering such a move?
10. What is your discipline in studying?
11. Do you read regularly, and if so, what? Who is your favorite author? Outside the Bible, what would be your five favorite non-fiction books? Five favorite fiction books?
12. What are your habits regarding sleeping? Are you lethargic? Are your sleep habits irregular?
13. Do you follow a regular schedule? Are you organized?
14. Would you consider yourself neat or messy?
15. What is your level of personal cleanliness and hygiene?
16. Do you have any personal habits that might annoy others?
Marital Roles
1. If you already subscribe to the concept of courtship, give me your definition of it.
2. Do you tend to be more of a leader or follower in life? Can you cite any examples?
3. In making decisions, what role does God’s Word play?
4. What is your attitude toward women? What is their purpose?
5. What is your view on the role of a wife/husband?
6. What are your views on women working outside the home?
7. What are your views concerning divorce and remarriage?
8. How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?
9. What has been your prior experience with dating and romance? (be careful not to share intimate details—if you end up not marrying the person, you don’t want them to know your detailed past)
10. What is your stand on abortion? What about in the case of rape?
11. How do you relate to children? How often are you around children?
12. What are your thoughts regarding birth control and family planning?
13. How many children do you hope to have?
14. What is your attitude toward adopting children?
15. What are your views on child discipline?
16. What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?
17. When you fail someone, what actions do you take to rectify the situation?
18. Are you honest? Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?
19. How have you prepared yourself for marriage?
20. In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?
21. What does “leave and cleave” mean to you? Are you prepared to put your husband/wife first, before all others, including your parents? Give me an example of what this may look like to you.
Moral Standards
1. What are your standards of propriety in dress? How do you dress?
2. Describe your standards of dress for women?
3. Do you use offensive language?
4. Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?
5. What kind of music do you prefer? What kind of music would you find offensive?
6. What are your views on pornography?
7. What do you think about homosexuality?
8. Do you currently use any type of drugs? Have you in your past?
9. Do you have any financial debt?
10. Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
11. What tendencies do you have toward prejudice or racism?
12. Have you ever had periods of rebellion?
Miscellaneous Discussion Starters
1. What you like to do for "fun" what why that is enjoyable for you
2. What it was like growing up in your hometown/in your family
3. The experiences that had a positive affect on you, and how they affected you
4. An experience that influenced you to make a change in your life or a decision about the future
5. What you think is your greatest strength, and greatest weakness
6. What you feel you really need to work on before you can achieve your full potential
7. Your tastes in food, clothing, furniture, artwork, and music
8. How you get along with different personality types
9. The things that get you angry or depressed, and how you react when you’re angry or depressed
10. How you handle frustration
11. Something that fascinates or excites you
12. How you handle challenges
13. What makes you really happy
14. How you define a true friend
15. What is your attitude toward pets? Indoor? Outdoor?
16. What are your political leanings?
17. What is your general attitude toward civil government?
18. What is (are) your favorite sources for news?
19. What are your interests, hobbies, talents?
20. What are your income producing (vocational) skills?
21. What is your attitude toward family (home) business?
22. What do you value most highly in life? What next?
23. What do you tend to do in your spare time?
24. What is your involvement in sports? Do you participate, attend games, watch it on TV? To what extent? What sports do you like?
25. What are your thoughts on alternative medicine?
26. What are your thoughts on immunizations?
27. What is the role of psychology in the life of a Christian?
28. Do you prefer to live in the city, suburbs, town, or country; farm, seaside, mountains, or desert? Why?
29. Describe a typical week in your life from start to finish.
Your Future
1. Can you describe your life purpose, i.e., how you intend to use your interests, experiences, skills, and talents to serve and glorify God?
2. What role would your husband/wife and children play in your life purpose?
3. What role would your job/career play in your life purpose?
4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In 20 years?
5. Where do you see yourself spiritually in 10 years? In 20 years?
6. When the Lord calls you home, how would you like people to remember you?
Expectations
1. Do you have a personal timetable for marriage? If so, what is it?
2. What type of education are you hoping that your future wife will have?
3. List the five most important characteristics of a husband/wife (for you personally).
The “Eight Great Dates” are:
1. The Story of Me – Share childhood memories, photos, etc.
2. Who’s Cooking Tonight? – Plan and cook a meal together
3. Do You Boggle? – Play a competitive game together
4. Sunday Morning Surprise – Visit a church together
5. It Takes Two – Do a craft project together
6. Kids on the Loose – Babysit a large family of kids together
7. Show Me the Money – Find the best dinner for under $10
8. Still Going Strong – Have lunch or dinner with a longtime married couple
Sample #1 – The Story of Me
The Date: Each person gets one evening to share his or her baby book or other photos and reminisce about his or her story from arrival to now
The Conversation: Discuss best memories, worst memories, old friends, teachers. Use the questions as prompters to get to know each other before you met.
Tips: Some of us have had less than happy childhoods. Don’t pressure for more or deeper information than the other wants to share. This should be a fun time, so far as possible. Emphasize the positive, and celebrate God’s hand at work in and through your pasts.
Welcome to the world
9. Where were you born, and what were the circumstances?
10. How did you get your name and why?
11. How did the rest of the family receive you?
12. Were you cute, funny-looking, sweet or cranky, active or quiet?
Off to school (and other adventures)
• What are your earliest memories?
• How did you handle the first day of school?
• Who were you favorite teachers and subjects?
• Who were you best friends?
• How were you disciplined?
• How did you get along with parents?
• What did you dream of becoming when you were little?
Deeper questions for you and me…
• When did you first put your faith in Jesus?
• What were the saddest and happiest points in your childhood?
• How did you change during adolescence and high school?
• Looking back now, how did you see God at work in your life to now?