> In this session you'll be seeing the work from an Adlerian therapy perspective and I want you to assume that this is our second session of Adlerian therapy. Last session, let's assume that I worked with the lifestyle assessment for Stan and we primarily worked on Stan's family constellation in the Adlerian framework last week focusing a lot on Stan's relationship with his father, his mother, and his brother and his sister. And in this session you'll be seeing is focusing more on a continuation of his lifestyle assessment, but we're going to be working with early recollections primarily and may be some early decisions that Stan made based on some of these earlier experiences and early recollections. Stan last week we did a lifestyle assessment and we focused as you remember on mother, father, and your brother and sister, Frank and Judie and at the end of that session I asked you to think about and may be even write down some of your early memories. Were you able to do that?
> Stan: Yeah, yeah I was.
> How was it to do that, to think about that even?
> Stan: It was good, it was very interesting for me. I've, I've actually remembered more than I thought I was going to and farther back than I thought I was going to.
> You did?
> Yeah.
> Aha. Well what I'd like to do is gather a number of those early recollections going back as far as you can.
> Stan: Okay.
> They can be brief, but just like flashes, memories. What were some of the earliest recollections you had?
> Stan: I think the earliest one was may be and must have been, I can't believe it but may be a year and a half old and I was learning to walk and I had this little walker with wheels and there was glass brick wall on our house, so it was you can see through it and I was trying to push the walker think through the glass brick, I couldn't get where I wanted to go. I was pushing against it. So that's my early, I think that's my earliest memory.
> Hmm, one year and a half.
> Stan: Uh huh. Should I give more?
> Sure you have another one, again going back as far as you can. We're just going to work on order.
> Stan: How much old I was. I may have been 2 or 3 years old and we had just gotten a new TV in the house and my parents kept telling me, stop playing with the knobs on the TV, but I loved the knobs. I would turn them in and turn them over, I would like to see that they were changing the channel and one day I was doing that and my mom caught me and she came in and she hit me on the hand and I mean it wasn't a, she didn't hit me hard but it scared me and I started crying and my father came in and you know started making a lot of loud noise and bellowing and I remember being really scared.
> Hmm.
> Stan: Let's see more memories. The next one I think may be I was 4 or 5 years old and my parents want me to go to preschool and I remember it must have been in the middle of the year or something because when I went, I went in the morning and they were doing the pledge of allegiance and all of the kids knew pledge of allegiance but I didn't and I remember standing there bawling my eyes up because I did not know the pledge of allegiance and everybody else did and I couldn't find my mother, I couldn't find my dad and I remember just thinking that I was so stupid that everybody knew this and I didn't.
> Hmm, yeah. That's good. You came up with three. Can you keep going? I'd be interested in hearing as many as you can come up with.
> Stan: Sure, sure. I think may be I was 5 years old and it was my mother's birthday and I had been going around the neighborhood and I found this elephant statue in somebody's trash and I thought this would be a great present for my mother. So I brought it home and I put it up in the top shelf of my closet. I climbed upon a chair and I put it up there and I hid it from my mom. A couple of weeks later, my mom's birthday came and they were giving her presents and I ran back in my bedroom, got upon the chair and I went to reach to get the elephant, it fell and it cracked on top my head and I had all of this like I don't know it was some sort of plaster all over me and I started crying because it didn't hurt but because I thought I was going to get in trouble and of course my mom came in and she saw that I made this big mess and I of course then got in trouble. That was a disaster.
> Hmm, yeah. So others.
> Stan: Let's see. When I was, this was not so fun. When I was may be 6, I came across these kids who had this little kitten and they were throwing it, they were trying to throw it on the roof of the school and I tried to stop them and I couldn't stop them, I kept trying to get them to stop throwing the kitten up on the roof and the roof was so high, they couldn't, they couldn't throw it hard enough to get it up there and the kitten kept hitting the ground and I remember trying to fight them and just being completely powerless, they were much bigger than me and they just kept laughing at me and I just remember this kitten being hurt and just feeling so totally helpless. Actually that one just came to me, I didn't think about that one until just now.
> Well may be tell me a little bit about how did that affect you bringing that memory back.
> Stan: I'm surprised that how much feeling is there. It was stupid little kitten, but I just couldn't.
> What kind of feeling is there as you report this?
> Stan: It's really sad.
> Sad.
> Stan: Uh, huh.
> And could you say something about that sadness.
> Stan: Ah... I think it's just the, the helplessness, the helplessness of it, really I don't know. I think about me as a little boy, you know trying to fight those kids and there was nothing I could do about it.
> You were helpless in that.
> Stan: Uh huh, yeah.
> What was it like to be able to report all those early memories, remember them as you just did?
> Stan: Surprising.
> Surprising.
> Stan: Ah, ha.
> Anything particularly surprising?
> Stan: Well just, ooh, it was like when the, the other ones were kind of fun for me to, to come back upon them and this one just came up right now and it, it really hit me like I was very surprised.
> Aha. Well, let's stay with that for a moment. What hit you, do you suppose?
> Stan: Just how helpless.
> Helpless. Aha. You know if you think about may be a decision you made when you were of that age. What that about six you said?
> Stan: Yeah, I think so.
> Okay. What decision you might have made at that point in time?
> Stan: About myself or about?
> Well, about the world may be, about others, about yourself?
> Stan: Nothing I do is going to matter.
> Okay, so you really wanted to rescue the kitten it sounded like, but somehow you weren't able to be powerful enough to prevail.
> Stan: Right.
> And that they laughed at you too?
> Stan: Right.
> Aha. So do you suppose and doesn't have to be right. Do you suppose there was any conclusion that you formed at that young age about how the world is? Were you able to see any themes in that, any common denominators there?
> Stan: Well the one that's stands out the most is I'm always screwing up somehow and then... I'm always you know making some sort of a mess or some sort of a problem.
> Uh, huh. You know what if you had to kind of look at those early memories and think that may be I made a decisions surrounding each of those memories, can you see how may be way back then from one and a half to 6 or 7, can you see how may be some of those pertain to you today?
> Stan: Oh Jeez. Ah, yeah.
> Like what do you see when you?
> Stan: Ah, well the, the whole not being able to make a difference, I remember feeling that way in my marriage all the time.
> So not being able to make a difference.
> Stan: And with my dad all the time.
> Is that the helpless feeling that you're?
> Stan: Helpless is probably a better way of saying it yeah.
> Because you said you felt helpless with several of those early memories.
> Stan: Yeah, like completely out of control in that, just helpless kind of a way.
> Any other things you could look at in terms of the memories you gave?
> Stan: Well, as you're talking, stupid comes up.
> Stupid?
> Stan: Yeah, the idea of, I was thinking about how many times in my memories I felt stupid. Yeah.
> Like one of them was that you didn't knew the pledge of allegiance.
> Stan: Right.
> But the other kids did.
> Stan: Right.
> And that was then and there at an early age even before well first school experience. Do you feel that today too you think?
> Stan: Ah, pretty much yeah, yeah. I find myself feeling stupid a lot.
> So do you suppose that sometimes may be you tell yourself certain things that you made way back as a child? Like for example, I'll never get it right, is that one or basically helpless. I can't make a difference so why try? I'm hearing some of those in that.
> Stan: Yeah. Yeah. That's that way I feel most of the time.
> See I think in our sessions I'm really looking at some if you want to call it basic mistakes that most of us make in early childhood and our logic and our way of thinking, you know that somehow I wasn't able to help and rescue that kitten, therefore I'm helpless. You know, if I can't save everybody then I'm helpless. If I make one mistake like with the pledge of allegiance I must be totally stupid. And I wonder how many of the early recollections really give us a clue to how you're struggling in your life today.
> Stan: Well, as you're talking I'm thinking you said the early recollection I'm thinking Jeez you know my early recollections are you know me opening a Christmas present, there's something like that and everybody being happy, it's me dumping a stupid elephant statue on my head or me not knowing the pledge of allegiance.
> Aha. So most of them are sad in some way.
> Stan: Oh, embarrassing yeah.
> Embarrassing, okay. Like I'm remembering one about your mother, she slapped your hand and your father was in that picture too. So this is helping seeing and listening to your early recollections and seeing what we talked about last week, particularly in reviewing your lifestyle assessment, I'm seeing some pattern shape up and one pattern is I'll never quite get it right, that's one pattern I'm noticing. And then no matter how hard I try, may be some day I'll get it perfect, I'm hearing that too.
> Stan: Maybe.
> And then my father might come around when I get it perfect. And you laughed.
> Stan: May be.
> You laughed with that one. So do you think there's anything you could do to get your father would come around and your mother for that?
> Stan: Well, one of the things that I'm doing is trying to get my degree. Got, went back to school and I think that if I get my degree, I'm the only kid in my family that I don't, that doesn't have a degree and I think if I did that that may be they would you know respect me a little bit more, respect me like they do Frank and Judy at least.
> Okay, so basic ten out of your life is when I get my degree then they'll finally treat me as I want to be treated?
> Stan: I'm sure I find some way to screw it up, but.
> Oh, you will?
> Stan: Yeah, I'll find a way somehow. I didn't say that jokingly but I really, I, I feel that most of the times things aren't going to work out.
> So that sounds like a theme song in your life in a way, an undercurrent that all, I'll screw it up. I'm kind of helpless.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Yeah and I'm hoping that you know maybe you can reflect on that, you can think about that and that we can do some changing over some of those basic beliefs in here.
> Stan: I don't know how, but that sounds good.
> Right. Well I think you're already taking some of those important steps by seeing what you did as a child and seeing how some of that carries over into your life today. Now you know we're always looking this way of thinking about the future where you're moving toward, rather than where you've been. As you look forward and think about where you want to be, you have any hopes that really stand out?
> Stan: Well, I mean I would like to be able to not mess things up or feel more confident about what I'm doing in my life. I don't feel very confident.
> So some day you hope to get to a place where you're confident and not mess up?
> Stan: Right.
> And you know I have a hope for you that you'd be able to have the courage to accept imperfection. You just raised your eyebrow on that one. What do you think?
> Stan: I think I understand what you're getting at.
> What am I trying to get at?
> Stan: Well I was thinking when you said that that I've been accepting imperfection for a long time but then I realized I haven't really been accepting it. It's been a frustration for me.
> Well I'm, another way of saying is I'm hoping you can make mistakes and not be quite so critical on, of, with yourself and kind of say okay I can make mistakes, but I can still get to where I want to get.
> Stan: Yeah, that'd be nice.
> Yeah, so I hope the more we talk, the more you'll see a clearer past that you want to move toward to and be open to may be revising some of your early memories. I appreciate your willingness to say what was on your mind. I know that's not easy and I appreciate you being willing to do that in here.
> Stan: Thanks.
> In this session I was continuing the lifestyle assessment with Stan. The week before we focused on father, mother and siblings, one very important part of a lifestyle assessment is the early recollections and Adler believed that what we remember from our childhood says a lot about our current and our past, but he called lifestyle and really early recollections are like a metaphor of our current life and you noticed I just simply asked Stan to go back as early as he could and he came up with one, one year and a half and went all the way up to about age 6. Sometimes you might ask for as many as eight early recollections and I didn't interpret anyone of them as we were going on but just asking him to remember back as far as you could go. Again, I'm filing a lot of this away and that at different points are work in the future, I would want to come back to some of the things that Stan disclosed here. For example, his feeling of, of being in a walker and not being somewhat frustrated at that moment, embarrassment, times of embarrassment, times of helplessness and you noticed particularly there was shift when he remembered the scene with the kittens and the boys throwing the kitten on the roof. I was very aware that it touched something emotionally in Stan and again I made the decision since this was only our second session not to go particularly deeper into say stay with that, but I wanted to give him an opportunity to continue and give me as many early recollections as he could. But I definitely wanted to come back to that to particularly when he said I felt helpless and you notice I asked Stan to say something about how his early experiences might be played out in his everyday life today. My guess is that Stan made some decisions that may have been the best he could have made at the time, but maybe some of these decisions may not be serving him today, some of these early recollections and actually early decisions maybe really getting in his way of getting what he wants like I'm never getting it right, I'm never quite pleasing people, I'm never able to really get beyond my basic feelings of helplessness. So we're really looking at Stan's way of viewing the world, his basic beliefs, his thinking because I'm assuming that in this frame of reference the Adlerian frame of reference that the way he thinks will affect how he feels. So in our upcoming sessions we'll be talking a lot about his beliefs, his core beliefs and how that may be playing out and I would certainly want to come back to feeling that this brings out and how this is affecting his behavior too. But we don't do all of these necessarily in the second session. We're still gathering data and getting a picture of how Stan is in his world today.