Cicero’s On Friendship

10/28/2018

Prepared by Taylor Black

Overview of Entire Work:

On Friendship is written in dialogue form, the interlocutors were all friends of Cicero. This work is very Roman in nature, though informed by Grecian and Asian thought, and would be considered the epitome of how a noble Roman would view much of life. Cicero is not interested in ideal friendship, but rather understanding friendship in an everyday sort of way that is most helpful to the man on the street, as it were. As such he has a few main tenants but the books is primarily a study of friendship in relation to being a friend directly, a book of maxims and recommendations.

Detailed Explanation:

Part I:

  1. Introduction, explains format and dramatis personae: Fannius, Scaevola, & Laelius.
  2. Setup for the discussion of Friendship, Fannius explains that Laelius is considered wise. Wisdom is defined as “looking upon yourself and self-sufficing and regarding the changes and chances of mortal life as powerless to affect your virtue.” That being the case, F&S ask, how did he handle the death of his good friend Scipio Africanus (the Younger)? L apparently even missed a governmental meeting around the time of the death. L explains that he missed the meeting because he was ill, not because of the death of his friend and that a man should never be remiss with regard to a duty. He also mentions that he has doubts as to whether anyone can be wise, but if anyone is wise, their wisdom should be based on their deeds, not their words.
  3. L continues saying that he was indeed affected by the death of his friend Scipio “as I think there will never be again, such as I can fearlessly say there never was before.” He is circumspect about this loss however, for “To Scipio I am convinced no evil has befallen: mine is the disaster, if disaster there be; and to be severely distressed at one’s own misfortunes does not show that you love your friend, but that you love yourself.” L goes on to relate Scipio’s achievements and states that he had a life anyone would be proud of. L also conjectures that such a life would lead to the gods rather than to Hades.
  4. L continues, “For I am not one of these modern philosophers who maintain that our souls perish with our bodies and that death ends all. He holds with ancient tradition and older Greek philosophy. “If, however, the truth rather is that the body and soul perish together, and that no sensation remains, then though there is nothing good in death, at least there is nothing bad. Remove sensation, and a man is exactly as though he had never been born; and yet that this man was born is a joy to me, and will be a subject to rejoicing to this State to its last hour.” Despite Scipio being gone, L states that, “such is the pleasure I take in recalling our friendship, that I look upon my life as having been a happy one because I have spent it with Scipio.” F&S request a fuller account of friendship.
  5. L assents but states that he has no formal training in philosophy and that the most he can do is to “urge on you to regard friendship as the greatest thing in the world; for there is nothing which so fits in our nature, or is so exactly what we want in prosperity of adversity.” He continues by saying that “friendship can only exist between good men.” He explains that he is not going to press to superfluously accurate definitions for those that do “have truth on their side, perhaps, but it is of no practical advantage.” Gives a working definition of “good people” as “those whose actions and lives leave no question as to their honor, purity, equity, and liberality; who are free from greed, lust, and violence; and who have the courage of their convictions… that to the best of human ability they follow nature as the most perfect guide to a good life.” He draws a distinction between relationship and friendship saying that affection is necessary for friendship, but not for relationship.
  6. L defines friendship as “a complete accord on all subjects human and divine, joined with mutual good will and affection.”With the exception of wisdom, nothing better has been given by the gods to mortal man. Some say the chief good is in virtue, but virtue is the parent and preserver of friendship, and without it, friendship cannot possibly exist. Again L makes note that he is not using a precise definition of virtue, but a sort of common man’s definition, and even lists a few names of a few people who are generally considered virtuous: Nick, Jen, Paul, Veronica, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, DJ Tiesto, to name a few. L goes on to describe the advantages and delights of friendship.
  7. L explains that as many are the blessings of friendship, the chief blessing is this: “that it gives us bright hopes for the future and forbids weakness and despair. In the face of a true friend, a man sees as it were a second self. So that where his friend is he is; if his friend be rich, he is not poor; though he be weak, his friend’s strength is his; and in his friend’s life he enjoys a second life after his own is finished.” Ends Part I by saying that there cannot be much more to say on Friendship and if there is, he cannot say it, but F&S persuade him on.

Part II

  1. L continues his discourse on Friendship, saying that friendship has its basis in love and any utility gained from friendship is secondary for by its nature friendship “admits of no feigning, no pretence: as far as it goes it is both genuine and spontaneous.” Notes the parallel of animal feeling and gives examples from history of great friendships and hatreds.
  2. Goodness is what excites the desire for friendship. Friendship is not based on a lack, a need for friendship, but rather it is “when a man’s confidence in himself is greatest, when he is so fortified by virtue and wisdom as to want nothing and to feel absolutely self-dependant, it is then that he is most conspicuous for seeking out and keeping up friendships.” L again assures us that just “as we are not beneficent and liberal with any view of extorting gratitude, and do not regard an act of kindness as an investment, but follow a natural inclination to liberality, so we look on friendship as worth trying for, not because we are attracted to it by the expectation of ulterior gain, but in the conviction that what it has to give us is from first to last included in the feeling itself.”L explains that any other basis for friendship is impossible and results in some other kind of relationship.
  3. L recalls the many conversations on friendship between Scipio and himself, noting that they both agreed that the hardest thing in friendship is to keep it alive through life’s trials and vagaries. Scipio is quoted as saying, “in fact, these fatalities overhang friendship in such numbers that it requires not only wisdom but good luck also to escape them all.”
  4. The question arises, how far should friendship be granted in relation to the moral life? Would you kill, drive one’s friend to the airport at 4am in the morning or “set fire to the Capitol” for friendship? Frames the question concretely in the context of recent attempts on the safety of the Republic.
  5. Answers the question in 11 by laying down a rule of friendship: “neither ask nor consent to do what is wrong. For the plea “for friendship’s sake” is a discreditable one, and not to be admitted for a moment.” Again, further context for F&S.
  6. The first law of friendship is “that we should ask from friends, and do for friends only what is good. But do not let us wait to be asked either: let there be ever an eager readiness, and an absence of hesitation. Let us have the courage to give advice with candor. In friendship, let the influence of friends who give good advice be paramount; and let this influence be used to enforce advice not only in plain=spoken terms, but sometimes, if the case demands it, with sharpness; and when so used, let it be obeyed.” Denial of friendships of utility as a basis for friendship and the absence of friendship as possible.
  7. L reiterates, “The clear indication of virtue, to which a mind of like character is naturally attracted, is the beginning of friendship.” Further castigation of the theory that utility is the basis for friendship, rather “it is not friendship that follows material advantage, but material advantage friendship.”
  8. Material goods are not the basis for a happy life, indeed the only examples we have are of tyrants and they (especially in Roman culture) have terribly unhappy lives.
  9. What is the appropriate limit for friendship? How much should we love our friends? L notes three common views: as much as ourselves, exactly the same as they love us, as much as they love themselves. The first is incorrect because many actions are inappropriate on one’s own behalf, but quite acceptable on another’s behalf. The second is too mercenary to be tenable or to be recognized as friendship. The third is inappropriate because friendship requires lifting the other’s spirits occasionally or bolstering the friend’s idea of self-worth. Final note in this chapter is that it is impossible to love someone with the view that you may someday hate them (the anti-prenuptial agreement argument).
  10. The key to real friendship is to be able to discern a person’s character and to pursue as friends those who are of high virtue and with whom one can have harmony.

Part III: A sort of guidebook for friendship

  1. Loyalty is what makes for a lasting friendship. A lasting friend must not be duplicitous or blind to another’s faults.
  2. Don’t let youth or age affect your decision as to whom to choose for friends.
  3. Be wise in choosing your friends, not letting affection play too much of a role, letting youths grow into their full character. Also do not tout your powers and benefits once they are made known to your friends. They can count on your without you having to constantly remind them of your attributes.
  4. Friendships sometimes end, and in that case break it off sooner rather than later, to “unstitch” the friendship rather than be torn. Do your best to maintain friendships, but if they break make the break natural rather than violent, and remain on good terms. Someone worthy of friendship is one with whom you can blend well.
  5. There is a balance in choosing friends, between affection and reason, but in the beginning be sure to choose a friend based more on reason than love.
  6. Without friendship there is no life, thus it behooves a person to not be careless in choosing and maintaining friendships.
  7. Love should be the guiding force in dialogue so as not to let a friend fall to his ruin by too much compliance, or to drive her away by too much plain speaking.
  8. Be truthful and not duplicitous or a flatterer.
  9. There ought to be no oratory between friends, but close trust and mutual affection.
  10. Virtue creates and preserves friendship. Virtue is first but next to it and to it alone the greatest of all things is friendship.