1
00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:45,117
By THE WAY, THAT'S ME, 6'1", 46-INCH CHEST,
2
00:01:45,117 --> 00:01:47,119
16-INCH BICEPS, 28-INCH WAIST.
3
00:01:47,119 --> 00:01:49,121
A VERITABLE GOD...
4
00:01:49,121 --> 00:01:49,621
I WISH.
5
00:01:51,624 --> 00:01:53,626
OKAY, THAT'S ME.
6
00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:56,630
MICHAEL NOVOTNY, THE SEMI-CUTE "BOY NEXT DOOR" TYPE.
7
00:01:56,630 --> 00:02:01,636
29, 5'10", 140. 9-12 CUT; ALL RIGHT, SO I EXAGGERATE,
8
00:02:01,636 --> 00:02:04,139
BUT LIKE, WHO'S TOLD THE TRUTH SINCE THEY INVENTED CYBERSEX?
10
00:02:06,641 --> 00:02:10,146
WHEN DID '70s NIGHT BECOME '80s NIGHT?
11
00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:12,148
I REMEMBER THIS SONG FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
12
00:02:12,148 --> 00:02:13,650
TALK ABOUT FEELING ANCIENT.
13
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:16,153
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, HONEY, I WAS A MERE CHILD.
14
00:02:16,653 --> 00:02:19,657
THOSE ARE MY TWO BUDDIES, TED AND EMMETT.
15
00:02:19,657 --> 00:02:23,661
GIVE ME THOSE DIVAS OF DISCO ANY DAY. GLORIA GAYNOR.
16
00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:24,663
DONNA SUMMER.
17
00:02:24,663 --> 00:02:26,165
AND MISS ALISHA BRIDGES.
18
00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:28,167
OH!
22
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,177
O-OH... MY GOD.
23
00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:37,678
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL?
24
00:02:38,179 --> 00:02:40,181
VENICE, AT SUNSET.
25
00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:42,184
FINE, YOU GO DOWN THE GRANDCANAL,
26
00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,685
I'LL GO DOWN ON HIM.
27
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,687
O-OH-H-H!
28
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,690
EMMETT CAN BE A LITTLE CAMPY.
29
00:02:48,191 --> 00:02:50,193
OKAY, A LOT CAMPY. BUT YOU GOT TO ADMIT,
30
00:02:50,193 --> 00:02:53,197
IT TAKES REAL GUTS TO BE A QUEEN IN A WORLD FULL OF COMMONERS.
31
00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:55,199
THE PROBLEM WITH PERFECTION
32
00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:56,700
IS ITS INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE
33
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,703
ANYTHING LESS PERFECT THAN ITSELF.
34
00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:00,205
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HIT ON HIM
35
00:03:00,705 --> 00:03:01,706
AND HE TURNED YOU DOWN.
36
00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:04,710
YEAH.
37
00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:08,214
TED'S THIS REALLY SMART GUY AND HE'S GOT A REALLY BIG HEART.
38
00:03:08,214 --> 00:03:11,218
ONLY, NOBODY HERE IS INTERESTED IN THE SIZE OF THAT ORGAN.
39
00:03:11,218 --> 00:03:12,719
WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME
40
00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:14,722
STARING AT A BUNCH OF OVER-PUMPED PRINCESSES
41
00:03:14,722 --> 00:03:17,225
WITH iqs SMALLER THAN THEIR WAIST...
42
00:03:17,225 --> 00:03:19,227
JESUS, LOOK AT HIM.
43
00:03:19,227 --> 00:03:21,230
LIKE I SAID, IT'S ALL ABOUT SEX.
44
00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:23,232
EXCEPT WHEN YOU'RE HAVING IT.
45
00:03:23,232 --> 00:03:25,734
AND THEN IT'S ALL ABOUT, "WILL HE STAY?" "WILL HE GO?"
46
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,737
"HOW AM I DOING?" "WHAT AM I DOING?"
47
00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:30,240
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE...
48
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,241
BRIAN KINNEY.
49
00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:35,746
AND THEN IT'S, "WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK?
50
00:03:35,746 --> 00:03:38,250
YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE ME."
52
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,764
I'LL GET BRIAN.
55
00:04:18,297 --> 00:04:20,299
HEY, TODD, HOW'S IT GOING? FINE.
57
00:04:25,305 --> 00:04:26,806
WE NEED TO GO.
58
00:04:26,806 --> 00:04:28,809
WE WANT TO EAT.
59
00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:30,311
I'M JUST GOING TO GIVE HIM MY NUMBER.
60
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,812
WHAT'D YOU DO, WRITE IT ON YOUR DICK?
61
00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:34,816
HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?
62
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,822
10 MINUTES, TOPS.
65
00:04:51,836 --> 00:04:53,338
HMM, BRUNO.
66
00:04:53,338 --> 00:04:55,841
LO-OVE YOUR OUTFIT.
67
00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:57,843
NOT EVERYONE CAN WEAR TANGERINE.
68
00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:01,848
HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO WAIT? I'VE GOT TO WORK IN THE MORNING.
69
00:05:01,848 --> 00:05:03,350
WHO DOESN'T? HE SAID HE'D BE RIGHT OUT.
70
00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:04,851
YEAH, WE'VE ALL HEARD THAT BEFORE.
71
00:05:04,851 --> 00:05:06,353
THIS IS SOME GREAT SYSTEM HE'S GOT.
72
00:05:06,853 --> 00:05:08,856
HE GETS TO PARTY ALL NIGHT AND YOU DRIVE HIM HOME.
73
00:05:09,357 --> 00:05:11,359
IT'S NO BIG DEAL, OKAY?
74
00:05:11,359 --> 00:05:13,362
HMM. DON'T LOOK NOW BUT, UH,
75
00:05:13,362 --> 00:05:14,863
SOMEBODY'S WATCHING.
76
00:05:18,368 --> 00:05:20,870
OH, HIM. HE HAS BEEN CRUISING ME ALL NIGHT.
77
00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:22,872
HMM, PLAYING HARD TO GET.
78
00:05:22,872 --> 00:05:23,873
I LOVE THAT IN A MAN.
79
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:26,877
NOT PLAYING, JUST NOT INTERESTED.
80
00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:28,879
CHECK OUT THAT BUBBLE BUTT.
81
00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:30,382
AND THAT BASKET.
82
00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:32,384
ENOUGH IN THERE FOR THE BIG, BAD WOLF.
83
00:05:32,384 --> 00:05:34,886
WOULD YOU QUIT STARING?
84
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,889
THERE'S MORE TO A GUY THAN HIS COCK SIZE.
85
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,391
HMM.
86
00:05:38,891 --> 00:05:40,894
LOOK AT THAT!
87
00:05:40,894 --> 00:05:43,897
OR HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED ASS.
88
00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:45,899
WHICH IS WHY YOU READ ALL THOSE COMIC BOOKS
89
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,403
WITH THOSE SUPER-HEROES IN THEIR LITTLE TIGHTS...
90
00:05:48,903 --> 00:05:49,904
FOR THE PLOT.
91
00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:51,906
I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT INTERESTED.
92
00:05:51,906 --> 00:05:52,908
MAYBE JUST FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD BE.
93
00:05:53,409 --> 00:05:54,410
SHOW A CERTAIN SOMEONE
94
00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:56,412
HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SCORE.
101
00:06:33,956 --> 00:06:35,458
'SCUSE ME.
102
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:37,461
UH, COULD YOU TELL ME, LIKE,
103
00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:38,962
WHERE'S A GOOD PLACE TO GO?
104
00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,965
DEPENDS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
105
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,969
YOU WANT TWINKIES, GO TO BOYTOY.
106
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,971
YOU WANT LEATHER, GO TO THE MEATHOOK.
107
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,474
IF YOU WANT SNOTTY, CONCEITED ASSHOLES
108
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,977
WHO THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE, TRY PISTOL.
109
00:06:51,977 --> 00:06:53,979
IT'S KIND OF LATE TO BE OUT, THOUGH, ISN'T IT?
110
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,483
ESPECIALLY ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.
111
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,984
WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME WITH ME, HMM?
112
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,987
NO THANKS. HUH!
113
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,989
GO ON HOME TO YOUR MOMMY.
114
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,992
GO ON.
116
00:07:16,506 --> 00:07:18,509
THAT WAS QUICK.
117
00:07:18,509 --> 00:07:21,011
WELL, WHEN YOU'VE HAD AS MUCH PRACTICE AS HE'S HAD...
118
00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:23,515
I GOT BORED.
119
00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:26,518
I KNOW. GETTING YOUR DICK SUCKED CAN BE SO TEDIOUS.
120
00:07:26,518 --> 00:07:28,020
WELL, HE LOOKED PRETTY HOT TO ME.
121
00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,522
ANYBODY WOULD LOOK HOT TO YOU.
123
00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:49,545
AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
124
00:07:49,545 --> 00:07:51,548
WHEN HE CAME ALONG.
126
00:07:57,555 --> 00:08:00,057
HOW'S IT GOING?
127
00:08:00,057 --> 00:08:01,058
HAD A BUSY NIGHT?
128
00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:05,063
JUST, UH, CHECKING OUT THE BARS, YOU KNOW?
129
00:08:05,063 --> 00:08:08,067
BOYTOY, MEATHOOK.
130
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,069
THE MEATHOOK. REALLY?
131
00:08:10,069 --> 00:08:12,572
SO YOU'RE INTO LEATHER?
132
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:14,575
SURE.
133
00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:18,580
WHERE YOU HEADED?
134
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,583
NO PLACE SPECIAL.
135
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:23,084
I CAN CHANGE THAT.
136
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,588
HEY!
137
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,089
HEY! WHAT ABOUT US?
138
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,591
YOU CAN RIDE WITH TED.
139
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,594
THANKS A LOT. ASSHOLE!
140
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:37,101
WELL, IF IT ISN'T MISS RIDING HOOD AND HER BIG BASKET.
141
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:39,604
FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO STALK, I'M NOT INTERESTED.
142
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:43,609
GO HOME.
143
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,118
COMING IN?
144
00:08:52,118 --> 00:08:56,123
HUH? OH, YEAH.
145
00:08:56,624 --> 00:08:58,627
SHUT THE DOOR.
146
00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:25,658
THIS IS A... REALLY NICE PLACE.
147
00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:38,674
I LIKE YOUR KITCHEN.
148
00:09:38,674 --> 00:09:41,176
DO YOU LIKE SPECIAL K?
149
00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:44,681
IT'S OKAY. I LIKE CHEERIOS BETTER.
150
00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:49,687
I DON'T MEAN THE KIND YOU EAT WITH BANANAS.
151
00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:52,189
MY DISCO-PHARMACOLOGIST COOKS THIS UP FOR ME.
152
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:56,695
I'M REALLY ALLERGIC TO A LOT OF DRUGS.
153
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,196
THE DOCTOR GAVE ME PENICILLIN ONCE,
154
00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,698
NEARLY KILLED ME.
155
00:09:59,698 --> 00:10:01,200
AND...
156
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,702
TYLENOL. TYLENOL?
157
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:06,206
NO ONE'S ALLERGIC TO TYLENOL. TYLENOL'S WHAT THEY GIVE YOU
158
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,208
WHEN YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO EVERYTHING ELSE.
159
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,210
OH.
160
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,214
WELL, UH, CODEINE. CODEINE'S THE WORST.
161
00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:14,716
LIKE, I GET DIARRHEA
162
00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:17,219
AND START VOMITING UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE SAME TIME.
163
00:10:17,219 --> 00:10:20,222
WELL, WE'LL MAKE SURE AND KEEP THAT ONE ON THE TOP SHELF.
164
00:10:20,222 --> 00:10:22,224
OUT OF REACH.
165
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,234
SO, ARE YOU COMING OR GOING?
167
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:34,239
OR COMING AND THEN GOING?
168
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,242
OR COMING AND STAYING?
192
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:55,835
THANK YOU FOR THE LIFT.
193
00:11:56,335 --> 00:11:57,837
SEE YA. BYE.
194
00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:08,850
OH MY GOD, LOOK.
195
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:10,853
HE MUST HAVE FOLLOWED US.
196
00:12:10,853 --> 00:12:12,855
CHRIST, THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED.
197
00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:15,358
HONEY, IT'S WHAT WE ALL NEED.
198
00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:18,361
HEY! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT LAID?
199
00:12:18,361 --> 00:12:19,362
MY POINT EXACTLY.
200
00:12:19,863 --> 00:12:21,866
IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER, THEN IT'S TIME.
201
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,868
NOW, WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?
202
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,870
GO, UH, GO INVITE THE GENTLEMAN IN
203
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,873
WHILE I MAKE SURE NONE OF MY FINE WASHABLES
204
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,375
ARE HANGING IN THE TUB.
207
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,907
DON'T COME YET.
208
00:12:56,907 --> 00:12:59,911
HAH, I'LL TRY.
210
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:03,915
STOP.
212
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,424
SO, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
213
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,425
DO?
214
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,428
I DON'T KNOW.
215
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,432
WATCH TV, PLAY TOMB RAIDER.
216
00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:20,935
I MEAN IN BED.
217
00:13:20,935 --> 00:13:22,437
OH.
218
00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:25,941
THIS IS FINE.
219
00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:30,947
ARE YOU A TOP OR A BOTTOM?
220
00:13:33,449 --> 00:13:36,954
TOP... AND BOTTOM.
221
00:13:36,954 --> 00:13:38,956
OH, YOU'RE VERSATILE, THEN.
222
00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:40,458
AND AMBIDEXTROUS...
223
00:13:40,458 --> 00:13:42,460
WHICH WAS REALLY CONFUSING AT FIRST
224
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:44,964
'CAUSE I COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT WHICH HAND TO THROW WITH.
225
00:13:46,465 --> 00:13:47,967
DO YOU LIKE TO RIM?
226
00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:50,971
SURE. I LOVE IT.
227
00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:52,973
GREAT.
228
00:13:53,974 --> 00:13:56,477
GO TO IT.
229
00:13:57,478 --> 00:13:58,980
WELL?
230
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,984
UM, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN?
232
00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:07,991
YEAH?
233
00:14:07,991 --> 00:14:10,493
WHAT?
235
00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:12,495
WHEN?
236
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:14,999
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
237
00:14:14,999 --> 00:14:18,002
NO, OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT KIDDING ME. WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?
238
00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:20,505
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?
239
00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:23,008
WELL, OF COURSE I WAS OUT.
240
00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:25,511
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
241
00:14:25,511 --> 00:14:27,013
SHIT!
242
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:29,015
JESUS CHRIST! I TOLD YOU NOT TO.
243
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,018
I TRIED. I'M SORRY.
244
00:14:31,018 --> 00:14:32,519
ALL OVER MY NEW DUVET. I TRIED.
245
00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:35,022
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
246
00:14:35,022 --> 00:14:37,025
IT'LL WASH OUT, WON'T IT?
247
00:14:37,025 --> 00:14:39,027
I MEAN, YOU SHOULD SEE MY SHEETS AT HOME.
248
00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:41,530
JUST SOME KID. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
249
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:44,033
JUSTIN. JUSTIN.
250
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,535
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
251
00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:55,046
OOH, DON'T MIND ME.
252
00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:56,547
JUST, UH, CAN'T SLEEP
253
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,550
WITHOUT MY MILK AND OREOS.
254
00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:00,552
THAT'S MY FRIEND EMMETT. HE'S STAYING WITH ME TEMPORARILY
255
00:15:00,552 --> 00:15:02,554
SINCE THE HOOKER WHO LIVED DOWN THE HALL FROM HIM
256
00:15:02,554 --> 00:15:05,558
BURNED HIS APARTMENT BUILDING DOWN TWO YEARS AGO.
257
00:15:06,059 --> 00:15:08,561
TWO YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO BE TEMPORARY.
258
00:15:08,561 --> 00:15:11,065
AND YET IT HASN'T INTERFERED WITH MY LOVE LIFE.
259
00:15:11,065 --> 00:15:14,068
WHICH, I SUPPOSE, SAYS A LOT ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE.
260
00:15:14,068 --> 00:15:17,572
DO YOU MIND IF WE SKIP THE BACK STORY AND CUT TO THE CHASE?
261
00:15:17,572 --> 00:15:19,074
IT'S ALMOST 2:00
IN THE MORNING.
262
00:15:24,580 --> 00:15:26,082
YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS.
263
00:15:27,084 --> 00:15:28,585
OH YEAH?
264
00:15:31,088 --> 00:15:33,091
SO DO YOU, IT'S REALLY...
265
00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:41,100
FIRM.
266
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,601
IT'S CALLED "THE BUTT".
267
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:44,104
I GOT IT IN A CATALOGUE.
269
00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,612
PARTS DEPARTMENT.
270
00:15:51,612 --> 00:15:53,614
MELANIE CALLED. IT'S HAPPENED.
271
00:15:53,614 --> 00:15:55,117
WHAT? OH MY GOD! WHEN?
272
00:15:55,117 --> 00:15:57,119
I don't know, I had my damn cell phone off.
273
00:15:57,119 --> 00:15:58,620
I'M PICKING YOU UP IN TWO MINUTES.
274
00:15:59,121 --> 00:16:02,625
NOW? I... KIND OF GOT MY HANDS FULL.
275
00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,628
"THE BULGE".
276
00:16:05,628 --> 00:16:07,631
YOU ORDER BOTH, YOU GET A DISCOUNT.
277
00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:09,133
WHO'S THAT?
278
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,134
UH, NO ONE.
279
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,637
MIKEY, YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU.
280
00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,639
I can't believe it.
281
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:15,640
YOU SHOULD ONLY BE HERE.
282
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,143
Forget about it, don't let me bother you.
283
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145
FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
284
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,646
NO, WAIT. PICK ME UP. I-I'M READY.
285
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,647
NOW.
286
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,152
WE GOING TO DO THIS OR NOT?
287
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,654
I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
288
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,157
UM, A FRIEND OF MINE NEEDS ME.
289
00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:30,658
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
290
00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,161
SHIT. AFTER ALL THAT? I KNOW.
291
00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:34,163
I PROMISE WE'LL RESCHEDULE.
292
00:16:34,163 --> 00:16:35,664
NO "IFS", "ANDS" OR...
293
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,671
WHAT'S GOING ON? EVERYTHING.
294
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:43,673
COME ON, GET UP. YOU GOTTA GO.
295
00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:45,176
WHERE? HOME.
296
00:16:45,676 --> 00:16:47,178
I CAN'T GO HOME NOW. MY...
297
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:48,179
MY PARENTS THINK I'M STAYING AT A FRIEND'S.
298
00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,680
YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS?
299
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,183
WELL, I'M STILL IN SCHOOL.
300
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,185
I MEAN, COLLEGE.
301
00:16:53,685 --> 00:16:55,687
WHAT YEAR ARE YOU IN? JUNIOR.
302
00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:58,691
SOPHOMORE. BETWEEN MY JUNIOR AND SOPHOMORE YEAR.
303
00:16:58,691 --> 00:16:59,692
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
304
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,194
21.
305
00:17:03,197 --> 00:17:04,698
WHAT YEAR WERE YOU BORN?
306
00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:07,201
1979.
307
00:17:07,201 --> 00:17:09,204
BULLSHIT. YOU HAD TO THINK BEFORE YOU ANSWERED THAT.
308
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,705
HOW OLD ARE YOU REALLY?
309
00:17:11,706 --> 00:17:14,710
20.
310
00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:18,714
19.
311
00:17:20,217 --> 00:17:21,218
18.
312
00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:24,221
WELL WHAT IS THIS, A MISSILE LAUNCH?
313
00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:24,722
17.
315
00:17:26,224 --> 00:17:29,227
WHAT IS WITH KIDS TODAY?
316
00:17:29,227 --> 00:17:31,730
WE JUST WANT TO GET LAID LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
317
00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:34,233
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH ANYONE BEFORE?
318
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:36,236
SURE.
319
00:17:36,236 --> 00:17:38,738
WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
320
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,742
THIS IS SORT OF MY FIRST.
321
00:17:43,244 --> 00:17:45,246
I FIGURED.
322
00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:46,747
KIND OF YOUNG, AREN'T YOU?
323
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:51,253
WELL, I WAS 14 MY FIRST TIME.
324
00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:52,254
THAT'S REALLY YOUNG.
325
00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:53,256
WITH MY GYM TEACHER.
326
00:17:53,256 --> 00:17:55,758
I BET HE WAS SOME OLD PERV.
327
00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:58,762
THAT OLD PERV WAS PROBABLY THE SAME AGE THAT I AM NOW.
328
00:18:00,764 --> 00:18:02,266
IT WAS AFTER SCHOOL IN THE LOCKER ROOMS.
329
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,270
HE WAS TAKING A SHOWER.
330
00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:06,771
I WENT BACK FOR SOMETHING.
331
00:18:07,272 --> 00:18:09,274
A BOOK, MY JOCKSTRAP,
332
00:18:09,775 --> 00:18:10,776
I DON'T REMEMBER.
333
00:18:12,778 --> 00:18:15,782
ANYWAY, THERE HE WAS ALL NAKED SOAPING HIMSELF.
334
00:18:15,782 --> 00:18:17,784
HE SAW ME THERE,
335
00:18:17,784 --> 00:18:19,786
A BIG BONER UNDER MY CHINOS.
336
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,792
SHIT. I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE SHOWERS
337
00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:26,294
WITH ALL MY CLOTHES ON.
338
00:18:26,294 --> 00:18:27,296
NO.
339
00:18:27,296 --> 00:18:28,797
GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES
340
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,299
AND SUCKED HIM OFF RIGHT THERE.
341
00:18:30,299 --> 00:18:31,800
HE LET YOU?
342
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,303
LET ME?
343
00:18:34,804 --> 00:18:35,805
HE LOVED IT.
344
00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:38,809
I BET YOU WERE SCARED.
345
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:42,313
WELL, I GUESS WE'RE ALL A LITTLE SCARED OUR FIRST TIME.
346
00:18:47,819 --> 00:18:50,323
BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANY MORE.
349
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,342
YOU BROUGHT HIM?
350
00:19:06,842 --> 00:19:08,344
HE'S GOT NOWHERE TO GO.
351
00:19:08,344 --> 00:19:09,845
GET IN.
352
00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,349
JEEZ!
354
00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:39,380
OH, MY GOD.
355
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:40,882
SAY HELLO TO YOUR SON.
357
00:19:43,885 --> 00:19:45,888
WELL, GO ON.
358
00:19:53,397 --> 00:19:54,898
WHEN DID IT START?
359
00:19:54,898 --> 00:19:56,901
AROUND 7:00.
360
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,404
SIX HOURS LATER, THERE HE WAS.
361
00:19:59,404 --> 00:20:01,406
OH, I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN HERE.
362
00:20:01,406 --> 00:20:03,409
HOW OFTEN DO I GET TO SEE SNATCH?
363
00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:06,912
LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.
364
00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:10,417
I GUESS HE MUST BE MINE THEN.
365
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,919
WANT TO HOLD HIM?
366
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,424
OKAY, CAREFUL. DON'T DROP HIM.
367
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,428
THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS PLANNING ON DOING.
369
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,432
WE'VE BEEN THINKING OF NAMES.
370
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:25,935
MEL WANTS TO CALL HIM ABRAHAM AFTER HER GRANDFATHER,
371
00:20:25,935 --> 00:20:28,438
BUT I LIKE GUS.
372
00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:32,943
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
373
00:20:35,446 --> 00:20:39,451
YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE A DAY AT SCHOOL BEING NAMED ABRAHAM.
374
00:20:39,451 --> 00:20:40,952
BUT I GUESS GUS IS OKAY.
375
00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:43,956
HAH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
376
00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:44,957
HIS NAME'S J...
377
00:20:46,459 --> 00:20:48,462
JUSTIN.
378
00:20:48,462 --> 00:20:50,464
YOU WERE ON THE PHONE WHEN HE SHOT HIS LOAD ALL OVER ME.
380
00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:54,469
OH, BRIAN!
381
00:20:54,969 --> 00:20:56,471
HE CAN'T HELP IT.
382
00:20:56,471 --> 00:20:58,474
HE'S ONLY 17.
383
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:01,477
SO, YOU AND LINDSAY EACH HAD AN INFANT TONIGHT.
384
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,980
YEAH, BUT MINE DOESN'T SUCK ON MY TITS.
385
00:21:03,980 --> 00:21:06,483
NOT UNLESS I WANT HIM TO.
386
00:21:07,484 --> 00:21:10,488
"GUS". IT'S A GOOD BUTCH NAME.
387
00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:12,490
COME ON, GUS,
388
00:21:12,490 --> 00:21:14,992
GIVE YOUR DADDY A SMILE.
391
00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:30,511
IT'S DISGUSTING, ALL THOSE LESBIANS
392
00:21:30,511 --> 00:21:33,014
FAWNING OVER HIM AND MAKING GOO-GOO TALK.
393
00:21:33,014 --> 00:21:35,517
THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DO OVER BABIES.
394
00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:40,523
WHO'S TALKING ABOUT THE BABY? I MEAN JUSTIN.
395
00:21:45,028 --> 00:21:47,531
IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, YOU HAVING A KID.
396
00:21:49,033 --> 00:21:51,536
STILL, IT'S EXCITING, ISN'T IT?
397
00:21:51,536 --> 00:21:55,541
WHAT? HAVING SOME WRINKLED LITTLE TIME-CLOCK TICKING AWAY?
398
00:21:55,541 --> 00:21:58,043
REMINDING YOU THAT YOU'RE GETTING OLDER BY THE MINUTE.
399
00:21:58,043 --> 00:22:00,045
BY THE SECOND?
400
00:22:00,045 --> 00:22:03,049
KEEP THINKING LIKE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO END UP PREMATURELY GRE-EY.
401
00:22:03,049 --> 00:22:05,552
OH, I THINK I SEE ONE.
402
00:22:05,552 --> 00:22:07,555
OW!
403
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,562
WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TRY AND STOP ME?
404
00:22:13,562 --> 00:22:15,564
HELLO? SOMEBODY DID.
405
00:22:15,564 --> 00:22:17,567
BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN. YOU HAD TO LET LINDSAY
406
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:19,569
FILL YOUR HEAD WITH ALL HER BULLSHIT FLATTERY.
407
00:22:19,569 --> 00:22:22,071
"OH, BRIAN, YOU'RE SO GOOD LOOKING.
408
00:22:22,071 --> 00:22:25,576
OH, OH, BRIAN, Y-Y-YOU'RE SO SMART.
409
00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,077
OH, OH, YOU'VE GOT SUCH GREAT GENES, BRIAN,
410
00:22:27,077 --> 00:22:28,078
AND I DON'T MEAN YOUR 501s."
411
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,587
AND NOW YOU'RE STUCK WITH A KID.
412
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,088
FOR LIFE.
413
00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,097
WELL THERE IS ALWAYS ONE SOLUTION.
414
00:22:51,106 --> 00:22:53,108
I COULD END IT ALL RIGHT NOW.
415
00:22:53,108 --> 00:22:55,611
OH, THAT'D BE DRAMATIC.
416
00:22:55,611 --> 00:22:59,115
JUST LIKE "ER", BIRTH AND DEATH IN THE SAME EPISODE.
417
00:22:59,115 --> 00:23:01,618
NOW GET DOWN!
418
00:23:01,618 --> 00:23:03,120
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO COME GET ME...
419
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,122
I'M SERIOUS. STOP CLOWNING.
420
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:06,123
OR I'LL JUMP!
429
00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:32,655
COME ON, MIKEY, LET'S FLY.
430
00:23:32,655 --> 00:23:34,657
LIKE IN ALL THOSE COMIC BOOKS.
431
00:23:39,162 --> 00:23:41,164
I'M SUPERMAN.
432
00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:44,168
I'LL SHOW YOU THE WORLD.
433
00:23:44,669 --> 00:23:47,171
WHY AM I ALWAYS LOIS LANE?
439
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,197
CONGRATULATIONS...
440
00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:13,202
DAD.
446
00:24:30,723 --> 00:24:32,726
SORRY.
447
00:24:34,728 --> 00:24:36,229
HONESTLY.
448
00:24:36,229 --> 00:24:37,731
FUCKED HIM.
449
00:24:37,731 --> 00:24:39,233
YOU DID NOT, YOU LOOKED AT HIM.
450
00:24:39,233 --> 00:24:40,234
THAT MAY APPEAR TO BE WHAT HAPPENED,
451
00:24:40,234 --> 00:24:41,736
BUT WE DID IT ALL.
452
00:24:41,736 --> 00:24:43,739
OH YEAH, AND HOW WAS HE?
453
00:24:43,739 --> 00:24:45,240
FABULOUS.
454
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,742
WANT ONE? NO.
455
00:24:46,742 --> 00:24:48,243
MORE FOR ME.
456
00:24:50,246 --> 00:24:52,248
LISTEN, YOU'RE GOING TO GO SAY GOODNIGHT TO LINDSAY,
457
00:24:52,248 --> 00:24:54,751
YOU'RE GOING TO GO HOME, GO TO BED
458
00:24:54,751 --> 00:24:59,256
AND GET UP AND GO TO WORK FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS TO SUPPORT YOUR KID.
459
00:24:59,256 --> 00:25:00,759
YOU SEE THIS LINE, HOW DEEP IT IS?
460
00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:02,761
THAT MEANS YOU'RE VERY CREATIVE.
461
00:25:02,761 --> 00:25:05,263
THAT'S TRUE. I WANT TO BE A CARTOONIST OR A COMPUTER ANIMATOR.
462
00:25:05,263 --> 00:25:08,267
IT'S FAR TOO LESBIANIC OUT HERE FOR A YOUNG BOY.
463
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,769
OUT.
464
00:25:09,769 --> 00:25:11,772
I'LL MEET YOU OUT FRONT.
465
00:25:15,776 --> 00:25:17,779
I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW.
466
00:25:17,779 --> 00:25:19,280
THE MOTHER NEEDS HER REST.
467
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:20,281
AND SO DOES THE FATHER.
468
00:25:20,281 --> 00:25:22,283
IT'S OKAY, NURSE.
469
00:25:25,788 --> 00:25:28,290
SWEET DREAMS, SONNY BOY.
470
00:25:28,290 --> 00:25:30,794
FIRST NIGHT ON EARTH.
471
00:25:32,295 --> 00:25:33,797
HON, COULD YOU GET ME SOME ICE
472
00:25:33,797 --> 00:25:35,299
AND MAYBE SOMETHING FIZZY?
473
00:25:35,299 --> 00:25:37,301
HOW ABOUT SOME GINGER ALE?
474
00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:44,810
UH, ANYTHING FOR YOU?
475
00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:47,313
UH, IF YOU SEE ANY AMYL NITRATE LAYING AROUND.
476
00:25:55,322 --> 00:25:56,825
ALONE AT LAST.
477
00:25:56,825 --> 00:25:58,326
CAREFUL.
478
00:26:00,328 --> 00:26:03,332
WELL, HERE WE ARE.
479
00:26:04,834 --> 00:26:07,336
MA AND PA.
481
00:26:08,839 --> 00:26:10,340
HEY.
482
00:26:13,343 --> 00:26:15,847
DON'T MIND ME,
483
00:26:16,347 --> 00:26:19,351
JUST FEELING A LITTLE... VULNERABLE.
485
00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:28,361
I PROMISE NOT TO TELL.
486
00:26:28,361 --> 00:26:30,363
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?
487
00:26:30,363 --> 00:26:31,866
YOU AND ME.
488
00:26:31,866 --> 00:26:34,368
PARENTS.
489
00:26:35,369 --> 00:26:37,873
IT'S PRETTY SCARY, BOYS AND GIRLS.
490
00:26:39,374 --> 00:26:41,376
THINK IT'S TOO LATE TO RETURN IT?
491
00:26:41,376 --> 00:26:43,379
WE COULD TRY.
492
00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:47,384
OHH.
493
00:26:47,384 --> 00:26:50,387
I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE FINALLY GROWN-UPS.
494
00:26:50,387 --> 00:26:51,889
"DON'T SAY THAT, WENDY,
495
00:26:51,889 --> 00:26:52,890
WE'LL NEVER GROW UP."
496
00:26:53,391 --> 00:26:55,393
DON'T BE SCARED.
497
00:26:55,393 --> 00:26:57,896
HELL, IF OUR PARENTS COULD FUCK UP, SO CAN WE.
499
00:27:02,902 --> 00:27:04,404
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY.
500
00:27:04,404 --> 00:27:06,406
ABOUT MONEY, I MEAN.
501
00:27:06,406 --> 00:27:07,407
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING...
502
00:27:07,407 --> 00:27:10,411
NO, WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
503
00:27:10,411 --> 00:27:11,913
BUT THANKS.
504
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,421
I WOULD'VE FUCKED YOU, YOU KNOW?
505
00:27:19,421 --> 00:27:21,424
OH!
506
00:27:21,424 --> 00:27:23,927
IF I WASN'T AFRAID YOUR LOVER'D BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
507
00:27:23,927 --> 00:27:24,928
STOP.
508
00:27:25,428 --> 00:27:26,429
I MEAN IT.
509
00:27:26,429 --> 00:27:28,432
SHE COULD TAKE OUT OSCAR DE LA RENTA.
510
00:27:28,432 --> 00:27:31,435
YOU MEAN LA HOYA.
511
00:27:31,435 --> 00:27:32,437
WHATEVER.
512
00:27:33,939 --> 00:27:36,441
WELL, YOU HAD PLENTY OF CHANCES.
513
00:27:37,442 --> 00:27:39,946
AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF A FEW, IF I RECALL.
514
00:27:39,946 --> 00:27:41,948
IT WASN'T HALF BAD.
515
00:27:42,949 --> 00:27:45,452
NOW YOU TELL ME?
516
00:27:45,452 --> 00:27:47,955
YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGHT THIS WHOLE TIME?
517
00:27:48,956 --> 00:27:50,959
I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
518
00:27:50,959 --> 00:27:54,462
WELL THEN I GUESS IT'S JUST AS WELL.
519
00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:04,474
ICE?
520
00:28:06,978 --> 00:28:08,980
TICK-TICK-TICK.
521
00:28:08,980 --> 00:28:10,982
TICK.
522
00:28:11,482 --> 00:28:12,985
TICK. TICK.
523
00:28:12,985 --> 00:28:14,987
TICK.
524
00:28:14,987 --> 00:28:15,988
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
525
00:28:18,491 --> 00:28:19,993
I'M JUST REPEATING THE FIRST WORDS
526
00:28:19,993 --> 00:28:20,994
MY SONNY BOY SAID TO ME.
527
00:28:21,494 --> 00:28:23,497
IT WASN'T "DA-DA".
528
00:28:23,497 --> 00:28:25,499
IT WAS TICK-TICK-TICK-TICK.
529
00:28:27,001 --> 00:28:29,004
SMART LITTLE FUCKER.
530
00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:33,008
HE CAN TELL TIME ALREADY.
531
00:28:33,008 --> 00:28:34,510
BRIAN, WHAT DID YOU TAKE?
533
00:28:42,019 --> 00:28:45,022
I'M JUST TEACHING MY KID THE ALPHABET.
535
00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:49,027
I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU.
536
00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:53,532
I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU ALL NIGHT.
539
00:29:07,548 --> 00:29:08,550
SHIT!
540
00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:11,053
SORRY, I DIDN'T WANT TO HIT THAT DOGGIE.
541
00:29:11,053 --> 00:29:12,554
FUCK THE DOGGIE.
542
00:29:12,554 --> 00:29:14,057
OKAY, BOY WONDER.
543
00:29:14,557 --> 00:29:16,059
I'M TAKING YOU HOME. WHERE DO I TURN?
544
00:29:16,059 --> 00:29:17,060
HE'S GOING WITH ME.
545
00:29:17,060 --> 00:29:18,561
OH NO, HE'S NOT.
546
00:29:18,561 --> 00:29:20,564
POP QUIZ. NO TALKING.
547
00:29:20,564 --> 00:29:23,067
HERE'S A QUESTION. MULTIPLE CHOICE.
548
00:29:23,067 --> 00:29:24,068
DO YOU WANT TO COME HOME WITH ME?
549
00:29:24,568 --> 00:29:26,071
A, YES,
550
00:29:26,071 --> 00:29:28,073
B, YES,
551
00:29:28,073 --> 00:29:30,576
OR C, YES.
552
00:29:30,576 --> 00:29:33,079
TICK, TICK, TICK. TIME'S UP. PENCILS DOWN.
553
00:29:33,079 --> 00:29:34,580
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
554
00:29:35,081 --> 00:29:36,583
NONE OF THE ABOVE.
555
00:29:36,583 --> 00:29:37,584
HE'S GOING HOME.
556
00:29:37,584 --> 00:29:39,586
I'M GOING WITH HIM.
557
00:29:41,588 --> 00:29:44,092
GOOD BOY.
558
00:29:44,092 --> 00:29:46,594
YOU GET AN "A" PLUS.
561
00:30:06,618 --> 00:30:09,121
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT RIMMING IS.
562
00:30:12,125 --> 00:30:14,127
HE CALLS ME, PRACTICALLY BEGS ME TO GO WITH HIM,
563
00:30:14,627 --> 00:30:16,130
KNOWING FULL WELL I'M WITH SOMEONE
564
00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,132
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.
565
00:30:18,132 --> 00:30:21,135
SEVEN MONTHS, TWO WEEKS AND THREE DAYS.
566
00:30:21,135 --> 00:30:22,637
THANK YOU.
567
00:30:22,637 --> 00:30:24,639
AND EVEN THOUGH THE GUY WASN'T ALL HE WAS CRACKED UP TO BE...
568
00:30:24,639 --> 00:30:26,641
WE'LL LET THAT REMARKPASS.
569
00:30:26,641 --> 00:30:28,644
AT LEAST HE WANTEDME.
570
00:30:28,644 --> 00:30:31,147
ME.
571
00:30:33,150 --> 00:30:35,152
GOD, I AM SO HORNY.
572
00:30:36,153 --> 00:30:38,156
POOR BABY.
573
00:30:38,156 --> 00:30:39,657
WELL I HAVE JUST THE THING.
574
00:30:39,657 --> 00:30:41,659
A NEW PORN VIDEO.
575
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,664
IT ALL TAKES PLACE IN A PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP.
576
00:30:45,664 --> 00:30:49,168
"HOT, HORNY MEN STARVED FOR ACTION".
577
00:30:49,168 --> 00:30:50,670
I CAN RELATE TO THAT.
578
00:30:50,670 --> 00:30:53,673
GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR PRIVATES STAND UP AND SALUTE.
579
00:30:53,673 --> 00:30:54,674
"SCHINDLER'S FIST"?
580
00:30:55,176 --> 00:30:56,677
AH-H-H.
581
00:30:56,677 --> 00:30:59,680
HERE, I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
582
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,684
I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEEP, MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.
583
00:31:02,684 --> 00:31:04,686
GOOD NIGHT.
584
00:31:09,692 --> 00:31:12,696
OKAY, PRIVATE, DROP TROU AND BEND OVER.
585
00:31:12,696 --> 00:31:14,198
FOR MY PHYSICAL, SIR?
586
00:31:14,198 --> 00:31:16,200
NO, TARGET PRACTICE.
587
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,201
YES, SIR.
588
00:31:17,201 --> 00:31:18,203
589
00:31:18,703 --> 00:31:20,705
PUT YOUR LEGS UP
590
00:31:20,705 --> 00:31:22,707
ON MY SHOULDERS.
592
00:31:23,709 --> 00:31:25,711
THAT'S IT.
593
00:31:27,213 --> 00:31:28,714
OH, WAIT.
594
00:31:28,714 --> 00:31:30,717
IN SCHOOL WE HAD THIS LECTURE...
595
00:31:30,717 --> 00:31:32,719
ABOUT SAFE SEX.
596
00:31:34,221 --> 00:31:37,225
AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEMONSTRATION.
597
00:31:42,731 --> 00:31:44,733
PUT IT ON ME.
598
00:31:45,234 --> 00:31:47,237
GO ON.
599
00:31:47,237 --> 00:31:48,738
SLIP IT ON MY DICK.
600
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,753
AH! IT'S COLD.
601
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,257
IT'LL HEAT UP.
602
00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:06,759
JUST...
603
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:08,762
GO SLOW, OKAY?
605
00:32:18,273 --> 00:32:21,277
AH! AH!
607
00:32:21,777 --> 00:32:23,279
IT HURTS.
608
00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:24,780
DOES IT ALWAYS HURT?
609
00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:27,784
A LITTLE BIT.
610
00:32:28,285 --> 00:32:29,786
BUT THAT'S A PART OF IT.
612
00:32:33,791 --> 00:32:35,293
NOW RELAX.
613
00:32:38,297 --> 00:32:40,799
I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS.
614
00:32:42,802 --> 00:32:45,305
SO THAT NO MATTER WHO YOU'RE EVER WITH...
615
00:32:48,809 --> 00:32:50,811
I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE.
620
00:34:11,906 --> 00:34:15,411
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
621
00:34:15,911 --> 00:34:17,413
Y-YOU SAID I COULD STAY.
622
00:34:19,916 --> 00:34:20,917
RIGHT.
623
00:34:21,418 --> 00:34:22,919
YOUR PARENTS.
624
00:34:22,919 --> 00:34:25,423
THEY THINK YOU'RE AT A FRIEND'S.
625
00:34:32,431 --> 00:34:34,934
JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
627
00:34:38,438 --> 00:34:40,441
DON'T TELL ME.
628
00:34:40,441 --> 00:34:41,942
I WAS DOING HANDSTANDS.
629
00:34:41,942 --> 00:34:43,444
AND JUGGLING.
630
00:34:43,944 --> 00:34:45,446
YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD.
631
00:34:45,947 --> 00:34:47,449
SHIT.
632
00:34:47,449 --> 00:34:49,451
WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS?
633
00:34:50,952 --> 00:34:52,455
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
634
00:34:52,455 --> 00:34:55,458
IT WAS THAT FUCKING PIG ANITA.
635
00:34:55,458 --> 00:34:57,461
SHE TOLD ME THAT WAS "E". THAT WASN'T "E",
636
00:34:57,961 --> 00:35:01,465
THAT WAS SOME SHIT THEY COOKED UP IN A BATHTUB IN TIJUANA.
637
00:35:01,465 --> 00:35:02,967
THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE DRUGS
638
00:35:02,967 --> 00:35:04,469
THAT AREN'T PRESCRIBED BY A PHYSICIAN,
639
00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:06,471
OR RECOMMENDED BY A RELIABLE PHARMACIST.
641
00:35:11,477 --> 00:35:12,478
WHAT ARE YOU?
642
00:35:12,978 --> 00:35:13,980
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT?
643
00:35:16,983 --> 00:35:18,985
GET DRESSED, I'LL DRIVE YOU HOME.
644
00:35:18,985 --> 00:35:20,988
YOU CAN'T.
645
00:35:22,490 --> 00:35:24,992
MICHAEL HAS THE CAR. WHY HAS HE GOT IT?
646
00:35:24,992 --> 00:35:26,495
YOU WERE TOO HIGH... I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
647
00:35:26,995 --> 00:35:28,997
I WAS THERE.
648
00:35:28,997 --> 00:35:31,000
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING...
649
00:35:32,502 --> 00:35:33,503
PERFECTLY.
650
00:35:36,005 --> 00:35:37,508
WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
651
00:35:37,508 --> 00:35:39,009
JUSTIN.
652
00:35:41,011 --> 00:35:44,015
YEAH, RIGHT.
654
00:35:46,518 --> 00:35:47,519
CAN I TAKE A SHOWER?
655
00:35:47,519 --> 00:35:49,021
YEAH, BUT HURRY UP.
656
00:35:49,021 --> 00:35:52,024
IT'S THROUGH THERE...
657
00:35:53,025 --> 00:35:55,028
I THINK.
659
00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:09,044
Where the hell are you? Your cell's turned off.
660
00:36:09,044 --> 00:36:10,547
If you're there, pick up.
661
00:36:10,547 --> 00:36:12,549
Brian? Listen, Lindsay's water broke.
662
00:36:12,549 --> 00:36:14,551
She's having contractions. We're at the hospital.
663
00:36:18,055 --> 00:36:21,058
FUCK! I HAVE A BABY.
665
00:36:22,561 --> 00:36:25,063
OW! OW!
666
00:36:25,063 --> 00:36:27,065
TWO BABIES.
669
00:36:39,581 --> 00:36:41,082
HOLY SHIT!
671
00:36:43,585 --> 00:36:45,087
YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THERE!
672
00:36:45,087 --> 00:36:46,088
FAGGOT!
673
00:36:46,088 --> 00:36:47,089
QUEER!
674
00:36:47,089 --> 00:36:48,591
FAGGOT!
675
00:36:48,591 --> 00:36:50,093
WHO'RE YOU CALLING A FAGGOT?
676
00:36:50,093 --> 00:36:51,595
WE'VE SEEN YOU. QUEER!
677
00:37:09,616 --> 00:37:11,117
MORNING.
678
00:37:11,618 --> 00:37:13,621
OH, MY LORD.
679
00:37:13,621 --> 00:37:14,622
MOTHERFUCKERS!
680
00:37:14,622 --> 00:37:16,624
I'M CALLING THE COPS.
681
00:37:16,624 --> 00:37:18,627
BRIAN IS GOING TO HAVE A FIT,
682
00:37:18,627 --> 00:37:21,129
YOU KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT HIS JEEP.
683
00:37:21,129 --> 00:37:22,631
WELL IF HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT IT
684
00:37:22,631 --> 00:37:24,634
THEN HE SHOULDN'T HAVE LENT IT TO ME.
685
00:37:24,634 --> 00:37:27,136
HE KNOWS WHAT A TERRIBLE NEIGHBOURHOOD THIS IS.
686
00:37:27,637 --> 00:37:29,640
WELL, I, UH, I WAS GOING TO ASK FOR A LIFT TO WORK.
687
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,142
BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I'LL WALK.
688
00:37:32,142 --> 00:37:33,644
HAVE A NICE DAY.
689
00:37:35,146 --> 00:37:37,148
SHIT!
691
00:38:01,677 --> 00:38:04,180
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I HAD A KID?
692
00:38:04,180 --> 00:38:06,683
YOU SAID YOU REMEMBERED EVERYTHING.
693
00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:09,687
IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.
694