KURT’S KWIPS
UNCLE MAC STORY: THE MAGICIAN AND THE PARROT
A magician on a cruise ship was working and the audience would be different every week so he allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
The only problem was that the captain’s parrot saw the shows each and week and began to figure out how the magician did the tricks. Once he understood he started shouting out during the show:
“Look, it’s not the same hat.”
“Look he’s hiding the flowers under the table.”
“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”
The magician was angry but it was the captain’s parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of drift wood with the parrot.
They stared at each other with contempt but neither spoke a word.
This went on for a week and finally the parrot said, “OK, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?” J
RED WOOD RANTS ABOUT UNUSUAL CHURCH SIGNS
Be fishers of men…you catch’em…He’ll clean’em
A clean conscience makes a soft pillow
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing
Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord
Have truth decay? Brush up on the Bible
This Church is prayer conditioned
We set the sails; god makes the wind
Wisdom has two parts: Having a lot to say and not saying it
THE SENATOR: HOW ABOUT THAT BASEBALL?
I noticed it was Bat Night at the Baseball Park. I guess a lot of guys will bring their wives. I wish they would have a winning night at Turner Field.
They are dwindling down to a precious few now; I’m talking about the BRAVES wins.
I guess the Braves will win the pennant this year when Charles Barkley is elected Governor of Alabama.
A lot of parks have abolished smoking in the stands; The Braves have abolished winning.
If the Braves pitching gets any worse they are gonna have to use a machine.
There you go!
QUOTES FROM THE WISE ACRE HIMSELF
“All ways do the little things which will take you to the big things.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“We all give advice freely but we take it for a price.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“Stay away from gossipers because eventually they will gossip about you.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“Try to be a good example.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“Most of us are not perfect and we prove it every day.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“Always apologize when you are wrong about something.” Kurt Kilpatrick
“The only thing most of us can control is ourselves.” Kurt Kilpatrick
J