RAMAT SHALOM
B’NAI MITZVAH MANUAL
2014 – 2015
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Dear B’nai Mitzvah Families,
Welcome to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Process. The next few years promise to be very exciting for you and your family. We say that our Torah is an Eytz Chayim, a Tree of Life. As your child embarks on the path towards becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is as if a new bud forms on this holy tree-a bud that will flower on the day your child celebrates his/her becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This flower, of course, serves as proof that the Tree of Life is growing. As you begin this journey with your child, you help to strengthen the Tree of Life. And it is our hope that you all will continue to do so long after your child becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
All of us at Ramat Shalom are excited to celebrate this important rite of passage with you. May this experience deepen your connection to Judaism and your roots here at Ramat Shalom.
This manual contains a great deal of information related to becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Ramat Shalom. Please read it carefully and hold on to it. You will refer to it a great deal as you get closer to your Bar/Bat Mitzvah service.
We look forward to working with your family.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Andrew M. Jacobs
Cantorial Soloist Debbie Hafetz
Educational Requirements of the B’nai Mitzvah Process
1. In order to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Ramat Shalom, a child must be actively enrolled in the Ramat Shalom Torah School, Post B’nai programs (grades 8-12), or Schmooze (grades 9-12), a recognized Jewish Day School, or an equivalent academic program that has been approved by the Rabbi and Education Director.
2. In order to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Ramat Shalom, a child must begin his/her Jewish education in our Torah School, or an approved equivalent, no later than the 3rd grade. They must continue studying in our Torah School, or an approved equivalent, through the 7th grade prior to becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. B’nai Mitzvah are required to complete the 7th grade program at Ramat Shalom, or an approved equivalent, even if they are to become B’nai Mitzvah prior to completion of the 7th grade. B’nai Mitzvah are encouraged to attend Ramat Shalom’s Post B’nai programs. Students who have completed the 7th grade program or an approved equivalent and are preparing to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, must be enrolled in the Post B’nai program or an approved equivalent.
3. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected to have a knowledge of Hebrew and an understanding of Jewish history, customs, ceremonies, and values as set forth in the curriculum of the Ramat Shalom Torah School or an approved equivalent.
4. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected, to the best of their ability, to read in Hebrew the major prayers of the Shabbat service and to comprehend the key concepts in these prayers.
5. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected to write one Kavanah to be read during the service.
6. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected to have the ability to participate in the Torah service.
7. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected to have an understanding of the assigned Torah and Haftarah portions.
8. B’nai Mitzvah students are expected to have the ability to chant selected sections of assigned Torah (from the Torah scroll) and Haftarah portions.
9. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student must successfully complete the B’nai Mitzvah Workshops.
10. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student must successfully complete all tutorial sessions.
11. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student must successfully complete the service attendance requirements.
12. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student must demonstrate an understanding of, and commitment to, Tikkun Olam (healing the world) by taking part in ongoing social action programs.
12. These requirements must be fulfilled in order for a child to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Ramat Shalom.
13. An Important Reminder: The B’nai Mitzvah process is designed to meet the individual needs of each child. It is important that you share with us any issues that might make this process particularly challenging for your child so that we can design a program that meets his/her needs.
Date Assignments
Bar/Bat Mitzvah service dates are assigned once a child completes the fourth grade at Ramat Shalom. New members who have a child who has completed the fourth grade at the time they join, will receive a date when they complete their membership application. Dates are assigned by the Ritual Committee. Requests to change a date must be made in writing and sent to the synagogue office. The Rabbi, Cantorial Soloist, Education Director, and Executive Director do not handle date assignments or changes. An effort will be made to accommodate all date changes, but we cannot guarantee that each request will be met. Please note that date changes cannot be made after your child has started his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring (approximately 7-8 months before his/her service). If you need to move your assigned date, it is imperative that you contact the synagogue office immediately. Please do not wait to do so.
The Shabbat of Your Child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah
You have either been assigned a morning Shabbat service, which we call Shacharit, or a late Shabbat afternoon service, which we call Minchah. The Minchah service concludes with Ma’ariv (the evening service) and Havdalah (the ceremony that marks the end of Shabbat).
· Our Shacharit services begin promptly at 10:00 AM.
· Our Minchah services begin promptly at 5:00 PM
Services always start on time. They will not be delayed because a guest is late. Therefore, if you feel that your guests might arrive late, please state on your invitations that the service begins 15 minutes earlier than the times mentioned above.
Families should be seated in the front row of the sanctuary by the time the service begins. Once the service begins, please do not greet your guests at the sanctuary door or get up to hug a family member you have not seen for some time. During the service, focus your attention on your child.
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be on the bimah and all material that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will need for the service, including his/her siddur (prayer book), Haftarah, and speech should be placed underneath the reading table before the service begins.
Kabbalat Shabbat Services
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Families are expected to be at Kabbalat Shabbat Services (Friday, 7:30PM) the night before their child becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Families will be called upon to light the Shabbat candles. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will lead a short portion of the service. Your family sponsors the Oneg and a cake in your child’s honor will be provided. We encourage you to invite your extended family and friends to attend.
Community Involvement in Services
Our services are open to the entire community. While we will celebrate your child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah during the service that has been assigned to you, please note that there might be another family at the service celebrating an auf ruf or a birth, saying kaddish, or marking some other significant event in their lives. No other child will become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah during the service that has been assigned to you unless arrangements have been made by you for this to happen.
Board Usher
Each family will be assigned a Board Usher, a member of our Board of Directors, who will make certain that the sanctuary is in order on the day of the service and will greet guests as they enter the building. This is a volunteer position – please keep this in mind. Board Ushers will contact families two weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. The Usher will arrive 30 minutes before the service – no earlier. If you are having a photographer, we can open 90 minutes before the service as long as pre-arranged with the office.
Please note: 5th grade families will be asked to co-usher at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah service.
Dress Code
Ramat Shalom is not in the business of telling you and your guests what to wear to a service. However, we do expect that you, your children, and your guests will dress in a manner appropriate for a synagogue service. This means nice, neat, clean clothing. Overly short skirts and dresses, low-cut blouses and dresses, shorts, jeans, sneakers, baseball hats, athletic attire, and t-shirts with statements on them are not acceptable. Women are expected to have their shoulders covered during the service. As the service is not a cocktail party, formal attire such as tuxedos and evening gowns are discouraged during the service. Sample letter for children attending service without an adult is on page 30 of the Appendix.
B’nai Mitzvah Workshops
The B’nai Mitzvah Workshops are designed to make the B’nai Mitzvah process an enriching educational process for all members of the family. Ramat Shalom is committed to making certain that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not a series of meaningless, foreign rituals, but rather, a powerful rite of passage for everyone involved. In an effort to make this happen, the workshops will address issues related to becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Torah, Haftarah, T’filot (Prayers) Tutoring
Your child’s Hebrew progress is closely monitored by our Torah School staff. Beginning in 5th grade, the Torah School Director will contact you if your child needs additional Hebrew tutoring.
Each child will be provided with a copy of the Torah and Haftarah portions that s/he is responsible for learning. Students are expected to purchase their own siddur which they are to use during their tutorial sessions. Each child will be provided with a CD of their Torah and Haftarah portions. All prayers and blessings can be found on the website and can easily be downloaded onto an iPod!Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah prepares for his/her tutoring sessions at home. Parents need to make certain that their children study at least 15 to 20 minutes each night so that they are ready for their sessions.
Please keep in mind that your child’s tutorial schedule needs to fit into your summer plans. Contact the Rabbi to discuss your summer schedule at least one year before your child’s service.
It is crucial that you let the Rabbi know of any learning challenges that your child may have. Understanding individual needs will enable us to work optimally with each student.
Tutorial sessions cannot take place while your child is in Torah School.
Tutorial sessions may be rescheduled if 24 hours notice is given. Additional sessions with tutors (in excess of 26 appointments) can be scheduled only after financial arrangements have been made with the B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator. At the first tutorial, each student’s Hebrew skills will be assessed. Based upon each child’s assessment and his/her Torah School attendance, additional tutoring might be required at the expense of the student’s family.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah D’var Torah
Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah will give a D’var Torah (word of Torah) at his/her service. This D’var Torah will use the Torah reading to capture a unique aspect of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Rabbi will work with each student on his/her D’var Torah. Approximately four months before their scheduled Bar/Bat Mitzvah service, the Rabbi will set up an appropriate schedule with each student.
Parent’s D’var Torah
At least one parent will give a D’var Torah at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. This D’var Torah will allow parents to use the Torah portion that is read on the Shabbat of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service to capture the way in which they feel about their child. The writing of this D’var Torah will be discussed in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Workshops. The Rabbi will be available to discuss this D’var Torah and he will be happy to set up a series of meetings with each family to work on this D’var Torah.
We ask that you give a great deal of thought to this section of the service. Your child/ren will spend many hours preparing for the service. Please do the same.
Family Mitzvah Project
Each family is expected to be involved in an ongoing mitzvah project (a community service project). Families are encouraged to be creative and find a project that is meaningful to them. Examples of wonderful Mitzvah Projects can be found on our website.
Projects should be selected no later than 6 months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. They should not be “completed” by the time the service takes place; rather, they should continue indefinitely. The B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator will monitor each family’s progress and is available to answer any questions families might have about their projects. Once you have chosen a project, please fill out the Family Mitzvah Project Worksheet that can be found on page 26 of the appendix and submit it to the B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator.
Guidelines for Family Mitzvah Project
· Student makes a presentation in Kehillah (assembly) regarding the project after approval from the Director of Education.
· All flyers must be submitted for review one session before the flyer is to go out and must be approved by the Director of Education. Copies must be provided by the family.
· A flyer may be posted in the synagogue bulletin board or Tekiah after approval by the Director of Education.
· Any collection box must be clearly labeled as to purpose and in good repair and may be put out through Torah School hours only. The family must remove the box at the end of each Torah School session.
Gifts and Donations
The giving of a gift to the synagogue in honor of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a tradition at Ramat Shalom. Please contact our Executive Director at the synagogue office for more information. Many family members, friends, and even the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, might choose to honor this momentous occasion with a donation to Ramat Shalom’s many funds, the purchase of a garden paver or a plaque on the Tree of Life.
Tallit and Kippah
It is expected that families purchase a tallit (prayer shawl) and a kippah (yarmulke) for their child to use during his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. The significance of the tallit and kippah will be discussed at a B’nai Mitzvah workshop. It is tradition at Ramat Shalom to have the parents and/or the grandparents present the tallit to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah during the service. It is our hope that the tallit and kippah will be used on a regular basis by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah after the service. Kippot and tallitot will be available for guests.