LET ME TELL YOU
Facilitator Notes
Purpose of the DVD and Facilitator Notes
The LET ME TELL YOU dvd has been produced to support skilled trainers to raise awareness of the issues that women, children and young people experiencing domestic abuse face when trying to access support from agencies.
The aim of the dvd is to provide an opportunity for professionals to hear directly from women, children & young people what is helpful and what is not with regard to support. As such, it has been designed for use within a wider training course dealing with the potential impact of domestic abuse on those who experience it.
These facilitator notes are intended as a background to the dvd as opposed to being exhaustive guidance notes. They offer suggestions as to questions which could be posed to trainees and points which may be raised, both prior to showing the dvd and after.
Background Information
A useful starting point for any training looking at domestic abuse (the understanding of what we mean by that term, its impact on those who experience it and issues for professionals providing a service to those experiencing it) is the definition provided by the Scottish Executive in its National Strategy to Address Domestic Abuse (2000), which is as follows:
“Domestic abuse (as gender based abuse) can be perpetrated by partners or ex-partners and can include physical abuse (assault and physical attack involving a range of behaviour), sexual abuse (acts which degrade and humiliate women and are perpetrated against their will, including rape) and mental and emotional abuse (such as threats, verbal abuse, racial abuse, withholding money and other types of controlling behaviour such as isolation from family and friends).”
It is recommended that delegates are shown this definition prior to being shown the LET ME TELL YOU dvd, as it highlights the diverse and wide ranging nature of domestic abuse. This course of action will allow trainees to discuss and clarify their understanding of the nature of domestic abuse, look at what is meant by ‘a gender based issue’, and reflect on the impact on children living with domestic abuse.
Some statistical information which may help you to facilitate a discussion around the definition of domestic abuse is as follows:
o 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse at some stage in their lives (Council of Europe, 2002).
o Every minute in the UK the Police receive a call from the public for assistance for domestic abuse (Stanko 2000).
o 44% of those experiencing domestic abuse are involved in more than one incident. No other type of crime has a rate of repeat victimisation as high. (Dodd et al, 2004).
o Every week, 2 women are killed by a male partner or former partner (Flood-Page et al, 2003).
o Women are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner (Lees, 2000).
o The link between child physical abuse and domestic abuse is high, with estimates ranging between 30% and 66% depending on the study, (Hester et al 2000, Edleston 1999, Humphreys & Thiara, 2002).
Another issue which may usefully be raised prior to showing the dvd is why women stay with abusers, as it is a frustration often faced by professionals and one that can sometimes impact on the type of service they provide to women. The following statistical information may help you to facilitate a discussion around this topic. Research carried out by NCH Action for Children in 1994 found the reasons women gave for staying in relationships with an abuser were as follows:
o Thought he would change (72%)
o Afraid of what he might do (63%)
o Didn’t want to upset the children (54%)
o Nowhere to go (49%)
o Too much in love with him (49%)
o Didn’t want to end the relationship (31%)
o Though the violence was one-off (22%)
o Family pressure not to leave (22%).
In order to further expand on this issue and to view leaving an abuser as a ‘process’ rather than a one off event, facilitators could introduce the work of Liz Kelly who has identified the stages women move through when leaving domestic abuse:
o Stage 1 – managing the situation
o Stage 2 – distortion of perception/reality
o Stage 3 – defining abuse
o Stage 4 – re-evaluating the relationship
o Ending the relationship
o Ending the abuse.
(developed from the Domestic Matters Project 1999).
It is important to note that women will move through these stages at different rates and that professionals will come into contact with women at different stages in the process. All this can have an impact on the type of support work they are able to do with the women.
Practicalities of Using the DVD
The LET ME TELL YOU dvd runs for 15m 50sec and features the voices of 7 women and 3 children & young people who have lived with domestic abuse. They talk about their experiences of accessing different services and the difficulties and barriers they encounter when seeking help and support.
The dvd is broken into four sections:
o Introductions (the women identify barriers to them approaching agencies for support). Running time – 2m 16sec.
o First Contact (women talk about the first time they approached an agency for help, why they did it and what response they faced). Running time – 1m 23sec.
o Way Agencies Respond (women and children speak about the helpful and unhelpful responses they received from agencies). Running time – 6m 35sec.
o What is Helpful (women speak about the services they would like to receive from agencies). Running time – 5m 42sec.
o Credits. Running time – 34sec.
The dvd can be played all the way through as a whole, with consideration of the issues raised at the end. Alternatively the dvd can be played section by section, with consideration of the points raised at the end of each section. Furthermore, the trainer could choose selected sections only to play and consider. Finally, the ‘introduction’ section, which deals with barriers to accessing services, could be played separately from the other sections and in conjunction to the ‘why do women stay’ section highlighted above.
Consideration of all the points raised, irrespective of how much of the dvd the trainer chooses to show, could take the form of facilitated discussion led by the trainer or through the preparation of worksheets for trainees to discuss in small groups.
Whichever method is preferred by the trainer it is important to ensure that ample time is given for full consideration of what has been heard and its implications for trainees’ practice.
Possible Issues for Discussion
Introduction
Possible question – What barriers to accessing support services did the women in the dvd identify?
Possible answers:
Practical barriers:
o Lack of confidence in the confidentiality of services
o Not knowing what services were available
o Didn’t know how to ask for help
o Services being reactive and waiting for the woman to disclose rather than picking up on indicators and asking themselves.
Emotional barriers:
o Fear that no-one would believe her
o Didn’t think anyone could help with her situation
o She had been told by the abuser that she was ‘mad’.
o Fear of being seen as a bad mother (if dvd is shown all the way through as this point comes up later)
o Fear of having the children taken away (if dvd is shown all the way through as this point comes up later).
Trainees could also be asked to draw on their professional experience to identify other barriers to accessing services.
First Contact
Possible question – What emotions did the women in the dvd identify as feeling once they had disclosed domestic abuse to a professional?
Possible answers:
o Not in control of the situation (breaking down)
o Embarrassed
o Desperate
o Self conscious (about the way she looked/was perceived by agencies)
o Fear - of the consequences
Trainees could also be asked how what these women are feeling may impact on the service they are able to provide, or what they could do within their service to try to overcome or work with these emotions in a positive way.
Ways Agencies Respond
Possible question – What do the women in the dvd identify as ‘unhelpful’ in the way of agency responses?
Possible answers:
o Labeling/judging the woman for her situation
o Not believing her disclosure/asking for ‘evidence’
o Aggressive or intrusive questioning
o Lack of privacy in the building to disclose
o Talked to in front of husband/partner
o Not interested in a disclosure of domestic abuse, just their own issue eg benefit fraud
o Uneasiness of staff following a disclosure eg showing discomfort, fidgeting, shuffling papers.
o Being sympathetic rather than empathetic
o Safety not the first priority
o Breaching confidentiality
o Being told what to do rather than having options discussed
o Providing advice that is unhelpful eg ‘you should just leave him’
Trainees could also be asked to consider what elements of their organisation’s service is unhelpful to women, and which parts are supportive. This could include discussions around multi-agency working and information sharing.
Possible question – What issues around services to children are identified by the women, children and young people in the dvd?
Possible answers:
o Lack of awareness of the impact of domestic abuse on children and young people
o Dealing with presenting issues rather than seeking the causes (domestic abuse as a factor is a child’s behaviour being below the professional’s radar)
o Believing the father always has as much right to see the children as the mother without considering the issues
o Fear that women have of being seen as a bad mother and losing children.
Trainees could also be asked to consider what they see their organisation’s role is in providing support to children and young people experiencing domestic abuse. This could include discussions around multi-agency working, information sharing, the links between domestic abuse and child abuse, the child protection issues that can arise out of domestic abuse and the impact of blaming a woman for her situation on children and young people.
What Is Helpful
Possible question – What did the women in the dvd identify as helpful in an agency response? What are they looking for from agencies when they access them for support?
Possible answers:
o Awareness of domestic abuse, its prevalence and impact on those experiencing it, that it could be a cause of presenting issues
o Identification of indicators of domestic abuse
o Confidentiality of service (and explaining what this means)
o Non-judgmental approach to support
o Listen and don’t tell her what to do
o Reassure
o Ask only what you need to know – don’t pry
o Empathy not sympathy
o Option to speak to a woman where possible
o Take an open approach – create the environment that allows disclosure
o Don’t expect the women to know what options are open to her, but discuss these with her
o Be aware of the dangers of trying to call her back
o Understand that leaving is a process and work with her to her timescales.
Summing Up
The LET ME TELL YOU dvd was designed to allow professional to hear directly from survivors of domestic abuse some of the issues around accessing services with a view to enabling the professionals to reflect on their own service provision. It is important that trainees are given time to do this. One way of doing it may be to use the ‘Are We Part of the Problem?’/’Are We Part of the Solution?’ overheads (9 & 10) from the SWA toolkit to stimulate discussion.
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