Section V
Marriage Encounter
Presentation
Guide
A Resource Guide for Sharing Circle Presentations
Created by the Marriage Encounter Community of East Tennessee
“I place much of my hope for the future in Marriage Encounter”
His Holiness, John Paul II
Table of Contents
A Word from the Writers and the Editors
General Information
What is Worldwide Marriage Encounter?...... 1
What are the Results?...... 2
The History and Philosophy of Worldwide Marriage Encounter...... 3
What is a Sharing Circle?...... 7
The Purpose of a Sharing Circle...... 7
What Makes a Circle Prosper?...... 8
What Weakens a Circle?...... 8
A Message for Circle Members...... 9
Circle Mission Statement...... 9
How to Use This Booklet...... 10
Creating A Presentation...... 11
Reasons for Writing...... 13
A Guideline for the Gift of Daily Dialogue...... 14
What To Do About Feelings Concerning the Question for Today...... 18
Reasons for Dialogue...... 19
Rules of Dialogue for Preparing Your Presentation...... 20
Circle Presentation Tips...... 21
Sharing Guidelines...... 22
Generic Outline...... 23
Dialogue Helps...... 25
Rules for Sharing...... 26
F1 - Better Known as HELP!...... 27
Suitable Topics for Presentations...... 28
Presentations
Acceptance...... 29
Being Open to Others...... 32
Children...... 35
Feelings...... 38
Finances...... 40
Free to Be Ourselves...... 42
Generosity...... 45
I Like You; I Love You...... 47
Impact of Dialogue on Us...... 49
Jealousy...... 52
Joy...... 54
Life and Death Feelings...... 56
Listening with All of My Heart...... 59
Love Triangle: You, God, and Me...... 61
New Beginnings: Living our Sacrament...... 64
Priorities...... 66
Privacy...... 68
Reaching Out - Let’s Do It!...... 70
Receiving...... 72
Recognizing My Needs...... 74
Relationships...... 76
Self-Esteem...... 78
Sexuality...... 80
Sharing the Dream...... 84
State of Our Unions...... 86
Today’s Marriage...... 88
What Difficulties Do You Have Tuning Into God?...... 90
Who Do You Think I Am?...... 92
Why Can’t I Stay the Way I Am?...... 94
Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?...... 96
Appendices
Appendix A: Dialogue Questions...... 98
Appendix B: Feeling Words...... 105
Appendix C: Commonly Used Abbreviations...... 107
A Word from the WritersA Word from the Writers
This booklet has been developed for couples that have attended a Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend and are involved in a Sharing Group which is often referred to as a “Circle of Love.”
This booklet is not sponsored by Worldwide Marriage Encounter and it is not our intent to imply that the only way anyone can develop meaningful Presentations is by following the outlines in this booklet. If you are comfortable developing and giving talks at your “Share Group” meetings without using an outline, then by all means, continue. But if you, like many of us, struggle in writing Presentations then, this booklet may be of help to you. The important thing to remember when writing any Presentation is that you share yourselves fully. Your couple love and your relationship with the Lord is what is important and not the Presentation. The Presentations you give are merely the vehicle that help you and others in your “Circle of Love” to grow in your love for each other and the Lord.
We want to thank all of the couples that contributed to this booklet by writing those beautiful outlines and other materials. Please feel free to copy this booklet and make it available to anyone who wants it. In the meantime know that you are loved by someone in Texas. Enjoy!
Yours in Christ,
Mike Maria Durcan
Dallas World Wide Marriage Encounter Community
September, 1990
A Word from the Editors
It was obvious to us that the Durcan’s and the Dallas Marriage Encounter Community put forth a great deal of effort in creating this Presentation Guide. With multiple generations of copy, pages missing, and nearly ten years gone by, we felt it time for a revision. The vast majority of credit for the writing of this Presentation Guide goes to the Durcan’s and those couples who worked tirelessly to create this for others. We have tried only to give the Presentation outlines a more uniform feel while clarifying certain sentences and concepts. We have also expanded the number of suggested Scripture readings. If you notice any grammatical or spelling errors, please notify us so that we can make the necessary changes. Many new ideas for this Presentation Guide came from the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Web Site located at In particular from the Web Site, many ideas need to be credited to Doug Diana Konz of Albany, Minnesota.
This Presentation Guide is available to you from us on disk (Word Perfect Suite 8). Should you like a copy, please send your request to:
John C. Cassandra D. Pinheiro
East Tennessee Marriage Encounter Community
3500 Sutherland Avenue Apartment L303
Knoxville, TN 37919
(865) 588-8589
Special Thanks To...
The Worldwide Marriage Encounter Community of East Tennessee for their patience, guidance, love and support. Each and everyone within this community is truly our second family.
What is Worldwide Marriage Encounter?
What is Worldwide Marriage Encounter?What is Worldwide Marriage Encounter?
Worldwide Marriage Encounter is a movement in the Catholic Church aimed at revitalizing Christian Marriage. It is the largest and longest-lived pro-marriage movement in the world and is active in 83 countries. Recently, World Wide Marriage Encounter celebrated its 31st anniversary in the United States.
Currently, at least 15,000 couples a year attend a World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend in the United States. Overall, over 2,000,000 couples have attended a United States World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend in the last 31 years with 5,000,000 more couples attending Weekends in other countries during the same time period.
The Weekend is Catholic in orientation and is expressed in the traditions and understanding of the Catholic Church. However, it is open to all faith expressions and 30% of the spaces on each Weekend are reserved for non-Catholics.
In addition to the Catholic experience of the World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend, eleven other denominations also conduct World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekends: Lutheran, United Methodist, Baptist, United Church of Christ, Episcopal, Presbyterian, Reformed, Seventh Day Adentists, Orthodox, Mennonite and United Church of Canada.
One of the key elements of World Wide Marriage Encounter is continued support after the Weekend. The experience of the Weekend is meant to last a lifetime, but living God’s Plan is quite often in direct opposition to living the World’s plan. Continued support of other Encountered couples and priests is encouraged and fostered through small sharing groups and community events designed to keep the couples “centered on Christ and focused on each other.”
January 1, 2000Section V Marriage Encounter Presentation GuidePage 1
What are the Results?
What are the Results?
The divorce rate among Catholic couples attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend is just 2% versus the 50% national average.
The Marriage Encounter experience not only benefits the couple and their sacrament, but also has positive effects on family communications and parenting.
In addition to improved communication, the Marriage Encounter experience positively influences a couples spirituality and religious practice in both the short and long term, with over 70% of the couples making the Weekend reporting a greater openness to God and prayer, even years later.
A significant number of couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend become more involved in their parish in lay leadership roles and liturgical ministries.
Less than 15% of the couples making a Marriage Encounter Weekend rated their marriage as excellent before the Weekend, but nearly 65% rated their marriage excellent after the Weekend, a 400% increase!
Over 90% of the couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend consider it “very good” to “excellent.”
More than 80% of the couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend said that even years later, their experience continues to have a significant impact on intimacy and closeness in their marriage.
January 1, 2000Section V Marriage Encounter Presentation GuidePage 1
The History and Philosophy of Worldwide Marriage Encounter
The History and Philosophy of Worldwide Marriage Encounter
The story of Marriage Encounter began in 1952 when a young Spanish Diocesan LaborerPriest named Father Gabriel Calvo began developing a series of conferences for married couples. Father Calvo’s focus was on the development of an open and honest relationship within marriage and learning to live out a Sacramental relationship in the service of others. Each Presentation ended with a question designed to encourage the couple to look at the concepts presented in terms of their own relationship. For approximately ten years, “The Marriage Teams of Pope Pius XXI,” served as the presenting teams were called, traveled throughout Spain with this series of conferences for married couples. They asked the participants for reflection upon themselves, their relationship with each other, and with God.
In 1962, Father Calvo presented the conferences as a Weekend retreat to 28 couples in his native Barcelona. The experience enjoyed immediate success and rapidly spread throughout Spain as the Encuentro Conjugal.
James and Mercedes Ferrer, one of the earliest couples involved with the conferences in Spain, addressed the International Confederation of Christian Family Movements (ICCFM) together with Father Calvo in Caracas in 1966. It was there that “Encuentro Conjugal” was born in the New World. The Weekends spread to Latin America under the aegis of the Movimiento Familiar Cristiano (MFC) to Spanish speaking couples in the United States.
The Encounter movement began its growth in the English speaking world when at the close of the Christian Family Movement (CFM) Convention at Notre Dame University in 1967, a Mexican couple and an American missionary priest from Mexico presented the Weekend to seven couples and a few priests. The Encuentro Conjugal received the active support of Christian Family Movement and Pat and Patty Crowley, founders of Christian Family Movement, who invited Spanish couples and priests to come to the United States and conduct Weekends for both Spanish and English speaking couples. In the summer of 1968, 50 couples and 29 priests accepted the invitation and presented Weekends in the United States.
By January of 1969, American couples and priests were conducting Marriage Encounter Weekends. A New Jersey couple, Jamie and Arline Whalen, called together those couples and priests who had presented two or more of what was now known as Marriage Encounter Weekends. A National Executive Board was formed with Jamie and Arline as the first executive couple. Marriage Encounter remained affiliated with Christian Family Movement. The second board meeting was held in 1969 at Notre Dame in conjunction with the Christian Family Movement Convention. The first task of the board was to develop guidelines for the Weekend and to coordinate the development of the movement in the United States and Canada.
In the Diocese of Rockville Center, New York, under the leadership of Edward and Harriet Garzero, Christian Family Movement President couple, and Father Charles Gallagher, S.J., a youth retreat master, the movement was growing rapidly. Philosophical differences with the National Leadership began to appear. In New York, stress was placed on the follow-up to the Weekend as well as on the Weekend itself. There was a strong emphasis on the development of a Marriage Encounter “community” to provide support for living the values learned through the Weekend, especially for the “Dialogue” as a technique for communication through the sharing of feelings. In addition, the renewal of the Sacrament of Matrimony was a strong focus as a means for renewing the Catholic Church. The Long Island Leadership of the “New York Expression” of Marriage Encounter separated from the National Board. The New York Expression formed Worldwide Marriage Encounter. Today, Worldwide and National Marriage Encounter exist as two different expressions of the original Encuentro Conjugal of Father Gabriel Calvo.
In the fall of 1971, the New York Group which, for a year, had been sponsoring Weekends weekly in the New York area, made the decision to spread the experience throughout the United States and other parts of the world. Teams traveled first to Grand Forks, North Dakota with the assurance of financial, training, and personnel support from the New York family until the new unit could support itself. The only condition was that once the area was self-supporting the same assistance would be given to other areas. By December of the same year, the Weekend had reached Santa Barbara, California, the site of the first Worldwide Marriage Encounter .
At about the same time, Worldwide Marriage Encounter began its international expansion. Team couples were sent to Belgium and then England. The expansion continues today. The Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend is now offered in Latin America, Europe, Africa, Australia, and Asia as well as in Canada and the United States. The number of countries in which the Weekend is given now totals 83. In 1978, the International Council was formed and includes leadership teams (couple and priest) from seven secretariats: Asia, South Pacific, Pan-Africa, Europe, United States, Canada, and Latin America. As of 2000, Alberto and Marinaty d’ElaMora in Mexico City, Mexico and Fr. Jonas Guerrero Corona of Jalisco, Mexico are the International Coordinating Team.
Although Worldwide Marriage Encounter began as a Roman Catholic experience, it has always provided openings for couples of other faiths. Many of these couples have seen the potential the Weekend offers for Church renewal for their own denominations. In 1971, the Weekend was introduced to the Jewish and Episcopal faiths. Worldwide Marriage Encounter provided the initial financial support and guidance needed for these expressions to flourish. The spread of the Weekend to other faiths continues. An Interfaith Board meets twice a year for the sake of communication and support. Eleven Protestant faiths are now affiliated with Worldwide Marriage Encounter. They, together with the Roman Catholic Expression make up the Board. Other expressions are: Baptist, Lutheran, Episcopal/Anglican, Presbyterian, Mennonite, Reformed, United Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist, United Methodist, United Church of Christ, and Orthodox.
Affiliation with Worldwide Marriage Encounter requires a commitment of fidelity to the Worldwide Outline (except for necessary theological changes), having all team members on a given Weekend be of the same faith denomination, and supporting the daily Dialogue technique as a practice and value.
Today, the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend is offered in in all 50 states. In 1983, approximately 1500 Weekends were presented to about 25,000 couples (these figures do not include Protestant expressions). It is estimated 1,250,000 people have experienced the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend!
The National Board of Worldwide Marriage Encounter is made up of a couple and a priest from each of the sixteen sections across the country. The National Executive Team is presently Lee and Jan Kremer of Algonquin, Illinois and Fr. Gerry Bolduc, OMI. The National Office is located in San Bernardino, California at 2810 East Highland Avenue, Suite 106, 92404-4666.
The basic philosophy of Worldwide Marriage Encounter rests on the belief that the Sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders are a call to unity for the couple and the priest. For the married couple this is a call first of all to unity with each other. That unity in love is a Sacramental sign to the Church of Jesus’ love for all of us. They, therefore, not only receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, but their relationship becomes the Sacrament. Their daily “yes” to one another is also a yes to the Church which has called them to a Sacramental way of life, not only for their own sakes, but for the sake of the Church. They belong, not only to each other, but are called also to a unity with others as their Sacrament.
The priest experiences a call to unity with his people; they ask him to be their priest. Just as Matrimony is not a private affair for a couple, a priest’s priesthood is not his own. He is, therefore, not his own man. The call to celibacy in the Latin Rite Church is not a call to chaste bachelorhood, but a call to intimacy, involvement, and belonging to his people.
The Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend is designed as a series of Presentations by a trained team of three couples and a priest. Each of these Presentations involves a sharing of some aspect of their own relationship concluding with a question for the personal reflection and discussion of the participants (couples, priests, and religious). The design is such that the Weekend is a private experience. There are no group discussions.
The experience begins on Friday evening and concludes late Sunday afternoon. It is usually held at a retreat house or hotel. Generally, 20-30 couples participate.
Worldwide Marriage Encounter sees its Weekend experiences as the beginning of the Encounter. Follow-up programs and the development of the Encounter community at the local level are seen as a vital part of the continuing growth and support. For the couple, these provide an opportunity for continued discernment of their role and mission within the Church, usually in the context of the parish. Large numbers of Encountered couples tend to become involved in parish leadership roles, especially in ministries relating to religious education, marriage preparation, family life programs, Liturgy, prayer and spirituality. Diocesan or interparochial programs such as RighttoLife and Natural Family Planning are also areas that involve many Encountered couples. For these couples, the Encounter community continues to be a source of continuing strength and support.