Tuesday, December 22, 2009

THE FAMILY; CHILDREN OF DEAF SHARE THEIR LIVES

By GLENN COLLINS

Published: December 15, 1986

photo of Alan and Annjoy Marcus (NYT/William E. Sauro); photo of Samuel and Rachelle Landau (NYT/William E. Sauro)

''I say to my brother now, 'Why couldn't we ever talk about these things?' '' said 22-year old Annjoy Marcus. ''It's been such an important part of our lives.''

''It's hard to explain, but it was something you just didn't ever discuss,'' said her 26-year-old brother, Alan. ''It's so liberating, now, to be able to deal with this.''

What they were discussing - in words and in the graceful pantomime of sign language - was the experience of growing up as the hearing children of deaf parents. They shared that experience last week with other adult children of the deaf at a conference that marked the latest public expression of a movement that is focusing new attention on deafness in the family.

No statistics exist on the number of Americans with family members who are hearing-impaired, but their numbers are believed to be large. Census studies cited at the conference estimate that 2 million people in the United States are profoundly deaf and that more than 18 million Americans have some hearing impairment. Other studies suggest that 90 percent of children born to deaf adults can hear normally.

The meeting at Marymount Manhattan College in New York, the first of its kind on the East Coast, offered insights about both the benefits and the burdens of growing up in the families of the deaf. The gathering was the most recent evidence of a trend toward increasing communication between the deaf, their parents and children, and the educators and practitioners who work with them.

The 100 participants included the hearing-impaired, their family members and experts in the field. Marked occasionally by tears and often by laughter, the daylong meeting offered simultaneous translation for both the deaf and the hearing.

''It's only during the last two years or so that children of deaf adults 'came out' in any numbers,'' said Nancy Frishberg, a linguist at I.B.M. who has conducted research on sign language. Dr. Frishberg cited the influence of dramatic portrayals of deaf people and their families, such as the movie version of ''Children of a Lesser God'' and the Hallmark Hall of Fame television production of ''Love Is Never Silent.''

However, Dr. Frishberg and others at the meeting said the primary impetus for the new focus on families of the deaf was the work of an education and advocacy organization, the Children of Deaf Adults (CODA), a sponsor of the conference. The group, based in Santa Barbara, Calif., has attracted 500 members since its founding in 1983, and now has five chapters around the country.

Many hearing children of deaf parents said at the meeting that sharing insights about the culture of the deaf had enabled them to appreciate an experience they had undervalued. ''It is a culture that some try to reject as adults,'' said Mike Jacobs, president of an executive search firm in Manhattan. ''But now many are realizing that it's an experience that gives us so much in common - well, it just takes your breath away.''

As a young child, Mr. Jacobs began signing to his deaf parents during radio broadcasts. When he was 5, he said, ''family legend has it that one night, while I was interpreting what was on the air, I turned to the radio and said, 'Wait a minute!' ''

He added, ''We children of deaf parents share many stories of assuming early responsibility.''

Mr. Jacobs stressed that this had its positive aspects, and Mr. Marcus agreed that it could foster maturity and independence. ''But I also feel that I had no childhood,'' Mr. Marcus said. A Need for Research

''We need much more research into the roles we take,'' said Lou Ann Walker, the author of ''A Loss for Words,'' her memoir of living in a family with deaf parents. Some at the conference said the book, published last fall, was the catalyst for re-examining their own childhoods.

One of the roles Ms. Walker referred to was that of mediator between parents and society, a role she likened to that of children of immigrants who do not speak English. ''Sometimes we were annoyed by all the questions,'' she said. ''Can your parents talk, can they drive a car, can they work? Of course they could! But people felt that somehow if your parents couldn't hear, they were totally disabled.''

Society's insensitivity toward the deaf was often infuriating, Mr. Marcus said. ''The other kids would ask about my grandmother, 'Oh, is she the lady that's deaf and dumb?' '' he said. ''And I'd get angry and explain that the word 'dumb' means stupid, and that my grandmother wasn't.''

He added: ''Dealing with my parents' deafness wasn't the problem. The problem was dealing with the world's perception of their deafness.''

The conference was also sponsored by Gallaudet University in Washington, a 180-year-old school for the deaf, and Marymount Manhattan College, which offers the only certified undergraduate program for educators of the deaf in New York State. The address of Children of Deaf Adults is P.O. Box 30715, Santa Barbara, Calif. 93130.

A 19-year-old Marymount sophomore at the conference, Marcella Mitchell, said she had learned signing from a cousin. ''A lot of people look at the hearing-impaired as deaf people, instead of people who just happen to be deaf,'' said Ms. Mitchell. ''I wish people could just look at them as human beings.''

At the conference, some adult children of the deaf movingly described evidence of their parents' love. ''My parents slept every night with their hands reaching through the railings of the crib so they would know when I was crying or moving,'' said Mary Ann Klein of the New York Society for the Deaf.

''Being here, it's been fascinating, and it's made me wonder whether my children will suffer some of these effects,'' signed Samuel Landau of Manhattan. He and his wife, Rachelle, who is also deaf, have three children, aged 7, 5 and 1, all of whom can hear. ''I think it's so necessary for us to be talking about these things,'' he said.

''I don't feel guilty, though, that I've involved my kids in the deaf culture,'' said Howard R. Busby, a professor and administrator at Gallaudet University. He is the father of four hearing children, aged 6 to 26. ''I think it's been a very positive experience for them.''

In fact, many of the deaf participants took delight in sharing the humor they sometimes find at the junction of the hearing and nonhearing worlds. One of the more amusing moments came when Dr. Busby described the antics of his 6-year-old. ''He's very proud of showing off my deafness to his schoolmates,'' he signed. ''To prove I'm deaf he stands behind me and yells - and I don't respond, to his great delight.''

''But one day when he was trying this, by chance I did happen to look around while he was yelling. You know, I think he's still wondering whether I'm a faker or not!''

http://www.nytimes.com/1986/12/15/style/the-family-children-of-deaf-share-their-lives.html?&pagewanted=1