This Work Is Dedicated to Kendal Gracie, Who at Two, During a Potty Training Session, Learned

This Work Is Dedicated to Kendal Gracie, Who at Two, During a Potty Training Session, Learned


EssentialsofOF the Uunglamorous

BY Diana Kraus-Anderson

This is dedicated to my eldest granddaughter, who, after going pee at two, learned was wiping her vulva with such exuberance and pride that she corrected everyone thereafter for a while, including her mother.


I was a grandmother and card- carrying lLicensed mMidwife of almost thirty years when the epiphany hit that girl’s’ ownership of their genitals occurs around two, when words and concepts of body parts and functions are first introduced in the process of potty training.

If some girls are self-aware and managing self-care by knowledgeable instruction at age two, then all girls understand basic urine and genital information by kindergarten, age four to five. This intensive period of body education changes the baby girl wearing diapers, dependent on others, into a ‘panty girl’, potty trained, self-aware of her body’s functions and generally free from needing assistance.

Every time afterward,s hand- wash routine is part of preschool, day care, and school curriculums. It is posted at most public and restaurant restrooms. What is NOT common are the terms and language about the female anatomy and physiology.Healthy urinary and genital hygiene habits remain undeveloped, continuing to suffer from distortion, misinformation, and manipulation. It is time to talk frankly about gGirl sStuff and the essentials of the unglamorous facts of life about our female bodies, for our own sake.

This general outline is meant as a practical guide for females of any age, including new parents and day care providers of infant and baby girls, to help start the basic conversation about unique-to-female anatomy, functions, exercises, and hygiene.It is vital because of the proven success in helping girls to women of all ages, even in their nineties, improve if not maximize the quality of their lives.

To learn, use, and teach by example the basic body language of females, knowing it is our daughters, granddaughters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters,nieces, girlfriends, and all future females who benefit, including ourselves, is the ultimate honor we can give our gender.



[Editor2]Chapter 1BASIC ANATOMY








Chapter 9SEX












Half of all women report urinary leaking with sneezing, coughing, or laughing, at one time in life if not chronically.Pads are marketed to the general public tomake it appear normal and practicallyunavoidable.If pelvic health depends on how well our pelvic floor muscles are performing, how apt a name for the commercial branding of such products, becoming more streamlined,sic sexier, targeting younger women in outlined skirts. “This is normal” or “It’s okay to leak, even these streamlined women do,” says the image without a word. Advertised bladder support pessaries tell women that a disposable, externally placed pessary/doughnut (albeit internally placed in the vagina) can do what our body’s design of near perfection in performance does whenpelvic floor muscles are toned.

Up to one in three women in America (30 percent%) is estimated to suffer from pelvic floor disorders (PFD).*1 These include prolapsed organs of the pelvis (POP), urinary stress incontinence (USI), and sensory, emptying problems of the lower urinaryor GI tracts (IBS, Crones-like disorder).

About a third of women suffering from pelvic floor disorders will seek surgery, and of those repaired, another third will require a second or more surgery.*2

Pregnant women request surgical deliveries at a 30 percent% rate to avoid bladder leaking(incontinence) and pelvic organ prolapse(POP) afterward, though data does not support long- term prevention of PFDs by doing so.*3And while episiotomy rates have declined nationally and vary by locale, everyone knows a female today, with a vaginal delivery episiotomy horror story. Proven meritless as routine protocol in the second half of the second decade of the twenty-fir21stcCentury but taught in USuniversities and practiced by half the obstetricians nationwide,episiotomy is Western medicine’s version of female genital mutilation with long- term damage and quality of life implications for the female performed on.

There are hundreds ofeuphemisms for the female genitals*11notintended to be respectful,beneficial to females, orused incivilized conversation.It isa language of violence and subjugationwith intentional promotion of self-hatred,disassociation, and ambivalence towards being manipulated.

Culturally, as females, we do not share our vulvas.The closest we get to sharing general nudity is at the beachor sunbathing at pools inneighborhood, school, or sport programs.Into adulthood, few occasions outside spas or gyms find females naked, let alone spread eagle by intention.The mostan average female sees of other females’ vulvas is her own, her daughters, maybe sisters or friends.And except those in OB/GYN careers orsex entertainment industry, familiarity is not on our side foreasygoing chit chat about female genitals andour unique features.The Great Wall of Vaginas art exhibit posted on FB had an inquiry posting “W‘what’s with all the little penises?”’ reflectingan honest unfamiliaritywithafemale vulva and clitoris in specific.

The stakes are high for girls to know and own their bodies.Incest, rape, and violence against girls and women are at epic levels, domestically and worse globally.Eighty percent 80% of the one1 in five5 women raped in America were raped before age twenty-five25.*4 The2014 NSVRCdata showsone1 in four4 girls were sexually abused by age eighteen,18*5implicating youth’svulnerability and powerlessness.

More than ever, girls need to ACE a positive body image with aAwareness,cCare, and eEsteem based on self-awareness,; self-care, andself-esteem.These aresurvival skills critical formodern girls beginningat potty training when the conversation starts about “what’s going on down there” and develops as she grows and her body changes.This evolving positive dialogue about her female bodyseeds power, self-reverence, andundeniable control, not easily conned out of the girl who owns, controls, and understands by caring forher own body.And if ourphysical body is the “price and burden” we all pay homage to in a lifetime, then a high regard for its well-being, maintenance, and self-preservationis a most proactive and sensible approach.

The only way to know something is to be given its truth from the start, in accurate words.“Wipe your vulva when you pee and wipe your butt when you poop, front to back, all the time” with no reason to confuse terms at potty training age, 1-3one to three years, depending on the girl. Explaining why it matters, front- to- back wiping, is the single most important sanitary habit for females to learn in life. Potty training 101, ‘wiping oneself’ is reviewed while establishing good habits by parents and care providers.Basically, urinary tract infections are reduced by this practice, like handwashing reduces cross-contamination from bodily germs to other things and places.

When helping a potty training little girl learn the language of bodily functions (urination and defecation is way harder than pee and poo), word choicesimprint,leaving impressions on thepsyche about her bodyand other people’s bodies. Realizingthings come out of our body and that two holes allow probing fingers and is where things come out of her body, like poo, pee,or a baby, is a concept.Keep it simple and repeat.

Learn and teach the three holes girls pee, have periods and babies, or poo through, on her pelvic floor.The vulva is the inner and outer labia lips witha hoodcovering the clitoris.Thepee and vagina holesare not visible until legs are spread widely apart. The butt hole lies below the perineum to the back of the pelvic floor.It needs cleaning by wet wipes after each poop, from the butt hole backwards, never wiping frontwards, always back.

Consistent useof accurate terms for genitals and explanations aboutwhat a girl is doing, trying to do, or already did reinforces what she learns and reduces confusion.Connecting sensations of needing to urinate or defecate in the abdomen to sitting on the toilet in the brain requires repetition for a complete circuit to form in toddlers’ brains. ‘Prompted vVoiding’ istwo2 hourly assisted bathroom visitsformemory impaired individualswithoutexplanations, whereas toddlers need explanations and positive reinforcement to strengthen the circuit of sensation to take action and control.

Clitoris is a universal word for which there is no other.Pronounced witha hard C or K sound, the accent’s on the first syllable— – “klit`er iss.”. Anyone saying otherwise is incorrect, period.Respect the female body’s most intimate genital part with the knowledge of how to say it and best care for it.It is our secretlittle oasis andbeautiful paradise, filled with such powerful magic it possesses up to four decades of fertility potential, half a female’s lifetime, andnever ages or stops functioning (from age, that is).

The most frequent insult to the female body is the inaccurate use of the word vagina for the vulva, as ifthe vulva and vagina are unspecific, interchangeable body parts.While the vulva and vagina are inextricably connected and both start with the letter “V”, similarities end there since the vulva is everything outside the female body and can be seen, whereas the vagina is everything inside the female body and cannot be seen.So different are they, in fact, that tissues of the vulva can be used in skin grafts for nipple reconstructing because of the tone, texture, and tactile property similarities to areola tissue of the breast. Tissues of the corrugated vaginal walls are mucous membrane, like one’s mouth, and thereforeare always moist and stretchy in property. Confusing the two terms trivializes and minimizes the importance and valueof knowing the difference.

Inaccurate words or reflectionsneed immediate correction for opportunity and reinforcement sake.As a parent, question and listen to perceptions, sometimes more insightful around others, about what is known, thought, or felt as your girldevelops the language of her body andunderstanding of its functions.ALL girls deserve the favor of useful language about their physical forms. Encourage her courage to use the correct wordsand insist it neither cute nor funny to use pet terms or vulgar euphemisms for female genitals ranging from lude to crude to violent.Like age- appropriate movies, vigilance about unwholesome exposures and toxic or negative female portrayals and influences across the board, is a parent’s job to identify, limit, or restrict.

Bottom line, apotty- training little girl has different issues and needs than from whatteens dothan from childbearing and breast-feeding femalesdo than from what menopausal into geriatric women do.What is the same through the stages and ages of ourfemales’ bodies, even when reproductive functions change within as we progress throughlife, is that weall have the same three holes in our pelvic floors.From womb to tomb, we must manage, care for, and protect these vital orifices,our whole lives.

While not a great topic of conversation for a dinner party, it is completely appropriate to talk a girl through her potty associations with your bathroom visits, “Ssee mommy go pee?”, “Ssee how we wipe front to back?”, “Nnow let’s wash hands.” This happens organically with siblings close in age or day care, where being around other kids going potty is educational and social. It’s all about positive reinforcement and routine.

Medical science doesn’t find theseissues sexy or financially lucrativebecause it’s about women’s quality of life and, often, not life threatening.Unlike maternity care, gynecology and urinary care are routine and generally preventive untilabnormal health conditions arise.Hence, what we are prompted to not discuss (private matters) as girls is double downed on in reality as adult women.

Enhancement and dysfunction literature with abundant, diversegear can be good sources of explicit information and for sexual aids butis clearly adult, mature oriented, not intended for minors familiarizing themselves with their bodies.

So the conversation is up to us to initiate, never to stop with nothing to lose, and only dignity, pride, and self-worth to gain.It is all about ourgenital organs, urinary and alimentary systems coexisting and working togetherwithin our bodies and our understandingthem.Big or small, female beauty is being redefined by authentic health, vitality, and socially conscious, proactive behaviors.

The muscles of the pelvic floor are the vulva’s domain and work with the vagina during sex and childbirth but additionally support the pelvic organs— – bladder, uterus and colon, and the abdomen, indirectly.

Reclined, the three openingsin the pelvic floor, top to bottom, are the urethra plus sphincter to the bladder, the vagina to the uterus, and anus plus sphincter to the colon.

The female vulva, what the eye sees externally, covers the mysterious puboviceral musculature of the pubococcygeus, puboperineal, and puborectalis, which collectively defy gravity by holding everything in our abdomens in place from below! A mighty hammock it is, especially when strengthened by daily toning exercises, done effectively.

Why do pelvic floor muscle exercises matter and work well to improve femalelife quality when done routinely, daily, and considered important at all times?

  1. They support the pelvic organs, abdominally indirectly.
  2. It gives one control over when to pee or poop.
  3. Supports extra weight during pregnancy.
  4. Heals perineum by increasing blood circulation after birth.
  5. Makes one’s sex experience more gratifyingly interactive, byhaving control over supportive yet sensual genital structurescontained within and without the body.

Learning the vagina’s role—; menstrual cycles, sexuality, and having babies— comes later, at age- appropriate stages, depending on cultural habits and beliefs.

It is a universal gradual dawning of truths, myths, and realities with whicheach girl acquires knowledge about her individual body and being female in this world, which is ever changeful as a principle and favors males financially and politically, if not physically.

The revered Virgin Mary image is more than a religious icon that resembles the female vulva; she isthe metaphor for the multiple miracles the vivacious vulva performs, physical to metaphysical. These images vary little yet are never identical, just like the female vulva: always her face looks out from a cloak- hooded head,which then drapes gracefully to her upfolded arms with clasped hands at heart, dropping softly around her feet, poking out the bottom, surrounded by a glowing aura.

So beautifully similar, you will never see Mary the same.

La Luz De Tu Fe:The Light of Your Faith

Architecturally rare Sheela na gigsarepPagan Celtic carvingsof female figures exaggerating the exhibitionof her vulva, predating Christianity into the 1600s. Once on most buildingsfor protection across Ireland and British Isles, few survive today. Likened to gGrotesques,gGargoyles, and hHunkypPunks, Sheela na gigs represent female lust and are considered hideous, sinful, and corrupting, by men.


Although all female vulvas of every race look similar at birth, no two vulvas are identical:a clitoris with a hoodcovering it, twoouterand inner labia lips, a urethra and vaginal opening, perineum,and anus. The outer labia lips are visible when standing naked sometimes with edges of inner labia showing. Inside between the inner labia lips, below the clitoris is the smooth vestibule where the urethra lies above the vaginal opening, visible only when legs are widespread.

The cClitoris’ comes in different sizes, some more visible depending onclitoral length and glan size and the amount of hood tissue.The clitoral hoodcomes down on either side to form inner labia lips and must be pulled up and back to expose the clitoris for cleaning and sexual pleasure.The inner labia lips must be spread apart to see the urethra and vaginal openings, and when lying down, the perineum and anus are visible.

Soft at first, pubic hair grows on the pubic bone at puberty then eventually spreads to coverthe outer labia lips in maturity andis more curly and coarse.

Girls’’vVulvatTeen to adult fFemale vVulva

Lieay on your back, semi-reclined, propped up comfortably.

Use anadjustable mirror. Covering the pubis, pelvis bones bottom, and pelvic muscle flooris your vulva.It is everything outside the body.

Spread your legs wide. Thick outer labia lips separate to show the thin inner labia lips cloaking your clitoris,coming down themiddle smooth vestibule to the vaginal opening, passing the urethra.Below is the anus and back of the pelvic floor muscles.

Look at and feel your clitoris. Use the up-side-down V- hold to lift the hood up to see it. If tickled or rubbed gently, your clitoris may harden due to erectile tissueof the clitoris glans head and body.It plays an important role in sexual gratification andis a physical component of orgasm. The clitoris is sensitive and responsive to sensation,touch, and lubrication, amongst other pleasures.