Stages of Change Model Exercise

Handout 3.6.3

Mare’s Story

Behavioral Change Objective: To make safe, healthy, responsible decisions about sex and relationships.

A freshman girl named Mare moves from the countryside to attend Addis AbabaUniversity. She moves into a dormitory with all the popular “arada” girls in school. She feels very “fara” and really wants to fit in. The “arada” girls she lives with recognize her beauty and decide to transform her appearance. Mare is then transformed into a beautiful “arada” girl.

Thrilled with her new appearance and all the attention she is getting from men, Mare begins a transactional sex relationship with an older guy named Binyam. Mare notices that every time she meets up with Binyam he brings her gifts and gives them to her before or after sex, but she does not realize this is a transactional sex relationship. She continues to enjoy the growing attention that the men are giving her and her new found popularity.

Mare begins to question her relationship with Binyam when he abruptly disappears from her life for a few weeks. She starts to wonder why he is always giving her gifts when they decide to have sex.

Confused about her relationship with Binyam, Mare confides in a friend she trusts. Mare’s friend helps her to see that the relationship she is in is a transactional one. She realizes that this kind of relationship may not be the best thing for her. Mare, wanting to get out of her current situation, begins to hang out with more of her old friends and tries to avoid the popular girls and calls from Binyam. When Binyam finally confronts her, Mare tells Binyam that their relationship is not working and breaks it off.

Binyam begs for Mare’s forgiveness, and consumed by her desire to be popular she resumes dating him again. Mare also decides that it isn’t fair that Binyam alone gets to have several partners, while she is only dedicated to him; so she decides to date other guys on the side.

Mare’s growing popularity among the boys and her increased sexual promiscuity begins to cause jealousy and to alienate her from the popular girls. Mare is conflicted by her desire to be popular and her desire to have a healthy relationship with only one boy.

Feeling isolated from her friends and confused about her sexuality, Mare reconsiders her actions. She wonders whether or not having all these partners is really good for her and if this is what she really wants for herself. Mare begins to concentrate on her studies and not go out on the weekends. She stops going out so much with the popular crowd.

Finally, she decides to break it off with all of her sexual partners and wait for the man she really loves and respects. Mare spends seven months without a partner, trying to decide what kind of a man she really wants for a long-term and healthy relationship.