Scoring Keys for self-assessments in the Chapter on Love
Knox’s Love Attitudes Scale: Are you a Romantic or a Realist?
Each of the 30 items is keyed so that the lower number responses represent more romantic responses; higher numbered responses represent more realistic responses. Sum your scores to yield a total score.
The lower your total score (30 is the lowest possible score), the more you identify with a romantic view of love. The higher your total score (150 is the highest possible score), the more realistic you are in your love attitudes. A score of 90 places you at the midpoint of the romantic-realist dimension.
Romantic thinkers tend to accept a vision of love as the kind of relationship portrayed in romantic fairy tales and adult media where love at first sight leads easily to lifelong happiness. They may agree with statements such as “As long as we are in love, nothing else matters – we should get married.” “When the right person comes along you will just know.” “If two people really love each other they will definitely have a happy marriage.” “True love is permanent; nothing will ever change it.” “Jealousy is a good sign of a person’s love for someone.”
Do not confuse romantic thinking with romantic gestures such as poetry, surprise gifts, back massages, love notes, flowers, and candle-lit dinners. Realists certainly value those times too! But realists differentiate between romantic gestures and love. Realists are generally able to differentiate between love and lust/infatuation too.
Realistic thinkers realize that it takes more than love to make a long-term, committed relationship work. They understand the importance of getting to know one’s partner gradually, over time, before making commitments. And they realize that the marriage vows that say “in good times and in bad” are truly reflective of what couples will experience in long-term relationships.
Sternberg’s Triangular Love Scale
First, add your scores for the items on each of the three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Then divide each score by 15. This will yield an average rating for each of the 3 subscales.
An average rating of 5 on a scale indicates a moderate level of the component. A higher rating indicates a greater level, and a lower rating indicates a lower level. Examining your ratings on these components will give you an idea of the degree to which you perceive your love relationship in each of the 3 components. For example, you might find that passion is stronger than commitment, a pattern that is common in early stages of an intense romantic relationship. You might also find it interesting to complete the questionnaire again in a few months to see what, if anything, has changed over time.
You can compare your results to the 7 different types of love. If you score high only on intimacy you have friendship; high only on passion is infatuation; high only on commitment is empty love. If you score highly on both intimacy and passion you have romantic love; high on both intimacy and commitment you have companionate love; high on both commitment and passion you have fatuous love. If you score high on intimacy, passion and commitment you have Sternberg’s ideal: consummate love.
Are you and your partner well matched? Recall that Sternberg suggests that a well matched couple will probably be quite happy. If your partner is willing, have him/her complete the questionnaire so that you compare your scores.
If you and your partner are not well matched some question to ask are, “How likely is it that one or both of us will change in the short or long-term future? Are we headed in the same direction or are we likely going to continue to be frustrated by differing levels of intimacy and/or passion, and/or commitment?” Remember that it takes two people “on the same page” to make a satisfying relationship. And people change only when they truly want to change and have the skills to break old patterns and develop new ones… not because somebody else wants them to change.