Feeling vulnerable at second level
First year in secondary school can be a high-risk time for being bullied,writes Marie Murray
FIRST DAY at secondary school may not seem to be as momentous as the first day at school but it is.
It may not have images of clinging children and weeping parents but most young people are anxious going into this new educational phase and most parents are conscious of the enormous transitions that will take place in the coming years.
The "child" who enters secondary school emerges a young adult. The intervening experiences are crucial.
Parents are aware of this and while they may not linger at the school gates they will ponder on the many influences that will shape their child in the years ahead.
First year in secondary school is a wonderful time but it is also a high risk time to be bullied, to be academically overwhelmed, emotionally besieged, to become psycholo- gically distressed or depressed and to be physically exhausted.
Vulnerable young people are obviously more at risk than the psychologically resilient. Unresolved educational challenges are maximised. Socially unskilled are ill equipped to deal with the complexities of adolescent interactions.
Those at risk of being bullied are in a context in which bullies are less visible, have greater opportunities for bullying, are more experienced at bullying and have greater potential to be cruel.
It is not surprising that bullying occurs in secondary school when a range of children at different development stages, from differing family situations, children trying to establish their identities, children with different experiences of being parented and with different, social, intellectual and other abilities are brought together each day into the confined conditions of the classroom.
Despite the best efforts of any school these conditions are the natural breeding grounds for bullying. It is important, therefore, that parents are hypervigilant for signs of their child being bullied in secondary school and that they remind themselves of the symptoms so that they can act immediately if they suspect that bullying is taking place.
Bullying can involve humiliation and denigration, physical assault, blackmail and extortion, intimidation and threat, theft and damage to possessions.
It is a psychological assault on the happiness, the self- esteem, the identity, the confidence and eventually even the competence of those who are bullied. It is insidious. It infiltrates every aspect of a student's life.
It may take the form of exclusion from the group, from information, from invitations, from activities. It may require bringing protection money to school, having lunch stolen, being afraid to be out of sight of adults, being afraid of changing rooms, of "accidental" injury on the playing fields and of being alone when going home.
It can mean being called a range of names, of receiving sexual or threatening texts, of fabricated defamatory stories being propounded, of lies posted on social networking sites and records of physical or psychological abuse being displayed for others to see.
Young people may not always communicate directly that they are being bullied preferring to test adult understanding by dropping hints or by behavioural change.
Sometimes it is just too hard for them to put words on the experience, they feel ashamed and worthless and do not want their parents to know they can- not cope with secondary school.
Common among the signs of being bullied are excessive or sudden mood change, particularly from happiness to unhappiness at school. Improved mood on days off school and during holidays, deterioration in academic achievement, statements about dislike of schoolmates, making negative self-comments, having too many unexplained cuts, bruises, torn clothes, ripped books and losing or forgetting too many possessions, wanting to bring extra money to school, anxious or angry if not allowed to do so and developing minor physical complaints or illnesses to avoid going to school at all.
Parental response to bullying is crucial: that parents listen carefully, that they respond sympathetically, investigate thoroughly and confront bullying unambiguously.
It is important that bullying is never dismissed as "normal" or as "bitching" or with the message to "fight back" or "stand up" for oneself but is understood by parents and schools as unacceptable psychological attack that escalates if not arrested and that clear anti-bullying policies, practices, procedures and supports are in place in schools to which parents and pupils sign up each academic year.
• Clinical psychologist Marie Murray is director of the student counselling services in UCD and co-author of The ABC of Bullying
© 2008 The Irish Times
Tuesday, August 26, 2008