Table of Contents
Title Page Title Page
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Table of Contents
Title Page Title Page
Introduction 1
Staging Skits 1
Other Sources of Skits 2
The Big Book of Skits 3
The Airplane 3
Airplane Short Runway 3
American Folk Tale Skit 3
The Ants 4
Artistic Genius 4
The Great Aug 4
The Babies & Dads 5
Backpacking 5
A Bad Turn 5
Balloon Orchestra 5
The Baseball Game 6
Bear Hunt 6
Bee Sting 6
The Root Beer Commercial 7
Bell Ringer #1 7
Bell Ringer # 2 8
Bell Ringer # 3 8
Be Prepared 8
The Best Spitter In The World 8
The Better Thief 8
The Bicycle Shop 9
Big Game Hunting 9
Big Itch 9
The Bigger Jerk 9
The Biggest Turkey 9
Black Bart 10
The Blanket Tossing Team 10
Blindfold 10
Bonfire 10
Border Crossing 10
Brain Shop 11
Brain Transplant 11
The Briefcase 12
A Brotherhood of Scouting 12
The Bubble Gum on the Street 13
The Bubble Gum in the Studios 13
Buffalo Stories 13
Bus Driver 14
C.P.R. 14
Camel Patrol 14
Camp Coffee Sketch 15
Can You Do This? 15
The Candy Shop 15
The Candy Store 15
Candy Store 16
Candy Store (variation) 16
Change Underwear 16
Chewing Gum 16
Chin Faces 16
Climb That 16
The Compass 17
The Complaining Monk 17
Contagious Disease Ward 17
Court Case 18
Court Scene 18
Crazy Charlie 18
Cub Cookout 18
Cub Olympics 19
Cub Scout Socks 19
Cub Shop 19
Damn! (or should I say Darn?) 20
Dancing Knee Dolls 20
The Dangerous Tent 20
The Dead Body 20
The Den Mother's Bouquet 21
Did You Have V-8? 21
Dinner Special 21
Doctor! Doctor! 22
Doctor's Office 22
Doggie Doctor 22
Doggie Doo 22
The Dumb Actors 23
Easter Bunny 23
The Echo 24
Echo, again! 24
Echo Point 24
Elevated Gum 24
The Elevator 25
Emergency Room Doctor 25
The Enlarging Machine 25
Eskimo Pie 25
The Failed Reporter 26
The Fire 26
Firebuilding 26
The Firing Squad 27
Version 2: 27
Fish Market 27
Fishin' 27
Fishing 27
Fishing on a Park Bench 28
Fishing Success 28
The Fishing Trip 28
Flasher 28
Flea 28
The Flea Circus 29
Flora the Flea 29
Fly in the Soup 30
Flying High 30
Fly in the Soup 30
Food, Water & Mirror on the Sahara 30
The Fortune Teller 30
Four Leaf Clover 31
The Four Seasons 31
Fred the Trained Flea 31
Friends of Years 31
The Frightened Hunter 31
Game Show 32
Gathering of the Nuts I 32
Gathering of the Nuts II 32
The General Store 32
The Ghost of Midnight 33
Ghost With One Black Eye 33
Ghostcatchers 33
Giant Worm 34
Glass of Water 34
Go Cart 34
Gone Fishin' 34
The Good Samaritan 34
Good Soup 35
Granny! Wake Up! 35
Granny's Candy Store 35
The Greatest Spitter in the World 36
Grease 36
Green Side Up! Green Side Up! 36
The Greyhound Bus 36
The Growing Machine 37
The Hair Cut Machine 37
Hairy Hamburger 37
Harlem Globetrotters 37
Have You Seen my Belly Button? 38
The Heart Attack 38
Heaven's Gate 38
Herman, The Trained Flea 38
Hiccup for Me 38
The Highest Tree climber in the World 39
A Hot Meal! 39
How do I do That? 40
How to Make the Team 41
How to Wash An Elephant 41
I Gotta Go Wee 41
Igor 42
I'm Gonna Get You! 42
I'm Russian! 42
The Important Papers 43
The Important Meeting 43
In the Furniture Store 43
The Infantry 43
The Injury 44
The Inspection 44
Intelligence 44
In the Furniture Store 44
The Invisible Bench 45
Is a Train Passing Today? 45
Is Captain Kidd Afraid of Himself? 45
Is It Time Yet? 45
I Gotta Go Weee! 46
J.C. Penney 46
Join the Army! 47
Joke Teller 47
Jumbo Burgers 47
The Jump 47
Karate Orientale 48
Keep Canada Beautiful Contest 48
Knot Demonstration 49
The King's Raisins 49
Knot Demonstration 49
The Land Shark 49
The Lawn Mower I 50
The Lawnmower II 50
Learning English 50
Learning the Alphabet 50
Let Me Have It! 51
Letters from Home 51
Lie Detector 52
The Lighthouse Sketch 52
The Lighthouse 52
Lightening Strike 53
Lights, Camera, Action 53
Litter Hurts 53
Little Green Ball 53
Listen at the Wall 53
Living Xylophone 53
Lobster Tail 54
The Loon Hunt 54
Lost Item around Campfire 54
The Lost Lollipop 54
The Lost Quarter 55
Lunch Break 55
Mad Reporter 56
The Magic Bandanna 56
The Magic Doctor's Chair 56
Martian Mamma 56
Measurement Problem 57
Medical Genius 57
Military Genius 57
Mixed Body Acting 57
Mixed Up Magic 57
The Motorcycle Gang 58
The Motorcycle Shop 58
Mr. Kerplunk 58
Musical Genius 59
Musical Toilet Seat Salesman 59
Norbert 59
Napoleon's Last Farewell 60
The New Badge 60
The New Car 60
New Saw 61
News Flash! 61
No Rocket Scientist 62
Nosebleed 62
No Skit 62
Nutty Fisherman 62
The Nurses 62
Offensive Bus Passenger 63
Oh-Wa-Ta-Goo-Siam 63
The Old Gum 63
Old Movie Scene 63
Old Socks 63
The Olde Lighthouse 63
Olympic Drama 64
OOOOOO A Bug! 64
The Operation 64
The Outhouse in the Yangtze River 64
The Outhouse Sketch 65
The Outlaw 65
Over the Cliff 65
The Page (The Skit) 66
Painting the Walls 66
Panther Tracks 66
The Parachute 66
The Party Warehouse 67
Pass the Pepper 67
Patience, Jackass, Patience! 67
Peanuts 68
Peanuts in the Lake 68
Pencils 69
Pet Shop 70
Pickin' Cotton 70
Pickpocket 71
Pickpockets 71
Pickpockets #2 71
Pie in the Face 71
The Pilfered Warehouse 71
The Pirate Family 72
Plane Landing 72
Play Ball 72
PLC Meeting 72
Poison Spring 73
The Poor Excuses 73
Pop Commercial 73
Post Office / King's Royal Paper 73
Potted Plant 74
Presents for the Teacher 74
Prisoner 74
The Professor's Address 74
Puppy in the Box 75
A Quiet Day 75
Raisin 75
Real Thing 76
Reggie and the Colonel 76
The Restaurant 76
Restaurant Minutes 76
Rise, Walk, and Kill, Igor 77
River Run 77
Rowing 77
Salesman 78
Saloon 78
Sarge And The Private 78
School's on Fire 79
Scientific Genius 79
The Scout Uniform 79
Scoutmaster's Brains 79
Scoutmaster's Gift 80
Scoutmaster's Saw 80
The Screwy Navel 80
Shape Up! 81
The Short Runway 81
The Shrimpy Boxer 81
Shut Up! 81
The Siberian Chicken Farmer 82
Sidewalk Climbing 82
Singer 83
Six Wise Travelers 83
The Sleep Walker 83
Slug Trainers 84
The Smart Scout 84
Smoke Signals 84
The Sneeze 84
Soldier In the Battlefield 84
Someone Chanted Evening 84
Sounds of the Lost Scoutmaster 84
The Sounds of the Wilderness 85
Sour Notes 85
Space Derby Skit. 85
The Special Papers 86
Spelling Contest 86
The Split Ball 86
SPL's Too Tough To Be Tasty 87
Spring 87
Spring is Sprung! 87
Star Gazing 88
St. Peter 88
The Statue Warehouse 89
Statues in the Park 89
The Strange Trees 89
Submarine 90
Submarine Patrol 90
Submarine Training 90
The Successful Fisherman 90
Super Clutz 91
A Talking Martian! 91
Tankety Tank 91
Tenting 92
Thar's a Bear 92
There's a Bear! 92
The Thinker 93
The Thirsty Donkey 93
The Thirsty Fisherman 93
Three Against 1000 94
Three Rivers 94
Three Rivers II 94
Three Scoops 95
Ticket Line 95
Time on the Park Bench 95
Timothy Eaton 95
Toothache 96
Toothpaste 96
Tracks 96
The Trained Caterpillar 96
The Train Skit 96
The Trees 97
Trick or Treat 97
Trimming the Christmas Tree 97
Turkey Contest 98
The Twelve Days of Christmas 98
Twist Mouth Family 99
Ugliest Man in the World (or Bad Breath) 99
Ugly Baby 99
Up Harold 99
Upside Down Singers 99
Vampire Snack 99
The Viper is Coming 100
The Wall 100
The Waiter 100
Waiter! 100
The Waiting Room 101
Washington's Farewell 101
Water, Water! 101
We Ain't Got the Money for the Mortgage on the Farm 101
We Hit! 102
The Weather Man 102
The Well-Trained Elephant 103
What the Heck Was That? 103
What Time is it? 104
What's the Problem? 104
What's 2+2? 104
Who Sneezed? 104
Why Are You Late? 105
Worlds Greatest Pitcher 105
The World's Greatest Spitter 105
The World's Ugliest Man 106
What a Day 106
The Wrong Skit 106
You Don't Say! 106
You Need a Tie, Sir 106
You've Broken the Rules! 107
Yukon Winter 107
49...49...49 108
The 5th Floor 109
7 Jerks on the Line 109
Walk-ons, Run-ons and Other Shorts 111
The Announcement 111
Going to Court 111
Beam Me Up 112
Smoke Signals 112
Little Brother 112
Squirrels 112
Its All Around Me! 112
Leaving 112
Pulling String 112
All Over Me 113
Throwing Up 113
Fire Drill 113
Alien 113
The Ruler 113
I'm a Rabbit 113
Missed 113
Pop Quiz 113
Wait! Wait! 113
What a Day 114
The Nutty Fisherman 114
Bee Sting 114
Finale 114
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Introduction
The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits is the result of compiling skits from various Internet Scouting sources, and lots of creative people. This is the first major revision of the Big Book, incorporating more than 150 new skits. At last count there are 377 skits in the Big Book -- this may be the biggest collection of skits in the world. With a little luck, the book will be updated irregularly, as more material comes in.
The Big Book started with the Scouts-L Skits FAQ, and a few other small compilations of skits. People have sent me individual skits and groups of skits. My sincere thanks to Merl Whitebook, the most prolific contributor to this volume. My thanks also to Hans Hussman, Bob Jenkins, the US Scouting Service Project, the Australian Scouting Association, and a cast of other characters.
R. Gary Hendra, The MacScouter, January 1997
Staging Skits
by Merl Whitebook, adapted by the MacScouter
Skits are usually never longer than 3 to 5 minutes and are ideally somewhere around 90 seconds.
Sources of your skits are imagination, Leader magazine, jokes from books, Reader's Digest, campfires, kids, and other leaders, and of course the MacScouter's Big Book of Skits.
Watch out for scratch skits from the kids, because they usually aren't funny, are too long and don't make any sense, not to mention the kids forget what they're supposed to say and do. A real bore to watch. Which leads to the next point -- reserve the right to edit or veto the kids' skits, within reason of course. You've got to avoid swearing, hitting, and stupid, no-sense skits. Though I have seen some original beauties from kids, as well as some wonderful modifications from them, both of which through little if any leader intervention.
Generally, a good way to get the kids involved in a good skit is to provide them with a choice of about two or three skits and let them choose a tried and proven skit, then help them modify it to the number of kids available and the theme.
Rehearse the skit beforehand. It will increase the kids' confidence and can help to avoid whispering, fumbling, amnesia, arguing about who says what, and all sorts of problems.
This task is impossible, but essential to work on. The boys have to speak up so that everyone can hear them. Who cares how good the joke is if you can't hear it. That's where rehearsing comes in handy.
Cue cards can be useful for the kids so that they can remember their lines. Make poster size cards with large, simple writing. A far out idea, but can be useful if the kids can read. And hey! It may unintentionally turn out to be the gag of the weekend! (How about a skit involving cue cards, and the punch line being "But Sir! We can't read!")
Besides the variations mentioned, most of these skits lend themselves rather well to variation of some sort, allowing for easy use throughout a variety of different themes. I saw "The Beer Commercial" originally as a filming of Romeo and Juliet, "The Dumb Actors" can be a filming of any theme related scene, "Peanuts in the Lake" originally had flat out refusals from the relatives, but was modified for an environmental theme, and "Rise, Walk, and Kill, Igor" can have a Scout Troop selling fertilizer, Dr. Mad's Grandmother visiting and the cable company coming by to install a new TV.
Of course, some skits such as "You've Broken the Rules!," "Nosebleed," to some extent "Trimming the Christmas Tree" and "The Infantry is Coming!" are a little more situation specific and depend on prescribed scenery and situations to get the joke done properly. But when possible, decide what you need and then change a skit, even if only minor details mentioned can be changed to fit. The scripts aren't cast in stone.
Avoid rancid skits such as Veech Boton, Ugliest Man in the World, Is it Time Yet?, Nosebleed, and any skit you or your kids have done three times in row (or three times in the past year.) Yes, the kids do love these skits and want to do them again and again, but they become bored sooner or later and start to complain "Not another campfire..." or they call out "I know the joke! He's got a nosebleed!" So try a new skit -- it's just as fun and will improve greatly the enjoyability of your campfires.
Watch out for using or modifying skits that touch on sensitive topics. What used to be considered acceptable jokes no longer are, such as ethnic or handicapped targets. Keep to topics of common ground.
In your skits, a volunteer is usually a pre-selected person who you seem to pluck out of the audience, but of course is planted there. In a pinch, you can just choose your volunteers at random and give them instructions as part of the act. A victim, on the other hand, is a person who is chosen at random or pre- selected (without their knowledge) to be the butt of the joke. Of course, discretion is advised. Try your good humored DC or that Beaver leader who just won't run out of energy.