Social Networking

MySpace.com, Facebook.com, Xanga.com, YouTube.com. Yahoo360.com, MSN Spaces, AOL Red Blogs, and LiveJournal.com

These social networking sites are virtual communities where people convene to chat, IM, post pictures, and blog — and they mystify most parents. There are many reasons why these sites have taken off — they provide instant community, instant celebrity (what kid doesn't want to see themselves on a screen?), and a handy way for trying out new identities, an activity that is both age-appropriate for teens and an essential part of growing up.

Here’s how these sites work: Basically, they're IM on steroids. They're the bulletin boards of kids' lives. First, kids choose a screen name (which they probably won't share with you) and fill out a profile containing information about their ages, hometown, schools, likes, and dislikes. Kids post pictures, favorite songs, links to things they love. They invite friends to their site to post comments.

Each site has a privacy policy, and most have a way of configuring the sign-up process to regulate who gets which level of access to the site and who can have access to your information. Some social networks, like Google's Blogger.com, are totally public, which means anyone can read anything at any time. AOL's Red Blog is the most private, partly because it's only for AOL members and also because it's designed specifically for teens. Sites like MySpace.com offer levels of privacy — "friends only" or "me only" (for those who want to create a diary). But none of that will matter. Your kids will go where their friends are. For the most part that means either MySpace.com or Facebook.com, which started out as a site for college kids but is now reaching down to high schoolers. YouTube.com, with its ability to post videos, is also becoming really popular.

MySpace employs their own filtering software, and more than a third of their large staff is devoted to checking for obscene photo postings and underage contributors. But inappropriate content slips through. And contributions that we as parents consider highly objectionable are everywhere.

Many parents may want to check out their kids' blogs. The easiest way is to ask to see the sites. But if your kids don't want to share them with you, there are a couple of ways to proceed. You can trust them, or you can snoop. It's completely up to you. If you opt for the latter, how to do it differs by site. For MySpace, look for the search box. You might try entering your child's name (surrounded by quotation marks for an exact search). But most often they won't use their names. They do, however, often list their schools, so you can check out the school under the groups list. You can also try searching for their friends' names and then scroll down to see if there's a picture of your child on the friend's site. If so, it will appear accompanied by your child's chosen screen name. There will be a name on the picture — that will be your child's web site. On Xanga, you can look under blogrings and type in your kid's school. Facebook is harder because access is limited to high school students only. So unless you know a willing student, you're going to have to ask your kid to show you the site.

The good thing about social networking sites is that they create online communities. They provide a way for kids to test out different identities, and they provide a good way for kids to express themselves.

Kids really need to understand the implications of decisions they're making just at the time when many don't want you telling them anything. Telling them not to post the location of a party may be met with a chilly response, but parties rapidly get out of hand when broadcast to an uncontrollable world. Your kids may think that the personal things they post are private or just for their friends. But ultimately, blog pages can be viewed by college admissions staff or potential employers, who may make acceptance or hiring decisions based on blog comments. Just because a kid takes a post down doesn't mean it hasn't been captured and archived forever somewhere.

Kids' profiles, likes, dislikes, and locations become available for view by sexual predators and others who who the anonymous nature of the online world to their advantage. While some 'friends' are just who they say they are, there are no guarantees.

Common Sense Tips for Social Networking:

  1. No social networking for kids in middle school or younger.
  2. Balance your teen's need for privacy and self-expression with concerns about safety and responsibility. Forbidding social networking sites probably won't work for kids in high school, so focus your energies on appropriate postings and safety information.
  3. Create safe privacy settings. Make sure they're set for “friends only.”
  4. Tell kids to think about their photos and entries before they’re posted. Since anything can be downloaded and forwarded, ask your kids if they want the world to see what they post. Remind them that future colleges or potential employers could be checking them out.
  5. Make sure they avoid all personal identifiers and avoid postings about parties, events, or activities where a stranger could find them.
  6. Don't let kids meet strangers.

This information came directly from

Five Internet Challenges for Parents:

1. Keeping up is hard to do.
The Internet gets more portable every day, which makes it easier for our kids to be online more of the time. Today your kid may go online from a computer or even a mobile phone. But tomorrow? Who knows! It could be via something not yet invented. New sites appear and become "hot" overnight, replacing old ones. Parents need to help their kids learn about safe and appropriate behavior, not just safe and appropriate sites. Because teaching them about the dangers of one site or form of access today will be outdated information tomorrow.

2. Kids go online without us.
The majority of kids report that their parents have no rules about the Internet. The result is that kids visit sites, create content, and communicate free of supervision in email, on social networking sites, via Instant Messaging, and through mobile texting. Parents need to become involved in their kids' online lives.

3. Our kids know way more than we do.
They have grown up online. They know how to go places and do things we can't. Conversely, they also know how to get around any filters, blocks, or history settings we might use to manage where they go online. Adults must still teach codes of conduct, though, even when their kids' forms of communicating (cu l8r, anyone?) may be downright baffling to us.

4. It’s a user-generated content world.
Huh? What does that mean? It means that those using the Internet are also creating its content. Kids can post and receive pictures, stream video, and read and write things visible to anyone online. They can also receive unedited, unfiltered information. We need to help our kids think critically about what they post, read, and see online.

5. We butt into our kids' lives at a time when, developmentally, they want independence.
It's only right and natural for high school-aged teens to demand privacy, try on different personalities, and push at the edge of acceptability — all of which the Internet encourages. That's all part of growing up. Even if we're concerned about their safety, our intervention comes at an unwelcome time. We might be seen as overprotective at best and as controlling snoops at worst. But we have to be sure kids know how to be safe and responsible before letting them loose. It's up to us to make them listen when they don't want to hear.

This information was taken directly from

Common Sense Tips for Communicating:

  1. Never reveal personal information. No real names, birth dates, phone numbers, addresses, or anything identifiable in profiles or blogs. Screen names should be gender neutral.
    Explain the dangers: 1 out of every 5 kids gets sexually solicited online.
  2. Never meet a stranger. Ever. No talking, no meeting, no way. Make sure your kids know that if someone contacts them, attempts to meet them, or tries turn them against you or their teachers, that these are alerts, and they should tell you right away.
  3. Establish codes of conduct. If your kids wouldn't say something to someone's face, then they shouldn't put it in an IM or email. That means no cyber bullying. Emailing an embarrassing picture of someone is a form of cyber bullying!
  4. Be careful with passwords. That means no password sharing. Sharing a password with a friend is like sharing a germ — it doesn't spread anything good. Ask your kids for their passwords. The older ones may not want to give them to you (citing privacy — that's up to you), but for middle schoolers and younger, it's AOK for you to be able to check for inappropriate or dangerous communications.
  5. Set limits on time and use. For younger kids, have the computer in a central place. Draw clear boundaries: Whether it's no IM during homework or no email behind closed doors, make rules. Preferably before the computer turns on.

This information was taken directly from