Laurie Anderson

Laurie Anderson

Langue D'Amour

Let's see, uh. . .
It was on an island, and there was a snake.
And this snake had legs.
And he could walk all around the island.

Yes, that's true.
A snake with legs.

And the man and the woman were on the island too,
and they were not very smart.
But they were happy as clams.Yeah.

Let's see, uh, then one evening,
the snake was walking about in the garden,
and he was talking to himself,
and he saw the woman and they started to talk.
And they became friends.
Very good friends.

And the woman liked the snake very much,
because when he talked,
he made little noises with his tongue,
and his long tongue
was lightly licking
about his lips
like there was a little fire inside his mouth.
And the flame would come dancing out of his mouth,
and the woman liked this.Very much.

And after that, she was bored with the man,
because no matter what happened
he was always as happy as a clam.
What did the snake say? Yes, what was he saying?
Ok, I will tell you.

The snake told her things about the world.
He told her about the time when there was a big typhoon on the island,
and all the sharks came out of the water, yes.
They came out of the water and they walked right into your house
with their big, white teeth.

And the woman heard these things.
And she was in love.

And the man came out and said,
We have to go now.
And the woman did not want to go.
Because she was a hothead.
Because she was a woman in love.

Anyway, they got into the boat and left the island,
but they never stayed anywhere very long
because the woman was restless.
She was a hothead.She was a woman in love.

And this is not a story my people tell;
it is something I know
myself.
And when I do my job
I am thinking about these things,
because when I do my job,

that
is what I think about.

Oooo la la la la. Voici. Voilà.
Ooo la la la la. Voici le langage de l'amour.
Oooo la la la la. La la la.
Voici. Voilà. La la.
Voici le langage de l'amour.
Ah! Comme ci, comme ça. Voilà. Voilà.
Voici le langage de l'amour.
Attends! Attends! Attends!
Écoute. Écoute. Écoute.
Yeah. La La La La. Here. And there.
Oh yes. This is the language of love.
Here it is. There it is. La la.
This is the language of love.
Ah! Neither here nor there.
There. There.
This is the language of love.
This is the language of love.
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Listen. Listen. Listen.

Only An Expert

Now only an expert can deal with the problem,
Because half the problem is seeing the problem,
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
So if there's no expert dealing with the problem,
It's really actually twice the problem,
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now in America we like solutions,
We like solutions to problems.
And there's so many companies that offer solutions,
Companies with names like Pet Solution.
The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution.
Companies with experts ready to solve the problems,
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only and expert can deal with the problem.
Now let's say you're invited to be on Oprah
And you don't have a problem.
But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem.
So you invent a problem.
But if you're not an expert in problems,
You're probably not going to invent a very plausible problem
And so you're probably going to get nailed.
You're going to get exposed.
You're going to have to bow down and apologize
And beg for the public's forgiveness.
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Now on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems
The big question is always: How can I get control?
How can I take control?
But don't forget this is a question
for the regular viewer. The person who's barely getting by
The person who's watching shows about people with problems.
The person who's part of the 60% of the U.S. population
1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from homelessness.
In other words, a person with problems.
So when experts say, “Let's get to the root of the problem,
Let's take control of the problem,”
if you take control of the problem, you can solve the problem.
Now often this doesn't work at all
because the situation is completely out of control.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
So who are these experts?
Experts are usually self-appointed people or elected officials
Or people skilled in sales techniques, trained or self-taught
To focus on things that might be identified as problems.
Now sometimes these things are not actually problems.
But the expert is someone who studies the problem
And tries to solve the problem.
The expert is someone who carries malpractice insurance.
Because often the solution becomes the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now sometimes experts look for weapons.
And sometimes they look everywhere for weapons.
And sometimes when they don't find any weapons.
Sometimes other experts say, “If you haven't found any weapons,
It doesn't mean there are no weapons.”
And other experts looking for weapons find things like cleaning fluids.
And refrigerator rods. And small magnets.
And they say, “These things may look like common objects to you,
But in our opinion, they could be weapons.
Or they could be used to make weapons.
Or they could be used to ship weapons.
Or to store weapons.”
Cause only an expert can see they might be weapons
And only an expert can see they might be problems.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

And sometimes, if it's really really really hot
And it's July in January,
And there's no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities,
And hurricanes are everywhere,
everyone knows it's a problem.
But if some of the experts say it's no problem,
And other experts claim it's no problem
Or explain why it's no problem,
Then it's simply not a problem.
But when an expert says it's a problem,
And makes a movie and wins an Oscar about the problem
Then all the other experts have to agree that it is most likely a problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
And even though a county can invade another country,
And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country,
If the experts say that it's not a problem
And everyone agrees that they're experts good at seeing problems
Then invading that country is simply not a problem.
And if a country tortures people
And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals,
This is also not a problem.
Unless there's an expert who says it's the beginning of a problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can see there's a problem
And see the problem is half the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

O Superman

O Superman. O judge. O Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad.

Hi. I'm not home right now. But if you want to leave a message,
just start talking at the sound of the tone.

Beep!
“Hello? This is your Mother. Are you there? Are you coming home?”

Beep!
“Hello? Is anybody home?
Well, you don't know me,
but I know you. And I've got a message to give to you:
“Here come the planes.”
So you better get ready. Ready to go. You can come
as you are, but pay as you go. Pay as you go.”

And I said: “OK. Who is this really?”

And the voice said:

“This is the hand, the hand that takes. This is the hand,
the hand that takes.
This is the hand, the hand that takes.
Here come the planes.
They're American planes. Made in America.
Smoking or non-smoking?”

And the voice said:

“Neither snow nor rain nor gloom
of night shall stay these couriers
from the swift completion
of their appointed rounds.
'Cause when love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi Mom!”

So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. So hold me,
Mom, in your long arms.
In your automatic arms. Your electronic arms.
In your arms.
So hold me, Mom, in your long arms.
Your petrochemical arms. Your military arms.
In your electronic arms.

Sharkey’s Day

Sun's coming up. Like a big bald head. Poking up over the grocery store. It's Sharkey's day. It's Sharkey's day today. Sharkey wakes up and Sharkey says: There was this man... And there was this road...And if only I could remember these dreams... I know they're trying to tell me...something. Ooooeee. Strange dreams.(Strange dreams). Oh yeah. And Sharkey says: I turn around, it's fear. I turn around again And it's love. Oh yeah. Strange dreams. And the little girls sing:Oooee Sharkey. And the manager says: Mr. Sharkey? He's not at his desk right now. Could I take a message? And the little girls sing: Oooeee Sharkey. He's Mister Heartbreak. They sing: Oooeee Sharkey. Yeah. He's Mister Heartbreak. And Sharkey says: All of nature talks to me. If I could just figure out what it was trying to tell me. Listen! Trees are swinging in the breeze. They're talking to me. Insects are rubbing their legs together. They're all talking. They're talking to me. And short animals- They're bucking up on their hind legs. Talking. Talking to me. Hey! Look out! Bugs are crawling up my legs! You know? I'd rather see this on TV. Tones it down. And Sharkey says: I turn around, it's fear. I turn around again, and it's love. Nobody knows me. Nobody knows my name. And Sharkey says: All night long I think of those little planes up there. Flying around. You can't even see them. They're specks! And they're full of tiny people. Going places. And Sharkey says: You know? I bet they could all land on the head of a pin. And the little girls sing: Ooooeee. Sharkey! He's Mister Heartbreak. They sing: Oooeee. That Sharkey! He's a slow dance on the edge of the lake. He's a whole landscape gone to seed. He's gone wild! He's screeching tires on an oil slick at midnight on the road to Boston a long time ago. And Sharkey says: Lights! Camera! Action! TIMBER! At the beginning of the movie, they know they have to find each other. But they ride off in opposite directions. Sharkey says: I turn around, it's fear. I turn around again, and it's love. Nobody knows me. Nobody knows my name. You know? They're growing mechanical trees. They grow to their full height. And then they chop themselves down. Sharkey says: All of life comes from some strange lagoon. It rises up, it bucks up to its full height from a boggy swamp on a foggy night. It creeps into your house. It's life! It's life! I turn around, it's fear. I turn around again, and it's love. Nobody knows me. Nobody knows my name. Deep in the heart of darkest America. Home of the brave. Ha! Ha! Ha! You've already paid for this. Listen to my heart beat. And the little girls sing: Oooeee Sharkey. He's a slow dance on the edge of the lake. They sing: Ooooeeee. Sharkey. He's Mister Heartbreak. Paging Mr. Sharkey. White courtesy telephone please. And Sharkey says: I turn around, it's fear. I turn around again, and it's love. And the little girls sing: Ooooeee Sharkey. Yeah. On top of Old Smokey all covered with snow. That's where I wanna, that's where I'm gonna That's where I'm gonna go.

The Language Of The Future

Last year, I was on a twin-engine plane coming from Milwaukee to New York City. Just over La Guardia, one of the engines conked out and we started to drop straight down, flipping over and over. Then the other engine died: and we went completely out of control. New York City started getting taller and taller. A voice came over the intercom and said:
Our pilot has informed us that we are about to attempt a crash landing.
Please extinguish all cigarettes. Place your tray tables in their upright, locked position.
Your Captain says: Please do not panic.
Your Captain says: Place your head in your hands.
Captain says: Place your head on your knees.
Captain says: Put your hands on your head. Put your hands on your knees! (heh-heh)
This is your Captain.
Have you lost your dog?
We are going down.
We are all going down, together.
As it turned out, we were caught in a downdraft and rammed into a bank. It was, in short, a miracle. But afterwards I was terrified of getting onto planes. The moment I started walking down that aisle, my eyes would clamp shut and I would fall into a deep, impenetrable sleep.
(YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS ...
YOU DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ...
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DOG?)
Finally, I was able to remain conscious, but I always had to go up to the forward cabin and ask the stewardesses if I could sit next to them: “Hi! Uh, mind if I join you?” They were always rather irritated—“Oh, all right (what a baby)”—and I watched their uniforms crack as we made nervous chitchat.
Sometimes even this didn’t work, and I’d have to find one of the other passengers to talk to. You can spot these people immediately. There’s one on every flight. Someone who’s really on your wavelength. I was on a flight from L.A. when I spotted one of them, sitting across the aisle. A girl, about fifteen. And she had this stuffed rabbit set up on her tray table and she kept arranging and rearranging the rabbit and kind of waving to it: “Hi!”“Hi there!”
And I decided: This is the one I want to sit next to. So I sat down and we started to talk and suddenly I realized she was speaking an entirely different language. Computerese. A kind of high-tech lingo. Everything was circuitry, electronics, switching. If she didn’t understand something, it just “didn’t scan.” We talked mostly about her boyfriend. This guy was never in a bad mood. He was in a bad mode. Modey kind of a guy. The romance was apparently kind of rocky and she kept saying: “Man oh man you know like it’s so digital!” She just meant the relationship was on again, off again.
Always two things switching.
Current runs through bodies and then it doesn’t.
It was a language of sounds, of noise, of switching, of signals.
It was the language of the rabbit, the caribou, the penguin, the beaver.
A language of the past.
Current runs through bodies and then it doesn’t.
On again.
Off again.
Always two things switching.
One thing instantly replaces another.
It was the language of the Future.
Put your knees up to your chin.
Have you lost your dog?
Put your hands over your eyes.
Jump out of the plane.
There is no pilot.
You are not alone.
This is the language of the on-again off-again future.
And it is Digital.
And I answered the phone and I heard a voice and the voice said:
Please do not hang up.
We know who you are.
Please do not hang up.
We know what you have to say.
Please do not hang up.
We know what you want.
Please do not hang up.
We’ve got your number:
One ...
Two ...
Three ...
Four.