1
HOW TO… HANDBOOK
SECOND AUGMENTED VERSION
(Used for parent training, Child Protection Project, HDC)
Introduction
Latino-Hispanic immigrants and their Canadian born children are facing complex challenges of cultural adaptation, community building and changing family dynamics.Working as a youth counselor and manager of the Youth Program of the Hispanic Development Council for the Latino-Hispanic community in Torontoduringthe last fourteen of my thirty seven years in Canada, I have witnessed first hand the effects of these cultural clasheson the community, and in particular the many familiesand individual youth I have come into contact with. During this timeI have closely observed the emergence of youth gangs and related increases in:issues of drug and alcohol consumption; family breakups and separations, and; youth involved in the criminal justice system. These challenges along with increasingly culturally mixed younger generations and the emergence of inter-racial relationships have been some of the most important aspects of my workand point to a need for more youth oriented services in Toronto.
Working in group settings andindividually with parents and children on issues related to:parenting;youth violence; youth crime; youth gang prevention and intervention;drug and alcohol awareness; understanding of diversity; justice system familiarity; and finding support for the youth and family have allowed me to interact closely with this community and other non-Spanish speaking communities. My interaction with Latino-Hispanic youthcomes mainly as a result of addressing behaviour patterns that conflict with traditional Latino-Hispanic family values around self worth, safety, personal wellness, law abiding principles, and respect for authority. This behaviour brings serious consequences such as family estrangement and breakdown, hurtful relationships, unsafe communities, youth gang violence and crime, petty crime, street crime, domestic abuse, incarcerations, criminal records, and deportations. Of particular concern is the youth gang issue as reported in the printed media since mid 1994:Toronto Star, L. A. gang finds life in the Pits. August 28th 1994; Teen Gangs Special Report October 24th - 28th 1998; Anti-gang bill widens attack against crime: Federal legislation to give more power, resources to police. September 2nd 2001, April (date) 2006; The Globe and Mail, August 8th 1995. National Post, Police Identify gangs as ‘Latino’. July 8th, 1999.
Of great relevance to my work is the fact that the majority of the Latino-Hispanic youth presently living in Toronto were born outside Canada (Hispanic Development Council, 2004). This means that they lived some of their most formative years in dramatically different cultural settings, where many would have experienced social, political and economic hardships. Upon arriving in Canada, the cultural differences encountered by these young people makes them look for other youth that may speak the same language, come from the same region, or just connect around commonality of interests. These new friends may become a positive or a negative influence in their lives. They may belong to families of different and varied economic, social and educational backgrounds. However, the big equalizer is the immigration experience and adaptation to the new country.
Factors encountered by Latino-Hispanic youth, such as marginalization, struggle withcultural adaptation, and definition of new family relations, significantly affect the life of all children and young people. Hispanic Development Council research suggests that from poor family conditions and weak family structures emerge some of the needs for other types of associations or forms of recreation. While the “youth at risk” factor is of big concern, not all youth in our community would be seen as being "at risk." Yet, all our youth need support to address these enormouschallenges.
The experiences of Latino-Hispanic youth have been major influences in the creation of support material for both newcomer andlong established Latino-Hispanic communities. The augmented HOW TO…Handbookisone of a series of educational materials in a position to benefit the whole family.It is intended to help the community: find solutions to problems;maintain peace and harmony among its members; prevent family separations and estrangements; promote understanding of issues relating to youth; learn about youth and parents’ rights, and; find appropriate legal assistance and community services. Theultimate goal is to foster Latino-Hispanic family participation in community development and safety.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
LITERATURE REVIEW5
HOW TO USE THE HOW TO… HANDBOOK8
1. Is your child or someone you know involved in
gangs and/or using/abusing drugs or alcohol?
2. Inter-racial dating: is there anything wrong with it?
3. Why I should communicate with my children…
4. What are my rights? Where can I get more information?9
5. Where can I get help or assistance?9
Chapter I
IS YOUR CHILD OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW INVOLVED
IN GANGS AND/OR USING/ABUSING DRUGS OR ALCOHOL?11
Why do youth join gangs?
Are you aware or suspect that your child is involved in
gangs and/or experimenting or abusing drugs or alcohol?12
How to interact, if you suspect or detect your child is
involved or becoming involved ingang activities as well as alcohol
and/or drug abuse.14
How to handle issues dealing with gang activity,
gang language, drug and/or alcohol abuse.14
Strategies for resolving issues/problems arising from gang
involvement, drug and /or alcohol abuse.15
Parental strategies for handling the problems arising
from gang involvement, drug and/or alcohol abuse.16
The WHY and HOW to respond to your child’s involvement
in gangs and abuse of liquor and drugs17
Communication strategies when you suspect your child is
involvedin gang activity and/or abusing drugs & alcohol18
Read the signs of gang involvement 21
Behaviour21
Appearance 22
Language23
Suggested Responses and Reactions to Identifiers23
Glossary of Gang Slang, Terminology, and Meaning29
Canada29
Central America, Mexico, U.S., and Canada36
Chapter II
Inter-racial dating; is there anything wrong with it?53
How to deal with your child’s choices concerning
sexuality and relationships53
Understanding and accepting your child’s choices54
The joining of new and traditional values55
The meaning and effects of multiculturalism55
Chapter III
Talking Frankly With Your Children
Effective Communication Practices 58
What happens when children decide they don’t want to
communicate with their parents? How should parents respond to
this silent challenge?59
When children move out are parents still responsible for them?60
How can parents respond to their children when they are acting out in a way that creates positive interaction? 60
First reaction 60
Parents’ check list61
Involve yourself in your children today for a better tomorrow64
Chapter IV
What are my rights? Where can I get more information?68
Know yours and your children’s rights in case of the unexpected68
Always be prepared…know your rights68
Understanding the Law69
People should report to the authorities if they suspect that70
Youth Criminal Justice Act71
Contact with the police71
About arrest: What are your rights?71
When do I need a lawyer?73
What is the lawyer’s duty when representing an individual?73
If legal aid is denied, the following may be done73
Glossary of Terms – Alphabetical Order74
Chapter V
Where can I get help or assistance?84
Get to know your Community84
Learn what your community offers and take advantage of it85
Be informed aboutwhat your Community has to offer…
become involved85
Related Information on Legal Information, Legal Aid and
Community Support Services in Toronto86
Legal Services86
Youth Support Services in Toronto88
Bibliography92
Literature review
This literature review focuses on the causes of: gang involvement and/or drug and alcohol experimentation or abuse; inter-racial dating; parent-child communication,and: the rights of children and parents.Included in the review are: newsprint media;books on general information and assistance, and; scholarly journals when available. In addition, technical literature of authors such as Professor Alan Simmons of York University; Dr. Fred Mathews of Central Toronto Youth Services; Dr. Michael Ornstein, Director of the Institute for Social Research, York University; Dr. Fernando Mata, currently with the Ministry of Justice, Canada were also reviewed. Another important source of information is the Hispanic Development Council’s own research publications as are other community resources that have addedcontext into the issues upon which this project is based.
The family as a unit at times will require guidance to navigate the difficult years and get assistance to “help both parents and teenagers survive the turbulent but exciting years of adolescence” (Fenwick and. Smith 1993).My daily practice as a youth and family counselor is a myriad of “case studies (of) real concerns and conflicts of parents and teenagers,”seeking support “to weather the storms” as a parent puts it, or to “help both parents and teenagers survive the turbulent but exciting years of adolescence.” A large part of my work is assisting withparent-child relationshipswhich may be affected by rebelliousness,misunderstandings, inappropriate judgments, and emotional and behavioural problems, among others.
Parents with teenage children go through a daily struggle. Mistakes, errors, andoversights might be committed,even ifunintentionally, by sometimes trying too hard or not hard enough in providing guidance and/or “enforcing” discipline at home. Some of my experience as a counselor is consistent with literature stating that “…not all parents (are) good at their jobs” (Pipher 1996). This assertion however, can and should be challenged, especially if it is presented in the context of first generation Latino/Hispanic immigrant families. Parentsin these families must exert a double effort.In addition to dealing with newly emerging parenting issues from the adaptation of their children, parents are alsostill adapting:transition from their ancestral to the Canadian culture is a continuous struggle (Veronis 2006). As aconsequence, issues of adaptation for parents have an impact onhow theywill raise their families in their new Canadian home, and onhow relationships in the family will ensue.
Latino-Hispanic youth go through some of the same strugglesas their parents upon arriving in Canada. In the new country they encounter marked cultural differences among their peers in the community and school.This maycausethem to look for other youth who may speak the same language, who may have come from Latin America or even from the same country andmay have gone through the same experiencesas any immigrant has,or it may simply be a commonality of culture, music, or otherintereststhat act as a connection for them. These new friends may become a positive or a negative influence in their lives. They may belong to families of different and varied economic, social and educational backgrounds. However, the big equalizer is the fact that they are youth going through the experience of either adapting to the new country in the case ofnewcomers, or seeking their cultural ancestry for those born here. Taking into account that “there is not such a thing as the ideal parent” (Fenwick and. Smith (1993), nor the ideal son/daughter, my intention with this handbook is to look for an approximation to the ideal way of communicating and problem solving.
Issues such as: experiences with violence, drugs and substance abuse; how young people feel about family life, and; how they see their lives compared to that of their parents in the Canadian context are a constant concern in the Latino-Hispanic community.Research from the Hispanic Development Council shows that marginalization, struggle withcultural adaptation, and definition of new family relations, with variations, significantly affect the life of most of its children and young people(Bibby (2001). Consequently, the unique contributionofthe Handbook Second Augmented Version is that it is set in the Canadian context and addresses these factors within this cultural setting. Research also suggests that from poor family conditions and weak family structures emerge some of the needs for other types of association andforms of recreation. This recreation can be in the form of substance and drug experimentation, and will probably lead to abuse if not controlled or prevented in time. Latino-Hispanic parents may not be preparedto deal with the situation in an open minded manner for a win-win outcome.
A healthy family is a strong family, where its members are “standing up for each other” (Wessler S. L. 2003). Listening in “engaging cooperation,” (Faber and Mazlish 1980) negotiating; and role-playing activities with the children are useful and important. By maintaining the most open and honest communication possible, parents have the space to be able to be angry and express it in a healthy way. Speaking with authority and firmness works. Children respect authority, but it must be rendered with fairness, otherwise it only nourishes anger. Norms and responsibilities should be established for everyone in the family. However in the everyday life of youth two patternsnoted by Bibby and Posterski (2000); the traditional but changing “relationships, values, marriage and parenthood, sexuality, and religion,” and; the emerging “information, problems, choices, just society, and expectations” seem to converge.
Some youth, “are growing up in a radically different world” (Guest, 1997), as they may come from families where the parents are very busy and don’t have the time for their children.It is argued that in the US some youth have no choice in that they are virtually born into gangs. This is because of neighbourhood traditions andtheir parents’ earlier (and perhaps continuing) gang participation or involvement in criminal activities (Moore, 1978). This is not the case in Toronto as far as the Latino-Hispanic youth gangs are concerned and probably alsoyouth gangs of different cultural backgrounds. Furthermore, there is no indication that the present youth gangs have in their plans to start a tradition of perpetuating family gang involvement. The Latin American community in it self is fairly new in Canada. Therefore the newly immigrated youth do not show signs of traditional gang activity in their home countries.On the contrary, many claim to be victims, and they back their refugee claims with facts to support this. Their involvement in gangs in Canada may begin once they become established.
Consequently, while the “youth at risk” factor is of big concern, not all youth in our community would be seen as being at risk of getting involved in gangs, or consume drugs or alcohol, or become estranged from their families, or have run ins with the law, yet, all need support to address these challenges that seem insurmountable if and when they arise. The HOW TO…Handbook Second Augmented Version aims to prevent youth from becoming "at risk youth." It is an importantguide to assistparents to go about dealing objectively with these issues. The next sectiondefinesthe specific themes parents need to be aware of in order to address the parenting challenges outlined above.
How to use the How to… Handbook
The welfare and well being of the family is the handbook’s first priority. However, not all parents face the same concerns and problems when it comes to their children. Consequently, this augmentedhandbook is divided into five different sections intended to address the needs of different parents. The abstracts below are organized around a set of questions and related summaries of the specific issues dealt with in each chapter.
1. Is your child or someone you know involved in gangs and/or using/abusing drugs or alcohol?
This chapter is geared towards all parents who may think their child/children is/are involved in gangs, and/or experimenting, using, or abusing drugs and alcohol, and as such, it intends to be a helpful guideto parents on how to deal with these issuesby way of building or reinforcing the parent-child bond while practicing prevention or intervention strategies. For an educativebenefit to parents, in addition to suggestions, a list of signs of possible gang involvement and of experimentation, use, or abuse of drugs and/or alcohol; and aglossary of gang slang, terminology and meaning are offered.
2. Inter-racial dating: is there anything wrong with it?
In the Canadian multicultural society, the Latino-Hispanic community shares social, economic, education, work, sports, and other spaces with people of other cultures and ethnic backgrounds. Children attend school with children of diverse cultural and racial backgrounds. It is only normal that they will develop friendships and even boyfriend/girlfriend relationships will result. Should a Latino-Hispanic parent be concerned or appreciate the fact that their children are being exposed to many new cultures and people? This chapter offers parents ideas of dealing with this issue and suggests recognition of their children’s choices, as well asthe wisdom of joining their traditional values with new ones as a result of living in a multicultural society.
3. Talking FranklyWith Your Children?
Parents’-children communication are of foremost importance in the Latino-Hispanic family in their adopted Canadian society.Byrebelling againstparents’ sometimes harsh disciplinary measures or lack of discipline and/or abusing too much parental leniency, children will design their own form of communication toward the parent(s) or tend to take control of the form of communication they will have with their parents. To succeed in life a child needs to develop a strong sense of self-esteem, a supportive family, which understands how and when help is needed. Therefore, to assist in the development of a strong independent individual with strong family ties, and to make the communication an interaction among equals, chapterthree has the parent-child relationship as its main focus.
4. What are my rights? Where can I get more information?
Having knowledge and familiarity with the law is essential. It is important for everybody in the family to know their rights in case the youth, the parents, friends or any body known by either is involved in a legal case, or has a run in with the law. In looking for legal information it is useful to know where to access it, or who to go to. Of particular interest in this matter is the Latino-Hispanic family whose parents may have hadnegative experiences withthe rule of law in their home countries and may still be frightened by it. This chapter aims to restore parents’ trust in their ways of dealing with legalissues to minimize the stress level they might initially experience.
5. Where can I get help or assistance?