Keene State Children’s Literature Festival
Marty Kelley
30 October 2010
Marty considers himself a “recovering second grade teacher.” He has written seven books and asked David (Dr. White) to introduce him as a “stunningly handsome guy.” His first question for David when asked to speak was what song will you play for me? None as it turns out because he was the second speaker of the day. So he made his own video based on one of his books Summer Stinks. He played it for us and said it’s available on Youtube.
He loves doing school visits. He goes to schools, says booger and underpants, the kids laugh at him, he collects his check and goes home.
He considers himself a “demotivational speaker.” He was going to talk to us today about why we should not become authors or illustrators. The main reason is because “it’s more competition for the rest of us.” Other reasons include the fact that it’s a lonely life. There are no staff meetings or parent teacher conferences. He spends “endless hours slaving away in my studio.” The biggest reason is that there is always the chance for rejection. “Not everything you do is as wonderful as you think it is.” He does work for Ladybug and Cricket magazines. He did an illustration called “Raise a Ruckus,” which showed kids playing in the water, on a dock and waving from a small raft and a bigger boat. He got back criticisms from the magazine telling him the illustration was dangerous because there were no adults around, the kids weren’t wearing life jackets and it was just too dangerous. He was a little taken aback since the illustration was meant to be humorous.
Marty has four season books, including Summer Stinks. He worked on the winter one and suggested “Yellow Snow Tastes like Lemonade” for a title. He got some very strange rejection memos including one that said “tasteless.” He had a hard time not replying that the whole point was that it tasted like lemonade.
For his book on Twelve Terrible Things had several illustrations turned down. The art director said his illustration of a bully was too scary because it looked like he was about to hit someone. Marty replied that he was. She also hated his picture of the scary dog. Her reply was “Are you nuts?” To gather photos for his illustration of getting lost at the mall, he went to his local mall and started taking pictures. Mall security escorted him out. You apparently can’t take photos of people at the mall. His illustration of a wedgie was also rejected as was his illustration of wetting your pants in class.
His book The Messiest Desk is based on a real kid. In the story, the messy desk ends up eating the kid. The editor didn’t like that. The response was “the current ambigious ending is unsatisfying if not disturbing for young children.”
So what other job suggestions do I have for the audience? Consider being babysitters for older kids. Or be fashion models. “Seriously you guys are hot.” Or he suggested we start a band. We could all become gangsta rappers.
“So if I ignore your advice and become an author, when will I be rich and famous?” He does other things on the side, like welding sculptures for yards, playing the drums, and doing 50-60 school visits a year. He talks a lot about boogers with kids. He also loves illustrating other author’s works.
He gets an idea, a lot of his drawings end up as ideas for books. Then he starts writing, which can take a long time. Finding the rhyming words is challenging and can change the direction of the book.
Once he starts adding illustrations to a manuscript that can change the direction the book is going. Then comes the storyboard, which shows where the page breaks are.
For those who say “writing sounds like too much work. How do you do the artwork?” It is tough too. He does hundreds of illustrations, trying to decide what is his point of view for each. Character development can be tough. What is each character going to look like? He is doing a book about a chicken that no one would kiss because she has “chicken lips.” The fun thing about writing and illustrating books is being able to horrify your friends and family. In The Messiest Desk, he shows the teacher’s desk and has a report card with all his friends names and bad grades. He also puts actual drawings his kids have done in some of the books. Everything he does is watercolor.
He is working on a book called Albert’s Almost Adequate Adventure right now. He does pencil drawings on marker paper, then copies on watercolor paper. He does backgrounds first. Then adds the texture. His favorite thing to paint is people. He tries to focus on one person a t a time. The last step is to trace around everything. He loves dark outlines around things.
He does fail at times. He tried to do a picture of a whale coming out of a backyard swimming pool. He redid the picture many times, but it just never worked out the way he wanted it to.
For those of you who are saying to yourselves “my rear end is sore. Can I slip out the back and go get a beer?” The answer is yes, but only if you bring me back one. He then shows a map of Keene with all the bars highlighted. He showed Keene State, then showed us that all the bars are down by the middle school. Go figure.
He would also like to do a sequel to Twelve Terrible Things. It might become Twelve Embarrassing Things He is also working on a book called Foul Fairies. It will include Hairy Fairy, Wedgie Fairy and Fart Fairy. Spreading farticles is his favorite word.
Some less frequently asked questions by school kids include “Is it hard to go out of your house?” To which he replied, no I just open the door and walk out. The kid explained that he meant, no it must be hard to be recognized because you are so famous. Are people hounding you? Unfortunately no, but he showed a photo of himself wearing a t-shirt that said “I am NOT Marty Kelley.”
Another question asked was “Do you have a boss?” His response was, “I have a wife.” The little boy said, “No, I mean a real boss. One that’s a boy.” He didn’t think the female teachers appreciated that comment.
One question asked was “Do all wrestlers have red trucks?” Well, yeah!
He taught second grade for seven years. Before that he was an aide for special ed. This is his sixth year of not teaching.
Marty keeps a blog and wrote a lot about Keene. If you get a tattoo about him, he’ll give you his entire set of books. But you can’t cheat and do a magic marker tattoo.
When asked to describe himself as a second or third grade student, Marty said he visited his Manchester, NH elementary school. He had a big crush on his third grade teacher. He said she didn’t age as well as he did. She did not really remember him either. He spent a lot of time in elementary school drawing.
When asked if he would do break dancing in his next music video he said absolutely not. His favorite authors are Roald Dahl, Barbara Parks, Chris Moore, and David Sedaris. He really loves humor.
He started as a cartoonist, but is not terribly interested in real books. He loves Captain Underpants. He son wasn’t a reader until those books came out. Now he is a voracious reader. “I’m all about anything that gets kids to read.”