Pan’s Labyrinth Tips 2
Squeezing too much in the one sentence.
· Sometimes you have to split the sentence. Eg this: Del Toro uses the sequence presenting Mercedes’ imminent torture and escape as a means to explore the themes of obedience and choice, and evil and morality, through paralleling it with the previous torture scene and Ofelia’s challenges. could be this: Del Toro uses the sequence presenting Mercedes’ imminent torture and escape to explore obedience and choice, and evil and morality. Through paralleling the previous torture scene and Ofelia’s challenges with Mercedes’ Del Toro battle interconnects his lessons about the importance of free choice and morality.
· Sometimes you have to be more concise. Or this: By following the adventures of Ofelia, a girl who has been sent to live with her new step-father, Captain Vidal, in a military camp, the contrast between the brutality of the war and the innocence of Ofelia’s imagination is highlighted. could be this: By following Ofelia’s adventures at the Fascist military camp Del Toro highlights the contrast between the brutality of the war and the innocence of childhood imagination. 14 words less and, most importantly, 3 commas to no commas.
Make your logic clear.
· You know what your point is. Make your reader get it too. Eg this: As Vidal tells Officer Garces to leave, he unbuttons his shirt, showing his complete confidence in his ability to control Mercedes. could be this: As Vidal orders Officer Garces to leave he begins to relax, unbuttoning his shirt and removing his braces. This nonchalant behaviour shows his complete confidence in his ability to control Mercedes, a mere woman in his eyes.
· Make sure how x leads to y. Eg this: Del Toro wipes between their individual journeys to highlight the underlying themes of brutality and innocence. could be this: Del Toro’s wipes between Vidal’s aggressive stalking of the rebels and Ofelia’s courageous face off with evil within the uterine tree highlights the contrast between the characters’ brutality and innocence.
· Pay close attention to your grammar. Upon entering the underworld Del Toro pans with Ofelia to establish… Grammatically Del Toro is entering the underworld.
The little things.
· Don’t include irrelevant detail – you don’t have the words. Eg this: Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth is a dark fantasy film released in 2006. could be this: Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth is a dark fantasy film.
· Check your facts. Eg this: meanwhile dealing with living in the centre of the Spanish Civil War. is not correct, the war is over. Also eg: As instructed by a Faun, in order to get back to the Underworld she has to go into the Pale Man’s lair to retrieve a dagger. Is not true as Ofelia doesn’t know that’s her goal before entering.
· Themes don’t need capitals.
· Proper nouns need capitals. Mercedes’ escape sequence is vital because it foreshadows the Republicans’ triumph over the Fascists.
Intertextuality.
· Don’t forget about it! Eg when the Pale Man is eating the fairies, don’t forget the allusion to the painting of Saturn Devouring His Son and the significance of that allusion.
· The significance of the allusion must be clear. Eg this: Ofelia approaches the tree in a green dress similar to that of Alice in Lewis Carol’s Alice in Wonderland, to give perspective into the similarities and differences of Pan’s Labyrinth with the classic fairytale. Using a fairytale to contrast Ofelia with Alice, Del Toro highlights Ofelia’s innocence. could be this: Ofelia approaches the tree in a green dress and white pinafore reminiscent of Alice in Lewis Carol’s Alice in Wonderland. Del Toro’s allusion to a famous innocent child who also enters a dark hole to learn lessons from a fantasy world to help her understand her reality accentuates the lessons about courage, choice, and morality Ofelia learns.
Vagueness.
· Don’t be vague. Eg this: opens up many issues leading to the climax of the film could be this: and establishes the admiration for the moral strength of innocence in the face of selfish brutality that is central to the film’s climax.
Conciseness.
· Our old enemy. Tight, controlled expression is essential. You might end up saving enough words to make another observation or two. Eg this: While the Rebels attack the Nationalists, Ofelia is to steal her baby brother from her atrocious step father and bring him to the preternatural labyrinth. There she is told how to finally enter the Underworld; spill a few drops of her brother’s innocent blood to open the portal back home. could be this: While the Rebels attack the Nationalists, Ofelia steals her baby brother from Vidal and brings him to the preternatural labyrinth. There, to open the portal to the Underworld, she’s told she must spill her brother’s innocent blood. 13 words less
Original Thought.
· You must do your own thinking. Eg: The cutting of Vidal's face produces a graphic representation of his cruelty, contrasted against his controlled military appearance. Great point. J