Janthe Bagadion

Mae T. Laderas

Peaches G. Nuarin

Ateneo de Manila University

MA in Religious Education

The Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising Children

INTRODUCTION:

A.Statement of the Problem

It is in the family that we learn our values. “The family is the divinely instituted place for generosity, humility and charity to first take root and, with divine assistance, to be cultivated from infancy, through childhood and adolescence, into adulthood”[1]

In Philippine context, there is a need to fully understand that receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony is the start of a unity between two married people that will create a harmonious relationship with God towards a new life.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that no one can dissolve. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”(Mt.19:6).“By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Their belonging to each other is the real representation, by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with the Church.”[2]

As couples are united in marriage, they should also be ready for the responsibility in raising children and contribute to the development of the society. “According to the plan of God, marriage is the foundation of the wider community of the family, since the very institution of marriage and conjugal love is ordained to the procreation and education of children, in whom they find their crowning.”

Marriage in the Philippines is an event well-prepared by couples and of the whole family from the entourage to the reception and is a celebration that even last for a couple of days. It is a day when couples pledge their love with each other in the presence of God and His church. During the marriage rites, the couple is asked about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children.

The covenant in Marriage in the Sacrament of Matrimony in relation to the living faith as

Parent in relation to the Code of Canon Law 774 no. 2 states that “Parents above all others are obliged to form their children in the faith and practice of the Christian life by word and example”.[3]

Couples don’t usually understand the connection between the vows made in marriage to their role as parents. It is like a one day event that serves as a turning point of their lives where they change their civil status. There are even couples who don’t remember the words spoken during the rites itself. How will they see the relation between their vows with their role as parents without understanding the purpose of making their vows?

Considering these alarming issues and consequences, this paper is the modest attempt to answer the problem: How can the Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the role of parents in raising children.

B.SCOPE AND LIMITATIONS

The topic will deal with the importance of the Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising Children in order to draw a connection to the covenant made by couples in marriage and their obligations as parents.

We will be using the Catholic Marriage rite as one of our sources in understanding marriage as “Covenant Love”. There is an article by David Padfield, “Wedding Vows Are Sacred Vows”that explains the vows couples exchange on the day of their wedding. We will use that as our reference in our attempt to explain the vows made during wedding and its significance to couples as they start to build their own families.

This paper will be divided into two sub-topics which includes Part I focusing on Marriage founded in love, its essence and vows and it will also focus on the understanding on Marriage as Covenant Love as a unique sacrament that is built into the very nature of our human reality. Part II will highlight the Marriage Rite as a guide to the couple as they were being asked regarding their freedom, faith and acceptance in upbringing of children.

Though this paper gives emphasis on marriage as the start of a Christian family where couples would eventually become parents to their children, we also recognize that there are marriages where procreation is not possible. Children then could mean adopted children or children from institutions to whom they would want to extend their help.

The target audiences for this paper are couples preparing for marriage in urban setting to have a deeper understanding on becoming a responsible parent someday through the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony.

C.SIGNIFICANCE OF THE PROBLEM

Objective Significance: “Marriage is a unique sacrament in that it is built into the very nature of our human reality as created male and female through God’s love in the image of God who is love and called to a covenant of loving one another in sharing God’s own divine love.“[4]Through this relationship, we also build a family that is a vital cell of society that plays a big role in upbringing children that is grounded with faith and practices.

Subjective Significance: The couple preparing for marriage will have a deeper understanding of the covenant they will make during the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony and to bridge the gap between Church teaching on the sacrament and the family. This paper will help to strengthen the relationship between spouses and to have seriously assume their responsibilities over their children.

D.METHODOLOGY:

The pressure of many things undone demands the people to step back and look objectively to the true and deeper meaning of the Sacrament of Matrimony as basis for understanding the role of parents in raising children.

We observed a typical problem among couples preparing for Matrimony—they focus on the event as simply a big celebration and forget that it is a sacrament and a potential source for understanding family life and parenthood. After identifying the problem arises from the situation, the writers decided to do research through reading books, sharing and critiquing of articles on family in THEO 248 class that led to the decision to bridge the gap on Matrimony and family and to have a deeper sense of understanding the uniqueness of marriage: a marital union that must be fruitful in God’s union.

The following steps helped the writers to come up an outline of the whole paper. The paper will start with the Introduction of Philippine context of Matrimony and family. Part I will focus on Marriage as Covenant Love. Part II will show the connection of marriage rite to the role of parents in raising children and finally, the writers will answer the problem: How can the Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the role of parents in raising children?

PART I:

(A Second Look on the Vows of Marriage:)

Is there a need to have a second look on the Vows that couples uttered when they took the Sacrament of Matrimony? Generally speaking, Filipinos highlight the celebration of marriage and it is one of the most glamorous occasions that Filipinos celebrate. Quoting from Catechism for Filipino Catholics 1877, “Marriage and family life, then, are acknowledged as among our highest cultural values. Among Filipinos, marriage is an affair not only of two individuals, but also between two familygroups.”[5]Many couples do not take their vow seriously on the day of their wedding because they were too busy thinking on the ceremony , the visitors and other matters that they were not able to pay attention on the vow itself. This is one of the reasons why there is a need to have a second look on the Vows for it is there we could see the basis of the relationship of being husband-father and wife-mother.

While it is true that the very foundation of every relationship is love, there is also a need to acknowledge especially for young lovers that love is not only feelings for each other but it goes beyond. It involves our Will. This is why some authors would say that “Love is not a noun but a verb.”Husband and wife should constantly be aware of their marriage promises. Gaudium et Spes 48 states,

Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love "are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day.[6]

This concept has been given emphasis in another church encyclical, Familiaris Consortio 20. Accordingly, husband and wife should grow in communion with one another by being faithful to each other through mutual loving service.Marriage, in this sense, following Familiaris Consortio, is a covenant. The way we understand covenant is not confined with the written contract wherein there is an expiration within the given period of time. Rather, this is really based from the deep recesses of a person being shared mutually with the other person. This agreement of two parties could also be seen or rooted in the Old Testament’s relationship of Yahweh and his People. Deuteronomy 7:7-8 says:

It was not because you were more numerous than any other people that the LORD set his heart on you and chose you — for you were the fewest of all peoples. It was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath that he swore to your ancestors, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

God had chosen His people not for any reasons but God loves. With this, the love in marriage should spring forth. Love is an act of the will not only an attraction to the person but seeing and doing what would be the best for the other to grow and mature as God created us to be. The mutual respect and observance of this covenant makes it sacred because through the married couple they are becoming witnesses to the living God to others. Moreover, this covenant with one another is not limited within the two parties but rather there is also a responsibility or a call to reach out to others such as raising children and being with the community. Familiaris Consortio further states that;

…couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the reality of children, who are a living reflection of their love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and inseparable synthesis of their being a father and a mother.[7]

Therefore, the love of the couple should also be seen by the fruits they bear, raising their children to grow and mature as Christians.

Following the 1980 Synod of Bishops on the Family, Familiaris Consortio emphasized four general tasks for the family:

  1. Forming Community of Persons;
  2. Serving Life;
  3. Participating in the Development of the Community;
  4. Sharing in the Life and mission of the Church.

The first task was already been discussed awhile ago, it should be clear to the couple that once they enter into married life, there is a task that they will be forming a community of persons. The second task deals with the roles that members take part in the family. “Parents also serve life by educating their children. They have the primary responsibility of educating their children in the essential values of human life, such as a correct attitude of freedom, a sense of true justice, and even more importantly a sense of true love, especially of the poor.”[8] The third task would be the family’s contribution to the development of the society. Then, the fourth would be the family’s partaking in the evangelization of the church. Echoing from Evangelii Nuntiandi, “The parents not only communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can themselves receive the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.”[9] Thus, parents have the task to be the first evangelizers in the family.

PART II:

(The Marriage Rites)

Looking through the Rites of Marriage, there are three things that are involved; the first is the Intent. Couples are asked to state their intention or the purpose why this day they are in front of the altar and the congregation. Second is the consent. This is where the minister would also ask the couple if they had come on their freewill – voluntarily and consciously submitting themselves to receive the sacrament. Then, the third is the blessing of rings and the exchange of vows. This would be the symbol that the love and faithfulness of the couple has should be forever.

The Intent. As the priest ask the couple to state their intention and as the couple respond on their willingness that they came freely without reservations to submit themselves to one another, the priest would also remind the couple of their “consecration in Baptism” and pray that they may “assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity”. The union of the couple must be faithful as Christ, the bridegroom who is absolutely faithful to the Church as His bride and in this analogy; we can say that being faithful to one another is essential in building a Christian family.

Marriage is the foundation of building a Christian community and ordained to procreation of children (FC 14). In the rites of marriage, couples are asked: “Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” With this, couples are being admonished to be aware and to embrace their roles for their future offspring.

The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by His laws, and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent. Hence by that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept each other a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting one. For the good of the spouses and their off-springs as well as of society, the existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone.[10]

Thus, when they become parents, spouses receive from God the gift of a new responsibility. Their parental love is called to become for the children the visible sign of the very love of God.[11] Their children are usually called the fruit of their love to each other, “bunga ng pagmamahalan” as we call it in our native language. Nonetheless, their fruitfulness does not only show in having children but also their love being a witness to the divine love reflected on the good example shown to others in the community.

It must not be forgotten however that, even when procreation is not possible, conjugal life does not for this reason lose its value. Physical sterility in fact can be for spouses the occasion for other important services to the life of the human person, for example, adoption, various forms of educational work, and assistance to other families and to poor or handicapped children. [12]

In this regard, our church, acknowledges that there would be couples who, for whatever reasons, would never have a biological child. Yet, this would never be a reason for them to become “parents”.When a child is born because of their loving relationship, they must become one to remain a family in Christ. The parents pour out their love to their children and perform the duties to provide for their children’s need, guiding them in faith formation and creating a good environment so that they will create a harmonious community that is grounded in the name of love. “This gift of life is not only physical. It is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of moral, spiritual and supernatural life which they hand to their children and through the children to the Church and to the world.”[13] It is also a role of a parent to serve life by nurturing it through by cooperating with God as we are made in His image and likeness. Parenting must also mean educating the children by words and deeds, parents must practice what they teach to their children by being a living example of their words.

Family as basic unit of the societymeans that each member of the family is not only a member of his/her family, but of the whole community. The parent tries to express their love of God and Christ with the Holy Spirit by participating in the development of the society. This is the third task mentioned in the Familiaris Consortio, Participating in the development of Society. “The very experience of communion and sharing that should characterize the family’s daily life represents its first and fundamental contribution to society.”[14] Likewise, this also leads to the fourth task which is sharing in the life and mission of the church. “In a family which is conscious of this mission, all the members evangelize and are evangelized. The parents not only communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can themselves receive the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.”[15]The more we are close to other people in doing well for the society, the closer we commune with the Trinity.