Friendships (girls) (5)

God Wants Us to Have Healthy Friendships

Main Point: Seek out God’s direction for healthy friendships

Antithesis: Promoting unnecessary drama, which hurts friendships

  • Have the girls complete survey #1. Group discussion or individually
  • Have the girls discuss survey #2. Group discussion (don’t worry if you don’t get to all the Q)
  • Strong friendships are hard to develop. (Gen 4-Cain & Abel) (Paul split from Barnabas)
  • We were created as relational beings, so we need relationships. (Gen 2:19-25)
  • We need a close relationship w/God for strong relationships with others. (1 John 4:19)
  • We need God’s guidance for healthy friendships, not drama. (Proverbs 3:5)
  • Go through the few verses on the Friendship Qualities Worksheet

Application: Seek out God’s direction in your friendships

  • In the next few days, cover the remaining verses on Friendship Qualities Worksheet #1
  • This week, pray God will help you become a better friend, one who protects relationships from unnecessary drama

The Importance of Initiating with Others

Main Point: Initiate with others

Antithesis: Waiting for others to initiate with you

  • Define what it means to initiate
  • God initiates love & truth towards His enemies. (Romans 5:6-10; Ezekiel 2:1-7)
  • Life is better with friends. We should initiate w/others. (Eccles. 4:9-10; Romans 12:7-21)
  • Discuss the difficulties in initiating with those different than us. (Hebrews 13:1-2).
  • Show victory available through the love and power of God. (Matthew 19:26; 21:21)

Application: Initiate with others

  • Ask questions of others.
  • Introduce yourself
  • Find out what they are interested in
  • Ask if you can participate in what they are doing
  • Be nice
  • Share what you have
  • Say nice things
  • Befriend those without a lot of friends instead of just trying to be popular
  • Have fun
  • Think of fun things you can do with them & include them
  • Look to share the love and message of Christ with others

Encourage Others

Main Point: Regularly practice encouraging others

Antithesis: Being negative or silent

  • Define encouragement. Define negativity and silence.
  • Have each person complete the EncouragementSurvey
  • Be thankful for what God has given us. (Col 3:16, 1 Thes 5:16-18)
  • Show importance of expressing encouragement to others. See examples
  • Paul with Philippians (Philippians 4:1, 8, 14-16)
  • Barnabas “Son of Encouragement (Acts 4:36)
  • Paul wanted Timothy to encourage Thessalonians (1 Thes 3:2)
  • The author wants Christians to encourage each other (Hebrews 10:24)
  • Tychius was to encourage the Colossians (Colossians 4:7-8 )

Application: Encourage others

  • Ask God for insight about how you can encourage people.
  • Write an encouragement note or give a thoughtful gift
  • Thank your friends for the cool things they’ve done for you
  • Express to your friends what you like about them & what they are gifted at.
  • Tell your enemy what you respect about them

Serving Others

Main Point: Choose to serve others

Antithesis: Insisting on getting your way

  • Define servant hood. Define selfishness.
  • Jesus chose to serve us (John 13:4-5; Phil 2:1-13)
  • Love is the highest ethic. (Matt 22:37)
  • Love is action, not a feeling. Jesus’ service on the cross didn’t feel good. Initially, it doesn’t feel good to not get your own way.
  • God has important work for us. (Eph 2:10). We can make a difference.
  • It’s a witness to the watching world to be loving and unselfish. (John 13:34-35)
  • Follow Golden Rule (Matt 7:12)

Application: Serve others

  • Ask God to help you love & serve others
  • Go on a secret mission to help out your friend (s).
  • Ask God where you should give some of your money.

Resolving Conflict

Main Point: Keep the unity of the Spirit

Antithesis: Stubbornness, bitterness, unwillingness to forgive

  • Go through the Conflict Worksheet together. Unnecessary to cover all the verses.
  • Discuss how the world has difficulty getting along.
  • Define unity of the Spirit (Eph 4:3ff ) and why it’s important.
  • Give vision for how awesome it is to resolve conflicts. (Psalm 133)
  • Drop stubbornness, bitterness, judgmental attitude—choose to forgive
  • Proverbs 24:17; Mt 5:38-48; Luke 6:27-29, 37; Luke 17:4; Eph 4:32; Col 3:13)
  • Jacob and Esau reunited (Gen 33)
  • Remember, as Christians, we have been forgiven by God. (Eph 2:1-10)

Application: Keep the unity of the Spirit

  • Whenever possible, pray first with whoever you’re in conflict.
  • Review goal of establishing unity. Establish ground rules; therefore, no yelling, no verbal assaults, no interrupting.
  • Together, try to identify the main issue.
  • Let the other person state their case. Clarify what you heard. After that, state your view.
  • Admit any sin for which you are responsible. Don’t blame shift.
  • Try to see things from their point of view.
  • Forgive any wrongs they inflicted on you.

Friendship Survey #1

Which characteristics are important in a strong friendship? Rank by putting a 1-5 value next to each characteristic. ( 1= very important. 5 = not important.)

Loyal

Honest

Dependable

Understanding

Good listener

Nice

Funny

Easy-going

Rich

Fun-loving

Patient

Good communicator

You have things in common

Athletic

Optimistic

Intelligent

Generous

Independent

Spontaneous

Similar religious beliefs

Attractive

Friendship Survey #2.

  1. Are friends more important to you now than they were in elementary school? Why?
  2. Name two common friendship busters.
  3. Can good friends disagree without hurting each other?
  4. Someone once said, “A true friend is somebody who knows everything about you but still likes you.” What do you think that means?
  5. There's an old saying that goes "in order to have good friends you have to be a good friend." What does that mean. Do you think it's true?
  6. What is a "best friend?"
  7. Is it possible to have more than one "best friend" at the same time?
  8. Is it ok not to have a “best friend” but instead a few close friends?
  9. Is there a difference between popularity and friendship? Can you be popular and not be a good friend? What is more important, being popular, or being a good friend?
  10. Do you think there's something wrong with you if you aren't part of the popular set?
  11. What do you do if you want a person you have just met to become a part of your group, but the others don't want to have anything to do with this new person?
  12. Have you ever been excluded from a group? What happened? How did you feel? What should we learn from that?
  13. Are there kids at your school who constantly get excluded? How do you think that makes them feel? Is there anything you could do about it?
  14. What's the difference between friendships and group membership?
  15. What are the benefits of having friends who are different from us?

Friendship Qualities

Read the following passages and list the friendship qualities each verse lists. Pray that God will develop these good qualities in you.

  1. Proverbs 12:17
  2. Proverbs 12:19
  3. Proverbs 14:5
  4. Proverbs 14:25
  5. Proverbs 17.17
  6. Proverbs 18.24
  7. Proverbs 20:19
  8. Proverbs 22:9
  9. Proverbs 27.6
  10. Proverbs 27:9
  11. Proverbs 27:10
  12. Proverbs 27.17
  13. Matthew 18:21-22
  14. Ephesians 4:32
  15. Colossians 3:13
  16. 1 Corinthians 13:4
  17. 1 Thessalonians 5:14
  18. 1 Timothy 6:18

Encouragement Survey

1.What is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you and how did it effect you?

2.What was the most encouraging thing anyone has said to you? How did it feel?

3.Who is the most encouraging person you know?

4.Below, for each verse, pick one meaning that most closely fits:

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

"You’d better stop it! I’m getting pissed and so are a bunch of others"

“So how are you doing with that problem you were having?”

“I really like what you did over there. Great job. You are good at that.”

“Come on, you can do it. Don’t be afraid.I know you can make it.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14 And we urge you, brothers, …. encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

“You’d better stop it! I’m getting pissed and so are a bunch of others”

“Come on, you can do it. Don’t be afraid. I know you can make it.”

“You’ve had this problem way too long. How come you haven’t changed?”

Heb 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

“You’d better stop it! I’m getting pissed and so are a bunch of others”

“We’ve got to keep following God, but I think this sin keeps you from God. How can I help you through this sin?”

“Come on, you can do it. Don’t be afraid. I know you can make it”

“I really like what you did over there. Great job. You are good at that.”

Conflict Worksheet

Section 1

The following verses in Proverbs advise us to avoid certain things in friendships. One of the best ways to avoid conflict is to avoid things that cause it! If we ignore this advice, we aremore likely to offend friends. Go through each verse and describe what you think it means.

Proverbs 17:9

Proverbs 17:14

Proverbs 25:17

Proverbs 26:17

Proverbs 26:18-19

Proverbs 26:20

Proverbs 26:21

Proverbs 27:14

Section #2

The following verses in Proverbs gives solidadvise us on resolving conflicts. Go through each verse and describe what you think it means.

Proverbs 10:19

Proverbs 10:12

Proverbs 15:1

Proverbs 15:18 & James 1:19-20

Proverbs 16:7

Proverbs 18:13

Proverbs 20:3

Proverbs 28:23

Matthew 18:15

Colossians 3:12-14