NRI Marriage blues :- Problems and Issues of Punjabi Women
Sehdev Kumar Sharma
Lecturer
Lovely Professional University
Abstract:- In the recent past the problems of lots of Punjabi women entombed in fraudulent marriages with Non Resident Indians has been drastically increased. The young and vibrant Punjabi women are always an easy prey for NRI grooms. The classy life of the west also lures most of the Punjabi women. She even tries to encompass on any situation to see her into the western life. On her journey, she often finds her dreams shattered due to malice of NRI grooms. In this paper we are discussing the common issues and problems of NRI marriages. We suggest that there is an the imperative need to build safeguards to defend these innocent and unaware women .There is need to make them aware of their rights and responsibilities .She must know about the social defense mechanisms that are available and which could assist them.
Introduction:- NRI marriages’, as generally understood, are between an Indianwoman from India and an Indian man residing in another country (thusNRI – non-resident Indian), either as Indian citizen (when he wouldlegally be an ‘NRI’) or as citizen of that other country (when he wouldlegally be a PIO – person of Indian origin). The Punjabi women is passionate about the glitter of western world .In the eagerness not to let go of such lucrative marriage offer, the families totally ignores even the common cautions that are observed in traditional matchmaking. They also ignore that in case of things going wrong in an NRI marriage, the woman’s recourse to justice is greatly constrained and complex. The aggravated risk in such marriage is the woman is being ‘isolated’ far away from home in an alien land, facing language constraints, communication problems, lack of proper information about the local criminal justice, police and legal system. The situation is worsened by lack of support network of friends and family and monetary constraints which leaves the deserted wife completely helpless and stranded.
In this context, we are bringing in limelight some of the phenomenal issues of NRI brides.
1. Abandoning: - In many of the cases Punjabi Woman married to NRI gets abandoned by her husband after a short span of wedlock. NRI grooms promises her to take her along with him to foreign after some time. Then he leaves for this native nation. In many instances the woman would already have been pregnant when he left and so both she and the child (who was born later) were abandoned. The husband never called or wrote and never came back again. The in-laws who could still be in India would either plead helplessness or flatly refuse to help. The woman comes in mental and physical stigma.
2. Violent milieu on foreign land:- There are abundant examples when woman went to her husband’s home in the other country, she is brutally battered, assaulted, abused both mentally and physically, malnourished, confined and ill-treated by her husband and in-law-family members in several other ways. She is either forced to flee or forcibly sent back. It could also be that she is not permitted to bring back her children along. In many cases, the children are abducted or forcibly taken away from the woman. As she is not having support is the foreign, she has either to abandon the wedlock or to prepare herself for perpetual malice of NRI family. Some cases woman who reached the foreign country of her husband’s residence and waited at the international airport there only to find that her husband would not turn up at all. They keep on waiting at the international airport there only finding that her husband would not turn up at all. Such abandoned women, in the foreign country with absolutely no support or means of sustenance or escape and without even the legal permission to stay on in that country gets her into dilemma and ultimately lend in deep trouble.
3. Over expenditure over Marriage:- . It is commonly observed that expenditure on NRI marriages is much higher than the domestic marriages. As bride family feels blessed to get an NRI groom, they try to over expand their limits. It lends them to economic setback.
4. Secondhand Groom:- Woman who learnt on reaching the country of her NRI husband’s residence that he was already married in the other country to another woman, whom he continued to live with. He may have married her due to pressure from his parents and to please them or sometimes even to use her like a domestic help. The secondhand grooms are the very common of Punjabi women. The groom family hides this fact tactfully and exploits her life.
5. Fraudulent personal information:- In numerous cases bride learnt in later stage that her NRI husband had given false information on any or all of the following: his job, immigration status, earning, property, marital status and other material particulars, to con her into the marriage. In the glitter of foreign, Punjabi families don’t find it necessary to scrutinize this information. As the NRI marriages are done on a short notice, bride family cannot do anything is this regard.
6. NRI Legal Web :- Woman whose husband, taking advantage of more lenient divorce grounds in other legal systems, obtained ex-parte decree of divorce in the foreign country through fraudulent representations and/ or behind her back, without her knowledge, after she is sent back or forced to go back to India or even while she is still there. Woman who is denied maintenance in India on the pretext that the marriage had already been dissolved by the court in another country. Woman who approached the court, either in India or in the other country, for maintenance or divorce but repeatedly encountered technical legal obstacles related to jurisdiction of courts, service of notices or orders, or enforcement of orders or learnt of the husband commencing simultaneous retaliatory legal proceeding in the other country to make her legal action. Woman who sought to use criminal law to punish her husband and in-laws for dowry demands and/ or, or matrimonial cruelty and found that the trial cannot proceed as the husband will not come to India and submit to the trial or respond in any way to summons, or even warrant of arrest. Woman who had to fight nasty legal battles for custody of her children and for child support, and to bring them back with her after she was divorced or forced to leave, sometimes even facing charges of illegally abducting her own children. Many women have also approached the Commission seeking redressed of their grievances having been deserted by their NRI Spouses.
To overcome such problems and issues, we are suggesting some Do’s and Don’ts for the bride family.
The important “Dos” in case of NRI marriages are:-
Scrutiny of Personal Information:- It is the principal issue to scrutinize the financial status, properties said to be owned by NRI groom in India, residence address, family background, visa, passport, voter or alien registration card, Social security number etc.
Regular and Meaningful Communication:- It is very important to have regular and meaningful communication with the bride and his family over a period. The parents of bride should make sure that the two persons to be married meet personally and interact freely and frankly in comfortable atmosphere to make up their minds. Insist on keeping in touch with the bride even after the marriage on phone and e-mail and through local friends and relatives and get alert if at any point there is any reluctance or difficulty in this.
Proper Marriage: - Always insist on a registered marriage along with the religious marriage to be solemnized in India with adequate proof like photographs etc. The proper authentic proof is very important in future issue.
Imparting Legal Knowledge of domestic and foreign legislation related to marriage:- Equip the woman with knowledge of the laws of the foreign country and the rights she enjoys there, especially against any form of abuse or neglect, including domestic violence. .She must share with the people her trust if she face domestic violence in any form - physical, emotional, financial, and sexual. She need to keep a log of all acts of violence she face. She must have a bank account in her exclusive name near her residence that she can use in case of any emergency. Always keep a list of contact details of neighbors, friends, relatives, husband’s employer, police, ambulance, and the Indian embassy or high commission, if abroad.
Proper Documentation:- She must always keep photocopies/scanned copies of all important documents including your passport, visa, bank and property documents, marriage certificate and other essential papers and phone numbers with parents or other trustworthy people in India or abroad. Try to keep a photocopy of husband’s personal details including passport, visa, property details, license number, social security number, voter or alien registration card, among others
Be Patient in pre and post marriage:- Do not take any decision in haste and do not get pressurized to do so for any reason whatsoever. Do not make matrimony a passage to greener pastures abroad by falling prey to lucrative schemes to migrate to another country or promises of getting green card through marriage. Do not finalize marriage matters, without meeting the family or over long distance, on phone or through e-mails. Do not get pressurized in taking impulsive decisions of marriage proposal with an NRI just because it appears too perfect to be true.
Beware of middle men:- Do not negotiate your daughter’s marriage via a bureau, agent or middleman or trust them blindly. In case matrimonial negotiations takes place via matrimonial sites, verify the details and authenticity of particulars submitted about the groom.
Don’t keep it so secret:- Do not finalize matters in secrecy – publishing the proposal among the near and dear ones, friends and close relatives could help you in getting vital information which you may not be able to collect otherwise .
Conducting Marriage in Foreign: - Do not agree on the marriage taking place in the foreign country. It is very costly affair and we are dependent on groom’s family for all sorts of arrangements.
Say not to over expenditure and dowry:- Do not be coerced into acceding to dowry or any other unreasonable demand made by or on behalf of your husband in order to end your desertion. Inform officials immediately if being forced to do so.
Speak up:- Do not remain quiet, if faced with desertion or any other cruelty by husband and/or in-laws whether in India or abroad. Approach the authorities, family’s friends, relatives, embassy or local government. Never keep your issues keep ticking your mind.
Don’ts:- The following are some issues which need to be avoided before getting into web of NRI groom.
Plan immigration through legal steps:-Do not forge/fabricate papers or legal documents for somehow going abroad and do not become a party to illegal acts under pressure, allurement or instigation from anyone.
Local Legislation: Do not be forced into participating in legal action in country of husband’s residence. You can file a case in India and cannot be forced to defend a case filed against you by husband abroad especially divorce. India has more women-friendly laws than many other countries.
No panic:- Do not panic if your husband obtains divorce in the other country with or without your knowledge since it is not valid in India. It Is valid in India only if you participate in that case.
Avoid Falsification: - Do not defame husband and/or in-laws without evidence as they may slap a defamation case against you. She must speak and support only the facts before police/lawyer/social worker/court etc.
Follow legal paths of Justice:- Do not be vindictive and take law in your hands. Never resort to any sort of violence or any illegal act to settle scores with deserter husband and/or in-laws. Approach government authorities in case of any problem in the marriage. Do not file false/frivolous complaint.
Conclusion:- The life of the western nations, always attracted the Punjabis. The parents do have dreams to send their wards abroad. In these context women of Punjab becomes easy and affordable pray for NRI grooms. They brides are ready to compromise on many issues. They are in haste to enjoy the western world. But, they need to patient and learned. They need to act rationally not emotionally. They need to follow right paths to get right partners. The women of Punjab need to more vigilant and aware. In this context, some NGOs, Govt., parents and brides have to work jointly to eradicate this emerging evil. But, the charity has to begin from our own home.
References:-
1. http://ncw.nic.in/PDFFiles/NRIDoDont.pdf
2. nipccd.nic.in/reports/desertion.pdf
3. http://www.lawisgreek.com/category/nris-law/nri-marriage-0
4. punjabpolice.gov.in/.../PDFViwer.aspx?.../NRI/NRI%20Data/...
5. http://www.theindiansabroad.com/2009/08/the-growing-problems-with-nri-marriages