Manifesting Our Pride
LGBT Skype Support Group
Each group begins when there are 8 interested people, so please send me an email to get on the interest list - I will keep you posted about how many are on the list and when we are ready to start.
We will meet for 2 hours every week at a mutually convenient time. Your spot in the group is secured once payment has been processed and you are asked to commit to 6 weeks at a time. If you are not able to attend the group on a given week we will not open up your spot: the group will stay as a container so that we can deepen the work with each other.
The goals of the group are:
To co-create a space where all of our various parts can feel welcome and to provide support for fellow members
To attend to the various parts that may get triggered as a result of being in a group: perhaps feeling left out, or a part feeling like it has to entertain to be liked, people-pleasing parts, parts who believe that their needs have to be secondary. The group process itself is a very rich environment, when appropriately facilitated, to become aware of and be able to attend to parts that may be requiring attention.
We will also use the group environment for speaking for and supporting the parts of us that may be coming up during the week that may be seeking healing from the burdens they carry from living as an LGBT person in a sometimes unfriendly, uncaring or alien world.
All of your parts are welcome into this environment.
Process
We will begin each week with a check-in where you will be invited to speak for your parts. "Speaking for parts" takes practice and then gets easier. The purpose is to begin to identify the different parts that we have so that they can know you are there and aware of them and you can develop a more Self-led relationship with them. For example, instead of saying, "I have been thinking about this all day" you may choose to say, "a part of me has been thinking about this all day" or "my thinking part has been getting my attention all day planning what to say." This may seem artificial at first as it is new and you'll soon get in the swing of it.
You may wish to speak for whatever parts have been up prior to skyping in so that they can soften back and you can be present for the group process. For example you may have a part that is agitated because you were almost late for the call due to heavy traffic on the way home and then your Mom called and was not happy that you didn't have as much time for her as she needed... Or whatever. Once these "real-life" parts are spoken for they will often settle back and allow you and your "group participant" parts to be present.
For the first session you will be asked to introduce yourself and state why you have selected to be a part of this group and what you are looking to get out of it. After everyone has met we will have a round where you may wish to speak for parts who have had experiences with other groups. These parts are often triggered in joining a new group and for some of us there may be stories of exclusion, beating teased or bullied. For others there may be stories of being supported and feeling like they belonged. All of these parts will be welcomed into the group.
We will then co-create guidelines for safety in how to be with each other. These will likely include discussion about confidentiality and other agreed upon ways of engaging such as no cross-talk. Whatever is important for your parts will be honoured in the group.
Once we are past the initial meeting we will move into the work of the group. Our second meeting will begin with a check-in, then we will see where the group energy wants to go. There are opportunities for parts to tell their stories and be witnessed as space is held for them by other group members, this can be a tremendous gift for parts that have felt they have had to hold secrets. Holding compassionate witnessing can also be a remarkable learning experience.
You may also become aware of parts that are "trailheads" leading to a part that holds burdens that would like to be freed up of those burdens. For example, you may notice that a part of you always has you sitting back and not saying much. You may wish to get curious about why it takes this course of action and it may be that it likes to assess a group before putting itself out. Or it may reveal that it believes that if you step forward people may not like you. This sounds like a protective part so I may ask you to get to know it better and it may let you know that it has been acting on this strategy since you were a kid, maybe since you were 10.
As with all protectors, once they know you are there and you are able to hold your curiousity with them (Self-energy) it may be willing to allow you to get to know the vulnerable part it is protecting. It is my job to help guide you in this process by being a "parts detector" that helps you recognise when you have enough Self-energy for the work. As the group holds you energetically with their caring, you will be invited to get to know the vulnerable exile and, with the permission of your protective parts, hear its story. Once fully witnessed that part will have the opportunity to release whatever burdens it may have been carrying (perhaps having been humiliated among its peers when it voiced an unpopular opinion, or some such) and to take in what it needs to replace the feelings of shame/stupidity associated with speaking out and being shamed. Once it is feeling okay and perhaps confident, the "don't speak up" protector may be able to relax and it may feel okay to participate in a more engaged way in the group if that's what other parts wish to do.
I hope that gives a flavour for the kind of work that becomes possible in a group such as this. Dick Schwartz maintains that work can go deeper when there is a group of people willing to bear witness and hold Self energy and that has certainly been m y experience during the many trainings in which I have participated; particularly during level 3 work when Dick is working one-on-one with a participant's system.
During our 6th week together we will open the floor for discussion about continuing as a group or not. Within each person there may be a number of parts wanting to be heard and by the end of that session if there are people deciding to leave we will make the time for a good goodbye; where all parts that wish you be spoken for will be invited to do so. If there are spaces in the group we will open them up to new people and the next session will focus on welcoming them and attending to parts that are triggered as we move into the new configuration.
I am very excited and honoured to be running this group. My intent is to facilitate it well so that some significant sharing and healing can occur for those of us who have parts that have taken on some of the poison from our heterosexist and transphobic culture.
My gay parts, my therapist parts and my social justice parts all find a home in doing this work. And my parts that can sometimes feel overwhelmed by the enormity of transphobia and homophobia are relieved that my system does not need to be stuck in the powerlessness of "There's nothing I can do."
Please let me know if you'd like to be a part of Manifesting Our Pride.