“My little black book” (Dec. 19, 2007)
We’ve all watched enough movies to know that the “little black book” is what everyone is desperately looking for. In it are the names and numbers that hold the key to solving the mystery, exposing the culprit, or revealing the murderer. My “little black book” is not so ominous or mysterious. It’s a thin, 3 x 5 inch hardbound volume called a Moleskine. These small journals have been around for many years and were constant companions of such notables as Hemingway and Picasso.
One day, while reading the Travel section of the Sunday paper, I came across a short article providing the reader with a list of those “must have” items when traveling. The Moleskine journal was paramount, first on the list of those items. The pages are not removable so you don’t lose your notes or jottings. It features a small accordion file on the inside back cover, perfect for holding receipts and ticket stubs. I went to and bought several for myself.
So, what would you find in my “little black book”? Shopping lists, reminder notes, insurance info, prescription refill numbers, website addresses, phone numbers, and just about anything else I need to keep track of. If I need to buy materials for a home project, it’s the best place to sketch diagrams and write down relevant dimensions. And, best of all, I no longer rely on those annoying loose slips of papers. It’s all written down in my “little black book”.
I’ve also discovered another, more important use for my “little black book”. It helps me focus on living my life better. Not, living a better life, but living my life better. There is a difference between the two. When we think of living a better life, images of lottery winners, wealthy families, and luxurious vacations come to mind.
Living life better is something each one of us can do regardless of social position, education, occupation, or financial situation. Living life better involves the myriad of choices and decisions we must make each and every day. Decisions about money, health, jobs, or how we spend our free time. It concerns the choices we make in how we treat people regardless of who they are.
Most people profess some sort of religious affiliation. Most religions have published writings filled with guidelines for conduct and religious practices. I profess the Christian faith. The well known guide of the Christian faith is the Bible. Have you looked at a Bible lately? It sure is thick and it contains a whole lot more than just the Ten Commandments. It contains an incredible amount of information on how we can live life better. I haven’t memorized the entire contents, nor do I expect to.
That’s where my black book comes in handy. I recently started writing down a day and date on the line of a page first thing every morning. Next to it, I write down something that I can concentrate on doing for that particular day. For instance, on Thursday, Dec. 13, I wrote, “Say no unkind thing to anyone or about anyone”. That’s it. I focused my attention on that one thing throughout the day.
This does not mean that I act recklessly in everything else. No. Rather than try to remember too many things and be overwhelmed, I can try to focus on one thing. My hope is that I’ll develop better habits and make better choices in the days ahead. Where do I get my ideas? From the Bible, as well as other authors and from courtesy and common sense.
My “little black book” may not be as notorious or as exciting as the ones in the movies, but like Hemmingway and Picasso, it’s now my constant companion. I know where to look for my notes, lists, and jottings. And, best of all, it contains a good reminder for the day ahead.
“Surprises and treats” (Nov. 26, 2007)
My grandmother, Signe Haraldson, was a schoolteacher. The school was located in the small town of Danube, Minnesota. Occasionally, she would hop in her 1960’s Dodge Dart and drive up to the Twin Cities to visit us. I think most grandmothers drove Dodge Dart automobiles back in those days, or so it seems.
We’d look for her to pull up in front of our house and park on the street. As kids, we looked forward to her visits because she usually brought “surprises and treats”. Sometimes she would bring paper and pencils. Other times she would bring storybooks from the school. The edges of the books would be stamped with the words, “Danube Schools”. I’m hoping that these were books slated for removal from the school library and replaced with new volumes. It would be a disappointing memory to think that my grandmother, who drove a Dodge Dart, was systematically pilfering the school library, one book at a time.
Although I am not a grandparent I find it very satisfying to be the one who brings “surprises and treats” on visits to family and friends. My best friends have four girls. Ever since the first girl was born, I was the babysitter. First it was one girl, then, two, and, well, you get the picture.
Whenever I would visit, I made sure that I had “surprises and treats” in hand when they greeted me at the door. Most of the time, it would be a candy treat. I still have the list they wrote out for me years ago with all four of their names on it. Below each girls name was the name of their favorite candy. It doesn’t bode well to show up with beef jerky strips when “Skittles” or “Snickers” bars were on the “List”.
Like my grandmother, I would also bring paper, pencils, pens, markers, etc. Kids seem to go through those things rather quickly. And, who doesn’t like scratch off lottery tickets? Those are always a hit when you visit kids.
Kids should not be the only recipients of “surprises and treats”. When I first bought my house in St Louis Park, I made friends with my neighbors. There was one couple living two doors down who had a small dog, a terrier mix, named Cydney. I started to buy dog treats for Cydney. She went ballistic when I brought her a treat. It wasn’t long before Cydney would regularly sit on the edge of her yard late in the afternoons waiting for my truck to pull into my driveway. She knew the sound of my truck.
After I hopped out and headed towards the back door, I noticed her staring at me, trying to catch my eyes. She wanted to be sure that I saw her. Her tail would wag. I’d look over, say her name, and her tail wagged even more enthusiastically. I’d grab a treat and start walking towards her. She would leap two or three feet into the air in excitement. She couldn’t inhale the treats fast enough. Her owners, Carol and Jeff, told me that she only acts this way when “I” bring treats. When they gave her the very same treat, she hardly responded. It must have tasted better coming from me somehow.
Neighbors come and go. Carol, Jeff, and Cydney have moved on. I still keep treats on hand for Coda, the golden lab next door and Cocoa (I call him, Butch), the little dog across the street. I think Butch learned how to go ballistic from Cydney. He goes bonkers when he sees me coming across the street.
Coda, on the other hand, is more reserved. He’ll just sneak up on me quietly if I’m in the garage or in the yard. He stands close by waiting for me to say the magic words – “Are you ready for a treat?” Together, we walk calmly to my back door. I’ll step inside and grab the bag of “Schmacko Sticks”. When I step back outside, I find that Coda has drooled on the back steps in anticipation. Each dog has their own way of showing their enthusiasm.
“Surprises and treats” are not for kids and dogs only. Adults enjoy “surprises and treats”, too. Why not bring donuts to work on occasion? Sending flowers to someone for no reason is a fun thing to do. Chocolates are always popular, too.
I’d like to think that my grandmother had fun when delivering “surprises and treats” to our house. It’s one of those “feel-goods” in life that each one of us can do. Make sure you don’t mix things up though and bring “Schmacko Sticks” to the kids and “Skittles” to the dogs. Your popularity will wane if that happens.
Have fun. Life’s too short.
“Going against the grain” (Nov. 21, 2007)
That reminds me of that old song title, “Get Out of the Wheat Field Honey, We’re Going Against the Grain”. It was in that classic genre with other songs like, “Run to the Roundhouse Nellie, He’ll Never Corner You There” or “Let’s Go to the Cornfield and I’ll Kiss You Behind the Ears”.
Perhaps these songs never actually hit the airwaves. They may not have been real songs at all come to think of it. Oh well. It was humor years ago. Going against the grain suggests non-compliance to the “rules” or living contrary to social “norms”. It’s generally attributed to the person who doesn’t do things the way other people do things.
A good woodworker or carpenter knows how important it is when sanding wood, to sand with the grain, rather than against the grain. Sanding against the grain will leave “scratches” and ruin a fine piece of wood. History has proven that many people, going against the grain, have become notorious, causing tremendous evil and harm to mankind. Going against the grain receives more bad press than good press.
I ask you to consider where we would be without those characters, who, went against the grain in their time and accomplished great things. Christopher Columbus went against common belief that the earth was flat only to discover new worlds. Martin Luther challenged overwhelming odds to show that God could be personal to each person. Discovers, adventurers, scientists, and doctors alike have all gone against the grain at some time or another to make this world a better place.
Kids are most successful in life when they choose to go against the grain of unhealthy peer pressure. They may not be “popular”, but their lives will be better for their decision. The news is filled each day with stories of kids dying from binge drinking or drugs. They would not go against the grain and make an independent, wiser choice. Who gives a damn what someone else thinks?
Going against the grain does not only pertain to life changing decisions or discoveries. It permeates all aspects of our lives. I started thinking about this idea of going against the grain as I closed my garage door this morning before leaving for the office. Unlike “everyone else”, I leave my garage unlocked throughout the day. This may seem like a stupid and reckless idea. I guess I’m going against the grain so to speak. I have a reason for this however.
My reason to leave my garage unlocked is known to my neighbors. They know that they are welcome to stop by anytime to borrow whatever they may need from my garage. It can be a tree saw, pole saw, or lopper. I have a variety of shovels, pitchforks, rakes, and hoes. They can find a pickaxe and a sledgehammer if needed. Besides several ladders, I keep a roof rake on hand to pull snow off the roof to prevent those irritating ice jams. If someone needs a lawnmower or snow thrower, my neighbors know that they can borrow it as well.
It could happen someday that thieves may steal something from my garage. Oh well, I can buy another of whatever it is. The reward of helping my neighbors far exceeds my concern of theft. I like going against the grain.
Going against the grain has influenced other areas of my life. Choosing to remain single may be considered contrary to the social “norm”. I know many people who went the way of the socially accepted “norm” of marriage, who, are, once again, single, this time with baggage. No thanks.
I tend to go against the grain in how I dress. Fashion trends pass me by each and every year. Comfortable blue jeans and “Vans” skate shoes will always be included in my wardrobe. My attire will be casual. It will always be neat and clean, but casual. It may not be the “norm” or the attire of the people in my “age group”, but I am quite comfortable. My attitude, activities, and choice in music may not always be found in the “Handbook of Etiquette for People Over 50”. What a rebel! I’m going against the grain again.
I know I’ve driven my sales managers nuts over the years because I still use the “ancient” tools of pencil and paper to take notes during phone conversations and to keep track of quotes. Although I tend to be slow to adopt computerized technology, these sales managers reluctantly concede that I seem to be an organized person. To my credit, I am making forward strides in adopting our new high tech programs to create quotes and proposals. I’m going “with the grain” for a change. I guess that means I’m going against my “own” grain. Hmmm.
In any event, my intention with this little essay was to spur us to think independently, to do the right thing, and not cave in to peer pressure or social pressure. I do not promote going against the grain for disruptive or harmful purposes.
If the atmosphere where you work tends to be negative, filled with gossip, go against the grain. If you are expected to do something dishonest, go against the grain.
Be creative. Be yourself (a well worn metaphor). Think for yourself. Be upright when people around you may not be. Be courteous and kind in a cruel world. Be helpful in a world where people think only of themselves. Give someone a hand when the “norm” would be to ignore that person. Step outside of “your” box (another well worn metaphor, sorry about that) and do something daring and different.
In other words, don’t be afraid to go against the grain. If you do it right, it won’t leave “scratches”.
“Blowing out candles” (Nov. 17, 2007)
There are two very good reasons why a birthday cake should not be adorned with the proper number of candles for anyone over the age of 50. The first reason? All of those hot lit candles represent a realistic fire hazard. The second reason? The person who is 50 years old or more may hyperventilate and pass out in their attempt to blow hard enough to extinguish all of the candles in a single breath. Enough said about that subject.
This is not what I had intended to write about when I chose the title, “Blowing out candles”. Please, follow along.
If you took out your dictionary and turned to the word “gentleman” I wouldn’t be surprised if you found a photograph of Pete Peters next to that word. If you paged further into your dictionary to the word “professional” you may find Pete’s photo next to that word as well.
Who in the world is Pete Peters you ask? Pete Peters was a man I had the good fortune of knowing many years ago. He was the local factory rep for Panasonic Professional Video Products. As he was contemplating retiring, we asked Pete to join our small staff as sales manager. He accepted. This was in the early 1980’s. Pete was every bit the gentleman and professional.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t with us for very long. Although for an older man, he was in very good shape. He exercised regularly and seemed to enjoy good health. Colon cancer claimed Pete as a victim, in rather short order, too. While working with Pete, I learned two valuable lessons.
Whenever Pete would take a phone call or make a phone call, he had pencil in hand and a spiral notebook opened and ready to write down detailed notes about the conversation. Since then, I, too, have pencil in hand with paper in front of me taking notes whenever I’m talking with anyone on the phone. My customer’s are usually impressed that I “remember” our conversations.
The more important lesson that Pete taught me came from something he said. We were talking about the competition, the other dealers one day. He said, “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours burn any brighter”.
In other words, bad-mouthing a competitor or criticizing another dealer does not make you or your company, look better. To the contrary, it is very unprofessional. I try to remember those words in my business dealings each day. I’m pretty good about it, too. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at it in my personal life at times.
It’s so easy to let loose a sarcastic remark or criticism. There is a perverse need to prove that I am right and someone else is wrong. The most cowardly thing that I can do is to belittle someone. It’s not a proud moment to blow out someone’s “candle”. My “candle” does not burn any brighter after that.
Pete certainly knew what he was talking about. This is one of those life lessons that I’ve never forgotten. It was time once again to remind myself of those words. The next time I am tempted to let loose with a negative or hurtful comment, I need to pause, hold my breath, and say nothing. After that, I’ll say. Thanks, Pete”.