As healthcare providers, we should be intimately dedicated[EW1] to the health and wellness of our patients. Furthermore, many hospitals and medical clinics are in a unique position to offer programs to encourage healthy lifestyles among their patients. I first became aware of this type of initiative[EW2] through my own insurance company several years ago. In this scenario, the firm offered cash back bonuses for customers who maintained a healthy weight, stopped smoking, or took other positive steps to preserve or improve their health. The programs were simple enough, and really kept the patients motivated because everyone loves earning money or other bonuses, especially in this current economy.

Let's face it[EW3]; detrimental health patterns are difficult to break, especially if the individual has had many years of the same behavior to turn around[EW4] . Nevertheless, a quality program to encourage positive but small changes can reap huge dividends[EW5] in the long term. For this reason, our institution is implementing a healthy lifestyles program to persuade our less healthy[EW6] constituents to adopt new and hopefully healthier habits. For example, even a simple and slow paced walk may be a great way to get confirmed couch potatoes up and off their chair, and out in the fresh air getting some form of low-impact exercise[EW7].

Many health authorities have averred that even a small improvement in overall activity may greatly help a person's sense of wellbeing (Carpenter, 2012). If we begin with a small program to help people move in to a more active lifestyle, we may see significant improvements in chronic diseases such as diabetes and even obesity[EW8]. The key to a successful initiative is to start slowly and offer some enticement for the participants[EW9]. These rewards may include a discount on gym memberships from the local area, coupons for athletic gear, or even cash back if the members track their progress for a valid period of time.

Next, we want to introduce a balanced nutrition program to complement our exercise system outlined above. This will incorporate a registered dietary assistant who will meet with our clients for a free one-time consultation to help them all get started. Again, the most important factor is to start slowly, and introduce small changes to a person's daily diet without adding a lot of crazy or hard to find nutrition foods. The motivation for our patients to participate should be a greater looking body and a relaxed state of mind; however, many people will be looking for additional incentives. We can offer discounts for continued meetings with our nutrition counselor, coupons for the grocery store, or even discounts for restaurants that offer low calorie options.

All of these plans are terrific, but they won't get off the ground [EW10]without a meaningful advertising campaign. We can create flyers and mail them to all our patients to alert them to this new program as well as its benefits[EW11]. In addition, we may consider some radio or television spots to help advertise our new program. It may also be helpful to organize special days within our facility for new patients to take a close look at what we have to offer as well as what benefits they may expect if they stick with the program.

Of course, many people may be drawn to our new plan based on the rewards they may hope to achieve. However, our goal should always keep health and a better state of mind at the forefront of our agenda. Furthermore, we can look forward to the improved health of the community after they have taken full advantage of this new strategy for improved health. The advantages should be evident for many years to come!

References

Carpenter, R. (2012) Small Improvements That Will Make You Healthier. Last accessed May 21, 2012.

Title page (10%) / Abstract (25%) / Reasons for plan/ program (45%) / Reference Page (20%)
Superior (10) / Conforms to all APA specifications. All information is centered vertically and horizontally on the page, all of the paper identification information is included ( title, author, class number and section and instructor, and date) and the title of paper and page number are in a functioning page header. / Clearly and concisely summarizes all important elements of the paper. Citations in correct format are included to acknowledge sources of information. Abstract is formatted according to APA requirements on a separate page, with a centered title. Writing is in Standard English and is clear using a professional rather than a conversational tone. There are very few, if any, writing errors and writing is well organized in effective paragraphs with transitions. / Clearly and concisely explains the reasons for the project, why funding is needed, and the potential consequences if funding is not provided. Data and information from credible sources is provided to illustrate overall issues and/or local impact as relevant to the specific option chosen for the paper. Writing is in Standard English and is clear using a professional rather than a conversational tone. There are very few, if any, writing errors and writing is well organized in effective paragraphs with transitions. / Conforms to all APA specifications: The title "References" is centered on a new page, references are complete and are in alphabetical order, and references use a hanging indent format. All references have at least one citation in the body of the paper. There is a reference for all works cited in the paper.
Well done (8.6-9.5) / Includes paper title and author and at least some other element of the paper identification information. Page header material is included although it may be manually typed rather than in a functional header / Clearly and concisely summarizes all important elements of the paper. Citations are included but format may be incorrect. Information is generally organized well. Writing is in Standard English and is clear using a professional rather than a conversational tone. There may be a few minor writing errors and/or writing is not in effective paragraphs with transitions. / Adequately explains the reasons for the project, why funding is needed and the potential consequences if funding is not provided. Some data and information from credible sources is provided to illustrate overall issues and/or local impact as relevant to the specific option chosen for the paper but there may be minor gaps in the information that are relevant to fully understand the need for the project. Writing is in Standard English and is clear using a professional rather than a conversational tone. There may be a few minor writing errors and/or writing is not in effective paragraphs with transitions. / Reference missing one of the required elements for a reference page in APA format. Reference formats might not be in the correct order, but all required information is included. All references have at least one citation in the body of the paper. There is a reference for all works cited in the paper.
Good (7.5-8.5) / Includes paper title and author and at least some other element of the paper identification information. Page header material missing / Information about the key elements of the plan/program is summarized but writing is unclear, disorganized, and/or there are more than a few spelling or grammatical errors. Citations are included, but format may be incorrect. / Attempts to explain the reasons for the project, why funding is needed and the potential consequences if funding is attempted, but writing is not clear enough to promote a clear understanding of the need. Major gaps in data and information from credible sources are apparent. writing is unclear, disorganized, and/or there are more than a few spelling or grammatical errors. Citations are included, but format may be incorrect. / Reference missing more than one of the required elements for a reference page in APA format. Reference formats might not be in the correct order, but all required information is included that is needed to identify whether the reference is credible. All references have at least one citation in the body of the paper. There is a reference for all works cited in the paper.
Fair/Poor (5) / Includes title and author but other information may be missing / Information about the key elements of the plan/program is incomplete, fails to included citations, and/or writing contains major errors, such as spelling or grammatical errors or poor organization. / Reasons for the project the plan/program are incomplete and/or data and information are either missing or data sources are not credible or citations are missing. Writing contains major errors, such as spelling or grammatical errors or poor organization. / References are missing elements required by APA format that are needed to evaluate the credibility of a source. Reference might not have a pair with a citation in the body of the paper and/or there may be no reference for some resource that was cited in the paper.
Missing (0) / title page missing / abstract is missing / Reasons for program are not discussed. / reference page missing
Student Score / 10 / 0 / 7.5 / 10
Weighted Score / 7.5 / 0.0 / 25.3 / 15.0 / 48
Comments / Nice job. / Missing / Your writing is generally clear and you have some great program ideas.
Some information is not in a professional tone, as noted.
As noted you are lacking support for your ideas. / Your reference page is formatted well. However you need many more references as noted in my many comments

[EW1]odd phrasing

[EW2]what initiative? You have not yet identified what you plan to do. Please be specific and clear.

[EW3][This is conversational. Remember that professional, formal style papers such as this should avoid a conversational tone. Avoiding pronouns, such as "you" and "your" and "we" and using a third person is a good way to avoid a conversational tone]

[EW4]according to who? You must provide authoritative support to your statements

[EW5]be specific. There is a lot of health data you may use.

[EW6]what do you mean by "less healthy?" Be specific

[EW7]what evidence do you have that this is true? You must provide support for your ideas.

[EW8]what is the incidence of diabetes and obesity at your location? If local data is not available, provide regional or national statistics.

[EW9]provide support

[EW10]Your phrasing is colloquial, which is fine in a conversation, but not in a professional style paper such as this one.

[EW11]This is a superior idea!