July 1960
GUSTRICKS A TRICKSTER
by Martin Bunn
"Tenminutes? Mindit'snomore,"grumbledSilasBarnstable.
"Time'smoney."
"SoI'veheard,"agreedGuswryly.
"Butworkingonthatoldwreckofyoursissellingtimeprettycheap,Silas."
Thetownpenny-pinchergrunted.
"Look,"Guswenton,"you'reheadedforbigrepairbillswiththisantiqueofyours,andIdon'twanttohearyousquealwhenonecomes. Turnlooseenoughcashtogetagoodcar. You'llbedoingyourself-andme-afavor."
SilasturnedsharplittleeyesonGus.
"Andyoujusthappentoknowofacarforsale,hey? WithabitforGusWilsonandtheModelGarage,nodoubt."
Gussnortedindisgust. "Youwouldfigureitthatway. Justsitandwait."
IgnoringBarnstable,Guswasbusyatabenchjobwhentheshopdoorslammed.
"TedGriswold!"hesaidinsurprise.
"Whatbringsyouback,youngfellow?"
Thetall,darkyoungmangrinned. "Moreluckthanmerit,Gus. Theinsurancecompanypromotedmetodistrictmanagerofourbranchofficehere."
"Wonderful! Didn'ttakethemlongtofindouthowgoodyouare,didit? Youevenlooklikeanexecutivenow."
"Comeoffit,Gus,"laughedGriswold.
"I'mthekidwhosejalopyyouusedtopatchupfree."
"Nomore. I'llchargeyoudoubleforalljobsonyourHighbrowV-8."
"Nokidding,"Griswoldsaid. "Idoneedagoodcarinthisjob. Factis,that'ssomethingIwanttoaskyouabout."
"Idon'tsellcars,Ted,butwehavesomehonestdealersintown."
"Don'tmeanthat. ThemanI'mreplacingismovingupinabigcompanyjobontheWestCoast,flyingouttomorrow,andcan'ttakehiscar. He'llsellhis$1,000equityforonly$600ifIfinishthepayments. It'sanalmostnewhardtopwithonly6,000milesonit."
Gusnodded. "IthinkIknowit-that'llbeBenDerringer'scar."
"Right,andDerringer'ssortofaquickimpatientchap. Hesaidhe'dholdthecaruntilnoontoday,thensellittothefirstcomer."
Guslookedattheshopclock. "Pastonenow. Haveyouseenhim?"
Griswoldshookhisheadglumly.
"Trainwaslate. Ireachedhishouseathalfpast. Thefamily'sgoneandneighborstoldmehehadjustlefttodriveuptohissummercottageforsomeclothing. Butnobodyknowswherehiscottageis."
AshopchairsqueakedasBarnstableshuffledtohisfeet. "Time'sup,Gus.
Can'twaitwhileyoustandjawing."
SeeingStanHicks,hisyoungassistant,dropthehoodonBarnstable'scar,Gusknewtheoil-fouledplugshadbeencleaned. HescribbledabillandgaveittoBarnstable,whocountedtheexactamountoutofacrackedwallet. ThoughtfullyGuswatchedhiscrankiestcustomerdriveout.
"...thoughtyoumightknow,fromworkingonhiscar,"Griswoldwassaying.
Gussnappedoutofareverie. "No,Ted,Ithinkonlythedealerhasservicedthatcar. DidyouchecktheHallofRecordstofindwhereDerringer'splaceis?"
"Can't. It'sclosedSaturdays. I'veaskedalltherealtorsintown.
"ThenseeifyoucanfindthegasstationwhereDerringerdeals,"suggestedGus. "Theymightknow. Cheerup-chancesareheforgothe'dneedthecartogoupstateandcountsonsellingittoyouwhenhegetsbacktonight."
"Thanks,Gus. I'lltrythestations."
ThefollowingMonday,justasGuswasthinkingoflunch,animperioushornsoundedoutsidethebigshopdoor,andamomentlaterasleekhardtopsedansweptintothegarage. Butasitcrestedtheconcreteapron,Gus'ssharpearscaughtadryclunkfrombeneaththecar.
"Iseeyougotit,Ted-anditsureis-"CongratulationsfrozeonGus'stongueasthecardooropenedandSilasBarnstablesteppedout.
"Well,don'tstandtheregaping,"snappedthetown'sstingiestman. "Neverseenanalmostnewcarbefore?"
"Yes,butneveryouinone,"admittedGus. "Whodidyourob,Silas?"
"Ididmakeagooddeal,"saidSilas,rubbinghishandstogether. "Only6,000milesonit."
"ThenthisisDerringer'scar."
"Was,Gus,Iboughtitlegal."
AsenseofoutrageengulfedGus.
"Legal! YouheardGriswoldtalkingtome. Youpracticallystoleitfromhim!"
"Nowthat'sprettyharshlanguage,Gus,"whinedBarnstable. "Itookyouradvice,gotmeagoodcar,IknewwheretofindDerringer-hissummerplaceisnexttooneIhaveamortgageon."
"Well,youcantakeyourcar-andyourbusiness-somewhereelse."
Theoldmanflinched.
"Nowwait,Gus,Iain'tsetagainstsellingGriswoldthecar-ifIcanmakeaprofitonit. ButIalreadyhaditbacktothedealer,sameasDerringerdid,'countofthatscree-chunkunderneath.
TheysaidtheyputnewshocksinforDerringer.
Todaytheytightenedthespringshackles-mademepayforit,too."
"Stillclunks,doesn'tit? Maybeyou'llfindthisanexpensivebargain."
AfinerivuletofsweatrolleddownBarnstable'sbonynose. "Giveitaroadtestatleast,Gus."
Gusglaredathim,thenshrugged. "WaittillIgiveStansomeorders."
Farbackintheshop,GusgaveStanlow-voicedinstructions,thenreturned.
"Whendoesitmakethatracket?"heaskedBarnstable,gettingin.
"AnytimeIgoupadrivewayorhitadipintheroad."
Gusputtheautomaticdriveinreverseandbackedout. Astherearwheelsclimbedtheapronslope,anunnervingclunkbrieflyrepeatedwhenthecarclimbeddowntheoutside. Gusshookhisheadthoughtfully.
"Badhey?"askedBarnstable.
Grim-lipped,Gussaidnothing. Hedroveslowlyablockortwo. WhenhecoastedupadrivewayslopetomakeaUturn,therewasnonoise. ButitoccurredagainontheModelGarageapron.
"What'llitcost?"askedBarnstable.
Gusshookhishead. "Thewayyoufeelaboutrepairbills,Silas,Idon'twanttotakeonthisjob."
AsheandBarnstablesteppedfromthecar,TedGriswoldsaunteredup. "Hello,Gus. CametotellyouIstillneedacar. Thisoneforsale?"
Gusgrunted,"Ifso,don'tbuyit."
BarnstabledrewGusaway. "Whatisit,Gus? Abumrearend,oristheautomatictransmissionshot?"hewhispered.
"I'dratherthedealertoldyou,Silas.
Nochargefortheroadtest."
GuswalkedoffBarnstablehastilylookedaboutforGriswold. "Hey,youngfellow. Wanttobuythiscar?"
"Holdit,Ted,"warnedGus. "I'llchargeyoujustasmuchtorepairitasIwouldSilas."
Griswoldnodded,withdrewintomutteredconversationwithBarnstable.
Tenminuteslater,Barnstableshuffledout. GriswoldapproachedGus,smiling.
"IsawDerringerthatnight;he'dalreadysoldit-for$550.IpaidBarnstable$600."
Guschuckled. "LeaveittoSilastoturnaprofitsomehow,everytime!"
"Okaybyme,"saidGriswold. "it'saswellcar-whatever'swrongwithit. IsittheclunkIheardwhenyoudroveinthatscaredhimintoselling?"
"Right. Soundsloudestincarshavingautomatictransmissions,becauseevenslightseepageoftransmissionfluidattherearsealcanwashthelubricantoutofthedrive-shaftyoke."
"Thewhat?"
"Thesplinedandgroovedcouplingonthefrontendofthedriveshaft. Whenthecarridesoverabump,thosesplinesslideinandoutofmatchinggroovesinthetransmission. Look."
Gusjouncedthebackofthecarupanddownonitssprings.
"Notawhispernow,orwhenyoucoastoverariseordip. Butwhentheengine'spullinganddrivetorqueloadsthesplines,theybindandthenbreakfreewiththatnoiseyouheard."
"Sothat'swhatoutfoxedBarnstable. AndwhyStanphonedmetocomebuythecar,nomatterwhatyousaidaboutit."
"Sure. AllIhavetodoisdroptheshaftandpackthesplineswithviscousgrease."
Guschewedhislips. "Ididn'ttellSilasitwasanexpensivejob;hejustnaturallythoughtso.
Andafterwhathe'ddone,itseemedonlyfairtolethim.Atthat,itwasadirtytrick,andI'mgoingtotellhim.
Sincehemadeafewbucks,hecan'tcomplainmuch."
"NorcanI,andhe'swelcometotheprofit. Youhavemythanks,Gus."
"Savethem,Ted. Heoverheardyouinmyshop,andImissedthetip-off.
"Towhathewasgoingtotry?"
"Sure. Silasgavemecast-ironproofwhenhewasinsuchabigrushtogetout.
Ishould'veguessedwhathewasuptoandwarnedyou."
"Buthowcouldyouknow?"
"Because,"saidGus,"thatwasthefirsttimeSilaseverpaidabillofminewithoutanargument."
END