Just Jesus and Me

Journal of My Spiritual Retreat with Jesusin Jerusalem

By Jeannie

June 2005

I traveled alone … upon this lonesome way,

My burdens were heavy … and dark was my day.

I looked for a friend … not knowing that He,

Had all of the time … been looking for me.

Forever I’ll sing … of His great love to me,

Forever I’ll tell it … on land and on sea;

I’ll stay by His side … contented I’ll be,

For all of my life … it’s Jesus and me.

Now it is Jesus and me … for each tomorrow … for every heartache and every sorrow;

I know that I can depend upon my new-found Friend, and so till the end … it’s Jesus and me.

Saturday, May 28, 20055:00 a.m.

Good morning, Father … and in the early morning stillness of this day I commit my mind and energies and heart and will to You – that You may fill me in these next two weeks as never before.

For at least five years the deep desire to return to Jerusalem has chomped at the bit. I have prayed over Jerusalem as I looked at the scenic panorama picture of the city as seen from the Mount of Olives. I’ve wanted so much to go there – to pray around those old walls that circle the city – to walk its street and remember when Jesus was there on the TempleMount – to sit at the olive trees at Gethsemane and look over the KidronValley toward Jerusalem and weep for it as He did. I wanted to carry my Bible and sit and read and journal – to pray from one end of it to the other – to read the prophecies that are fulfilled and those yet ahead that will take place right there. For years I’ve even marked Scriptures that I wanted to read there – to be able to look out and see where it will take place.

And the day has finally come! And even so, I leave the actual fulfillment of all these dreams in Your hands. You alone know my real heart in all this.

I’m sure some think it just another ‘world-wide trip’ I’ve got in my head! Or maybe they see it as a ‘loner’ off on another venture! Others may see it as a self-righteous display to gain attention. Whatever they think, You know my heart – You alone know the countless tears that have and are falling – in simply thinking of being there – and those that will come in these days ahead.

My Protector – Guide – Teacher – Best Friend! It is You alone who will go beside and ahead of me each step. You have never failed me – and my total trust in You gives me every confidence I need.

Two verses immediately come to mind this morning – and they speak my heart and intent for these past years as I’ve waited to return to Jerusalem …

“On your walls, O Jerusalem, I have appointed watchmen; all day and all night they will never keep silent. You, who remind the Lord, take no rest for yourselves; and give Him no rest until He establishes and makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.” Isaiah 62:6

“And He looked over the city and had compassion … Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling. Behold, your house is being left to you desolate! For I say to you, from now on you will not see Me until you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD.” Matthew 23:37-39

3:30 pmNewark/New York City

As we pull out of Newark, we face New York City – and a blimp is hanging over the area where the TwinTowers once were. And it’s eerie realizing you look at the site where those planes crashed and so many died so quickly. And I wonder if they didn’t take out from here – this airport – which is a straight ‘shot’ across the bay. Don’t want to dwell on that today.

Getting onto this plane has been a long process – the check-in in Atlanta for international flights was at LEAST 1 ½ times the full length of the Atlanta front lobby (Memorial Day weekend!). We wound and wound thru lines and then finally to the gate. I was there almost 3 hours early – and yet they called the flight as soon as I got to the gate! In Newark I’d asked for a wheelchair, knowing it was a long way and I didn’t know how to get to the next place – and I had only little over an hour to do so! It was at another terminal – by train – elevators – very complicated – and as soon as I got to the gate, they called for boarding – even with the lady who knows where to go pushing me! Believe me – paying the tip for a wheelchair is well worth it! I just pray now that the baggage made it on too!

What day is it? Oh yeah ….. Sunday, May 29, 20058 a.m.

Good morning, Father – so our vacation together has started! As we fly the last hour over the Mediterranean Sea, I couldn't help but compare this arduous journey overnight – with screaming kids most of the night, and feet and legs squashed and aching – with the one ahead, where we will ride into Jerusalem– thru the skies alright – but on fabulous white horses! Imagine that! I think the sight of it alone will frazzle the armies surrounding the city! And just HOW horses march from heaven to earth is just one of those God things! But until then . . . Continental has to get me there!

When we landed in Tel Aviv, I looked out the window and saw the baggage truck begin to unload – mine was the first one off! Yeah!

Took a taxi toJerusalem and to ___ hotel where I’d made reservations– which was a dump – I think they patterned it from an old concentration camp. The room, up three flights of old concrete steps, was tiny – the bed was a small iron bed with floppy mattress – the hallways were filled from end to end with dirty linen – the so-called panoramic view it was to have was a 2x3 window overlooking the store across the street! It was creepy! So I walked in, checked out the room, walked back downstairs and said, "Please call me a taxi –I can't stay here." The guy said, "Is there a problem?" I just didn't go there – so he said, "Where do you want to go?" I said, "To the hotel down the street," – and he said, "They probably don't have vacancies”– but I called anyway and they did – and it was two blocks away! And they had a great front room with a fantastic view of the city and it's a corner room so it also looks west toward the city and also south toward Bethlehem – and the back of their courtyard looks East where you can see Bethany and the Dead Sea! It has a hair dryer – has free email – has two restaurants – buffet every night – and it's clean – and only $15 more than the dump! So Jesus is looking out for me!

Was really exhausted today, so rested in the room awhile and settled in. They also have a safety deposit box like the bank with dual keys, so put most everything there and will take out in small increments – and leave passport there the whole time. So I'm doing well– can hardly believe I'm here – so tomorrow will get out and start early in the morning with taking in this awesome city!

Rev. 19:11-21 "And I saw heaven opened, and a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True . . . the Word of God. And the armies which are in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, following Him on white horses . . ." yeah – won’t that be something!

4:45 p.m.Waiting for early supper. They also have two restaurants here – very nice – overlooking the city. At 6:30 there's a dinner buffet ($15) – but I wanted a lite bite and ordered onion soup and grilled cheese at the second restaurant – the bistro. The soup is enough for 3 people, and the sandwich is double-decker with fries and slaw and tomatoes and fresh bread – so all that was $8.00 – and I could only eat less than half – so is great to have a good place to eat right here in the hotel!

About the same time I sat down at the bistro, three American women came in and sat at the table next to me – we were the only ones in there. And also within minutes I realized their like-heart for Jerusalem as they talked. So before I left, I introduced myself – and found they have moved here as volunteers for Bridges for Peace and go to a Church of God here on Mt Olive – and Cathleen lives here on the Mount. So we talked and I got their phone numbers and will touch base later in the week. A divine appoint, I think!

Monday, May 30, 2005 6 am

Good morning, Father – and what a place to wake up to! The sun is coming across the top of Jerusalem – the gold dome (Moslem Dome of the Rock) is shining – a few cars are out, not many – the breeze is blowing the trees – big blue sky above – the double Eastern Golden Gate and top of the city wall is just beginning to get the sun's light – the Kidron Valley/Rift is just below me. And the only ones close enough to look in my big open window as I sit here (in bed!) are several feet under ground – in the Jewish cemetery here on the side of the Mount of Olives! This is SO ideal – that I know You have arranged it! Thank You!

The ones who set up this room lacked imagination though – and I wonder if others haven't done what I did – within minutes of coming in here – which was to push the bed (single) from the far corner over in front of the picture window – so I can sit in bed and see it all! (When I told this to my family, Donna wrote and said, “I can’t believe you have already rearranged the furniture at the hotel!”)

Father, truly "my time is in Your hands." I've come here for one reason – to be alone with You – to read Your Word, talk to You, enjoy being in Your chosen city on earth. So I rest myself in Your care and direction, knowing that this time will be put together by You for Your purposes.

So – where do we begin! As I lay here and think about what I've learned from the Bible, I know that when Christ returns at the end of the Tribulation, with us, on the white horses thru the sky (!) to the armies encircling Jerusalem that are defying God, that His feet will come down on this Mt Olive and it will divide by an earthquake line running about where I sit! Looking ahead – to the MedSea– and behind – to the Dead Sea – a waterbed will be created for the river that will flow from Jerusalem toward both seas – and will make the Dead Sea a live sea! The land will change and Jerusalem will be totally lifted up higher and Christ will make it His royal city to reign from for 1000 earthly years. Then afterward the judgment and then the new heaven and new earth –the heavenly Jerusalemwill come down to earth and be the focus of our eternal home. But that Jerusalem is almost unimaginable – being a cube of 1500 miles on all sides – which is half the width of the US! wide – long – high! And 12 foundations equally divided by those 1500 miles! Imagine! But that's the way God does things, isn't it!

"Our God is an awesome God – He reigns from heaven above – with wisdom, power and love – our God is an awesome God."

"Jerusalem– John saw the city – caught a glimpse of the golden throne – crystal sea. I want to go to the new city he saw –Jerusalem. I want to walk your streets where the angels have trod – to rest on the banks of your river –- in that city of God!" (just happened to have Gaither’s last CD along on my MP3 – my neatest toy the size of a cigarette lighter – that also acts as a tape recorder!)

So what makes this city so different – so special? Today as I begin with Genesis, open my eyes and heart – show me from the Word You've given us, Father – show me Your heart in this place.

8:00 amFunny – my watch stopped as I began to walk down the path of Mt Olive!Good sign – as I begin my long-awaited walk to and around the city! But my first stop is the Dominus Flevit – or Tear Drop of the Lord – and the front window of this tear-shaped chapel overlooks the city – and the verses inside are the ones I wrote yesterday (Matt 23:37-39) –"Jerusalem . . that kills the prophets ....I long to gather your children as a hen gathers her brook under her wings."The other is the one I searched for and could not find (Luke 19:41-44) –"As He approached Jerusalem (along the Mt Olive path) and saw the city, He wept over it ..."

Well, it seems I've begun to make friends – even here – as the gardener came up and wiped out a lounge chair for me and said, "Sit, rest, read, meditate, pray – take your time." So I did – great view – nice breeze – shade – and lots of time!

After reading and studying there, I walked on down the path – very steep – having to go very slowly so as not to slip – the flowers bloomed and hung over the top of the walls on either side of the road. I picked a few that were especially pretty and unknown. As I continued on I reached another road and saw people crossing it and going into a gate – so I did the old "join the group" thing – listened as their tour guide explained – as we walked thru the Garden of Gethsemane and saw the roses among the olive trees – old and gnarled and still there from the time of Jesus. A few feet away is the Church of Nations (Church of Agony) – its front doors look straight across to the Golden Gate– the double Eastern Gate.

Though the guide gave her viewpoint – andI was good and did not interrupt or contradict! – I believe the first and second Temple lined up with this gate – with the Holy of Holies and now that I'm here inside, I realize it also lines up with this place – with the large rock inside this chapel where it is said Jesus went a little ways away and prayed. From this place He would have looked straight thru the gate, thru the Temple– to the Holy of Holies – with His God vision. He agonized with great drops of sweat as blood over what lay ahead of Him.

Jesus, my precious Jesus – what did You see? Did you see a people who You knew were even then preparing to come here and take You – to be beaten and killed? Did You look across there and see Abraham atop that other mount – placing Isaac on that rock on MountMoriah which is the TempleMount– about to sacrifice Isaac? Did You see the angel come and withhold Abraham's hand and hear him say, "Abraham – Abraham, do not lay a hand on the boy." And then as Abraham had already said, "God Himself will provide the lamb," (Gen 22) – did you realize the 2000-year-old fulfillment as you knelt there – the very Lamb of God promised so long ago?

Did you feel the thorns on Your brow already – the cat-o-nine tails cutting thru Your holy back again and again and again and again and again . . .? Did You already feel the agony of sin being laid on you – my sin – the unholiness against a holy God that mankind – that I – insisted on having my own way?

In the inside roof of this darkened room is a blue sky – and many stars glittering – like the stars that hovered over You that night. Did not Your birth star hang over You that night and cry aloud to see You in such agony – about to face death?

Outside – just a few feet away – were Peter, James and John – wanting to wait and pray – but in the lateness of the midnight – a big Passover meal in their tummy – several glasses of wine – they could not stay awake – and there under the olive trees they fell asleep – again – and again.

"It was alone the Savior prayed – in dark Gethsemane; alone He drained the bitter cup – and suffered – there – for me. Alone – alone – He bore it all alone. He gave Himself to save His own. He suffered – bled – and died – alone - - - alone."

Mark 14:32"They went to a place called Gethsemane and Jesus said to His disciples, ‘Sit here while I pray’. He took Peter, James and John along with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death . . . Abba, Father, everything is possible for You – take this cup from Me. Yet, not what I will, but what You will.’"

I walked on from the chapel on toward Jerusalem - just across the road – and used my MP3 to record as I walked – and now I can translate it into the journal: I pray as I walk outside this NE wall and Arab children all around – I pray for their hearts – and I pray for Your protection as people look at me and wonder. It's a long way up this hill! I'm already out of breath – yet this is what I've dreamed of – waited for! They've put graves here – Muslim – along the ground by the wall and in front of the Golden Gate - thinking they will keep out the Messiah from coming back thru that gate – what a joke – what a joke! And now as I near the NE corner beyond here is the HebrewUniversity– but right here is a lot of garbage dumps!