Trevor’s Mother’s story
Trevor’ mother shares what it was like for her be a parent to an adolescent compulsive gamer.
Do you recollect how old Trevor was when he first got into gaming?
He was in mid- primary school … around 10 years old…and he learned about it from a classmate. He spent some time on weekends at this friend’s house gaming together but after a while his friend would tire of it and want to do something else. Trevor was captivated and didn’t want to stop. He begged us for a console, which we got for him for his birthday.
What were your views about gaming and what guidelines did you put in place?
His schooling was very important to me so that was always to come first. I recall having some very strict times around when he could play to start with … makes me laugh when I think about it!
Did you and he stick to these restrictions?
No. Trevor was always his own person, even when he was much younger, and if he was going to do something then he was just going to do it! I had very little influence. Don’t get me wrong. He was a very sensitive boy… and he had a very tough time in primary school. He was teased a lot. It was very stressful for him. He seemed to go off into his own world.
Do you think this ‘tough time’ at school impacted his gaming?
Yes … I think gaming was an escape for him. It was better when he got to high school. Everyone liked him. But I was concerned about his schooling… he was never very engaged with it.
So what happened when he turned 14?
When he was in year 9, I thought getting him a great PC would help motivate him. But I was wrong! Once he got the PC, he was gaming every waking hour. I’d go into his room and find him gaming and I’d be frustrated and irritated that he wasn’t doing anything. He’d be frustrated and irritated with me and we’d have arguments! My frustration level was pretty high and I was quick to anger. It was so hard to get him to do anything else without lots of nagging and we’d end up in yelling matches.
What was the impact of this on you?
It was horrendous to see the extent of his preoccupation with gaming. I was exasperated and disappointed but also terrified about what was going to happen to him. I felt anxious and despairing.
I got to the point where I had to back off or live in perpetual conflict. Life got better for me once I accepted that it was up to him.
What did you try to do about this? Did you ever seek help or advice?
I took him to see a psychologist at one point – someone who works a lot with adolescents… because I was concerned about his schooling and the conflict in the household. He would only go the once!
I tried to turn off the modem but that just created a war.
I also tried to enter that world and use what I could to influence him. Games have incredible graphics that have evolved over the years and they use universal imagery! I can really appreciate the imagery and their beauty. The games are like modern renditions of the hero’s journey. I am interested in this and Trevor and I would talk about this… and the politics of gaming (like the rates of female participation in gaming and stereotyping) and what it means to be a conscientious consumer.
I had no idea what lay ahead but I knew I had to keep the friendship connection open. I had to stop fighting him. I didn’t really believe that he would still be gaming everyday at 45 – something would pull him away. I remember my mother being very concerned about how much television I watched as a teenager – a bit like Steven Spielberg – and we both turned out ok!
Do you think there have been any benefits for Trevor from his gaming?
Trevor has always been clever but I think gaming has enhanced his cleverness. I’m aware it helps develop strategic thinking.
Probably relationships – he has lots of relationships with others in the games. He is recognised and admired by others for his gaming! He is good at it. This gives him a sort of kudos.
What would you do differently if you had this time again?
I would never have gotten him a PS2 or a PC. I did this out of my desperation to motivate him to engage in his schoolwork. But it was a mistake.
Do you have any advice for other parents on this issue?
What I tried failed – I’m not sure what would have worked! Postpone access to gaming for as long as possible. Don’t bring it into the house. I’m not confident this would work either though.
I think what’s most important is to keep a positive relationship with the child for as long as possible. Focus on the relationship. Use their modality. Be willing to step into it in any way you can.