Going On Unto Perfection
Preaching Classes Level 9 - Lesson #8
Sympathy, Empathy, and Tough Skin
By Art Wallis
A story is told of a man who liked birds. In the winter he would put food out for the birds to eat that had stayed behind to endure the harshness of winter. One winter the weather was especially harsh. There had been much snow and ice; the temperatures had dropped quite low and stayed there for many days. This man could see the birds sitting out in the trees just outside his window. He knew that if he didn’t do something they would soon die from the cold and snow. He had an idea! He decided to open up his old garage so they could at least get in out of the cold and wind. He opened the doors of the garage, thinking they would be glad to be inside, but they didn’t move. He decided to try to chase them from the trees into the garage, but that didn’t work out very well either. The man was frustrated and thought to himself, “if only I could speak to the birds in their language and become one of them, I could lead them out of danger into comfort and safety.”
Isn’t that what Jesus did for us? “And the word became flesh and lived among us...” -John 1:14a He saw that we were all going to die in sin, so He became one of us that He might talk to us in our own language and He could show us exactly what He wanted us to do to find salvation and safety.
Jesus left us an example of sympathy, empathy, and tough skin.
1. Sympathy and Empathy – We can sympathize with people who have sorrows because everyone knows the feelings of sorrow. But to have empathy, you must have gone through the same sort of thing yourself. I can sympathize with those who have had a child die, but I haven’t gone through that experience myself, as yet. But I can have empathy with those who have lost a parent to death, for I have lost both of mine. I have been there. I know the emptiness, the loneliness, the confusion, and the hurt. It is as though someone has pulled out part of your heart and it aches; nothing seems to fully take away the pain….nothing but time and prayer.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15 By writing these words, the Apostle Paul is in effect telling us that we need to have sympathy and empathy toward those around us, especially to those within the church family. Earlier Jesus had said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – the Golden Rule. We also find that when we rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, we are practicing that Golden Rule.
Raising of Lazarus– John 11:1-44 –Things had gone from bad to worse. Mary & Martha’s brother, Lazarus, had been sick and was not getting any better. He began to get weaker and weaker. If something wasn’t done pretty soon, they knew he was going to die. Surely Jesus, who could walk on water and give sight to the blind, could heal whatever it was that was making their brother Lazarus sick.
1. They know Jesus is a friend to Lazarus, surely He will come to help him.
2. Jesus had love (agape’) for Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.
3. But instead of coming right away to help Lazarus, Jesus stayed a couple more days where He was.
4. Lazarus was in Judea. Earlier, Jesus had to leave Judea because He had angered some of the Jews and they had wanted to stone Him to death; but the need to help Lazarus and his sisters was a more pressing need than the personal safety of Jesus and the Apostles.
5. Jesus uses a euphemism and says that Lazarus is asleep.
A. Notice that before they even arrive, Jesus already knows that Lazarus has died.
B. Be sure that people know exactly what you are saying if you use a euphemism.
C. The Apostles thought that if Lazarus was sleeping, he would get better; but Jesus had to explain that Lazarus had died.
D. Lazarus’s death was not in vain; his being raised to life again will bring about faith in many people. We need to look past the obvious and see the greater good that can happen later on.
E. We get a glimpse of Thomas’ personality. (he was a twin) Depending on where the emphasis is put, Thomas is either being pessimistic and means “we’re all going to die” or he is saying “we are willing to follow Jesus anywhere, even to death itself”.
6. Because Bethany was so far away from where Jesus had been teaching and healing when the ladies sent for Him, by the time He arrives, Lazarus has already been buried for 4 days.
7. Notice the “blame” that Martha puts on Jesus. If He had only come when they had first sent for Him, Lazarus would not have died. (she believed Jesus could have cured her sick brother)
8. Notice, too, it is easier to believe in something happening in the future (her brother raising to life again) than it is to believe that it can happen TODAY!
A. Perhaps it was too wonderful a thought to think that Jesus could bring her brother back to life TODAY! She didn’t want to leave herself open for more hurt. But Jesus uses this to draw out her faith. She says, “Yes Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, he who is coming into the world.”
9. Mary also puts blame on Jesus for not coming sooner. – vs. 32
A. Although we, as preachers, do not have the power to raise the dead to life again, blame will sometimes be thrown our way, just to give a friend or family member someone to “vent” on or to direct “blame” towards. (you have to have tough skin here)
10. Vs. 33 & 34 of John 11 show the true humanity of Jesus. When He saw His good friend Mary weeping at the death of her brother Lazarus, and the Jews with her weeping, “he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled”. When they arrived at the tomb, “Jesus wept”. He feels our pain; He knows our sorrow; He understands that terrible hurt we feel when death has taken a loved one or friend. Jesus knows what we feel because He has been there. Thus He can sympathize with us; He can empathize with us. – See Also Hebrews 2:14-18 & 4:14-16
2. Tough Skin – “Skin like a rhino; marshmallow heart.”– handling verbal abuse
1. Did you notice in the passage from John 11 the verbal abuse that Jesus received? Both Mary and Martha gave Him verbal reproaches. In vs. 38, even the crowd who followed Jesus to the tomb pushed some blame for Lazarus’s death onto Jesus. Even though Jesus knew that He was going to raise Lazarus to life again, those words had to hurt. Thus we come to the idea that a preacher not only has to be sympathetic and empathetic; he also has to have tough skin.
A. People are going to criticize you, your wife, your kids, your car, your clothes,your sermon, …etc. You just have to realize that it is going to happen at some time and get tough skin as you prepare for that time.
1. A family member or friend may not like something you said at a funeral. Usually this is a way for them to transfer some of their feelings and vent, but sometimes you will be on the receiving end of that. Realize that emotions are running high and forget it.
2. Sometimes preachers (and other church leaders) not only toughen their skins to survive some of the things said about them or their family, but they also sometimes harden their hearts as well, to try to survive. That is not a good thing to have happen. We must have tough skin and marshmallow hearts!
Elijah accused by King Ahab – I Kings 18:17 & 18
1. Background – King Ahab and his wife Jezebel were very wicked rulers of the Jews. Elijah had prayed that it would not rain and for three years it had not rained. It was because of the sins of the people, especially their rulers, that God sent the drought upon the land. As the drought was in its third year, Ahab decided he needed to find Elijah, the prophet of God, and try to get things taken care of so God would send rain again.
2. Notice again in these short verses that God’s spokesman, God’s messenger (prophet Elijah) is the one who takes the criticism from King Ahab. Ahab asks, “Is it you, you troubler of Israel”. Wait just a minute. What was the reason for God sending the drought on the nation? It was because of their great sins, especially the sins of the King and Queen. They were terribly ungodly people and God punished the nation in large part because of their sins in leading the Jews away from God and toward the worship of Baal and other false gods. It has got to hurt to have the King call you a “trouble-maker” (troubler of Israel).
3. Hear Elijah’s honest reply: “I have not troubled Israel; but you have, and your father’s house, because you have forsaken the commandments of the Lord and followed the Baals.” Elijah did not let the criticism by the King bother him, but continued to speak the truth that God wanted him to speak. The unforgettable contest between Elijah and the prophets of Baal and Asherah on Mount Carmel was the end result of this little confrontation between King Ahab and Elijah at this time.
3. Application of today’s lesson in the life of a preacher, even if you are only a weekend preacher or a part-time preacher.
1. The congregation you are preaching for from time to time wants you to feel what they feel. They want you to rejoice in their joys; but they also want you to be sorrowful when they have sorrow. You must be sympathetic and empathetic to their situations. Sometimes you will find that their problems are of their own doing or their own making; they don’t need to hear your criticisms, they need to hear your encouragement and advice on how to get through those problems. Part of your job as a preacher is to edify, to build up the brethren. When they are beaten down by the cares of life, you are the one who needs to give them something to look forward to. Give them hope of a brighter better day ahead. Help them learn to walk hand in hand with God relying on His help and guidance through the pages of the Bible. Encourage them in their prayer life and Bible reading. Encourage them to attend ALL of the services of the church and show that their attendance is a help to others who may be struggling with things in their own lives.
2. Just realize that you are not going to bat 1000 with every sermon you preach. Some in the congregation may feel that it hasn’t met their need. Get tough skinned. Some congregations have one or two who feel that it is their God-given duty to criticize every word that comes out of the preacher’s mouth, and if you happen to be the one there that Sunday, guess who will catch the criticism?! Consider the source of it and move on. You have to be tough skinned to continue to work there.
(I once preached for a congregation where every Sunday for a month or two, as soon as the service was over, an older lady would rush up the aisle and tell me everything I said or did wrong in my sermon. [In her defense, I do believe she was in the early stages of some sort of dementia] I was going through a difficult time in my own life about then and after having this happen several weeks I called a meeting with one of the church elders there and said something had to change. Either she had to go or I was going to go. She had found a chink in my tough skin armor and had broken through my defenses and really gotten to me. To make a long story short, this elder went to talk to her and she quit criticizing me. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she had done it in private, but she would do it while there were still members and visitors filling the building.)
We all have our breaking point in how tough of skin we have. Take care of the problem or confront your problem person BEFORE it gets to the “either they go or I go” condition.
CONCLUSION: Be sympathetic and empathetic. Have that skin that is tough as a rhino, because at some point, when the honeymoon with the congregation is over, you will probably need it; but maintain a marshmallow heart of compassion. Follow in the steps of Jesus. Do the work of an evangelist. May the Lord bless your life as you go through a few “Mondays” that most preachers have.
If there is any extra time remaining in class, have the class members tell of some time/times when they have been out preaching somewhere and had to be sympathetic, empathetic and/or have the skin of a rhino.