HAPPINESS
Andy & Joy
Andy and Joy are finishing dessert in a restaurant
JOY:
Andy? Are you okay?
ANDY:
Yeah. Sure, I'm fine.
JOY:
Good. Well, I had a really nice time.
ANDY:
Yeah, me too.
JOY:
Of course you know I've always had a really nice time with you.
ANDY:
Same here.
JOY:
But…
ANDY:
Yeah--
JOY:
You understand.
ANDY:
Uh, huh.
JOY:
Well, the food here was excellent. I'm gonna recommend it to my sisters. How many stars did it get?
ANDY:
Three and a half.
JOY:
Oh.
ANDY-
Begins crying and blows his nose loudly.
JOY:
(after)
Do you feel better now?
ANDY:
Uh huh
JOY:
Me too.
ANDY:
Yeah. Uh, sorry.
JOY:
It's really, it's good we had this talk. Before things went too far you know… before things got too serious.
ANDY:
Uh, yeah, uh are you sure—(about breaking up)?
JOY:
Uh, yes.
ANDY:
Is it someone else?
JOY:
No… it’s just you.
ANDY:
Oh, hey, I want to show you something I got you.
(He pulls out a wrapped gift)
JOY:
For me?
ANDY:
Yeah, open it up.
JOY:
Oh, but Andy, this is… oh. Oh, this is beautiful.
ANDY:
Thanks. It's a Gansevoort reproduction. Boston late 1880s, I sent away for it right after we had our first date.
JOY:
Oh, I just love it—it's a… collector's item.
ANDY:
Oh Yeah. It’s pretty special.
JOY:
It almost makes me want to learn how to smoke. (Laughs)
ANDY:
(Laughs)
Hey, look at the back.
JOY:
Ohhh---
ANDY:
It's a forty karat gold plated inlaid base.
JOY:
Oh, Andy, I just love it. This really means something to me, I'll always treasure it as a token--
ANDY:
(Angrily cuts her off and emotionally says)
No you won't, cause this is for the girl who loves me—the girl who cares about me for who I am. Not what I look like. I just wanted you to know what you'd be missing. You think I don't appreciate art. You think I don't understand fashion. You think I'm not hip. You think I'm pathetic, a nerd. A lard ass—fatso. You think I'm shit. Well you're wrong. Cause I'm champagne and you're shit. Until the day you die, you, and not me, will always be shit. A stinking, steaming, pile of shit!
He triumphantly turns and goes leaving her alone feeling like, well… like shit!