TAKING CARE OF CARERS
Understanding Emotions
Caring can be emotionally draining and there will be many times when it will be hard to maintain a positive outlook. The first step to understanding your feelings is to identify them; it is only then that you can find ways of working them out.
Identifying Stress
It is difficult to avoid becoming stressed; you may often feel that there are not enough hours in the day and that there is no end in sight to the jobs you have to tackle. You may become irritable and moody and feel constantly tired. You may find that on some days even the simplest of tasks such as the washing up is too much to handle. If you can identify what is stressful it might be possible to consider some practical ways of improving your situation.
Recognising and Dealing with Stress
One way of dealing with stress is relaxation. This can mean a lot of different things. It is important to find out what is right for you. That is why you first need to understand what is causing your stress. You may then be able to pick one of the following suggestions as a possible and appropriate one to try.
q Find ways to cut down work. What must be done and what can be left undone without harming anyone?
q Treat yourself to a bath, a TV program or an evening out. Most important give yourself a break
q Try exercise- it eases both physical and mental stress. If you can’t get out, do some exercise at home,
q Make sure you get enough rest and sleep.
q Get together with other people to share feelings, give mutual support or relax together and have fun
q Practise a relaxation technique. This is a way of switching off, if just for a few moments.
Understanding Anger
It is only human to feel anger when something happens to hurt you or upset your plans. This is a natural and healthy response, especially when someone you love falls ill or becomes disabled. Anger is a complex emotion often suppressed because we feel guilty about expressing it. Women especially grow up believing it is wrong to be angry and to show it. If you can get to the root of your anger you will have gone part of the way towards dealing with it.
Understanding Guilt
Many carers say guilt is the strongest of their feelings. There are many reasons for this - not being able to make things better for the person, being embarrassed by their strange behaviour or losing your temper. More than any other feeling guilt can stop you doing what you should. If you do things not because they are right in themselves but because they will ease your guilt, you may /will find yourself going in the wrong direction. Talking this over with someone who does not share your guilty feelings may help you to see your situation in a different light.
Coping with Loneliness and Isolation
It is easy to become isolated as a carer. You may find that you are too busy to keep up with friends and relatives. Sometimes people stop visiting because they are embarrassed by your relative’s illness. The following positive steps may help:
q Make time to contact people and reassure them that you still need their friendship and support
q Try to be open and honest about your feelings and your needs – don’t shut people out or try to pretend that you can cope on your own.
q Be open about your relative’s illness and what it means in terms of daily care
q Offer reassurance to people if they are frightened or upset by the signs of the illness
q Enlist the help of friends and relatives and involve them in the care if you can
Recognising Depression
There may be times when everything gets on top of you, when you don’t know where you will find the resolve to go on. Normally these feelings pass if you talk to a friend, another carer, get a good night’s sleep or take a break. Sometimes however they persist and develop into depression. Some of the more common symptoms of depression to watch out for are:
q Tearfulness and irritability
q Tiredness
q Feelings of inadequacy
q Lack of concentration
q Fitful sleep or too much sleep
q Eating all the time or complete loss of appetite
q A sense of futility in life
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms you need to find someone to talk to about the way you feel – someone you are able to confide in and with whom you feel safe. This might be a friend, a GP or an outsider such as a counsellor.
I:\data\KERRYL\word\WORK\TAKING CARE OF CARERS.doc