Numerous vacancies on the tea ladies’ rota are now up for grabs. See below for details:
Salary: non negotiable, your reward is to serve the players at TCC.
Job Description / Requirements;
- It is of paramount importance that tea ladies MUST be able to provide hot chicken tikka baguettes(frozen sauces only - fresh food is not acceptable). In order to aspire to the premiership of teas, all tea ladies should be proficient in producing these consistently,to Barkisland defined standards.
- Ideally, you should own your own chicken coop, as you will be expected to provide dozens of eggs for team salads. However, these are available at ;
kendom. coops.co.uk
- All applicants must demonstrate the ability to maintain the fresh appearance and consistency of baps at all times (the players do not find dried up baps attractive or acceptable).
- Tea ladies should be capable of crossing the tea room, from kitchen to bar, in a time of 4.5 seconds, in order to ensure the efficient,simultaneous supply of teas and alcohol.
- You should have the ability to maintain a ‘hot totty’ like appearance at all times. Funding / loans may be available from the ECB for cosmetic procedures for those who require a little help, or for attendance at Tucker’s boot camp.
- Tea ladies must demonstrate a pleasant demeanour at all times and should be able to resist the temptation to ask for ‘themagic word’ should a player forget to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’.
- It is important that applicants are able to demonstrate the ability to respond swiftly to a batting collapse (these are a frequent occurrence), in order to have the pizzas ready on time.
- Tea ladies should arrive no later than 12.30pm for a 1.30pm start, in order to appear in control and unflustered. They must then remain standing for approximately 7 hours(unless a batting collapse transpires).
- You should be able to demonstrate a sensitive and sympathetic approach to players who have difficulty in getting food accurately from plate to mouth and be able to perform discreet and effective stain removal and deep cleansing on completion of serving/washing up duties. (Tea ladies should be aware that the vacuum is very loud and could distract the batsmen which may result in a collapse!)
10.Applicants who possess good self- regulating body temperature control and who are able to cope with variable climactic conditions within the tea room will be preferred.
11. On completion of tea duties, all tea ladies will be expected to cheer loudly for the team, apart from when the batting collapses, catches are dropped or the bowlers get smashed into the field, river or factory for 6.
12.Tea ladies MUST be available on frequent occasions, regardless of social commitments the night before a game (pre match socials are not encouraged, as the quality of the teas may be adversely affected)
13. Tea ladies MUST ALSO be prepared to deter members of the public who try to muscle in ahead of the teams at tea time, as they tend to limit the choice for players and can eat all the pizza on occasions. (This could leave players malnourished and may once again, result in a batting collapse)
13. It is vital that ALL tea ladies attend the end of year presentation evening in order to receive important feedbackon their performanceand appearance throughout the season.
14. The tea ladies’ team will be awarded a much anticipatedmark out of 10 by the first team captainat the annual presentation evening.
N.B. Anyone who is sensitive to strong or pungent odours need not apply.