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JOHNNY SUEDE
DEKE
Okay…For moving in. Against moving in. Now I will suggest that you start with the reasons for moving in because those are the hardest. Okay, let me have a couple.
JOHNNY
Okay… she’s got a color TV.
DEKE
There you go. Color TV. Alright. Next.
JOHNNY
Oh, she’s got an extra room. She says I can play my guitar in, kinda like my own private room.
DEKE
Hmm. That’s nice. That’s nice. Private room. Oh yeah. Next
JOHNNY
She’s always got things lying around to eat, you know like nuts and crackers and shit.
DEKE
Hey man, you could eat while you watch TV. You know what I am saying.
JOHNNY
Oh, yeah.
DEKE
So, we will call that snacks, okay? Anything else?
JOHNNY
Nope, nope!
DEKE
Let’s proceed to the reasons against.
JOHNNY
If I moved in with her, I will be locked up with her 24 hours a day Ya know, go to bed, there she is. Wake up, there she is again.
DEKE
So what, you saying, you feel like…
JOHNNY
I feel like I was in prison.
DEKE
Okay, prison similarities.
JOHNNY
Good, uhh.
DEKE
Next.
JOHNNY
Well, I couldn’t do any of the things that guy does. Ya know? I mean, say I wanted to walk around in my underwear. No. Say I had to make a fart. I, I probably had to go into my private room to just make a fart.
DEKE
Yeah, you probably would, man. You know, okay. Things, things a guy does. Okay, next.
JOHNNY
She threw a shoe at me once.
DEKE
Aw, that’s bad. That’s very bad. Shoe throwing tendencies.
JOHNNY
Okay. How many is that?
DEKE
Uh, it’s tied up. Three to three.
JOHNNY
Okay, let’s face it. She is probably the exact opposite type of girl I would normally date. Ya know, she’s got a weird job, she dresses funny. She can’t even put on make up, man.
DEKE
Opposite types.
JOHNNY
That’s us.
DEKE
Well, there it is, pal. Three reasons for. Four reasons against.
JOHNNY
I guess that’s it.
DEKE
Hey, numbers don’t lie.
JOHNNY
And hey, just because I don’t move in with her, doesn’t mean I can’t still see her, right?
DEKE
Hey, hell no man.
JOHNNY
I mean, because I do like the girl. Yeah. Sometimes, ya know when I am just…sitting around, she starts rubbing my ear real soft. I like that.
DEKE
Um.
JOHNNY
Wuh, that’s not a reason 4, man
DEKE
I don’t know man. The way you described it makes me want to meet a girl like that. It’s tied up again, Johnny.
JOHNNY
I know, I know. Just shhh…I gotta think…uh…Okay. See that? Color TV? Never watch it. Um um
DEKE
Are you sure?
JOHNNY
Positive… Now, I just gotta find a way to break it to her.