Marsha Yepes
2/2/09
English 3CP
The National Children’s Cancer Society
Diseases have caused deaths of many people including children. Cancer is one of the worse diseases to have. Children who have it have suffered so much for it, the national Children’s Society and you can help too. Children suffering from this horrific disease, may seek help through the National Children’s Society. Helping this organization with donations, a helping hand and help the children and their family through the rough times. You need to re-write your sentences, so they flow better. Also, you should have a three point thesis.
The National Children’s Cancer Society was founded in 1987 should spell numbers out to help the children who have cancer to have a chance to survive this horrible disease. This charity now works with over 200 200 should spell number out hospitals and pediatric oncology units in all United States. This organization has become one of the largest financial aids for children with cancer in the United States. Before this organization was founded, the patient’s families who didn’t did not have enough money to pay for medical care, their child wasn’t (was not) spell the word out- do not use contractions. treated. Re-write this sentence. Children were sent home to die there where? with no help from the hospital. The N.C.C.S get rid of the periods between each letter, it is not necessary has been helping children with cancer and their families around the world to help those who are affected with this disease.
A donation of any amount of money would help with the medical care that the child needs. Volunteers are needed for different things to help the children with events the N.C.C.S periods not necessary in between each letter are managing. Hosting a fundraiser can also be helpful to the children. The Annual Walk for Children is an event the organization has every year and need people to help. These small things are great to help get money for the children and their families.
People can get involved in the National Children’s Cancer Society. You have a variety of choices to help with children who are suffering from cancer. Everyone can volunteer by being a host on your own fundraiser event or help with the website the N.C.C.S manages. Anyone is able to attend the Annual Walk for the children. Donations are very useful to help the children that are diagnosed.
Since this organization has been established, many children have been cured. They have tried their best to help every child survive this disease. Help from anyone in the United States is needed. It can be for small things like fundraisers or giving money to help this cause. You can be saving the life of a child who is diagnosed with cancer right now. So Pplease make a family and child happy by supporting the N.C.C.S to raise enough money for these children. with what it iss able to do to get enough money for these children.
Regarding your entire essay, you really need to focus on each sentence and re-write with more length. A lot of your sentences are very short and choppy. Also, choose better vocabulary, grammar, and transitional words to help the flow of your sentences.