Okay, So This One Has a Rather Gruesome Cover with Two Rotting, Bandaged Faces Almost Daring

Okay, so this one has a rather gruesome cover with two rotting, bandaged faces almost daring us to put the film in the player and watch. Well, I rarely back down from a challenge (at least one like that) so let’s get started.
And we get our credits, including the fact that it’s a “No One Cares Production” which seems kind of harsh—besides, that’s my job. And we track towards someone sitting at a writing desk, writing away while solemn piano music plays. The person’s head is kept carefully shielded from us as we get nearer and nearer…but we don’t get a shock turn-around. Instead, we see the heavily bandaged hands, then the heavily bandaged face, and the person starts narrating.
”I used to think I’d live forever,” he says. “Now, I’m not that sure.” And we see these very words on paper. He opens the curtain and looks out at a bird in a tree. And we fade to black.
Fade in on a car driving along a country highway. He continues narrating, and we see the passenger, a young woman, and the driver (our narrator). Also, some pretty forest country. The couple soon starts bickering about French fries. He didn’t order any, and now he wants some of hers. She’s mad about this. But she smiles, and says maybe she’ll share, and he says, “You know I love you, too.”
And we get some pretty cool minor key music as they continue to drive, then the sun sets, and they’re driving along a dirt road at night. The car is making ominous noises like it doesn’t like this kind of road at all. Inside the car, she looks unhappy, too, and he looks uncertain as they continue down the road.
Finally, there’s the sound of a tire blowing out, and the car comes to a halt. As you might imagine this doesn’t improve anyone’s mood, though they’re more worried than upset. But they’re still upset anyway. They decide fixing it is a good idea. Gosh, that does sound like a good idea, by Jove. He says everything will be okay, they’ll be back on the road in ten minutes.
We then cut to some time well after this promised ten minutes, and they’re arguing. Apparently, she removed all the tools before the trip; he, from her perspective, insisted on a short cut over dirt roads. So they’re equally to blame and the mood is not improving. He, unable to put on the spare without tools, lies back in the dirt, and looks at the moon, and the sounds of a thunderstorm appear in the distance. Could it get any worse? Well, yes, if you’ve seen the cover of the DVD, it can apparently get a lot worse. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…even though, to be honest, the reason most folks are going to rent this is because of the cover, right? (Shades of The Bunker.)
Anyway, he gets back in the car and apologizes for snapping, but she wants to be mad; he’s pretty smooth about “seeing smiles” and all, and soon has her won over, much to her semi-annoyance. I must admit, they make a nice, believable couple. Oh, and we know her name: Jenny.
They talk some more, warming up more to each other, until she suddenly goes rigid and asks what “that” is. We see a vague shape just at the edge of the glow of the headlights, lying down against some trees. He says, “Kind of looks like a dead body.”
She wants him to check it out, he is against this, and they yes-and-no for a while before she says, “You might as well check it out, because I’m not going to shut up about it until you do.” He looks at her. “Anyway, what if someone needs our help?” she continues. “What if he’s still alive?”
He’s still not convinced itis a body, but it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t want to go near it just in case it might be. He offers to chuck a rock at it, and if it moves, it’s therefore a still alive being who might need help. She questions the maturity of this rock-chucking plan, but I note it’s been a good one since the days of the cavemen (when rocks were all anyone had to chuck). He finally gives in and goes to check out the shape.
As he nears it, it sure looks like a body to me. Yup--we get a close camera angle on the face, and as John (okay, he has not been named in the film but I cheated and looked at the box) asks if he’s okay, the “corpse’s” eye opens and moves around. John doesn’t see this, as the “corpse” is facing away from him. He goes forward and nudges the guy with his foot, and the creature doesn’t react.
As John returns to the truck, we hear distinct zombie-gurgling noises on the soundtrack. He reports his findings to Jenny. She wants to get out of here, but he counters that he doesn’t want to get lost in the woods. He also says, “What if whatever killed that guy is out there, hiding in bushes or something?”
”You think someone killed him?” Jenny asks in alarm.
John realizes this was the wrong tack to take. “I’m not saying that, it’s just—here in the car, at least we have some protection. Besides,” he adds, “if we wait until morning, at least we can see where we’re going.” He also thinks someone might drive by, and if they’re in the woods, no one will see them.
They speculate about the dead guy, thinking perhaps a car hit him and left him. John thinks it’s gross, Jenny thinks it’s sad, but it makes her think about life, “how short it is.”
John asks what’s troubling her, and she says, “I just haven’t seen a dead body since…”
”Your father,” John says tactfully. Realizing his mistake, he kisses her fingers and says, “At least we’re not having as bad a day as that guy,” then suggests that they try to get comfortable (not in a “oo-la-la” way). So, they get out the blankets, turn off the headlights and lock the doors.
She thinks they should talk, rather than sleep; she’s obviously still creeped out. He reaches for her. “There’s a dead body outside and you’re still horny,” she says. “What’s wrong with you?”
”Well…” he says. “Now you have two stiffs.”
She can’t help but giggle, though she still thinks (in Elmer Fudd talk), “It’s scawy.”
Fade to black, then fade in as the light seems to indicate morning. Jenny rubs the dew off the windshield…and the “corpse” is no longer nestled against the trees. She wakes John and asks him to turn on the headlights. Groggily, he obeys, and it’s confirmed: the body isn’t there any more. John is still tired, Jenny is now awake and nervous.
John reluctantly agrees to open a window and look around. He does so, and seems to see nothing. The music is all resonant percussion, quite good, with low tones added in the mix. John’s little flashlight seems to do one heck of a job of illuminating the woods; I guess he bought one from the X-Files when that show got cancelled. He pronounces the situation okay, but she wants him to actually go outside and look around. This really has “bad idea” written all over it in permanent marker, but he agrees to do this, since he has to urinate as well.
Before he goes out, she gives him a small shovel (entrenching tool), presumably as a weapon. So I guess she didn’t clear the car of all tools, just the useful ones. He steps outside, and we get a camera-view underneath the truck, and more zombie noises…though they also sound like pig noises, too.
He walks off through the…rather strikingly lit woods, while some pig-zombie growler watches him behind the trees (based on the soundtrack and the hand-held camera). He turns his back to us and begins the pre-urination process.
Back in the truck, Jenny is trying to figure out the map. A very blurry POV advances on the truck, and she looks up to see John staggering back, clutching his neck. He collapses on the ground, and she gets him back into the truck while growling pig-zombie noises watch.
She applies towels to his neck wound and asks him what happened. “I think something bit me,” he says. “I hit it with the shovel, and then…” he trails off.
She looks around in alarm, then asks him where the shovel is. He left it in the bushes, so (and this seems kind of unbelievable) she’s going to go back and find it. She runs through the misty, fog-lit woods and comes across a body, or perhaps “the body.” She hesitates, then grabs the nearby shovel. With another hesitation, she smacks the thing on the head, then runs away.
We see the thing’s fingers twitch in close-up.
Back in the truck, Jenny tells John they should get out of here. John still seems woozy, so she asks what happened. “Something bit me,” he says.
Just then, a figure passes by the rear window, and a strange, chain-like zipping sound is heard. Though alarmed, both realize that the best thing to do is to leave the area, pronto. John assures Jenny he’ll be fine.
The open the doors and run out, though Jenny is grabbed by something beneath the truck. It’s a very gross-looking thing, in a plaid shirt. She shakes it off and they dash down the road. Though the creature is shown in quick cuts, it’s damned effective looking; I’ve seen way worse paraded before the camera (for way more than a split second).
Feeling they are clear of immediate danger, Jenny and John pause to consult the map. According to John, it isn’t far to the nearest town. Jenny wonders if there’s a hospital, in case she has to take him there. Turns out, there’s one not too far in that nearby town (hospitals are, after all, shown on maps).
It sort of looks like they’ve left the main road, which I would have thought should have had a big red label, “Warning: Lark’s Vomit” but then I was not asked, and I think Jenny and John have enough troubles of their own right about now. The tender(ish) electric piano music tells us that much.
We cross-fade to the two of them still in the woods, coming across a large (apparently) abandoned house in the middle of the woods. They go inside. “I saw something move,” she says, though we didn’t see this.
”It’s just the cat,” he says. He tosses something that sounds like a bunch of keys, somewhere.
”Again with the throwing things,” she says. He doesn’t reply, and we fade to black.
Fade in on what seems to be the next morning (though we’ve been fooled before), and John and Jenny awakening. It takes quite a bit for this to happen completely. Seems like quite a nice bedroom. Jenny shakes herself awake as well. She goes to turn on the television, but there isn’t anything but snow. So they both sit on the bed.
”So now what?” Jenny asks.
”I don’t know,” John admits. Moods: she, worried, he, tired. They worry about his bite, and that he can’t afford treatment for it, but she says his health is way important, so he avers that if it gets worse he’ll seek this treatment. He asks if they should go to the police.
She points out that all the police will find is something dead in the woods, and they might blame the two of them for it. John asks if that means they’re all alone in this situation, and Jenny thinks this is, indeed, the case. They repeat their love for each other, since it seems crucial about now. Fade to black.
Fade in as John is coughing in bed, and Jenny wants to nurse him. He says he feels cold, and asks her to check the front closet to see if there’s a first aid kit that might help. She goes off to find this, as well as some clothes. John feels his heart, and can’t feel his pulse. He’s pretty upset by this, as one imagines most would be. He tells Jenny, and she tries to find a pulse too, but she can’t find anything either.
She thinks a hospital sounds really good about now, and he’s reluctant, since if he’s “dead” they’ll, like, throw him away or something. So she’s going to find him some antibiotics and pain killers, though he wonders what good these will do, as he has no pulse.
Fade to some hospital waiting room. John is all whacked, as usual, and Jenny is all mothering. Finally a nurse appears and takes them to another waiting room. They go into this room. Because of the soft way this sequence is shot, I’m wondering if this is a dream sequence. Anyway, they wait for the doctor to appear.
After a few moments, a goofy doctor appears and asks what’s wrong, and John mentions the bit about not having a pulse. “Well, if you didn’t have a pulse, you wouldn’t be sitting in front of me, now, would you!” the Doctor cheerily acclaims.
The Doctor tries various sites with his stethoscope, and admits he can’t find a heartbeat. He’s going to get someone else to confirm. John opens the door slightly and hears the various panicky orders given, and he tells Jenny that they both have to get out of here, since he is about to be turned into a lab specimen (one guesses).
Fade to black, then fade in as Heavily Bandaged John continues writing, specifically writing “Something was wrong. I knew that for sure.” Oh, really? No, O’Reilly!
Fade in some more as Jenny is sponge-bathing the now bandage-wrapped John. He notes how he didn’t want to be a lab rat anymore, and how he could feel part of himself sliding off his bones. Jenny looks very upset as John leaves the camera view.
John notes that he felt cold all the time, and he was worried about only two things: how to keep Jenny happy, and how to feed his constant hunger. He notes how he stopped telling Jenny anything like truth, a) because he no longer knew what truth was, and b) because he was afraid of what might happen to her.
At this point, he is wrapped in bandages like a mummy and clothed in a cloak like, well, like an evil person. Jenny is still unaffected, and still cares for John. But it appears she’s reaching the limits of her patience, while John is reaching the limits of his ability to feel human. Fade to black.
Fade in as John gets up in bed with a racking cough. “You have to leave,” John says. After she asks why, he says, “I’m damaged goods. You have to go.”
”No, I won’t.”
”Don’t you see—I love you too much to keep you here.”
She is still insistent on staying. She helps him to lie back down, and (somehow) pricks her finger. I think there’s a slight rumble on the soundtrack to tell us this isn’t good. She leaves to take care of the prick (the one in her finger, not John—rim shot!). John rises slightly, and sees a couple of droplets of Jenny’s blood on the blanket. He wipes it onto his fingertips, and places his fingers in his mouth.
When Jenny returns, he tells her he needs meat, not frozen, but fresh meat.
”Okay,” she says, “I’ll get you some.”
”You know what I mean,” he says, rising.
”No, I don’t know what you mean.”
”Come on, Jennifer, wake up,” he says.
”Tell me,” she insists.
”I’m changing, can’t you tell?”
”Yes, I can tell.” She’s getting miffed. “I see that you’re changing, I see that. What do you want me to do?”
”Why do you keep on doing this to me, huh?”
”I’m done arguing with you,” she says in disgust. She turns out the light and settles down to sleep. It seems bright as day outside, so I’m not sure if she’s actually going to sleep or is just mad or what. He lies back against the back of the bed, and sees a cat outside on the porch. Uh oh!
He slips out of bed, goes outside and calls the cat to him. After a couple of pats, he picks the cat up out of frame, and (from the sound) breaks its neck and (I guess) eats it. Or maybe he just hates cats. You’d think, after getting the “neck-break” sound, we might get a “devour” sound, just to clarify, you know.
He comes back into the bedroom. Jenny is awake now, watching him approach the bed. He pins her down, hand over hand, turns her face aside, and moves his face down toward her neck. She’s pretty frightened, naturally, but doesn’t resist.
There doesn’t seem to be any evidence of a bite on her neck, but I’m not paying my membership fee for the “Jenny Makes it To The End Credits Club.” Having, I guess, bitten her, John curls up in the corner while Jenny falls out of bed trying to crawl away. Fade to black.
Fade in, John is in the bed, Jenny isn’t around, but there are ominous chain-swinging sounds. John gets up and walks into the bathroom, where he spits a bloody tooth (I think). Wait a moment, this may be Jenny, since there are no facial bandages. But she has a hooded jacket, just like John. Okay, so Jenny takes out a necklace with a crucifix and drops it into the sink too. Maybe this is some kind of bloody tooth burial ritual.