TEA SHOP OWNER Well, Well, Someone Is at the Door. Who Is There?

Almost a Priest

(Roren)

Priest

Tea Shop Owner

Wife

PRIEST I am a wandering priest with no permanent abode. Until recently, I wandered about the Western Lands. Now I have decided to wander about the Eastern Lands. I must hurry on my way. Truly, no one has as easy a life as a priest. With a single robe and one string of prayer beads, I can travel about where I like. As the sun is about to set, I would like to find lodging, and here is a house. First I will announce myself. Hello in there. Is anybody home?

TEA SHOP OWNER Well, well, someone is at the door. Who is there?

PRIEST I am a traveling priest. Please grant me one night's lodging.

TEA SHOP OWNER The great law of this place forbids the granting of lodging to travelers passing through alone, but as you are a priest, please come on inside.

PRIEST I am most grateful. If that is the case, I will come in.

TEA SHOP OWNER Please sit there and make yourself at home.

PRIEST Please do not put yourself to any trouble for me.

TEA SHOP OWNER (Speaking toward the lift curtain.) Hey, hey! I have granted lodging to a traveling priest. Prepare a meal for him. Well now, you must be quite exhausted.

PRIEST No. I am not so very exhausted.

TEA SHOP OWNER Well now tell me, from where do you come and where are you going?

PRIEST I am a wandering priest. Until recently, I wandered about the Western Lands. Now I have decided to wander about the Eastern Lands.

TEA SHOP OWNER It must be a great burden to wander about day after day.

PRIEST Oh, no. As I do it day after day, it does not seem much of a burden at all to me.

TEA SHOP OWNER The life of a priest must be an easy one.

PRIEST Right you are. There is nothing as easy as the life of a priest. To begin with, I have both no wife and children, and no house; I have both no house, and no hometown. My only home is the three worlds through which I wander.

TEA SHOP OWNER Well, I must say, that is a fine life indeed. While I realize how abrupt this may seem, I have something to ask of you. There are those who say that there is an afterlife and those who claim there is not. Is it true that there is or that there is not?

PRIEST Though you are of the vulgar world, you say most unseemly things. How could there be no afterlife? To begin with, the transience of human flesh is compared to the morning glory that blooms in the morning and falls in the evening. The morning glory blooms with colorful loveliness in the morning, but in the evening, it fades and wilts. The same is true of human beings. Life is here today but it is gone tomorrow. As it is such a transient thing, it is best to place great importance on the afterlife.

TEA SHOP OWNER And concerning those places known as hell and paradise, do they truly exist or do they not?

PRIEST There you go talking nonsense again! How could there not be a hell and a paradise? To begin with, to explain the many different aspects of hell, I must tell you that there are the place of nothingness, the eternal depths, the mountain of swords, and the pond of blood. Those who told lies get their tongues jerked out, pounded in a mortar, and put out to dry in a winnow basket. There no one has even the shortest instant of restful peace. On the other hand, the most felicitous thing about paradise is that there there is neither life nor death, meaning that there is no being born or dying. The music of twenty-five Bodhisattvas is always heard; there is always a plentiful supply of foods and drinks of one hundred flavors; and it is never either hot nor cold. In every way imaginable, it is a most felicitous place. Thus it is from a desire to go to that felicitous paradise that I have become a priest as you see me now to pray to be sent there in the afterlife.

TEA SHOP OWNER Well, I must say, what felicitous things you have just related to me. Up until this moment, being totally unaware of such matters, I have just gone on living a carefree life. The things that you have just told me have brought me enlightenment. Thus I humbly beg you now to shave my head for me, make me your disciple, and take me with you as you wander about from place to place.

PRIEST What's that? You say you want to become a priest?

TEA SHOP OWNER Most certainly.

PRIEST Well, I must say, what laudable intent is yours. Even so, there is no difference between becoming a priest and praying for the afterlife and praying for the afterlife while remaining in the vulgar world. So it is best, after all, for you to remain just as you are.

TEA SHOP OWNER If I remain just as I am, the matter of daily life in this mundane world will so draw my heart that it will be quite impossible to pray for the afterlife. Thus I humbly beg you to shave my head for me.

PRIEST In that case, I will shave your head for you. But as it appears that you also have a wife, I humbly beg you to confer carefully with your relatives as well on this matter. After that I will shave your head for you.

TEA SHOP OWNER I have already discussed the matter with all of them.

PRIEST You say you have already discussed the matter with all of them?

TEA SHOP OWNER That I have indeed.

PRIEST In that case, I will shave your head for you. But it is not altogether impossible that your wife might have changed her mind. I beg you to confer with her once more.

TEA SHOP OWNER On that score, I assure you, there is no need for concern. Time and again my wife has asked me when I am going to become a priest since I am always saying I want to become one, urging me to become a priest and quickly as possible.

PRIEST As you have been so careful to make such arrangements for yourself, I will shave your head for you. And I have a razor with me. First, massage your head in preparation.

TEA SHOP OWNER As you say, Sir.

PRIEST In the mean time, I will sharpen the razor. Well, I must say, what a laudable thing. And, I must admit, the fact of the matter is, it is far more effective to become a priest and pray for the afterlife than it is to pray for the afterlife while remaining in the vulgar world.

TEA SHOP OWNER I am certain that is indeed the case.

PRIEST Have you finished massaging your head?

TEA SHOP OWNER I have massaged it quite completely.

PRIEST And I have also sharpened the razor. Well now, you must make your confession. Please fold your hands.

TEA SHOP OWNER Is this the way?

PRIEST That's the way, that's the way. (He chants and the TEA SHOP OWNER repeats after him.) In the blessed name of the Buddha of the three treasures.

TEA SHOP OWNER In the blessed name of the Buddha of the Three Treasures.

PRIEST In the blessed name of the Law of the Three Treasures.

TEA SHOP OWNER In the blessed name of the Law of the Three Treasures.

PRIEST In the blessed name of the Priest of the Three Treasures.

TEA SHOP OWNER In the blessed name of the Priest of the Three Treasures.

PRIEST (He begins to shave the TEA SHOP OWNER's head.) You have a most shavable head.

TEA SHOP OWNER You have a most light touch.

PRIEST There! I have shaved your head.

TEA SHOP OWNER Are you done already?

PRIEST Well, I must say, it does become you. Fortunately I have with me an extra robe. I will give it to you.

TEA SHOP OWNER For that I am most grateful.

PRIEST And on top of that, I will help you put it on. Well, well. Now that you have the robe on, too, you do not look at all like one who has just now become a priest.

TEA SHOP OWNER Do I really look that good in it?

PRIEST Most certainly.

TEA SHOP OWNER I am indeed most grateful. And on top of that, I beg you to give me a name.

PRIEST What's that? You say you want me to give you a name?

TEA SHOP OWNER Yes, indeed.

PRIEST For that, you must make your request to another priest.

TEA SHOP OWNER As I intend to become your disciple, I humbly beg you to give me one.

PRIEST What has been your name up to now?

TEA SHOP OWNER My name up to now has been Sourpuss Shirozaemon of the Persimmon Tree.

PRIEST Shirozaemon is a fine name. After all, it is best for you to keep that name.

TEA SHOP OWNER Shirozaemon does not seem to me appropriate as a priest's name. I humbly beg you to give me another.

PRIEST Wait right there for a moment.

TEA SHOP OWNER With all my heart.

PRIEST (Aside.) What is this? I have never before given anybody a name. Just what am I to do? Here I have a notebook that I used to learn the I-RO-HA alphabet when I was a boy. I think I will see if I can find a name to give him in it. (To the TEA SHOP OWNER.) I will give you a name only because you insist I do it.

TEA SHOP OWNER I humbly beg you to give me a name.

PRIEST Do you have any preferences?

TEA SHOP OWNER I have no particular preferences, but down through the generations, our family has used the character for lotus (Hachisu).

PRIEST You mean the character for honeycomb (hachi-no-su)?

TEA SHOP OWNER No, I said the character for lotus that is pronounced "hachisu" or "ren."

PRIEST The character for lotus is a fine character. If I use the Ren pronunciation. . . (Looking in his alphabet notebook.) What do you think of the name "Priest Iren" (literally "Lotus A")?

TEA SHOP OWNER That does not sound so very good.

PRIEST You say it does not please you?

TEA SHOP OWNER No, Sir.

PRIEST If that is the case, how is "Priest Ren" (literally "Lotus") ?

TEA SHOP OWNER That is no good either.

PRIEST I have thought of a good name. "Priest Horen" (literally "Lotus E").

TEA SHOP OWNER The name Priest Horen would not sound good when chanting. And on top of that, it seems somehow too short.

PRIEST So you wish to have a long name?

TEA SHOP OWNER I do indeed.

PRIEST If you wish to have a long name, I have thought of a good one.

TEA SHOP OWNER You say you have thought of a good name?

PRIEST "Priest Chirinuren" (literally "Lotus G-H-I).

TEA SHOP OWNER "Priest Chirinuren"? This one is much too long. Please give me a little shorter name.

PRIEST Well now, when I give you a long one, you say it is too long and when I give you a short one you say it is too short. How about "Priest Yotaren" (Literally "Hooligan Lotus").

TEA SHOP OWNER I don't like that one either.

PRIEST Oh, what a pity. Since you did not like "Priest Iren," you would likely not like "Priest Roren" (literally "Lotus C") either.

TEA SHOP OWNER I say. That "Priest Roren" is a fine name.

PRIEST So you say you like this one?

TEA SHOP OWNER Indeed I do like it.

PRIEST Oh, I say, how happy I am. I finally succeeded in giving you a name.

TEA SHOP OWNER And for that I am most grateful. From now on, just call me "Roren" and take me with you as you wander about from place to place.

PRIEST Indeed, I will just call you "Roren" and take you with me as I wander about from place to place.

WIFE The meal is finally ready. Where is my husband? I say, where is my husband?

TEA SHOP OWNER Hey, hey, Wife. I am right here.

WIFE Huh?! You have become a priest?

TEA SHOP OWNER Upon the conviction that there is nothing as important as the afterlife, I have become a priest. Does it not well become me?

WIFE Oh, how angry I am. How can you ask me if it does not become you?! Why did you become a priest without so much as informing me?! Why did you do it?!

TEA SHOP OWNER Well, I must say, as you are a woman, you have poor comprehension. Now that I have become a priest, you will also be saved.

WIFE How can you say that I will be saved?! Grow you hair back again the way it was, grow your hair back again!

TEA SHOP OWNER The fact of the matter is, I did not very much want to have my head shaved, but as this priest told me that something or other good would come of it if It did, I had him shave it. If you want to complain about it, complain to him.

WIFE So you say it was that rascal who urged you to get it shaved?

TEA SHOP OWNER Most certainly.

WIFE I am certain that is indeed the case. You were very clever to do this thing to my husband. Make his hair grow back again the way it was, make it grow back again!

PRIEST Oh, please wait.

WIFE Wait for what?

PRIEST I was quite sure that such as this would be the case, so I admonished him to discuss things well with both his wife and all his relatives. And it was only because he said that he had already had such discussions and that I shaved it. If you want to complain about it, complain to him.

WIFE So you say that that rascal became a priest because he wanted to?

PRIEST Oh, yes, indeed. He became a priest because he wanted to.

WIFE Oh, I am certain that is the case. (To the TEA SHOP OWNER.) So he says that you because a priest because you absolutely insisted that you wanted to. Grow you hair back again the way it was, grow your hair back again!

TEA SHOP OWNER I tell you that I absolutely did not want to have it shaved, but as he grabbed me and held me down to shave it, there was nothing I could do.

PRIEST Hey! Hey, you rascal! Has you heart already changed so soon? What a disgrace you are!

TEA SHOP OWNER In any case, I had nothing to do with it. If you want to complain about it, complain to him.

WIFE (To the PRIEST.) In any case, It was you, after all, who did the shaving! Make his hair grow back again the way it was! (She grabs a hold of the PRIEST.)

PRIEST (Struggling to get loose.) What do you think you're up to?

TEA SHOP OWNER Hey, hey! Hey, you rascal!

PRIEST What?

TEA SHOP OWNER What do you mean grabbing a hold of my wife?!

PRIEST I did not grab her. It is just that she began clinging to me, and I tried to get her to go away.

TEA SHOP OWNER Wife, grab his thigh!